Dumped out of the blue... then I find out I'm pregnant!

[PinkChic]

Firstly, I know this is long… but I would be forever grateful for all your responses

 

So… you all might remember me… I was on here about a month ago devastated that my boyfriend, after an amazing weekend together, out of the blue up and dumped me… Well, quite the twist to the story. I think I’m finally ready to talk about it with you all (without becoming so emotional) and actually hear some of your opinions.

 

So back tracking, I thought I had FINALLY met a man that I thought was my prince. We had the most fun I have had in a very long time, we were romantic, could not keep our hands off each other and truly (or so I thought) madly in love. I had gone through a 3 year and 5 year relationship and nothing compared to the chemistry I had with this man.

 

He broke up with me out of the clear blue after spending the most romantic weekend on the lake. While we were there he was constantly bringing up our future and how he had never loved me more. He broke up with me that Wednesday and could not give me any reason other than “I just don’t have the same feelings anymore”. That morning he had said his typical “Good Morning, Darling. I love you with all my <3”. Completely shocked and devastated I read the book “men who can’t love”… this book was literally written about my ex. He is a commitment phobe to the T!

 

I have always been a very independent woman with high confidence. I had never been broken up with before and it really took a toll on my ego. I decided to sweep some of the pieces of my self esteem off the floor and go completely NC.

 

Four days into NC I find out that I am 7 weeks pregnant. I am 25, financially stable, and just purchased my own home. Yes, the thought of a child scared me, but I finally embraced the situation and acted like an adult about it.

 

I waited a week and a half after finding out to tell my ex. I was finally getting into the NC and feeling better about the break up and to be very honest, I had no idea how he would react so I kept avoiding it. I finally called to talk to him and he absolutely freaked out. I will tell you I had never cried and been so upset in my life. He kept telling me “You’re ruining my life”, “My family can’t know about this”(which might I add, I was VERY close with his family and as recent as last week his mother reached out to me in email wanting to know how I was doing and that she was thinking about me) and “How am I suppose to date other woman and tell them I have a kid?” He kept talking about abortion and adoption (which were/are completely out of the question).

 

I felt so unbelievably hurt. We had NEVER argued in the course of our relationship and I was finally seeing how we dealt with arguments. He is a very soft spoken person and I guess what hurt me the most was that I thought I knew him so well and to learn what I had learned about him between HOW he broke up with me and during this conversation, I felt like I was pregnant by a man I barely knew. I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of example am I setting for my child? We ended the conversation by me telling him he could speak to my lawyer because I was going for full child support from him and no custody.

 

A week went by where I had heard nothing from him. At this point, after reading the books I had read about his commitment issues, I was finally moving on and realizing while yes, we never argued and had a ton of physical attraction towards one another I really did need so much more from a partner than he could give me. To be very honest, I was (and still am) in the anger stage towards him. I have nothing but anger towards him for how he lied to me about his feelings in the relationship, how he lead me on, how he took the once in a lifetime experience of feeling joy of being pregnant away from me and of course how he reacted and the things he said.

 

My lawyer had sent him out paperwork explaining that I was going for full custody, and full child support. Of course, that day he calls me and although he is much calmer he keeps explaining “you know I can’t afford this”, “You make 4x’s me, why are you doing this to me?” and “I don’t want to be in the baby’s life so why should I pay child support” and of course “you have such motherly instincts you don’t need me to be around”. This of course got me very upset and I ended up ending the conversation. I would like to add that I am NOT trying to make his life hard and yes I could easily afford this child on my own, I just think he needs to step up to the plate, I am just as “unready” as him but that is part of life, dealing with the hand you are dealt.

 

Three days later, he calls me and we end up on the phone for 2.5 hours. The conversation started out with sarcastic shots back and forth and then I don’t know how but the conversation went to our relationship. He said that although he didn’t regret everything, he did regret not trying harder (well duh!... he didn’t even try AT ALL), he told me that he “missed having me by his side”, “our break up stung me harder than I thought” and he finally told me that he wanted to “man up” and be there for me and the baby. He told me he doesn’t think he is ready but that he is going to do everything in his power to become ready and to gain my respect for him back. We also talked about his commitment issues, I know I don’t really bring it up that much in this story so far but he has THE EXTREME case of CP. He KNOWS he has a serious problem. He knows he needs counseling. He kept telling me he wanted to get help because his biggest fear is that he will walk out on the baby the way he did to me (someone he loved so much). At this point, all his words were right, they were music to my ears and what not but after going through all this I can’t help but not trust him. I told him talk is cheap and I didn’t care about us anymore I just wanted him to be a good daddy to his baby (and I really do mean that). I ended the conversation making an agreement with him that we would come to some type of an arrangement as far as child support if he showed me that he was trying to get help with his issues and that he was going to be there for the baby. He then said that he wanted us to meet once a week “to talk”, that I was the only person in this world that he could open up to and that he really needed this. He also said he really wanted us to develop a healthy relationship between us for the sake of the baby. I said I would think about it. I am a strong person but I wasn’t sure this would be at all healthy for me as I struggled to move on from him as I truly don’t think I ever knew what love was until I met him. I just didn’t want to constantly open wounds each week about us. I didn’t know if that was healthy for either one of us. After the 2.5 hour conversation I went to bed “at peace”, I felt like I had finally gotten the closure from him that I wanted so badly the past month. I finally realized there was NOTHING I could of or would have done differently in the relationship. When CP’s get scared, they run and run and run.

 

Two days later I tell him that I will agree to a weekly “talk session”. He sounded excited?... It was odd. He said he was looking forward to it and at the end of this shorter conversation he said to me “PinkChic, thanks for being there for me and working with me, if I were you I would hate me so much, and it means more to me than you will ever know”… We are having our first talk Monday.

 

To be very honest with you all, even during all this I have managed to stay mature and make decisions and have conversations like an adult. We are not like some of these people that I read on here who are constantly playing mind games, yelling, screaming, etc. For the most part we have always been respectful to one another and now that he has come off his high horse and I think realized I didn’t do this to myself he is starting to be more mature about the situation.

 

So that conversation took place on Tuesday. My best friend came into town this weekend to “take my mind off things”… we went out to dinner yesterday night and we ended up sitting at the bar to eat our fish fries. I got hit on by this guy and I made a joke “you don’t want to get involved with me… I’m almost 3 months pregnant” and this girl (who obviously liked this guy) said something to me like “well then you’re on the right track to being a great mother if you’re sitting at a bar”. We ended up leaving and I was laying in bed feeling so crappy. I believe I have managed to stay strong throughout this entire situation, with raging hormones I have still managed to make good decisions, be mature, respectful and keep my priorities in check. Yesterday night I couldn’t stop crying. I had finally had a weak moment. What do I do? I text my ex asking “are you up?” he responds within in seconds “Yes, is everything okay?”… we go back and forth and all my anger for him goes out in this text session… he kept telling me not to listen to that girl, that I was going to be a great mom and he is sure of it, he must of said that three or four times. I finally said something to the effect of “I feel massively huge, I’m going to be a single mom, and I have so many doubts as to how you will treat our baby and how you will act once you get what you want (me lessening the child support)” I also added in there that I was so sick of being so angry with him… He responds saying “I’m sorry” (my ex has NEVER apologized to me, ever.) I respond saying I’m not looking for an apology. He then says “Well I’m giving you one, you deserved one a long time ago from me”… I then go into all my doubts of what am I suppose to say when their friends ask them why their mommy and daddy are not together, or what happens when they go through their first heartbreak and want to know what happened between us?, or my biggest fear of what happens if they are scared to get into a relationship because they think all relationships and marriages will end up like their parents?... his response: “Amanda, only time will tell, I promised you I was going to be there for you through this and I promised I was going to prove to you I’m going to be there for the baby, I’m going to do that”. He ended the conversation saying “I will see you Monday ”.

 

So, now that you have all read my novel… my feelings? I have no idea, I couldn’t believe he texted back that night and that he was being supportive and like a completely different person. I have ALWAYS believed that people can’t change. I can’t help but still hate him for all of this though. I guess I’m even a little disappointed that he handled last nights situation the way he did… I can’t hate him for that!... Do you think he has ulterior motives for these Monday “talks”? What do you all think about the situation?

THANK YOU ALL SO SO SO MUCH!

Edited May 1, 2011 by PinkChic
paragraphing

[LostInTurn]

Hi,

 

I read your thread. First, I'd like to say you should remember 'you' during all of this and remember to stay strong for yourself and your tiny baby.

 

Now, I understand that someones emotions can run high when receiving news like this, but after a mini break, he should have thought about things and realized the situation on hand. He said some terrible things to you, and I'm not saying that you shouldn't take him back because there is a child involved, but he needs to show you stability for more than a few weeks or months. He needs to show you he is dedicated to you. If he's not ready now, you shouldn't be waiting and working on him with him. You need to focus on you and your baby. Much of your thread pointed out how he said how it would impact 'him'. He's not the only one involved here. You are just as much a part of this as he is, only difference he can walk away and you wouldn't.

 

You know your strength and ability. You stated it in your thread. Please, do not lose sight of that. This should be an exciting time in your life since you've decided to go through with the pregnancy and keep the child. Enjoy this time. The last thing you need is any type of stress because it not only impacts you, but it impacts your babies health as well.

 

As for being with your friends at a bar. Were you sitting there with a rink in your hand, running out for cigarettes? I doubt it, so please don't let someones comment bother you. Maybe if you had your baby with you in a sling and feeding then I'd say something different, but you were just out with friends. There's nothing wrong with this. You weren't on some wild escapade.

 

Know what I mean?

[PinkChic]

Thank you for your response. I greatly appreciate it.

 

I have been very "quiet" i guess you could say throughout the past few weeks. Other than our 2.5 hour conversation I have never once brought up "us". I stricltly talk about the baby. He brings it up in weird, not discrete ways. He has not said he wants to get back together. In fact, it is not uncommon for us to go days without speaking.

 

To be very honest, way back when I always had a rule that I give everything i have to the relationship while i am IN the relationship, so I would never go back to an ex. Obviously I have never been pregnant with an ex though.

 

I foolishly agree, I shouldn't be "helping him"... I just feel like i'm "helping" him for the sake of our baby... I don't want them to go through what I have gone through with him abrumptly picking up and leaving. I know how the pain felt as a grown adult, i could not imagine it as a child.

[LostInTurn]

The pain your child will feel is the pain of two parents who fight or when together have an awkward existence. Your child will have a stable home if you make it so regardless of whether you're a single mom or meet someone wonderful who has a life with you and your child.

 

I would suggest not trying to help your ex because of a baby because it's no different than helping him in any other situation. If your ex has an active interest in being a part of your child's life, he won't disappear for days on end. That will get old quick when your baby is here. Imagine a three year old asking for their father and you don't know when he's going to call again. How would you explain that? You should not have to explain that, ever.

 

The way you've explained all of this... you sound very intelligent. I know many of us on here are seeking advice, but I would guess that you know in your heart the right thing in this situation.

[Tayla]

I sincerely hope your pregnancy goes well for you and you can embrace this new being.

 

With that said, fire your lawyer. No genuine lawyer will touch a paternity and child support case without the child first being birthed and identified paternity thru medical testing, even if the women has a bun in the oven. As a Lady I get that you know 100% that he is the Dad, but legally he has a right to wait thru the birth to have his sentence imposed- ie child support/etc.....

 

Step back and gain clearer footing on the above mentioned.

[PinkChic]

Thank you for the replies.

 

And yes, LostInTurn, your very right. I DO know the right thing to do, just sometimes as intelligent as one may be they sometimes just need reassurance.

 

Tayla, actually he went seeking the legality of it. He wanted to know exactly what he was getting into when the baby does come. What I could potentially push for and what the potential of the outcomes would be. I didn't go out and just randomly find this lawyer. He has been my lawyer for my business for quite some time.

 

Thank you again. Sometimes we all just need to talk it out with an unbiased opinion once in a while!

[LostInTurn]

Thank you for the replies.

 

And yes, LostInTurn, your very right. I DO know the right thing to do, just sometimes as intelligent as one may be they sometimes just need reassurance.

 

Tayla, actually he went seeking the legality of it. He wanted to know exactly what he was getting into when the baby does come. What I could potentially push for and what the potential of the outcomes would be. I didn't go out and just randomly find this lawyer. He has been my lawyer for my business for quite some time.

 

Thank you again. Sometimes we all just need to talk it out with an unbiased opinion once in a while!

 

I agree. Write as much as you need to. These times are trying and it's nice to write here and get an honest opinion from people. I hope I didn't come across sounding like you shouldn't be. I'm sorry if that's how it was taken!

 

Re assurance is a great thing, and yes, even though we're smart talking it out it a wonderful route. You'll do what's right, just remember not to lose sight of knowing what's best for you and using your keen insight in times when you're at a cross road.

 

How are you feeling? Uneasy? Do you have a good support system through friends and family?

[PinkChic]

I agree. Write as much as you need to. These times are trying and it's nice to write here and get an honest opinion from people. I hope I didn't come across sounding like you shouldn't be. I'm sorry if that's how it was taken!

 

Re assurance is a great thing, and yes, even though we're smart talking it out it a wonderful route. You'll do what's right, just remember not to lose sight of knowing what's best for you and using your keen insight in times when you're at a cross road.

 

How are you feeling? Uneasy? Do you have a good support system through friends and family?

 

Oh, I definitely didn't take it the wrong way!... Sorry if I sounded that way

 

I am actually feeling really great (knock on wood!)... despite the stress of my ex... which he knows and we are trying to work together.. just difficult under these circumstances.

 

I am VERY fortunate that I do have a tremendous amount of support from my parents and my 2 best friends (which unfortunately both live in different states than me) but, I do have a lot of work friends and great family. I could not ask for more support!

 

I know there are many people with a lot more difficulties than I have so I remind myself of how lucky I am on a daily basis and how much worse off some people are.

 

This break up was VERY hard on me... and to go from mourning the loss of our relationship to having to have communication with him (under good, healthy) circumstances is just what makes things so difficult for me.

 

He is right when he says only time will tell. We shall see.

[Sugarkane]

Hi I'm sorry to hear that this has happened to you. If he didn't want to become a father, maybe he should've thought about that before having sex? It takes 2 people to make a baby! But for some reason lots of men choose not to think about the consequences.

Could you get another lawyer maybe?

I wish you the best of luck with your pregnancy and the baby

[PinkChic]

Hi I'm sorry to hear that this has happened to you. If he didn't want to become a father, maybe he should've thought about that before having sex? It takes 2 people to make a baby! But for some reason lots of men choose not to think about the consequences.

Could you get another lawyer maybe?

I wish you the best of luck with your pregnancy and the baby

 

The issues are NOT with my lawyer. He did the right thing. My ex asked HIM to send him information of what the possible outcomes were. He sent it to him.

[Tayla]

Pink- You sound like you are coming thru in a positive way about this event and life changing experience. Family support and financial stability are there for you, may it continue

 

THe lawyer you have, is he versed in family law? Meaning this is speciality? My relative is a judge and when I inquired he stated this lawyer should have refrained from any computations or advisal to the presumed paternal parent as any good lawyer would.

A judge and the family courts make the final decisions. You may have tainted the case by having him speak with your attorney or receive information pertaining to this. You both deserve good representation to work out the legalities. Not being mean here, just looking at the bigger picture.

[PinkChic]

Pink- You sound like you are coming thru in a positive way about this event and life changing experience. Family support and financial stability are there for you, may it continue

 

THe lawyer you have, is he versed in family law? Meaning this is speciality? My relative is a judge and when I inquired he stated this lawyer should have refrained from any computations or advisal to the presumed paternal parent as any good lawyer would.

A judge and the family courts make the final decisions. You may have tainted the case by having him speak with your attorney or receive information pertaining to this. You both deserve good representation to work out the legalities. Not being mean here, just looking at the bigger picture.

 

I agree. My lawyer has been my lawyer for my business for some time. He knew my ex and I VERY well... and my ex reached out to him to ask what the legalities were. My ex and I are both trying to settle things outside of legalities... I'm hoping we will be adults and be able to come to a mutual agreement. We have always been very respectful to one another and to be very honest I don't see us needing to go the legal route. In fact, (I would never tell him this right now) but all I REALLY want is for him to step up to the plate, be a good father and I would not want a dime from him... His love and support towards his child would mean far more to me than any amount of child support.

[SingVoice]

Pink- you are probably one of the strongest and most well spoken people I have seen on here. Congratulations...you are awesome!

 

Anyway...I think the thing you have to constantly remember is that most people DON'T change. So while you should definitely allow him to be there for you or the baby...I would suggest not making any serious relationship moves until after the baby is born. Because let's be honest...there are a lot of hormones at play...and he needs to put his alleged change into SERIOUS action.

 

Obviously there is no rush to get back together...since you are already kind of linked by the baby. But like I said...I would wait and let him be on his own...and do his own work first. Chances are if you just take him back now...well...you'll be back on here in a few months posting a "Baby Daddy dumped me and disappeared."

 

The fact that he was so rude about you "ruining his life" or "not wanting to be in the baby's life"....well...even though he seemingly has changed...keep that in the back of your mind. Those are statements that will haunt you. They are haunting me and I don't even know you!!!!

 

You are SO strong...and we are all so proud of you for being mature and handling this. You go girl!

[PinkChic]

Pink- you are probably one of the strongest and most well spoken people I have seen on here. Congratulations...you are awesome!

 

Anyway...I think the thing you have to constantly remember is that most people DON'T change. So while you should definitely allow him to be there for you or the baby...I would suggest not making any serious relationship moves until after the baby is born. Because let's be honest...there are a lot of hormones at play...and he needs to put his alleged change into SERIOUS action.

 

Obviously there is no rush to get back together...since you are already kind of linked by the baby. But like I said...I would wait and let him be on his own...and do his own work first. Chances are if you just take him back now...well...you'll be back on here in a few months posting a "Baby Daddy dumped me and disappeared."

 

The fact that he was so rude about you "ruining his life" or "not wanting to be in the baby's life"....well...even though he seemingly has changed...keep that in the back of your mind. Those are statements that will haunt you. They are haunting me and I don't even know you!!!!

 

You are SO strong...and we are all so proud of you for being mature and handling this. You go girl!

 

Thank you, SingVoice. That genuinely means a lot to me.

 

My ex has never come out and SAID he wants to work on getting back together. To be very honest, I know in my heart of hearts that I would NEVER be able to trust him. In fact, when we talked yesterday I said to him that while I will always raise our child to know the good man that he was while I was with him, I'll never forgive him for the disrespect he showed me when I needed him most.

 

I feel like a broken record but I say it with truly the utmost truth is that all I REALLY REALLY REALLY want is for him to be a good dad. What happened between him and I is in the past and I firmly believe that's where it belongs. I want to be good co-parents. Neither him or I knows what it feels like to be raised without their parents together. Him and I were very fortunate to both come from loving families that were not "broken". Many of my good friends are very successful and have good morals and values who come from seperated parents. I know it's possible!

 

Only time will tell, and while yes, I'm scared of being a single parents, my body is changing and the pain of realizing the true colors of the man I once loved is of course painful. But I will tell you, I am embracing this moment as it should be, an exciting chapter in life! I firmly believe with good communication, respect and maturity my ex and I will handle everything the best we can and that's all we really can do.

 

Thank you again for the replies it's definitely a breath of fresh air to get outsider opinions

[Star Gazer]

One of my close girlfriends went through something incredibly similar, only she broke up with him like the same day she found out she was pregnant.

 

My only advice right now is to seek out the advice of a family law attorney. An attorney who handles your business dealings will quickly get over his head if this guy seeks qualified counsel.

[PinkChic]

One of my close girlfriends went through something incredibly similar, only she broke up with him like the same day she found out she was pregnant.

 

My only advice right now is to seek out the advice of a family law attorney. An attorney who handles your business dealings will quickly get over his head if this guy seeks qualified counsel.

 

Thank you for the reply. My ex and I are normally very rational people and I like to hope him and I will come to a mutual agreement that will not need legalities.

 

*fingers crossed*

[Tayla]

Stargazer, Thank you for trying in a brief manner to get Pink to understand that Legalities is ALL important at this time to consider. A Business lawyer is by NO means qualified for family law. The two forms of practices are different.

 

I cannot stress enough how important it is for BOTH adults ( soon to be parents) get separate legal counsel if for nothing else but to protect their rights and the rights of the child.

[SoleMate]

With that said, fire your lawyer. No genuine lawyer will touch a paternity and child support case without the child first being birthed and identified paternity thru medical testing, even if the women has a bun in the oven.

Hunnhhh??!! I disagree. It is completely proper for a lawyer to be involved before the birth, even if paternity cannot be legally proved until after the birth. Many fathers-to-be are man enough to acknowledge their probable involvement and assist the mother-to-be with practicalities. It stuns me that you would give the advice that you did, which is so clearly misguided.

[PinkChic]

My ex and I actually made an appointment to go see a FAMILY LAWYER next week that specializes in such situations. We just want to know what the legalities are from a lawyer that is specificially in the field.

 

Like I said before, I really think him and I will come to a mutual agreement outside of having a LEGAL documentation. I don't think either one of us find it necessary to have such a legalitie if we are both under the same understanding of how we want our child raised, our expectations of one another and we keep a very respectful, open lines of adult communication. The ONLY thing I want from him is to take care of his child emotionally. I don't want ANY money from him, just that.

[Star Gazer]

I don't want ANY money from him, just that.

 

As a child of a single parent who never asked for any money from my biological father and struggled financially as a result - and I'm now paying for in caring for her financially - I strongly suggest you reconsider this. You don't have to rake him over the coals, but he should be paying to support the CHILD that HE brought into this world...

[Star Gazer]

With that said, fire your lawyer. No genuine lawyer will touch a paternity and child support case without the child first being birthed and identified paternity thru medical testing, even if the women has a bun in the oven.

 

Actually, I couldn't disagree more. In California at the least, paternity can be established very easily via stipulation of the parents or a simple document signed by both at birth, in the hospital, sans any sort of testing.

 

Further, parents fight over parental rights pre-birth all the time, represented by counsel. "Genuine" counsel.

[PinkChic]

As a child of a single parent who never asked for any money from my biological father and struggled financially as a result - and I'm now paying for in caring for her financially - I strongly suggest you reconsider this. You don't have to rake him over the coals, but he should be paying to support the CHILD that HE brought into this world...

 

Thank you for this... My friends and family keep saying this to me... I suppose now it feels more "real" that a stranger finally said it to me I keep hearing that he needs to provide SOMETHING... I'm just the type that I don't struggle financially at all while he definitely does...

 

We are both trying VERY hard to be good parents despite not being together as a couple... He keeps giving me little signs that down the road he wants to get back together... truthfully, in my heart I could never see that happening after what has happened in the past month.

 

However, like I said we are both very respectful and you are absolutely right. He does need to contribute SOMETHING. I really have a lot to think about!

[Star Gazer]

Thank you for this... My friends and family keep saying this to me... I suppose now it feels more "real" that a stranger finally said it to me I keep hearing that he needs to provide SOMETHING... I'm just the type that I don't struggle financially at all while he definitely does...

 

We are both trying VERY hard to be good parents despite not being together as a couple... He keeps giving me little signs that down the road he wants to get back together... truthfully, in my heart I could never see that happening after what has happened in the past month.

 

However, like I said we are both very respectful and you are absolutely right. He does need to contribute SOMETHING. I really have a lot to think about!

 

I understand you desire to do it on your own, I do. However, as the financial obligations begin to pile on, you may soon regret it because of how it affects your child.

 

I mean, I hear a lot of people (not you, just people ) complain about "the guy" having to pay "the woman" support. Well, if you read the case law about support, you'll see that how palpably clear it is that the financial support isn't for YOU... it's for your CHILD (to the point where you can't even agree to waive support, because it's not your right to waive - it's the child's). The support is so that your CHILD - his and your child - can have what it needs to thrive and succeed and be it's little best. If that means money for better formula, or diapers, or day care, or little league, or whatever, it's for the child's benefit. He should be contributing his fair share for the benefit of the CHILD. Because if you have to kill yourself working to pay for those things all by yourself, your child will not have the benefit of as attentive a mother...

 

Anyway, I should get off my soap box about this. Just don't make any support decisions now... sleep on it, sleep a lot.

[PinkChic]

I understand you desire to do it on your own, I do. However, as the financial obligations begin to pile on, you may soon regret it because of how it affects your child.

 

I mean, I hear a lot of people (not you, just people ) complain about "the guy" having to pay "the woman" support. Well, if you read the case law about support, you'll see that how palpably clear it is that the financial support isn't for YOU... it's for your CHILD (to the point where you can't even agree to waive support, because it's not your right to waive - it's the child's). The support is so that your CHILD - his and your child - can have what it needs to thrive and succeed and be it's little best. If that means money for better formula, or diapers, or day care, or little league, or whatever, it's for the child's benefit. He should be contributing his fair share for the benefit of the CHILD. Because if you have to kill yourself working to pay for those things all by yourself, your child will not have the benefit of as attentive a mother...

 

Anyway, I should get off my soap box about this. Just don't make any support decisions now... sleep on it, sleep a lot.

 

Thank you again for your reply!... your getting through to me everything my mother and best friend are preaching to me They would be so jealous!

 

I recently sold my business and made a pretty penny off it... I do a lot of investing and saving and I am very well set to support a child but I do very much agree that he DOES need to take responsibility. He DOES need to contribute. I am begining to see this very clearly.

 

Thank you again for the insight!

[SoleMate]

Child support is your child's right, not yours. You actually have no legal right (or moral right IMO) to renounce support of one parent on behalf of your child. No matter what you or the F or both decide, if a court is ever involved, all your private agreements will be entitled to zero weight and the court will act in the best interest of the child. A guardian ad litem might be appointed and I can guarantee you, it is 100% certain that the guardian would move to have the child supported by both parents. Anything else would be legal malpractice.

 

I'd like to advocate on behalf of your unborn child. He/she deserves the support of both parents. There are only 2 people on earth from whom any child can legally demand support. Don't throw that away.

 

I understand the X may be hating on you for requesting support, but tough for him (and you :-( ). Legally requesting/demanding support on your child's behalf, even in face of the father's rejection and anger, is just ONE of the many tough, demanding, draining tasks you will be called on to perform again and again for the benefit of the helpless child.