jordkorn Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 My now EX kept constantly bugging me to get married for the past year of our relationship. When she would want to talk I would usually find an excuse not to. I kept pushing her away. The timing was never right to get married and I felt I would be doing it just to make her happy. At New Years she started crying and told me that she was upset because she thought I would propose to her and I did not. Then she broke up with me and told me that she does not need to get married now. she is going to be 28 and told me she wanted to be married by 30. Maybe she siad that because unless she finds someone and proposes to them it is not likely to happen. Anyone ever get nagged upon on marriage? or kids? or whatever? Link to post Share on other sites
Flgirl44 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 This particular goal is quite common among men and women around age 28, if you aren't one of those people then sit her down and tell her: Your feelings have not changed about marriage, and her time would be better spent finding someone more suited to her same goals. Link to post Share on other sites
djhall Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 I've seen it and lived it, and in my experience it usually signifies a situation where the other person is no longer happy living with the uncertainty of whether this relationship is a permanent marriage or a temporary detour along the way to the person they are really looking for. The nagging is supposed to convey to you that they are ready, that it is time, that this is something they need and want, and you are going to blow it and miss your shot if you don't step up and make a decision soon. When you saw all the warning signs, but didn't step up to propose, she dumped you because she doesn't want to stay in a relationship, even a good relationship, if it isn't actively progressing toward marriage. You were stalled, you didn't want to continue going forward, she had no way of knowing for sure you were going to change any time soon, so she moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 The irony is that a woman who nags and behaves in the manner described in the OP is very likely to push away any partner who might be interested in marriage. It screams desperation, I always ran away from desperation. Link to post Share on other sites
djhall Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Sounds to me like she's in love with getting married, not necessarily being married. Some women think that if they are not married/have kids/whatever by a certain age, that means there is something wrong with them. She had invested some time into you, and didn't want to have wasted her time. Pretty poor reasons for marriage, IMO. Yeah, I known those women, but I've also known women who simply didn't want to waste time with guys that could be the one but needed years of non-commitment to decide. They don't want to forever be looking forward to a proposal "next year". They don't want to walk away after twenty years and start over in middle age wondering if they screwed up and he would have proposed in a few years after all. They don't want to wait ten years for him to commit to them only for him to meet a hot new thing that rocks his world and he runs off and proposes to her instead. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 My now EX kept constantly bugging me to get married for the past year of our relationship. How long were you two a couple? I can see her asking and wondering if you two were together for a long time, 3-4 years, then she turns 28 years old.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jordkorn Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 We were together for 2 years Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 We were together for 2 years Then she had a right to ask where things were headed after 2 years since she was in her mid twenties.. That's what most do. Though, if she constantly asked, pushed and begged and you couldn't be honest and give her answer, or you avoided answering, that's on you. It's good it ended if you had no intention of ever marrying her. She's looking to settle down, get married and start a life with someone, have kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Canuck1979 Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 You should have been blunt with her instead of being wishy-washy and avoiding the subject altogether. It doesn't matter now. She got rid of you. You're both young and will move one. Case closed. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 You are a smart man for refusing to marry. Next time look for women in their early 20s. Women in their late 20s and early 30s are all desperate for marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 You are a smart man for refusing to marry. Next time look for women in their early 20s. Women in their late 20s and early 30s are all desperate for marriage. Probably best to be straight from the start instead of wasting two years of someone's life. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 Probably best to be straight from the start instead of wasting two years of someone's life. I agree with you. Thats why I said he should aim toward younger women who are not yet desperate for marriage themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 I agree with you. Thats why I said he should aim toward younger women who are not yet desperate for marriage themselves. I got married at 23. I would have been pissed if I would have spent two years on a 'maybe' answer to end at a 'I have always been a definite no.' Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 I got married at 23. I would have been pissed if I would have spent two years on a 'maybe' answer to end at a 'I have always been a definite no.' I feel sorry for people who are already desperate for marriage at 23. Its like they dont have an exciting life or something. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 *laughs* I wasn't desperate for a family. Actually my husband was.... He was only 26 and I was 22 when we met. We married a year and a day to the day we met. But I did know in general that marriage was my goal. That means putting time into another relationship and attaching to someone for whom marriage wasn't an option would have been a waste of time. It would be like trying to get to Hawaii on a massive detour through war-torn Iraq. What the heck would the point be in that? Truth be told at the time I met my husband I had just come out of a very close call broken engagement (six weeks away from the wedding). I was so put off from the whole experience that I told my husband (whom I figured was not the marrying type) that I was never getting married and we could just live together or whatever. He was quite heartbroken to hear that...... I miss those days. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 But I did know in general that marriage was my goal. That means putting time into another relationship and attaching to someone for whom marriage wasn't an option would have been a waste of time. It would be like trying to get to Hawaii on a massive detour through war-torn Iraq. What the heck would the point be in that? Perhaps its the man vs woman thing. Most guys arent so obsessed with finding "the one" until much later in life. On the other hand, little girls as young as 13 years old already dream of finding their 'prince charming'. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 It would make sense that we would be, in general, predisposed to finding "The One" earlier on in life especially considering that our prime physical reproductive years are between 14 and 24. A lot of women around 40 ish start to get very much less focussed on the marriage and family having put so much energy into the kids at that point. Oddly enough the mid-thirties tend to be the ideal time for guys to want to settle down. (This tends to be dependent on education levels, statistically). Link to post Share on other sites
RRM Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 My now EX kept constantly bugging me to get married for the past year of our relationship. When she would want to talk I would usually find an excuse not to. I kept pushing her away. The timing was never right to get married and I felt I would be doing it just to make her happy. Anyone ever get nagged upon on marriage? or kids? or whatever? First off, I'm sorry that things ended. Second, I totally understand how nagging is annoying. I've been nagged at with my ex, and that's why he's my ex. He was controlling and wanted to get committed within months of us meeting. I do some questions for you though. Did you think you would have married her at some point in the future had she not brought it up so much? Why did you think the timing was off? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jordkorn Posted May 24, 2011 Author Share Posted May 24, 2011 I would have proposed to her for sure because I did love her. We had not even lived together and we were living in different towns at the time. Now I have a job in the same town as her so it is tough situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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