sinkerswim Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 What I am trying to say is... The longer time goes on does it get harder to get back with your ex..even if you have been together for 8 years? for us its only been over 2 months. To me this is all still too fresh. Do people get back together months after a breakup? I am just curious..I mean..its one of the things thats been bothering me. I guess I am still clinging to hope. I just want to speak to him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 I never could understand this getting back together stuff. I mean...if one or the other feels strong enough to break up, should there be constant thoughts of getting back again? I don't think so. As far as getting back together, in the very small chance that may happen, every situation is different. Some people may restart the relationship in a week, others in a year. But chances are always excellent it will go south again because there was obviously a very good reason it ended the first time and most of the time that reason isn't just going to blow away in the wind. People who are in break ups ought to concentrate on moving on and not obsess with getting back together. That's clearly NOT what breaking up is all about. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 I'm with Tony on this one. I've learned my lesson and paid the price in getting back with an ex. No matter what, after a break, something have been severed for good. You yearn for what you once had, and it won't ever be the same. 8 years is a long time, and I can imagine it's painful. Best to take the good that you got from this relationship and embrace it, and remember the not so good to get over it with. Try to rebuild yourself. It's a long process, and it's similar to the grieving process you go through when a loved one dies. Link to post Share on other sites
tom_gbr Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 ive been wondering the same thing....its been a month since my relationsip has ended and i just started doing no contact and on day 4 now....this is the longest we both have gone without contacting one another...im hating this...i want her back so much. i supposed to be spending the easter break with her in her mums empty house....now i have to painfully go though this holiday knowing that im sitting her all alone and she might be doing the same...i keep thinking what is she up too?.....is she thinking about me?.....will no contact between us bring us back together? im trying to move on but im constantly thinking about her....more now than when i was with her...i feel strong for doing no contact but what happens if i dont hear from her.....what if weeks go by and she hasnt got in contact? it wasnt like we broke up on bad terms or anything.....she didnt need a boyfriend in her life as she needed to sort things out....guess it was too stressful...she said she loved me when we broke up which was hard to hear and she sent me a text message last weekend saying that she is missing me. she is also young as well...her being 16 and me being 20....and who at 16 is looking for a long term relationship? thats the hardest thing to hear....that they love you but cant be with you i feel like sending her a text message easter sunday just sayin something like ' happy easter babe x X x ' i know its breaking no contact but its not like im asking questions and stuff...its just showing that im thinkin g about her. what do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sinkerswim Posted April 9, 2004 Author Share Posted April 9, 2004 Well, Tom... I wanted to call my boyfriend as well on Easter..But I am not going to do it. I just talked to my therapist and she said...if he wanted to be with you and know how you are feeling..he would be sitting beside me right now. As hard as that sounds...its true I suppose. Its just going to be weird without being with him this holiday and not making him an Easter basket like I used to. Link to post Share on other sites
frustrated + sad Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 I always think that if I let too much time go by without contacting my ex he will just forget about me. But that isnt true. If you have been with someone for so long, especaially 8 years, they will not just forget about you after 2 months. 8 years is a long time and it is likely there are still hurt feelings and anger. I on one hand thinking clinging to hope, as I am doing now, is negative. It really doesn't allow you to move on fully with your life and be happy. On the other hand if you are truly meant to be you will be no matter how much time passes. Everyone keeps telling me to move on with my life be happy and that is when I will realize hey I dont need this guy in my life or we will both realize we do want to be together and make this work. So my advice is to admit to yourself it is done, that you are going to be happy without him, no matter what hte outome will be postiive. You will be truly happy by yourself or you will both decide that we want to try again. But for now admit it is over and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 But for now admit it is over and move on. Right now this is the only thing that will make you feel better. Trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
tom_gbr Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 i keep thinking because of her age....and the fact that we have been together for only 6 months...will there be any chance at all that no contact will brings us back together? guess i will have to just wait and see and take one day at a time Link to post Share on other sites
Coffee13 Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 My 2 cents on getting back together is that it depends on whether you broke up b/c of general incompatibility or b/c one or both of you needed time to grow individually and or develop relationship skills. I have heard [and believe it true] that being with the "right" person at the wrong time is no more likely to give rise to a successful relationship than being w/the wrong person. Then again it is also said that not all success is measured in longevity---At any rate, if one person needs time and space to come into his/her identity and or learn relationship skills then I think that in theory years down the line you could come back together as two different people. However, if you are diff. person by that time and have grown, why go backwards? Besides, most people don't grow as much as they plan to even as years pass by b/c 1) they lack motivation; 2) they lack introspection---people often go from relationship to relationship not b/c they are meeting bad people but b/c they don't change .... Not sure if that helped or made sense...But please know that you will be okay and please do not blame yourself (Self-blame seems to be a theme on loveshack and in break-ups generally) Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 Waiting it out AFTER a break up does not mean you are closer to a reconciliation. It only means you are one day closer to managing the pain and disappointment. It all sucks...BIG TIME. You'll get thru it though. Just hang in there my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
tom_gbr Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 im really thinking now there is no chance at all for my relationship with my ex to be reformed...its the hardest thing to accept and it wont sink in at all. just did a week of no contact...just a week and i couldnt take it so i texted her today sayin ' happy easter babe x '. she replied straight away by sayin ' happy easter x ' i suppose i sent this as i wanted to show her that im thinking about her....its not like im begging for her back or trying to have a chat with her. i keep thinking to myself if only she was a little older.....and the distance wasnt as big....as we live 2 hours away its not like i could of popped round hers straight after the break up and properly talk about things. i think im going to phone her wednesday just to see how she is....this no contact thing doesnt seem to be helping me at all...i want to call her and show her that im happy and moving on...and that i could be a friend....i know i want to be more than that but id rather have her in my life as a friend than not at all. with our ages...16 and 20....and the fact that we have been together for six months....the chance of us ever gettin back together is fading day by day Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 You only have to go thru something like this once, I think, to have the hindsight of, "If it's over, it's over." I did all I could to win back my ex and nothing worked. I know now that nothing could've. And I know now that I'll never do anything like that again. Link to post Share on other sites
nikkilove Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 HOlidays are tough. I went through Thanksgiving/Christmas/NYear's/Easter......all of them, after a breakup. You just gotta realize if they want to be with you, they'd call and be with you. Period. So, since they didn't, it's best to get out of denial, accept that it's over and move on. Might they call over time to see you again? Perhaps.....but if you've moved forward, by the time they do, if they even do, it won't really matter to you anymore. You go through stages of disbelief, sadness, anger........but you'll get to acceptance. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
ace6061 Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 I don't think it is about winning that person back because that just leads to problems down the road. Being friends with an ex is not nessisarly a bad thing. This is true if you can handle it and this is the problem with that. Most people stay friends with there ex because they think they have a better chance to win then back? This is not healthy. If you can stay friends with your ex without hurting yourself then there is no reason not to. If you can do this you are a stronger person then I. I agree with coffee time is not the factor. Link to post Share on other sites
tom_gbr Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 i just cant imagine losing her completely..all those things that i did with her...everything about her...what a great person she is...i dont want to lose it all i know things will be very different but i find it really hard to imagine just not seeing her ever again...think because she is my first love its hard as well. ive since her once since we broke up just as her friend two weeks after and i admit is was very weird not holding hands and stuff and it did hurt a little but after time that will fade...hopefully she wants to come out of this as friends too but at the moment im worried its going to be me all the time initiating the contact Link to post Share on other sites
ace6061 Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Remember you come first now. That was her decision. Just friends sounds easy on paper but it is not that simple. If you hold onto “all those things that I did with her” you are preventing yourself from realizing that you can have all that again with another girl. One thing I am realizing is that you can’t be just friends with the feelings you and I still have. But I am giving it a go. Just remember she is a friend, which means you should still be going out with other girls. At your own pace of course. Even getting a phone number from another girl has seemed to be very therapeutic for me never mind going out on a date with someone else. It has made me realize that even though we had great times together doesn’t necessarily mean she was the one. If she is your first love then how do you know she was the one? You should let yourself explore. You will find other things to love about other girls. Trust me! You may even love the little things the new girl does even better. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts