Self Esteem

[Winterstorm]

I'm really not sure if this is the best place to put this at all, sorry if it aint.

 

I've never had a lot of self esteem confidence etc.

 

I split up with my ex bout 18 months ago after 4 and half year relationship, I moved on from that. I've dated a couple of people in between but thats never really gone that far cause I just wasn't ready to get back in to a relationship.

 

I'm 23 years old but what has really gotten to me in the past few months is that I really feel different and bit outsider from other people my age group cause I act and behave differently, I don't drink alchol for a number of reasons I don't like what it dose to people and how effects peoples lives etc and nothing anyone will say will change how I feel.

 

I have such a low opion of myself at times, I try and not let things get me down but everytime I try and build something up someone comes and knocks it back down again. I sometimes just feel worthless and useless. I worry about all my faults, I also fear that no one will like me in the same way I was liked before.

 

I don't feel really depressed as im lucky as I have things im my life that make me really happy.

 

I just don't like the feelings I have been having lately. any ideas how to help my self esteem and confidence? cause im sure people notice it and has a negative effect at times!

[crazyd]

Winterstorm, when I read your post I felt a strong personal connection to it. There are a couple points in your post I want to touch upon.

 

I'm 23 years old but what has really gotten to me in the past few months is that I really feel different and bit outsider from other people my age group cause I act and behave differently, I don't drink alchol for a number of reasons I don't like what it dose to people and how effects peoples lives etc and nothing anyone will say will change how I feel.

 

Trust me, you are not the only one who feels this way. You should be proud of yourself for behaving and thinking your way, and not what everyone else does. It takes a person of strong character to do so. Hold your head high. At 23, I definitely felt the same way you did. I wondered what was wrong with me. Why I didn't drink. Why I wasn't doing the things the media told me young adults were supposed to do. However, as time passed, that feeling faded. It may be difficult, but you've got principles, and you seem to stick by them. That's a lost character trait in this day and age. Another thing you should be proud of

 

I have such a low opion of myself at times, I try and not let things get me down but everytime I try and build something up someone comes and knocks it back down again. I sometimes just feel worthless and useless. I worry about all my faults, I also fear that no one will like me in the same way I was liked before.

 

I'm in a situation currently where I can sympathize with you. I have days where I feel the same way, but you just have to keep fighting on. It's not easy at times, but you need to.

 

Try not to fear too much about who likes you the way you were liked before. You are who you are now, and if no one likes that, then that's their problem. Be proud of who you are. Cliche I know. There are people who probably like you now for you, and people who will come into your life who do.

 

Think of the good things you have, like you said. Think of all the positives you have, as a person, and in life. Focus on those, and try not to let the negative thoughts get to you. Ultimately, if the negativity becomes too much, you may need to therapy for depression, but once again, try to think of what is good you have to offer.

[johan]

Your problem is mostly that you hate yourself. Or aspects of yourself. You're your own worst critic. There are things you won't forgive yourself for. You've probably felt that way for a long time, and it's possible you don't even know what the things you hate so much are.

 

Low self esteem is not just a matter of feeling inferior and down. It's actively asserting to yourself that you're inferior and keeping yourself down. As if the one person you respected most in the world showed up and said the cruelest, most unfair things to you until you were ready to crawl into a hole. But that person isn't doing that. It's you. You're doing it to yourself.

 

There are some things you can do:

1) Do not think of the past, but think of the future and what you want to achieve. Think of your plans and get excited about the prospect of working to make them happen.

2) Pretend you met your clone, and think how you'd treat that guy. What would you say to him about these things you don't like? Would you be forgiving? If so, then just remember that guy is you.

3) Don't sit still. Find something to do with someone you admire.

4) Get a book by Theodore Rubin on this topic and read it. Don't wait too long to figure out how your mind is working.

[Winterstorm]

thanks for the input and advice. very good advice. I hope it gets easier.

 

but I will keep fighting against negative feelings and hopefully I will slow become easier.

 

I have a lot of female friends and sometimes I do worry that It will always be seen as guy who is just a good friend.

 

been positive can be easier said then done!