How do i deal with the embarrassment?

[TazoCoffee]

I dont know where to start and how i ended up on here. i never thought this day would come.. haha. its been around 3 months since we broke up.

 

Here is my history on the past relationship (ill try to make this short as possible):

 

So me and this guy started dating since February 2010. We are both college students and attended the same college at that time. We hung out practically 24/7. But for some situation, i transferred to another college this semester (starting January 2011).

 

Well in January, we had this big argument over something really stupid (it wasn't even relevant to him but it was an argument between me and my mom). For some reason, this argument between me and my mom pissed him off really bad?? (i don't understand why since it wasn't about us). So for a whole week, we didn't talk. I had a strange feeling i should prepare for the worst (b/c it was a horrible argument and he ended up saying rude things to me saying i have no values in life and etc. so of course i was pretty angry too). Well basically i told him on a Sunday that we need to talk about some stuff and he agreed. So i drove 1 hr and half away to meet him and he told me he had something he wants to discuss with me but not until the end of the day. So we hung out and acted like things were fine. But before we left, i asked him what it was that he wanted to talk about and he told me he will tell me another time (what a coward). The next day after we met up, he wanted to talk over the phone (haha, how pathetic). And this is how he broke up with me VIA over phone (i understand even though we became long distance, he had a chance to break up with me in person the day before FACE TO FACE but now i feel really disrespected).

 

 

So he basically told me that he wanted an open relationship. His reasons were so i(he was refering to me) can date other people that i might like and it would be fair, lol pathetic. of course, i wasnt buying any of his crap and i told im sorry, i dont want to date other people. So he broke up with me there was other lame excuses he told me... i found out it was because he was interested in dating one of my friends.

 

Anyways, at that time, even though i knew this was going to happen, i was so upset. Something clicked in my mind and told me that i need him back. So i did what should have BEEN AVOIDED. I BEGGED AND CRIED AND EVERYTHING asking for another chance for WEEKS.. YUK YUK YUK! then one day, i couldnt take it any more and i drove up to see him to talk to him in person about it. So when i drove up there to talk to him, i told him if this is really what he wanted and of course, he didn't answer and avoid telling me in person (what a COWARD). But he acted like we were couples again, he told me he might change his mind if i have sex with him so i can prove to him that "i really loved him" again (okay, i really wanted him back but hell no, im not that dumb. i dont scoop that low).

 

well anyways, i went back home and i was in contact with him for another month, i still did my begging and told him how much i missed him and etc. FOR that 2 months, i felt guilty. I thought it was my fault this relationship failed. FOr 2 MONTHS, i blamed myself. I told him over and over how sorry i was and etc.. I even gave him a message saying i love him forever and stuff. i even gave him a nice goodbye message about how thankful i am in meeting him and etc (i'm too nice for my own good)-.-

 

Then a miracle happened. He started ignoring me. At first, i was more miserable than before. it was blessing in disguise. THANK GOD, he ignored me.

Since we cut off all contact, i started to reflect on the relationship. Sometimes i miss him but i tell myself that its just memories with him. Im beyond embarrassed about how i acted after the break up. I lost self respect and self dignity. He dated this girl within few days of our breakup. I dont even know why i scooped that low over a guy that disrespects me and basically left me for someone else (i already forgave him). But How can i ever recover!??!?

 

I never did anything this embarrassing over a guy before. I dont want this guy back or anything. I know i can do better and deserve better. I just dont understand why i acted so stupid over him and even apologized to him when i didnt really have anything to be sorry for. Why did i even want a guy that threw me away like trash? yuk. never again.. his ego is probably REALLY high because of me now. I know i'll be able to move on past this relationship but what i cant cope with is the EMBARRASSMENT i went through. I practically poured out my heart and begged and everything to him while he probably took me a as a joke.

Edited May 1, 2011 by TazoCoffee

[heartbroken555]

heres my opinion

 

same thing happened to me, my ex left me 3 month ago, and for the first two month i chased and begged her to come back. I wasnt perfect and i was a real bum, and i was pretty boring, but she isnt perfect as well. Its now been a month since i had any contact with her, and my last msg to her was the same as you: i understand, and i cherish the moments we spent together, and how i can see now that this will make me grow as a person and that i dont hate her.

 

sometimes like this morning, i feel like i was a hypocrite, because i actually hate her sometimes for the hurt and playing with my feelings.

 

But after alot of though, heres what i figured out. I HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM

 

how did i figure this out ?

well i have a friend, who had a gf for 4 years, then she dumped him for someone else. and after speaking to him, to get insight on how he was coping with the situation, i see he is doing alot better then me. He basicaly sees it this way... : Well, if she cant see the good in me, its her loss!!

 

I was wondering how he could be this strong and not care ?

well, he has high self-esteem and confidence. He knows he is worth it, so he doesnt care what SHE thinks. Too bad for her !

 

so basicaly i think that most poeple who suffer alot after a break-up and have trouble coping is a result of low self esteem. How do you get passed it and how do you forgive yourself and not feel embarassed anymore ?

 

Well, you know what to do, you probably have issues, or things you need to work on yourself.

 

In my case, i need to hit the gym, stop smoking and focus on my business, i havent till now, and thats why im still having a hard time coping.

 

If i did do all these things, then eventually i would be proud of myself, gain some self-esteem, and i wouldnt care anymore if she left me, and see it as her loss !

 

As for the embarassement, you need to forgive yourself, because feeling embarassed only happens when you care what HE thinks. If you didnt give a crap, you wouldnt feel embarrassed !

[TazoCoffee]

wow, heartbroken555 thanks! i think you are right on the spot actually. i knew i was suffering from self esteem but i didn't think of it as affecting me on why I'm so embarrassed. I finally know why now . it really makes alot of sense. I gained 25 pounds in college since my freshman year (im a junior now) and that somehow made me have low self esteem. Within 3 months of the breakup, i lost all the weight b/c i started working out and i do feel better. I got asked out by 3 guys within the 2 months period but i rejected all of them. At first (i hate to admit this) i thought i needed some guy to make me feel better about myself.. But now, i'm actually doing good without them and i need time for myself. guys are guys and they will always be there.

 

I guess there still is a part of me that still cares about what he thinks. But from this day on, im not going to think about what he thinks anymore. Thanks for your advice again, it made me see why i was still embarrassed about it.

Edited May 1, 2011 by TazoCoffee