Why can't i get a gf!?!

[duhduhduhdan]

Yes I know I'm 16 but please don't give me a lecture about why I shouldn't be worrying about this.... Because tbh I didn't come here for that! No girls actually go for me... I flirt with girls sometimes, I go for girls that I like... But I never get anywhere. All my girl friends tell me I'm really sweet, always there for people, really nice, good looking ect ect..... And all my guy friends take the piss out of me because I haven't had my first kiss and most of them have lost their virginity, they laugh at me when I say I like someone and they tell me I won't be able to get her (which I never do) and I'm sick of being that guy who has never had a gf and who everyone laughs at for it..... WHAT CAN I DO!?! Please help me!!

[Shaun-Dro]

Yes I know I'm 16 but please don't give me a lecture about why I shouldn't be worrying about this.... Because tbh I didn't come here for that! No girls actually go for me... I flirt with girls sometimes, I go for girls that I like... But I never get anywhere. All my girl friends tell me I'm really sweet, always there for people, really nice, good looking ect ect..... And all my guy friends take the piss out of me because I haven't had my first kiss and most of them have lost their virginity, they laugh at me when I say I like someone and they tell me I won't be able to get her (which I never do) and I'm sick of being that guy who has never had a gf and who everyone laughs at for it..... WHAT CAN I DO!?! Please help me!!

 

I dont really know advice to offer you because I'm in the same boat, but I assume you probably go for the hot, sexy girls and get shot down? I've done that myself, so now I'm lowering my standards from a 8 to a 7 which isn't so bad. Maybe you should do the same. Might garner some success.

[Dust]

You do realize worrying about this is the exact wrong thing to do. You also realize it’s only common sense for people to tell you not to worry, yet you start off by saying “don’t give me a lecture.”

 

If you stopped worrying and just enjoyed trying to flirt, kiss, etc you wouldn’t care if you had a gf or not and you’d be living life instead of stressing about it on an internet msg board.

 

Good luck, a lot of guys including myself can relate to what you are feeling. Just remember as young man you are your own worst enemy when it comes to women. Try to relax and enjoy life.

[duhduhduhdan]

You do realize worrying about this is the exact wrong thing to do. You also realize it’s only common sense for people to tell you not to worry, yet you start off by saying “don’t give me a lecture.”

 

If you stopped worrying and just enjoyed trying to flirt, kiss, etc you wouldn’t care if you had a gf or not and you’d be living life instead of stressing about it on an internet msg board.

 

Good luck, a lot of guys including myself can relate to what you are feeling. Just remember as young man you are your own worst enemy when it comes to women. Try to relax and enjoy life.

 

 

I'm not saying I realize I know I shouldn't be worrying about it.... Its because I know that someone who is 30 or 40 will tell me that!

[Dust]

I'm not saying I realize I know I shouldn't be worrying about it.... Its because I know that someone who is 30 or 40 will tell me that!

 

All I’m saying is stop worrying about what other people think, and stop stressing yourself out thinking you have to do or be any one but yourself.

 

I’m in my 20’s by the way.

 

This isn’t rocket science, just ask girls out and try holding their hand and other flirty moves including making out with them etc. You’ll learn just by trying. The more aggressive you are the better.

 

Example: guy “B” worries about everything. He is stressed out and of course people can sense this. He doesn’t make romantic moves, and girls are highly unlikely to approach him with interest.

 

Guy “A” on the other hand tries to enjoy life and for the most part does. Because he has fun in the conversations and activities he partakes in people are more likely to enjoy him. When he likes a girl he just does what ever crappy plan he comes up with in his head like being blunt and just kissing the girl and you know what even though he fails a lot he also succeeds. He doesn’t take stuff personally and enjoys romantically pursuing girls and they intern feel more comfortable around him.

 

You strike me more as guy “B” throwing himself a pitty party and stressing himself out. All you have to do to become guy “A” is grow up a little which may happen next week, or in my case took until late in my college career when it came to girls.

 

The reason us older guys can tell you not to worry is because looking back it is all clear. So, believe in yourself and change the inner dialogue.

[duhduhduhdan]

All I’m saying is stop worrying about what other people think, and stop stressing yourself out thinking you have to do or be any one but yourself.

 

I’m in my 20’s by the way.

 

This isn’t rocket science, just ask girls out and try holding their hand and other flirty moves including making out with them etc. You’ll learn just by trying. The more aggressive you are the better.

 

Example: guy “B” worries about everything. He is stressed out and of course people can sense this. He doesn’t make romantic moves, and girls are highly unlikely to approach him with interest.

 

Guy “A” on the other hand tries to enjoy life and for the most part does. Because he has fun in the conversations and activities he partakes in people are more likely to enjoy him. When he likes a girl he just does what ever crappy plan he comes up with in his head like being blunt and just kissing the girl and you know what even though he fails a lot he also succeeds. He doesn’t take stuff personally and enjoys romantically pursuing girls and they intern feel more comfortable around him.

 

 

 

You strike me more as guy “B” throwing himself a pitty party and stressing himself out. All you have to do to become guy “A” is grow up a little which may happen next week, or in my case took until late in my college career when it came to girls.

 

The reason us older guys can tell you not to worry is because looking back it is all clear. So, believe in yourself and change the inner dialogue.

 

But I do try! That's the thing, I try to make romantic moves, hold girls hands ect ect.... But it doesn't work for me...

[Dust]

But I do try! That's the thing, I try to make romantic moves, hold girls hands ect ect.... But it doesn't work for me...

 

How about trying to change your attitude. Instead of saying to yourself “but it doesn’t work for me” say “chasing tail is fun!”

 

When’s the last time you kissed a girl?

[duhduhduhdan]

How about trying to change your attitude. Instead of saying to yourself “but it doesn’t work for me” say “chasing tail is fun!”

 

When’s the last time you kissed a girl?

 

Its not really my attitude though, because I always think to myself "I can do this" when I try... But then I never can do it which is why I'm saying it doesn't work for me..... And embarrassing as it is, never!

[Dust]

It’s not embarrassing it just points more to your self conscious afraid to be yourself attitude. Until I was out of high school my answer would have been never also.

 

It’s all well and good to have a good attitude when you try but it’s most important to keep your good attitude when things aren’t going well. Where you now focus on stress the good attitude would focus on what’s good on your life and motivate you to keep trying.

 

If you’ve never kissed a girl you obviously aren’t trying that hard. You do realize kissing a girl is a hurdle you will have to pass before getting a girlfriend. It works far better to have kissed a girl and made out with her first, then to just ask her to be your gf.

 

So, at what point are you stuck up. What are you confused about? I mean “why can’t I get a gf” well for one you’ve never even kissed a girl. There’s your answer.

 

Next time you’re holding hands etc, etc as you called it why not go in and just kiss the girl? Stop being afraid and just do it. Don’t expect it to just work out, you have to be willing to get rejected and try again with the same girl a different time or a different girl.

[duhduhduhdan]

It’s not embarrassing it just points more to your self conscious afraid to be yourself attitude. Until I was out of high school my answer would have been never also.

 

It’s all well and good to have a good attitude when you try but it’s most important to keep your good attitude when things aren’t going well. Where you now focus on stress the good attitude would focus on what’s good on your life and motivate you to keep trying.

 

If you’ve never kissed a girl you obviously aren’t trying that hard. You do realize kissing a girl is a hurdle you will have to pass before getting a girlfriend. It works far better to have kissed a girl and made out with her first, then to just ask her to be your gf.

 

So, at what point are you stuck up. What are you confused about? I mean “why can’t I get a gf” well for one you’ve never even kissed a girl. There’s your answer.

 

Next time you’re holding hands etc, etc as you called it why not go in and just kiss the girl? Stop being afraid and just do it. Don’t expect it to just work out, you have to be willing to get rejected and try again with the same girl a different time or a different girl.

 

Well... This is really embarrassing, but you said when I am holding hands with a girl, just kiss her, last friday I was out with a girl and we were holding hands, when I thought she was getting close I did go to kiss her but she leaned back and turned her head and let go of my hand And she hasn't spoken to me since...

[Dust]

Well... This is really embarrassing, but you said when I am holding hands with a girl, just kiss her, last friday I was out with a girl and we were holding hands, when I thought she was getting close I did go to kiss her but she leaned back and turned her head and let go of my hand And she hasn't spoken to me since...

 

Thats really cool that you tried.

 

I’ve had girls call me a creep loser only to be kissing me later. I’ve also had girls say they love me never to be heard from again no matter how many times I called.

 

Dating can be a real roller coaster with up’s and downs. That’s why my advice is to stay positive and just trust it will all work out. Enjoy the fact that you tried.

 

This girl may or may not like you. If you still like her but aren’t sure you could still try. Also feel free to try with other girls.

 

A trick for kissing a girl is to get real close, like maybe whisper flirty things to them so you are close. Then go in for the kiss.

 

That’s great that you tried to kiss a girl even though she moved away. I didn’t have the balls to do that until I was out of HS.

 

Things will get a lot easier with girls as you get older if you keep trying and start enjoying it.

[duhduhduhdan]

Thats really cool that you tried.

 

I’ve had girls call me a creep loser only to be kissing me later. I’ve also had girls say they love me never to be heard from again no matter how many times I called.

 

Dating can be a real roller coaster with up’s and downs. That’s why my advice is to stay positive and just trust it will all work out. Enjoy the fact that you tried.

 

This girl may or may not like you. If you still like her but aren’t sure you could still try. Also feel free to try with other girls.

 

A trick for kissing a girl is to get real close, like maybe whisper flirty things to them so you are close. Then go in for the kiss.

 

That’s great that you tried to kiss a girl even though she moved away. I didn’t have the balls to do that until I was out of HS.

 

Things will get a lot easier with girls as you get older if you keep trying and start enjoying it.

 

But that was the very first time I even tried to kiss a girl... And because she turned and stuff, its really knocked my confidence, and knowing me, I'm the kind of person who won't try again for a very long time, because when it comes to it, I will just chicken out because I'll think of the last time and I'm too afraid of rejection and I won't even try again

[Dust]

But that was the very first time I even tried to kiss a girl... And because she turned and stuff, its really knocked my confidence, and knowing me, I'm the kind of person who won't try again for a very long time, because when it comes to it, I will just chicken out because I'll think of the last time and I'm too afraid of rejection and I won't even try again

 

So, you’ve only tried to get one girl your entire life and you’ve already given up and lost all hope?

 

I thought you said you’ve been trying with lots of girls? (was that just tough talk)

 

There is nothing to be afraid of but you probably already know that. This is all in your head. The truth is maybe its better to just be single for now and stop putting so much pressure on yourself to get a gf for all the wrong reasons.

 

It sounds like you more want a gf to fit in with your friends and feel cool. Life isn’t about conforming to other peoples judgments of you and placing your self worth in ability to get girls.

 

One day you’ll want a girl for purely selfish and perverse reasons. Those are the right reasons. If you decide to enter a committed relationship it will be as much your decision as hers. If a girl rejects me I don’t take it personally and wonder if I should give up on girls for a while it doesn’t even phase me even if they called me a “nerd, loser, ugly creep etc.”

 

So, I conclude your problem isn’t that you can’t get a girl. Your problem is that you’re afraid to try, and you have no confidence in yourself because you beat yourself up and base your worth as a person on what women and people in general think of you. Learn to love yourself.

 

I have confidence which in my case I earned through time and success in other areas. I didn’t have that in High School. I followed my passion in other areas and eventually that spilled over into how I acted around girls. If I were you I would give it another try with that girl if its unclear whether she likes you or not. Because you do realize girls will deny a guy they like a kiss and then hope for him to try again… they get scared too.

 

Assume you still have a chance unless she out right tells you “No.” Move on if it seems like it’s not happening after a good try. Ask another girl out and try to kiss her, remember getting rejected for the kiss doesn’t mean they don’t want you to ask them out again and TRY AGAIN. If a women on here posts she can attest not all women kiss on the first date and not to assume that means they don’t want a second. Also girls can tell when a guy is all stressed out and upset by a little thing like pulling away from a kiss. So, just enjoy that you tried.

 

Just have fun and stop putting all this pressure on yourself. I didn’t get a gf in HS and I turned out just fine.

[duhduhduhdan]

So, you’ve only tried to get one girl your entire life and you’ve already given up and lost all hope?

 

I thought you said you’ve been trying with lots of girls? (was that just tough talk)

 

There is nothing to be afraid of but you probably already know that. This is all in your head. The truth is maybe its better to just be single for now and stop putting so much pressure on yourself to get a gf for all the wrong reasons.

 

It sounds like you more want a gf to fit in with your friends and feel cool. Life isn’t about conforming to other peoples judgments of you and placing your self worth in ability to get girls.

 

One day you’ll want a girl for purely selfish and perverse reasons. Those are the right reasons. If you decide to enter a committed relationship it will be as much your decision as hers. If a girl rejects me I don’t take it personally and wonder if I should give up on girls for a while it doesn’t even phase me even if they called me a “nerd, loser, ugly creep etc.”

 

So, I conclude your problem isn’t that you can’t get a girl. Your problem is that you’re afraid to try, and you have no confidence in yourself because you beat yourself up and base your worth as a person on what women and people in general think of you. Learn to love yourself.

 

I have confidence which in my case I earned through time and success in other areas. I didn’t have that in High School. I followed my passion in other areas and eventually that spilled over into how I acted around girls. If I were you I would give it another try with that girl if its unclear whether she likes you or not. Because you do realize girls will deny a guy they like a kiss and then hope for him to try again… they get scared too.

 

Assume you still have a chance unless she out right tells you “No.” Move on if it seems like it’s not happening after a good try. Ask another girl out and try to kiss her, remember getting rejected for the kiss doesn’t mean they don’t want you to ask them out again and TRY AGAIN. If a women on here posts she can attest not all women kiss on the first date and not to assume that means they don’t want a second. Also girls can tell when a guy is all stressed out and upset by a little thing like pulling away from a kiss. So, just enjoy that you tried.

 

Just have fun and stop putting all this pressure on yourself. I didn’t get a gf in HS and I turned out just fine.

 

I guess i understand what you're saying. And to the first bit, I do try with girls, but that was the first time I've ever felt conferdent enough to try and kiss them is what i meant. And to the last bit, she told me about 2 hours ago it's not going to work between us... so.. yeah it's not happening

[Wang101]

I guess i understand what you're saying. And to the first bit, I do try with girls, but that was the first time I've ever felt conferdent enough to try and kiss them is what i meant. And to the last bit, she told me about 2 hours ago it's not going to work between us... so.. yeah it's not happening

 

So she told you she can be your friends? I dunno man. From my experience, it will never be the same again. Few years ago I confessed to my best friends and she rejected and put me in the friend zone. The funny thing is even though we agreed to be just friends, we never talk to each other again. Now I don't even know where the hell she is. Lost contact.

[Noor]

Always ask myself same question, and now I am 30 and still ask same question !

 

You are just 16 what is the mater with you man be cool

[DreamerGirl27]

Yes I know I'm 16 but please don't give me a lecture about why I shouldn't be worrying about this.... Because tbh I didn't come here for that! No girls actually go for me... I flirt with girls sometimes, I go for girls that I like... But I never get anywhere. All my girl friends tell me I'm really sweet, always there for people, really nice, good looking ect ect..... And all my guy friends take the piss out of me because I haven't had my first kiss and most of them have lost their virginity, they laugh at me when I say I like someone and they tell me I won't be able to get her (which I never do) and I'm sick of being that guy who has never had a gf and who everyone laughs at for it..... WHAT CAN I DO!?! Please help me!!

 

aww. this absolutely infuriates me how guys are pressured to lose it at such a young age or any age. You should never feel pressured to do anything you're not ready for. I personally, am turned off by guys who aren't virgins, because I am still one myself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being one, either. You want to save yourself for someone you love and you definitely don't want to get a girlfriend just to not be a virgin anymore. How would that make your future girlfriend feel?

 

I know you said not to say it, but I'm going to. You're 16!! Enjoy your life being young and not having to worry about supporting a girl. 'Cause believe it or not, one day you'll be 35, married with a family and have a lot more responsibilities than you do at 16. Enjoy being a kid. You won't stay one forever.

 

And stop worrying about being a virgin, that's hella attractive.

[dsd85]

hun, i'm 25 years old. a girl, and never really had a tough time with guys.

 

the best advice i can give you is this. girls are attracted to guys that are confident. CONFIDENCE will get you girls. By confidence I don't mean being cocky and full of yourself. but you have to believe in yourself and know that you are a great guy with lots to offer.

 

With that being said. You shouldn't worry about having a GIRLFRIEND. I wish I didn't have a boyfriend in high school and just had fun and had lots of friends.

 

You have to keep yourself occupied with hobbies. Do you play any sports???

 

When you're my age you will look back and laugh about all your high school problems. Trust me, just got with the flow and don't worry about it so much. The time will come. JUST BE YOURSELF, ALWAYS

[Noor]

 

the best advice i can give you is this. girls are attracted to guys that are confident. CONFIDENCE will get you girls. By confidence I don't mean being cocky and full of yourself. but you have to believe in yourself and know that you are a great guy with lots to offer.

 

With that being said. You shouldn't worry about having a GIRLFRIEND. I wish I didn't have a boyfriend in high school and just had fun and had lots of friends.

 

You have to keep yourself occupied with hobbies. Do you play any sports???

 

When you're my age you will look back and laugh about all your high school problems. Trust me, just got with the flow and don't worry about it so much. The time will come. JUST BE YOURSELF, ALWAYS

 

Totally agree with you

 

You have to keep yourself occupied with hobbies and study hard to get yourself later a nice job with a big salary then you will have many girls as you need joking i mean you will get then what you dream of.

[Floridaman]

Originally Posted by duhduhduhdan

Well... This is really embarrassing, but you said when I am holding hands with a girl, just kiss her, last friday I was out with a girl and we were holding hands, when I thought she was getting close I did go to kiss her but she leaned back and turned her head and let go of my hand And she hasn't spoken to me since...

Thats really cool that you tried.

 

I’ve had girls call me a creep loser only to be kissing me later. I’ve also had girls say they love me never to be heard from again no matter how many times I called.

 

Dating can be a real roller coaster with up’s and downs. That’s why my advice is to stay positive and just trust it will all work out. Enjoy the fact that you tried.

 

This girl may or may not like you. If you still like her but aren’t sure you could still try. Also feel free to try with other girls.

 

A trick for kissing a girl is to get real close, like maybe whisper flirty things to them so you are close. Then go in for the kiss.

 

That’s great that you tried to kiss a girl even though she moved away. I didn’t have the balls to do that until I was out of HS.

 

Things will get a lot easier with girls as you get older if you keep trying and start enjoying it.

But that was the very first time I even tried to kiss a girl... And because she turned and stuff, its really knocked my confidence, and knowing me, I'm the kind of person who won't try again for a very long time, because when it comes to it, I will just chicken out because I'll think of the last time and I'm too afraid of rejection and I won't even try again

Dust,

That's great advice you're providing the OP.

 

duhduh,

You really are young.

Many people don't really start to date until they're 16-18. Many don't date, as you know, until they get to college.

So don't feel so much pressure. Take a breather. It will come to you.

 

To get some advice on how to ask women out, what to say, where to take them, etc., check out this thread.

_For those who can't get dates in their late 20s, 30s and 40s

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t269779/

 

Dating is a pain. I hated the dating scene and wasn't very successful with it.

 

Ironically, only by sheer numbers, I was more successful at dating in HS, when I wasn't so much interested in finding a life partner. Even had sex with my HS GF, which I really regret (too early).

 

....I dated in college and through most of my 20s, but wasn't very successful until my late 20s when I had a couple of long term dating relationships, one short one and after a short drought, met my future wife shortly after I turned 30... I call her a great birthday present.

 

Though that thread is primarily for guys older than you, methinks you could learn some things there.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

If I knew the answer to this, I'd have a girlfriend.

 

Oh, and I'm 28, and never even kissed a girl, much less had a girlfriend.

[guy777]

You'll get there friend. Don't worry about it. I have no doubt about it that you will. Once you lose that doubt you'll get there faster. When I was your age I wouldn't even try. Now I'm late 30s and still hate facing the rejection. If I got over it I would've dated a lot more women and probably found the woman I want by now. So take Dust's good advice and get over it. Don't be creepy about it, but just be nice and don't fear the rejection. I'm still struggling with it. You seem on track to get it licked much earlier than me.

 

But what you have to be aware of is coming on too heavy once you do get a girl interested. I have to quickly say it appears that once you tone down your insecurities to a point a girl will get interested , you seem ready to scare her away by trying to control her once you get more emotionally involved. You have to chill and not overload her with the heavy stuff. Just be joking and have a good time. When she starts to get heavy with you, joke it off with some nice and flirty lines. You have to make her wait and wonder awhile. You'll get your heart kicked if you don't do some work on your insecurity before you get into that stage, trust me.

Edited May 7, 2011 by guy777

[Irishlove]

This was me back in the day. I had a kiss when I was twelve and I thought it was gross. The boy came back to my house and I was so scared I was sick and told him I didn't like him. lol

 

Fast forward to twenty. Lost my virginity and it was no big deal and over rated and wasn't good until I did it with a person I loved. I also started kissing at this age and finally mastered it.

 

But I was terrified of guys because I had never really kissed one so I would avoid them and keep them as friends. I am attractive so I had boys chasing after me.

 

I laugh now because I was worried so bad and now I'm almost forty and it's a thing of the past. It'll happen. Just wait.

 

One suggestion is STOP telling everyone this. Try to be interesting so get out there and live. Girls find men attractive that do interesting things.

[Floridaman]

what you have to be aware of is coming on too heavy once you do get a girl interested.

 

I have to quickly say it appears that once you tone down your insecurities to a point a girl will get interested , you seem ready to scare her away by trying to control her once you get more emotionally involved.

 

You have to chill and not overload her with the heavy stuff.

 

Just be joking and have a good time.

 

When she starts to get heavy with you, joke it off with some nice and flirty lines.

 

You have to make her wait and wonder awhile. You'll get your heart kicked if you don't do some work on your insecurity before you get into that stage, trust me.

This is good advice, Guy.

Play it "non-chalantly," like you could care less how she thinks about you. Look up those "non-chalant" posts. It could help you when you date.

 

This is a good strategy for any man or woman pursuing a relationship.

Act nonchalant.

 

This thread on "Nonchalance is your friend" explains the benefits of playing it cool, not acting like this other person you're dating is "the one," acting like you can live without him or her, etc.

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=224140

 

So the person you're dating gets upset about something and tells you she's not ready for this? Just get up and walk away. Women are often attracted to what they don't have. The push-pull theory.

 

DramaLama has some good resources on nonchalance and no contact..

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=371897

 

Am sure LS has threads on this. Linked to these bec. I'm most familiar with the ENA ones and they don't time-out (meaning you can continue posting on the thread, the threads over there never close like they don on LS).

 

 

In my first real relationship I had at 26, that 30 yr. old virgin NEAR-fiance, I let myself get too emotionally invested in her. Didn't pick up on the signs she was withdrawing, even when she said she had other guys making inquiries about her availability.

Should have just walked away and called that night's date off, when I sensed her lessening involvement.

Didn't know anything about non-chalance back then. I know it could have helped and I might have had her eating out of my hands...

Edited May 7, 2011 by Floridaman