broke_n Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 In my past relationships i was never allowed to have guy friends and might i add i've never had guy friends that were really just friends. It ended up we slept together or they wanted to kinda thing. Now my girlfriends boyfriends have always be just friends but that was because they were dating my friends. Anyways I'm in a new relationship and my boyfriend has lots of friends that are females and im not sure how i feel about this. He doesn't lie about them or hide his phone or anything but are they really "just friends"? I don't want to be jealous about these friends if they are just that. Link to post Share on other sites
DreamerGirl27 Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 In my past relationships i was never allowed to have guy friends and might i add i've never had guy friends that were really just friends. It ended up we slept together or they wanted to kinda thing. Now my girlfriends boyfriends have always be just friends but that was because they were dating my friends. Anyways I'm in a new relationship and my boyfriend has lots of friends that are females and im not sure how i feel about this. He doesn't lie about them or hide his phone or anything but are they really "just friends"? I don't want to be jealous about these friends if they are just that. Can guys and girls ever be "just friends"? Nope, nadda, never, negative, negatory, etc. As you stated yourself, all your guy friends turned into something more. If a guy is sticking around, it's because he wants something more, even if he says he doesn't. If he says he doesn't, he's being manipulative. He's probably playing the "friend" card to try and get into your pants eventually. Guys are horny. The guy I like has tons of female friends and tries and defends it. I don't buy a word of what he says about them just being "platonic" friends. This would bug me. I would prefer a guy who didn't want me to have any guy friends and vice versa. Link to post Share on other sites
thebody Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 (edited) it's never worked out for me personally, but that's me. I'm sure there's plenty of other people that can have friends of opposite genders, though... I don't believe it works to well for me. However... I usually CAN maintain friendships with the opposite sex after I sleep with them. I mean.. technically that's still friends, right? So yeah, as long as he's had sex with them. LOL i keed i keed seriously though i'm sure it's POSSIBLE but the formula has to be just right. He could have that sort of personality were girls just want him around like a man poodle. Edited May 1, 2011 by thebody Link to post Share on other sites
djhall Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 Can they be "just friends" and not have sex... sure. Can they be just friends and have never even considered the possibility of sex.... I seriously doubt it. All of my friends are female with one exception. These women are close friends, people I genuinely like, people with whom I share at the very least a platonic level of intimacy. We've been friends for years, decades usually, and if we are talking on the phone, you'll probably hear an "I love you" as we say goodbye. If we both desperately need a shower and there is only enough hot water for one, it is going to end up as "Well, crap, then hurry up and get your ass in here before the water gets cold!" As such, I see sex as a natural question, one that is more of a "why not" than it is "are you kidding me, gross!" For most, especially those who are exes, the answer is more of a "been there, done that, there isn't any mystery, any conquest, any great secret there, and while we might be friends with benefits under the right circumstances, neither of us would screw up a good relationship over it." For a few it is more of a, "love the person, really sweet, and the idea isn't entirely replusive as a result, but there is just no attraction, no spark, no physical appeal at all." For a very few it is, "there is definitely an attraction there, but things just never seemed to work out right, though if they did we'd both be down for it" and those are hard because the potential is there if you allow the circumstances to be right. In that case I feel I really do need to limit alone time in circumstances where nothing else prevents things from getting out of hand. Ultimately, I'm not sure the whole sex thing is the real issue anyway. I suspect the real issue is insecurity in having a relationship with someone who has a deep and intimate connection with another who could potentially replace you not just as a friend but as a lover as well. I think we tolerate same sex relationships much more easily because we feel less threatened since the other person presumably might replace us a friend but never as a lover. Link to post Share on other sites
thehead Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 They can be friends. I have female friends from playing co-ed soccer friends of friends and so forth. Sounds like youre on the brink of blowing it with this new guy. Hes leaving his phone out. A shady dude wouldn't. expand your horizons.Pull in the jealousy. Id show the girl the door if she told me to lose my girl friends. Hell. No. Women who cant handle opposite sex friendships are insecure. Simple Link to post Share on other sites
DreamerGirl27 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Of course they can just like the fox and the hen. Exactly. Sure. Same as a lion and a zebra can be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Can they be "just friends" and not have sex... sure. Can they be just friends and have never even considered the possibility of sex.... I seriously doubt it. All of my friends are female with one exception. These women are close friends, people I genuinely like, people with whom I share at the very least a platonic level of intimacy. We've been friends for years, decades usually, and if we are talking on the phone, you'll probably hear an "I love you" as we say goodbye. If we both desperately need a shower and there is only enough hot water for one, it is going to end up as "Well, crap, then hurry up and get your ass in here before the water gets cold!" As such, I see sex as a natural question, one that is more of a "why not" than it is "are you kidding me, gross!" For most, especially those who are exes, the answer is more of a "been there, done that, there isn't any mystery, any conquest, any great secret there, and while we might be friends with benefits under the right circumstances, neither of us would screw up a good relationship over it." For a few it is more of a, "love the person, really sweet, and the idea isn't entirely replusive as a result, but there is just no attraction, no spark, no physical appeal at all." For a very few it is, "there is definitely an attraction there, but things just never seemed to work out right, though if they did we'd both be down for it" and those are hard because the potential is there if you allow the circumstances to be right. In that case I feel I really do need to limit alone time in circumstances where nothing else prevents things from getting out of hand. Ultimately, I'm not sure the whole sex thing is the real issue anyway. I suspect the real issue is insecurity in having a relationship with someone who has a deep and intimate connection with another who could potentially replace you not just as a friend but as a lover as well. I think we tolerate same sex relationships much more easily because we feel less threatened since the other person presumably might replace us a friend but never as a lover. This post makes so much sense to me! I have a lot of guy friends. Maybe even more than girls. And I've even slept with some of those friends and have a been there/done that/got the t-shirt kind of attitude towards it. But I also have a load of guy friends I never slept with and never would. They are just people I go out with and enjoy their company. Sure, some of them may have fantasized about us sleeping together, but never made a move and have moved on. So yes, guys and girls can be friends. And like thehead said, I'd show the door to someone who told me who I can and cannot be friends with. I have my own insecurities and do my best not to unload them on other people. I don't deal well with other people's insecurities being unloaded on me! Link to post Share on other sites
DreamerGirl27 Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 This post makes so much sense to me! I have a lot of guy friends. Maybe even more than girls. And I've even slept with some of those friends and have a been there/done that/got the t-shirt kind of attitude towards it. But I also have a load of guy friends I never slept with and never would. They are just people I go out with and enjoy their company. Sure, some of them may have fantasized about us sleeping together, but never made a move and have moved on. So yes, guys and girls can be friends. And like thehead said, I'd show the door to someone who told me who I can and cannot be friends with. I have my own insecurities and do my best not to unload them on other people. I don't deal well with other people's insecurities being unloaded on me! The fact that you need a lot of guy friends shows just how insecure you are. Link to post Share on other sites
djhall Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 The fact that you need a lot of guy friends shows just how insecure you are. I don't think that is a fair at all... how do you justify accusing someone of being insecure simply because they have opposite sex friends? If anything, this post says more about you than it does her. Link to post Share on other sites
crazyd Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Ah, can the opposite sex be just friends? Is it possible? Perhaps. It depends on the personalities involved in the friendship, and how secure they feel if they know their SO has friends of the other gender. In your case, your BF is being transparent about his female friends, which is good. He doesn't seem to have anything to hide. Let him be the best BF he can be to you, and try not to sweat too much about the fact he's got female friends. Link to post Share on other sites
zebracolors Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Exactly. Sure. Same as a lion and a zebra can be friends. But what if I have many friends who are lions? Only joking. Broke_n; Yes guys and girls can be just friends. I can understand why you might be worried that your current guy has all those female friends. However, agreeing with comments from theHead though. İf your guy ever realizes how worried you are, he might think you don't trust him. So what if he has many female friends, he does keep coming back to you right? So if you really like this guy, give him the benefit of the doubt, trust him and be a wonderful girlfriend for him. Those will go a long way to keeping him with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Instead of answering your hypothetical question I’d rather talk about your current relationship. What does your current boyfriend do with these friends that are girls? Does he spend alone time with them at his or there place? Does he have long internet or phone communications with them? Does he go out and do date like activities with them? (eating out, movies, etc) Bottom line he should be making you feel like the one and only girl in his life. I think its fine to have friends that are females, but when you start feeling like a place holder or third wheel in your relationship something is wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
DreamerGirl27 Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Instead of answering your hypothetical question I’d rather talk about your current relationship. What does your current boyfriend do with these friends that are girls? Does he spend alone time with them at his or there place? Does he have long internet or phone communications with them? Does he go out and do date like activities with them? (eating out, movies, etc) Bottom line he should be making you feel like the one and only girl in his life. I think its fine to have friends that are females, but when you start feeling like a place holder or third wheel in your relationship something is wrong. THIS. Is exactly what I have a problem with. The current guy I like does all of the above. The current guy I like sleeps in the same bed with "friends" and thinks it's okay. He goes out and hangs out with them on date like activities all the time and thinks it's fine and dandy. He has long internet communications with all of them, including me. He does all of the above with me, it's why I'm so confused. I will NOT put up with that. It's why we're not together. Link to post Share on other sites
DreamerGirl27 Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Instead of answering your hypothetical question I’d rather talk about your current relationship. What does your current boyfriend do with these friends that are girls? Does he spend alone time with them at his or there place? Does he have long internet or phone communications with them? Does he go out and do date like activities with them? (eating out, movies, etc) Bottom line he should be making you feel like the one and only girl in his life. I think its fine to have friends that are females, but when you start feeling like a place holder or third wheel in your relationship something is wrong. If your SO can't make you feel like this, what are you with them for? Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 In my past relationships i was never allowed to have guy friends and might i add i've never had guy friends that were really just friends. It ended up we slept together or they wanted to kinda thing. Revelations !!! Males have zero interest in remaining mere "friends" with women, unless they truthfully wish to bang said women. (hence the strong instincts by your exes about your potential 'guy FRIENDS' ) Women, on the other hand, because they get so many social overtures, don't have much of a problem maintaining mere 'friendships' with guys (who are each only there for seeing themselves as being 'in line' for her romantic affections). So, the males wanting to be your 'friends' are really hoping to bang you... and the female 'friends' had by your boyfriends are really people those boyfriends want to keep in contact with on the chance those boyfriends may get to bang them someday. Link to post Share on other sites
DreamerGirl27 Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Revelations !!! Males have zero interest in remaining mere "friends" with women, unless they truthfully wish to bang said women. (hence the strong instincts by your exes about your potential 'guy FRIENDS' ) Women, on the other hand, because they get so many social overtures, don't have much of a problem maintaining mere 'friendships' with guys (who are each only there for seeing themselves as being 'in line' for her romantic affections). So, the males wanting to be your 'friends' are really hoping to bang you... and the female 'friends' had by your boyfriends are really people those boyfriends want to keep in contact with on the chance those boyfriends may get to bang them someday. Yup. Exactly. I am very leery of guys with multiple girl "friends". It screams "I'm going to cheat on you". Link to post Share on other sites
Mikau Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 I have female friends I wouldn't want to have sex or a relationship with just as I wouldn't want to have sex with my guy friends. Ofcourse the thought "would I have sex with her" has arisen, but that's true for pretty much every woman I come across. Those female friends are friends for the same reason I like my male friends. They're fun to hang around with, they're great to talk to, I feel I can share anything with them and I have no interest in sleeping with them. There's one female friend I would like to be more than friends with, but if I weren't interested in her sexually I'd still like her personally. I can imagine there's people who can't have friends of the opposite sex, but to say it isn't possible for anyone is just shortsighted bull****. Link to post Share on other sites
23go4 Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 dated a girl for 2 years who said she just had a "friend." He played the friend card very well! My ex is mormon, he converted to be mormon although he doesn't fit the criteria at all. my ex loves pitbulls, he gets a pitbull. You get the idea? He was just trying to find ways to get to her good side with things like that. Well 2 years later, after we break up my ex is a mess. Guess what happens. She starts getting flowers from him saying "I hope these cheer you up, I know times are tough." He drives an hour out of his way to take her to a fancy dinner. Her blinker on her truck stopped working. He fixes it, wash her truck, vacuumed it, filled her gas tank and made the inside smell like flowers easily spent over 200 bucks that day. So he stuck around for 2 years and now he is seeking his opportunity. So no, you can't "just" be friends with the opposite sex in a relationship, unless you can genuinely trust your partners friend. I wish I didn't have to waste 2 years of my life to find out this piece of sh## just wants to get into my ex's pants and she is absolutely letting him. Now I am paying the price with depression while she is out f##king a walking STD and having fun. Link to post Share on other sites
23go4 Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 "So please listen to the message that I send, Don't ever talk to a girl who says she just has a friend" Biz Markie Nuff said Link to post Share on other sites
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