vsmini Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 If I learn to get trust back in line is it worth trying? Do you think I'm overracting by leaving him? Could it have been friendship? That's all I wanna know... I don't think we can tell you that. You know more than we do - given the information it seems like something more than friendship was going on but there's always a small chance something wasn't. What you do know is that he lied. I personally, would leave and never look back. Nobody can really tell you exactly what's going on with him. It's impossible. Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 I'm remembering now when he started exhibiting untrustworthiness the one ex he was just recently emailing he called and texted her 6 months after moving in with me. When I called her at first she said she didnt know who he was although they spoke twice for 15 minutes each time. When I asked HIM who the number belonged to he said his boss's wife. So then I had a feeling he was going to call her again...I checked the cell phone record and he had talked to her for like 3 minutes...I had a feeling if I called her again that she would say that her husband is his friend. So I called and guess what? That's exactly what she said. So he took those few minutes to call her and say, hey if my girlfriend calls, tell her you're my boss wife. Can you BELIEVE that?!?! I mean, is that sketchy? So do you think that the lipstick, weird semen stains, the fact that he carried baby wipes to clean himself, the fact that he was texting emailing ex's. Not just one but TWO and saying they were harmless. So now I'm wondering if it's me that has an issue. And I need to forgive him, believe him and move on with him? I just don't know what to do? Unless everything you posted about him and what he's doing is all made up in your head, you are with a cheater. Dump him, greive it and move on. Nothing more needs to be said. Analyzing every little thing he's done is just a distraction from facing the truth. He's a cheater! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sacredheart Posted May 12, 2011 Author Share Posted May 12, 2011 Right he did say that he cheated in the past and the only woman he was faithful to was his wife and she wound up cheating on him. I wonder if he cheated on her to though..like if it's a pattern..he's definitely a narcissist and I know that narcissist have issues with cheating... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 Right he did say that he cheated in the past and the only woman he was faithful to was his wife and she wound up cheating on him. I wonder if he cheated on her to though..like if it's a pattern..he's definitely a narcissist and I know that narcissist have issues with cheating... same guy that had "fluids" on his boxers? is this the gal that worked with him? Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 Right he did say that he cheated in the past and the only woman he was faithful to was his wife and she wound up cheating on him. I wonder if he cheated on her to though..like if it's a pattern..he's definitely a narcissist and I know that narcissist have issues with cheating... Uh yea - and true narcissists cannot even be in relationships until their disorder has been addressed by a therapist and they are making progress. Get out of this mess of a relationship. Let him work on himself, work on you and just move on. I don't think anyone here will tell you to stay if that's what you're waiting to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sacredheart Posted May 12, 2011 Author Share Posted May 12, 2011 2 sunny..yes, the guy with the fluids on his underwear and yes he works with her in a factory... He said he's cheated in the past.. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 2 sunny..yes, the guy with the fluids on his underwear and yes he works with her in a factory... He said he's cheated in the past.. dump him. block him - and never respond to him again Link to post Share on other sites
Author sacredheart Posted May 12, 2011 Author Share Posted May 12, 2011 So now I'm panicking on whether he gave me something...specificially HIV. If this guy is a cheater like we think and he didn't use protection he could have potentially brought something home to me. Now HIV is always a HUGE fear because I saw an uncle pass from it. You would think he would know to respect my life and not put it in jeopardy. We got tested in the beginning of the relationship 3 years ago and both negative. Then I tested again in November of 2010 but I need to retest again for August 2010 on as I'm only in the clear from them. That gives him ALOT of time to get infected... I'm sooo scared right now! That would just be my luck. My life would be over. I'm just traumatized... Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 How old are you? How old is the guy you're with? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 So now I'm panicking on whether he gave me something...specificially HIV. If this guy is a cheater like we think and he didn't use protection he could have potentially brought something home to me. Now HIV is always a HUGE fear because I saw an uncle pass from it. You would think he would know to respect my life and not put it in jeopardy. We got tested in the beginning of the relationship 3 years ago and both negative. Then I tested again in November of 2010 but I need to retest again for August 2010 on as I'm only in the clear from them. That gives him ALOT of time to get infected... I'm sooo scared right now! That would just be my luck. My life would be over. I'm just traumatized... do you always over react to things this way? this is definitely NOT normal. focus! get rid of him. get tested. IF you have anything = treat it! but over reacting is NOT helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sacredheart Posted May 12, 2011 Author Share Posted May 12, 2011 I'm 36 and he's 34 Yes, I'm a worry wort and do over react..ESPECIALLY when it comes to stuff like that..like I said I saw my uncle die a slow death from that and it's my worst fear..of course the fear is a possibility now so I'm scared...I don't think there is anything wrong with that... Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 If it's your biggest fear then you should both be getting HIV tests regularly and use condoms. Make sure you do this in the future. Nobody is saying HIV isn't scary but...I don't know - Have you considered seeking out therapy? You sound very dramatic in your posts and like I said earlier....you sound very, very young and the communication we're getting from you just seems off - you seem to focus on the wrong things that we're saying and not understanding. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sacredheart Posted May 12, 2011 Author Share Posted May 12, 2011 I did have a test when we first started dating..we both did and I had another in November 2010. I figured that we were in this for the long run. Were like a married couple..had plans to marry eventually...so I thought I had nothing to be concerned about... Therapy is an option because yes I panic about things I'm scared of and I'm sorry if I'm confused..I don't think I need therapy for loving a man and being confused.. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 I'm 36 and he's 34 Yes, I'm a worry wort and do over react..ESPECIALLY when it comes to stuff like that..like I said I saw my uncle die a slow death from that and it's my worst fear..of course the fear is a possibility now so I'm scared...I don't think there is anything wrong with that... we will all die eventually. :rolleyes: stop - you are acting like a five year old. handle what you CAN - dump him. get tested. relaaaaaax..... being uptight doesn't make things easier or even change the outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
seeker2010 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I'm so sad right now..he has me questioning myself...like am I paranoid? I've always had trust issues with men but this is all in my face [snip] wondering if I'm really doing the right thing...am I stupid? Did he really turn it around on me like this? Yes, he did. That's called 'gaslighting' (after the old movie where the guy tries to make his wife think she's going crazy). Lots of liars think that the best defense is a good offense and trying to make you think that it's you is the very best one of all. Are you doing the right thing as you pack? YES! Imagine yourself five years or ten years from now, same situation, and you're packing for yourself and two kiddies and leaving not a BF but a husband. Before you pick up with another guy, though, do yourself a favour and get some counseling and work on yourself a bit before you pick another one like this out of the crowd. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sacredheart Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 Hello everyone - I thought I was done with all of this. Was getting ready to move on with my life. I found out today that I'm pregnant! I feel numb. Don't even know what to do with myself. I feel conflicted. Wondering why God would give me the strength to move on to have this happen? I have a beautiful teenage daughter and have considered having another child but not in a situation like this. I mean, it's not the best situation as you all know. For all new comers just read the beginning of the thread. I'm in such a pickle right now. Struggling with a decision. I know that I need to make one very soon. He has been talking lots. Making all of these promises to change. He wants to get married, buy a home, settle down. He keeps saying what a blessing this child is, etc. and is so happy. That he'd never hurt me again. I'm just so confused. He makes everything sound so appealing and is starting to make me have the "what if's". What if he did change after having a child with me? What if he doesn't and I'm stuck being a single mom again? I'm just so torn and I need to make a decision probably no later than Wednesday. Is a liar a liar? Does the fact that he hid things have anything to do with the fact that I was a jealous girlfriend so he HAD to hide his relationship that he claims was just a friendship? I just don't even know where to turn right now. Help... Can any of you please offer some guidance as I'm needing it right now more than ever. Thank you all in advance for your thoughts... Link to post Share on other sites
OldOnTheInside Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Dealing with a man like this is like asking a liar if they are lying. Just remember that. As for whether you should get married or not, that's your choice. But I will say this, people very rarely change their behaviour, past behaviour is a good indication of future behaviour. IMO taking him back would simply set you up for more heartbreak. Have you considered an abortion for the baby? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sacredheart Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 Oldontheinside - yes, I've considered it. It makes me sick to my stomach though. I was pregnant last year when I found out that he was texting her and had a miscarriage. Now, I come across these emails and I'm pregnant again..it all breaks my heart..I thought things would change..he'd be different... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sacredheart Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 Hello. Anyone care to respond. I'm in such a delicate situation and was hoping that more people would share their thoughts. It seems like no one cares. I'm SO torn on what to do. Whether to keep the baby or not. If it's healthy and the right thing to do. I'm also worried about my health and the fact that I'm considered high risk because of my age (37), the fact that I had preeclampsia my first pregnancy, a miscarriage, etc. I'm just wondering if this is all worth it. I have a beautiful healthy teenage daughter and am just starting to get my freedom back again. To start over with all of these risks..just not sure..then on top of it, the man that is the father? He's promised all of these things but I don't know if I'll get them. If he'll ever change. If this will change him. I keep thinking that maybe I'm wanting to move forward only because I love him and I'm hoping that he'll change. Or is that dumb thinking? Should I just snap out of it, step into reality and not go through with the pregnancy. Start a new life. I'm really looking for some advice here. I'm hoping that no one gets upset about the fact that I'm considering termination. I'm just so confused and scared and need to make a decision soon. Any input is so appreciated... Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 [i keep thinking that maybe I'm wanting to move forward only because I love him and I'm hoping that he'll change. Or is that dumb thinking? Should I just snap out of it, step into reality /QUOTE] He will not change. It is dumb thinking. Yes - you do need to snap out of it. Leave him and either keep the baby or do not. People on a forum can be helpful but cannot give you the answer to that. You know that, right? Link to post Share on other sites
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