Moutonrose Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 hello, I posted on here a week ago my story of my terrible breakup...I need help to cope...It's been 2 months now that I have been dumped by my bf that I was happily with for 7 years. for the last 2 years we were together apparently he stopped loving me and decided instead of telling me to go ahead and cheat with many girls and lie to my face each day...every kiss was a lie, every I love you was a lie...everything was a lie..he was living a double life. I found out about this a week after he left me because he wasnt able to face me and tell me the truth to why he left me in the real place....he told me at first taht he was leaving me cause of my borderline personality disorder. it was not true...of course I left there in very huge pain and in despair...I am currently 25 years old and now living with my parents...I had to leave my apt, my job and my school because of this breakup.... now to my probleme...I keep having terrible nightmares each night of my ex sleeping with random girls in my face and laughing...I keep getting thought during the day when I see something that makes me think of him...I keep questioning myself why why why did he do this? why did he stop loving me...I keep torturing my self and I am so unhappy...nothing i do seems to make me feel better. I do not want to spend a year being a mess...I do have a therapist helping me but it doenst seem enough....the prob is that I have no one to talk to about what im feeling right now and its always being bottled up. I do not know how to cope with all the cheating....all the lies and everything...I loved him so much...he feels no remorse to waht he did and this makes me sick...I have recently started having sleepless nights and feelings of not being worth waking up in the morning anymore....I am really really depressed and mixed up... Link to post Share on other sites
Argentina Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 Hi. 7 years is a long time to spend with someone and understandably what you are going through now is a period of grieving. You need to see your doctor because its sounds like you are depressed and possibly need some medication to get you through this time. You ex is clearly an unhappy individual to be playing around with all different women. it is not your fault he is unsettled and restless. seek professional help from your doctor and in time you will start to realise how much better life can be without him. Link to post Share on other sites
inthedeep Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 What is helping me a little when I wake up in the morning is to take a second to think about the situation as objectively as possible. I tell myself something I read on another thread here, along the lines of "That person you loved is gone. Not just gone in the sense that you are broken up, but the person you fell in love with does not exist. People evolve and change over time, and this cheating inconsiderate person is not who you fell in love with. As you probably know, once people change they never revert back to who they used to be. I think that is impossible. That person you shared good memories with is essentially dead. I was with someone that cheated on me and begged for me back, and I got back together with him before him breaking up with me again 7 months later after that (as in 2 days ago). I can tell you from experience that I was not my best self after the cheating. When we began dating l was the girl who was super upbeat, kept things light and never harassed him about what he was doing when I wasn't there, but once trust is broken you become near obsessive about it. You do not want to do this to yourself. After the honeymoon period of "Oh I am so happy he saved me from these terrible lonely nights, he is back and terribly sorry and we are now better than ever!!" inevitably the reality sets in that he left you once- its even easier to leave someone the second time around. And they do. Remember the person you loved does not exist anymore. You are essentially missing a person that is a made up dream figure, pieced together by your own desires and selective memory. I'm here for you, I'm going through it too. Link to post Share on other sites
inthedeep Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 As for him not regretting what he's done to you, that is neither here nor there. You can't control someone else's actions or thoughts. That is another thing that is helping me. Take a breath, and it is almost liberating to realize that his actions are out of your hands. And the next best thing is that you have the power to control what information you hear about him by not speaking to him or checking his profiles or asking friends. Lastly, he will regret treating you terribly years down the road. My dad to this day still thinks of a girl he really loved in college that he broke up with for typical guy reasons, and feels bad about it. That's some advice he gave me when I was upset the first time around when I literally saw with my eyes my boyfriend cheating on me through his front door, and he hid in his room with her pretending he wasn't home. I kept saying over and over, "How can somebody do this to a person?!" Just keep these thoughts in mind. Its helped so much reading these threads and realizing that yours, or my, situation is not unique and has happened to so many others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moutonrose Posted May 6, 2011 Author Share Posted May 6, 2011 I want to thank everyone for the replies!!! for some reason my computer would not let me log on anymore...so I am using now my fathers apple computer wich by chance let me log...funny eh? I have been getting alot alot worse in the past 2 weeks...panic attacks are happening in my sleep and now I am having crying attacks as well!!! and for some reason I know I have accepted the fact that yes we will never get back together and I accept that yes I need to live my life but I just cannot get over on why he did all the awful things he did!!! it's horrible!!! 2 years of lies and cheating. My head cannot handle this...I try and analyse this so much...but again I cannot awnser any of the questions...some times I really feel that I am losing my grip on reality. so again I am so sorry for my late response...I dont know why my computer would not let me log. I think I might just borrow his computer for a while juste so I can keep using this helpful site to get me threw my days Link to post Share on other sites
Katt22 Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 I'm so sorry he put you through this. Trust me, I was exactly where you are a few weeks ago. Getting out of bed in the morning was excruciating, sometimes the pain was so intense I honestly wished I was dead. Its the darkest place I've ever been. Its seems really daunting sometimes, like this mountain of broken glass you have to climb barefoot. My advice is for the first few weeks cry as much as you need to, get as much sleep as you can. Take a bath before bed, drink some milk. Talk to your doctor, get on some xanex for the anxiety and take it when you need it. It gets worse before it gets better. Its kinda like a really bad burn, you have to scrub the dead skin off in order to heal properly and that process is just as painful if not more. I know it feels like you are loosing your grip, you're not, you're just in the mist of the horrible grief. What he did to you is inexcusable, no one deserves to be treated like that. He inflicted the worst kind of pain on you and the hardest part is soldiering on everyday. Cry when you need to, ask for when when you need it. Don't be ashamed. It will get better, one day you will wake up and it will hurt a little less, and on and on until he's just a bad memory that you won't want to waste the energy cringing at. Link to post Share on other sites
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