debtman Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 jstobo, Be VERY careful here. She's exploring her options, DON'T make yourself one. SHE made the decision to leave your marriage because she thought there MIGHT be something better out there. SAME thing my stbx did. Don't let her think that you are still an option, even if you are. You've gone through enough pain because of her, don't open yourself up to go through all of this again. If she REALLY WANTS you back, she needs to do what she didn't do before and COMMIT to the marriage, to you and to the relationship. She's not looking to make changes to herself, she's just looking for options. It's been 6 months since my stbx told me our marriage was over to explore her relationship with OM. Took me 3-4 months before I went 180 and NC/LC (because of the kids, I couldn't go completely NC). A month or so ago, apparently things fell apart with OM. Last night she came over to pick up the kids and was telling me how good I look, how she's reading self-help books to learn about her issues with being controlling and bossy, and how she's trying to learn from the mistakes she made in our marriage. She said the "kids" keep asking when I'm going to come over for dinner (they're never asked me that). ...empty words...they come with no apology, no remorse, no REAL intent to make REAL changes...and, it wouldn't matter anyway. I couldn't put myself back into that situation again. I've gained too much self-worth, confidence and strength in 180 and getting MY life going again. I have too much fun with my kids on our own. I'm worth more than she ever gave me credit for. All I have to do is go back to the emails she sent me when she was in the midst of her relationship with OM and telling me how we were completely incompatible, how unfair I always was to her, how unhappy she always was, etc. Be careful here, YOU are in control of your future, don't let her decide what is going to happen. Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
russell1968 Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 jstobo, Be VERY careful here. She's exploring her options, DON'T make yourself one. SHE made the decision to leave your marriage because she thought there MIGHT be something better out there. SAME thing my stbx did. Don't let her think that you are still an option, even if you are. You've gone through enough pain because of her, don't open yourself up to go through all of this again. If she REALLY WANTS you back, she needs to do what she didn't do before and COMMIT to the marriage, to you and to the relationship. She's not looking to make changes to herself, she's just looking for options. It's been 6 months since my stbx told me our marriage was over to explore her relationship with OM. Took me 3-4 months before I went 180 and NC/LC (because of the kids, I couldn't go completely NC). A month or so ago, apparently things fell apart with OM. Last night she came over to pick up the kids and was telling me how good I look, how she's reading self-help books to learn about her issues with being controlling and bossy, and how she's trying to learn from the mistakes she made in our marriage. She said the "kids" keep asking when I'm going to come over for dinner (they're never asked me that). ...empty words...they come with no apology, no remorse, no REAL intent to make REAL changes...and, it wouldn't matter anyway. I couldn't put myself back into that situation again. I've gained too much self-worth, confidence and strength in 180 and getting MY life going again. I have too much fun with my kids on our own. I'm worth more than she ever gave me credit for. All I have to do is go back to the emails she sent me when she was in the midst of her relationship with OM and telling me how we were completely incompatible, how unfair I always was to her, how unhappy she always was, etc. Be careful here, YOU are in control of your future, don't let her decide what is going to happen. Good luck and keep posting... Brilliant advice!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jstobo Posted May 4, 2011 Author Share Posted May 4, 2011 I woke up this morning feeling the same as I did last night. My happiness is in my control. I'm not going to lie, I wanted her to reach out to me in some way and she didn't. A month ago, I would have broke down and contacted her, but this time I have more strength. It proves to me that all of you are right and I'm not going to be an option. ShatteredReality: I still believe your scenario is a possible outcome for us, but my W is going to have to prove some things to me, which up until this point, she hasn't. Right now, she is showing me very little, although it is an improvement from nothing a month ago. I'm going to keep living my life and when she does something, I'll evaluate how I feel and make a decision at that time. I understand that I risk her moving further away from me, but that would just mean I made the right decision. If she really really wants to be with with me, she'll break down walls to get to me. Keep your comments coming and I will keep updating! Link to post Share on other sites
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