Failed Relationship and Failed Friendships...

[LostInTurn]

So, my relationship ended, what will be coming up on one year. Since then, I've changed immensely. When the relationship ended, I swear my soul was crushed. I don't trust anyone, not even my closest friends. I've learned to depend solely on myself and do my best to keep everyone an arms length away. It's not that I intentionally want to hurt anyone, but the thought of letting anyone near me shakes me and I can't fathom the thought.

 

Anyway... my point, although I've alienated many of my friends because I'm shut off, the friends I make I don't give half a chance because I automatically think they'll want more from me. In some cases, this has been true since the breakup because friends have wanted dates and relationships and I just cannot do that. I don't think I will ever be able to re gain the emotional strength to endure any emotional feeling, again. I am convinced it will be a let down. For the friends I do have, I am pushing them away at a rapid pace. I can't help it, I just keep pushing. I feel as though if I concentrate on myself and work, I'm fine.

 

If you wonder whether I want another relationship. Well, I've tried one since the breakup and it lasted all of a couple months. I didn't want to open up and felt like I was pushed to by him. It ended because it was just too much to handle all around.

 

I can't manage any type of relationship. I'm not sure what I should do either. I'm miserable. I just want a new start in my personal life. But I don't think it will ever happen. I've tried coming to terms with it, but I can't because I'm convinced it's not supposed to be this way, but can't help but think it will be this way.

 

I'm completely lost.

[Mcnulty]

You say you're miserable and want a new start in your life...you're aware of what you are doing, pushing people away, so all of this is a good start to moving on.

 

Have you thought about counselling? it may help you recognize why you have conditioned yourself to be this way with people. it may be the relationship ending which was the catalyst, but it may be something more deep rooted from your upbringing. Only you know that I guess.

 

I do the same, i push people way, but no it's not going to make me happy, so i try to break the cycle when I can and can say honestly that I reap the rewards 9 times out of 10, by being brave and reaching out. I know it's hard, but true happiness can only come from your actions, not others and practicing inertia and being self reliant is not going to be healthy mentally for you in the long term.