what should i do

[guccigirl]

Hi, this is kinda long sorry

 

I have a best friend who I love more than anything. We used to spend all our time together. do everything.

 

I dated alot, but would tell my bf i'm busy to spend time with him. He doesnt date that much and the few gf's he's had hate me even before meeting me. he had one long term relationship and she asked him not to see me. he did for a while and eventually they broke up and then it was us back together everyday.

 

One night i was out on a date, he showed up, and i spent the whole night with him. At that point i realized that there is no one else i'd rather be with. It took me a couple weeks, but we were drunk one night and I told him. He was all for it. He told me about how he wanted to kiss me so many times. When he mentioned them, I knew exactly what he was talking about.

 

The next couple of days were weird. He decided that we should be friends, because he is too scared to lose our friendship. I had no choice but to go along with it. It was still us spending all our time together. We went away for weekends and on a vacation. Every once and a while we would have a fight about "us." He would say that he doesn't like me and and he doesn't want to be with me. Yet, he would spend all his time with me and would flirt with me.

 

Then, one weekend, we went away and had a huge fight. We didn't talk for a couple of weeks. Then, I finally called him. He said that he needs space - that he feel like he's leading me on, and he's confused. I kept making attempts to talk to him. We were best friends for over 10 years, were closer to each other than anyone else, spent christmas together, and then, after that, nothing.

 

He stopped calling me. We didn't see each other. I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't talk about it. He just wants to be cool. Eventually i gave up. stopped calling, and stopped IM'ing him.

 

Then he'd call me, and I would ask him to hang out. We have a great time, and then, he won't call me for weeks,. When he does call, he has to have an excuse. He has to ask me about something. He can't just call to say hi. He still isn't dating anyone.

 

I just don't know what to do. I cant take this anymore. Spending time together once a month and then back to ignoring each other is so stupid, and makes me so upset. He's killing me. He has almost completely cut me out of his life, but keeps just enough going so i'm there.

 

If he really doesn't want to be with me, then why doesn't he just let me go? I let him go. I don't call or talk to him. The last time we talked about it, he told me he doesn't know why I'm upset. He just needs space, and that

I should know him better...that eventually he'll break down and come back to me. He'll love me 'til the day he dies. He'll say something like that. and i get all confused, because friends don't talk to each other like that.

 

Should I just stop talking to him altogether?

[virginia70065]

Hi Guccigirl,

It seems that your friend is scared of committing to you. He can't let go because he cares for you so much, but doesn't care enough to commit. If it makes you suffer to talk to him, then don't take his calls. As long as you leave that door a little bit open, he knows that he can just pick up the phone and talk to you and not bother to formalize anything.

 

Cut it off totally--don't talk to him, take his calls, etc. If he really cares for you (LOVES YOU) he will realize what he has lost and try to come back into your life, and commit.

 

Remember the saying (from a song) If you love someone, set them free. If they love you, they will return.