Potentially going into a Long Distance Relationship...need advice...

[DonTomaso]

Hi all... I need some advice...

 

I have been dating a wonderful girl for over 3 months now. We both live in NYC. Before we started dating I was considering moving accross the country to Los Angeles. From the beginning of the relationship, I told her that I was planning on moving toward the end of the summer.

 

It seems a little premature for her to move to Cali since we have only been dating a few months not to mention the fact that she was recently admitted to the NY Bar association and would have to re-take the bar if she moved to Cali. I still plan on moving there in a few months, and she is very worried about the whole situation. I have told her that I want to keep dating after I leave, but I am worried that the distance will be very difficult for her.

 

Does anyone have any advice or thoughts about the matter? Similar experiences?

[moimeme]

If she's not enough to keep you in NY and she's not about to move to CA any time in the near future, I'd break up now. If you both have decided that you definitely want to conduct your careers at opposite ends of the country, it's pointless to be in an LDR. LDRs are for people getting to know one another who are open to the possibility of changing locales or for people who are separated temporarily for school or a job but the idea is generally that somebody will move.

[DonTomaso]

She does not want to stay in NY forever and has expressed an interest in moving to Cali at some point, but just not now because of the reasons I already mentioned. We are both from the southwest originally, so eventually we both want to end up on the west coast.

[sportsloving]

Originally posted by moimeme

If she's not enough to keep you in NY and she's not about to move to CA any time in the near future, I'd break up now. If you both have decided that you definitely want to conduct your careers at opposite ends of the country, it's pointless to be in an LDR. LDRs are for people getting to know one another who are open to the possibility of changing locales or for people who are separated temporarily for school or a job but the idea is generally that somebody will move.

 

I agree with moimeme... LDRs are very tough and usually have an ending in sight (future together in one location).

 

If this is something you both have decided and are willing to work towards then I wish you tons of luck~

[moimeme]

so eventually we both want to end up on the west coast.

 

How long is 'eventually'? One year? Three years? Five years? I don't hear any sort of definite plans here.

[DonTomaso]

That's the thing... we've only been dating 3 months and we are both 25 years old, so it seems kind of premature to make definite plans about when she might move. I don't think more than one year makes sense... at that point I think you either have to make it work or break up... I think that the LDR could be a good way to solidify how much we care about each other... since absence makes the heart grow fonder. I feel like we like each other too break up but I am also concerned about her feelings since I am the one who is causing the potential probelm in the first place.