LK30 Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 (edited) Hi all, I've spent most of my time on this site writing threads about my ex I split up with about 15 months ago. I admit I've always struggled to come to terms with it even though I split with her and I was unsure I saw a future together. Last night I was in town with some friends (I rarely go out) and I went into a bar/club, and whilst walking up to get a drink I saw one of her mates who was just walking away from the bar. She said ‘hi ya.’ Out of the corner of my eye I could see a few people looking at me as if to say 'oh look who it is!' I managed to discreetly spot my ex in the crowd but we didn't make eye contact. My heart started beating fast as it was the first time I'd seen my ex since we split 15 months ago, and strangely we were together about 15 months! Freaky! Eventually as the place got busier throughout the evening I lost sight of her, and I think they all left before I did. I remember when I used to hang out with them they often wanted to go home around midnight so I felt a bit more relieved knowing they’d probably gone. I couldn't help but feel conscious of my ex, and fortunately I didn't see her with any blokes as I think it would have hurt a bit even after all this time. I admit I did try to get myself in her line of view so she’d see me, and I tried to look like I was having a great time. I keep forgetting that we split a long time ago, and weirdly it feels like only a couple of months ago. I wondered if I should have gone to say hi but she had all her friends around her. I got on well with all of them and felt like I should be out with all of them instead. It's her birthday later this week too. In some ways I wanted to go up to her and say something like 'I've hurt so much the last year or so since we split - I don't think you'll ever understand!' Of course, I'd never say this, and perhaps it's best I kept out of her way. I wonder if she knew I was there. I'm sure her mate who said hi would have said 'Lee's over there' and I wonder if it made her think some of the things I'm thinking and writing about now. I wonder if she’s thinking about it now - but I doubt it. She did have a dating profile up until about 2 months ago that I noticed as I'm on there too, and her FB profile pic has been the same since we split (i.e. no cosy pic of her and a man). The other ironic thing is my brother’s girlfriend has just moved into our house, and if me and my ex had still been together we would have been looking at getting a place of our own around now. It's all so sad and bad timing! My bro thought she was a bit of a user and was taking advantage of me. I don't feel bitter towards him, but some of the reason I split with her was because of the fact he didn't really like her. I wasn't totally devastated, or feeling sick, or feeling like I needed to run out of the club, so I’m pleased as it shows I must have put a lot of this behind me and moved on, but couldn't help feel a little bit upset afterwards as I probably won't see her again. I still remember the poem I sent her on Valentine's day in Feb (even though we'd already split up) saying 'it's been a long time since we've been apart, but you'll always have a place inside of my heart.' Sad eh! Edited May 1, 2011 by LK30 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LK30 Posted May 1, 2011 Author Share Posted May 1, 2011 Still struggling to come to terms with this. I'm regretting not talking to her now :-( Link to post Share on other sites
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