Am I addicted to my guy friend?

[dressing up]

I only think or fantasize about being in a relationship with my guy friend when I'm less busy or bored.

 

When I'm busy or don't have time for anything else, I don't remember thinking about him, I'm okay not thinking about him.

 

So my question is if I only think romantically or reminisce of him when I'm twiddling my thumbs, do I really want to be with him or is it a case of addiction or wanting something I can't get?

[smudge21]

Why can't you get him? Are you both involved?

 

Being bored leads to the mind wandering, which in turn leads to thinking about stuff more. In your case, it's this guy-friend. That's why I try to stay busy, as when I'm alone and not doing anything, I think about my ex more... which is not good.

 

If you truly can't have him, then yeah I'd say there is a good amount of wanting what you can't have in there. Sadly the more you think about it the worse it will get.

[dressing up]

Why can't you get him? Are you both involved?

 

Being bored leads to the mind wandering, which in turn leads to thinking about stuff more. In your case, it's this guy-friend. That's why I try to stay busy, as when I'm alone and not doing anything, I think about my ex more... which is not good.

 

If you truly can't have him, then yeah I'd say there is a good amount of wanting what you can't have in there. Sadly the more you think about it the worse it will get.

 

Long story short, while I was still deciphering his actions toward me and gauging my feelings for him, he went and found a girlfriend. Add to it some other issues, we aren't talking anymore.

 

I keep myself busy enough though I can't do it every minute.

 

So is it addiction that I have?

[smudge21]

I'm confused on what is an addiction and what is love - I think the two are very close together.

 

Personally I think you're suffering a bit of jealousy mixed in with feelings of wanting what you can't have. You were getting a bit interested in this guy, not too much, but then suddenly he's out of your reach, and that often makes things more desirable. Hidden inside there could be some feelings of regret that you didn't make a move coupled with the fact someone else has him now.

 

I don't envy your situation one bit as I think if you're not careful you may start feeling more for him each day. My advice would be to put a bit of distance between you and he, at least until you maybe find someone else, or have less 'twiddling your thumbs' days.

[dressing up]

I'm confused on what is an addiction and what is love - I think the two are very close together.

 

Personally I think you're suffering a bit of jealousy mixed in with feelings of wanting what you can't have. You were getting a bit interested in this guy, not too much, but then suddenly he's out of your reach, and that often makes things more desirable. Hidden inside there could be some feelings of regret that you didn't make a move coupled with the fact someone else has him now.

 

I don't envy your situation one bit as I think if you're not careful you may start feeling more for him each day. My advice would be to put a bit of distance between you and he, at least until you maybe find someone else, or have less 'twiddling your thumbs' days.

 

We aren't talking anymore so there's a lot of distance there. Partly caused by the issues and partly because I can't hang around listening to him talk about his relationship.

 

I'm quite regretful, you're right. And suddenly now he seems all the more desirable.

[smudge21]

You're feeling the way so many dumpees (myself included) feel when we go NC on our ex's. We want them to miss us so much that they get in touch and come back. I wish my ex felt the way you do...

 

Sounds to me you really like this guy more than you're willing to admit, even to yourself. Sadly there's no easy answer for you here. Maybe you could tell him how you feel, but that just opens up a can of worms now that he's involved with someone. Plus, there's that little chance you may only want him because you can't have him. Once he's there, you may lose interest.

[dressing up]

You're feeling the way so many dumpees (myself included) feel when we go NC on our ex's. We want them to miss us so much that they get in touch and come back. I wish my ex felt the way you do...

 

Sounds to me you really like this guy more than you're willing to admit, even to yourself. Sadly there's no easy answer for you here. Maybe you could tell him how you feel, but that just opens up a can of worms now that he's involved with someone. Plus, there's that little chance you may only want him because you can't have him. Once he's there, you may lose interest.

 

If you read my other threads, you would see that I'm not unwilling to admit that I like this guy.

 

I can't tell him how I feel because I don't want to hurt other people. If he breaks up with his girlfriend for me or because I told him about how I feel toward him, I'll wonder when he'll be moved by someone else down the road and kick me to the curb.

 

I don't know what to do about it or if I want to do anything at all. Actually, I would rather he be there and I lose interest. At least easier than my pining for him now.

[smudge21]

I think NC is the only way for you now. Clearly the situation is a tough one and you need to get out of it, and you know you do. Maybe after a while of no contact you'll be in a better place to see this guy as a friend and only a friend. But right now, you need to back off and break that emotional bond you have built up.

 

Really can't think of anything else to say that could help. Like most relationships, often NC and time are the only cures.