Does My Boyfriend Even Care

[LORENA]

DOES MY BOYFRIEND EVEN LOVE ME? WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR ALMOST THREE YEARS I HAVE A SON FROM ANOTHER MAN. AS LIKE EVERY NEW RELATIONSHIP THINGS WERE GREAT NOW WE ARGUE ALL THE TIME. HE'S 22 AND I'M 25 HE'S NEVER HELD DOWN A JOB FOR MORE THAT 3 MONTHS AND NEVER ONCE PAID MY BILLS, HE DOESN'T HAVE A CAR. HE DEPENDS ON ME ALL THE TIME THATS WHY I ALWAYS GET FUSTRATED WITH HIM, BUT DO YOU BLAME ME? HE GOT A JOB HE'S HAD FOR 2 WEEKS HE WAS OFF ON THURSDAY I CALLED HIM AT HOME ALL DAY (WE LIVE TOGETHER) HE WASNT THERE. OF COURSE HES THERE WHEN I GET HOME I START YELLING AT HIM. SO HE IGNORES ME AND ACTS LIKE NOTHING. I GET REALLY STRESSED OUT BECAUSE I FEEL IF HE WANTS TO BE WITH ME AND MY SON HE SHOULD START ACTING LIKE A MAN SOMEWHAT. I MEAN I HAVE TO CALL HIM AND TELL HIM TO CALL HIS JOB TO SEE WHEN HE GOES TO WORK. SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME SOME OUTSIDE ADVICE.LORENA

[aroseInLove]

I'm 48 with 2 daughters I raised alone.. grad students at 23 and 26... I would be horrified for them if they were in your place.. Guys at such a young age CAN BE too comfortable in a world of someone else carrying their load... Please, remember the greatest loss is self-respect.. hold on to it for yourself and for your son.. I too carried a single household on my young shoulders and what would have been nice is male HELP in that burdened world ..not male HINDRANCE.. I chose to ride solo after my guy moved in 20 yrs. ago and did near the same thing as you are facing now.. and this bum in my world was charging on my credit card to boot.. Consider YOU and your heart.. and consider his heart that shows in his actions.. His 'playing' that gigolo game is a FAR stretch from the heart.. Good luck hun..

[Cassidy]

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 8 months. He isn't in love with me (yet and may never be which he admits), but he still treats me with respect. He calls me everyday, several times a day. He wants to see me alot and he is always there for me and always very caring. I too am divorced and was hurt very much by my ex. My current boyfriend knows the situation, and when he thought he was falling in love with me, I pretty much talked him out of it. Why? Because I had to be sure that his feelings were real and he wasn't just saying it because everything was new and good. And I was scared to love someone again. Now he's confused about how he feels towards me and now I know that I do love him. No one has treated me as well as he does. I really don't know what's worse, someone who tells you they love you, but treats you like dirt; or someone who doesn't love you and treats you like gold. It hurts to know I have to hold back my feelings for him and my love because I don't even know if he wants it. Someday I'm going to have to leave him, because I will want someone to love me. Life and love can be very confusing. What am I supposed to do?

[aroseInLove]

Originally posted by Cassidy

He isn't in love with me (yet and may never be which he admits), but he still treats me with respect. He calls me everyday, several times a day. He wants to see me alot and he is always there for me and always very caring.

 

 

Sure sounds like 'love' to me... You know, 'love' is just a word.. Maybe he has a fear of that word == commitment.. so he'd rather not use it.. Any caring respectful peron could call every day.. want to see you a lot.. esp. if you're FUN!!!! But, that same person could also be your friend from school.. your cousin.. your neighbor.. so there IS a difference to look out for in your guy.. look into his heart and what do you see? You will know when you focus that it becomes LESS confusing and MORE clear.. --true love is in the eyes.. in the kiss.. in the touch.. in the urge to be seen to spend time with ... that is where love is defined and tells the clear story... don't gyp yourself NOW by holding onto a pseudo-b/f which is what you are doing if there is NO true love... if you stay you'll never know the beauty of so much more.... don't be in a relationship where true love doesn't exit.

[Cassidy]

That's just it. We talked about this last night as a matter of fact. He said he's not sure if he ever loved anyone, even though he thought he did at one point. I think we are both kind of in the same place. Neither of us really even knows what love is anymore. I asked him if he wanted out, or to not see eachother as much. He said no, not at all. I told him that I feel like I love him, but because of my past, I question my feelings for him too. I said it's sad because when your alone and not dating anyone, all you want is someone to love, and then when it's right in front of you, you think it will always be there. And that isn't true. I told him I'm happy with the way things are right now, and at this very moment I don't need anymore than this. I said I might someday, want to get married again, and if you're not in the same place, I may leave. That was the confusing part. I can feel how much he cares about me. I think he does love me, he's just afraid of it. Or am I just fooling myself? I don't trust my own instincts anymore. The good thing is we can talk about it. I can always talk to him. And he does like to do his own thing, so the fact that he wants to spend alot of time with me, does means something to me.

[MustBeGoingCrazy]

If you want him to continue to be a part of your life, he needs to step up to the plate, IMO.

 

You can be a fling, a hot item, etc for a while, but after that, you start to want more from the relationship. It sounds like you are already progressing, as you have moved in together, but it honestly doesn't sound as if he is doing his part.

 

I think that instead of yelling at him, as you had stated, you need to talk with him. A serious talk. Figure out where he is, and where he wants to be in 5 years, and then figure out what he can do in the meantime to get there. It might seem kind of belittling to him, much like a guidance counselor, but if he wants to remain a part of your life, he should start ensuring that he can take care of you, that he can help suppliment your income, that he can contribute to the family.