advice please. whats his problem

[guccigirl]

Hi, this is kinda long sorry

 

I have a best friend who I love more than anything. We used to spend all our time together. do everything. I dated alot but would tell my bf i'm busy to spend time with him. He doesnt date that much and the few gf's he's had hate me even before meetign me. he had one long term relationship and she asked him not to see me. he did for a while and eventually they broke up and then it was us back together everyday. One night i was out on a date and he showed up and i spent the whole night with him. At that point i realized that there is no one else i'd ratehr be with. It took me a couple weeks but we were drunk one night and i told him. he was all for it. told me about how he wanted to kiss me so many times. whenhe mentioned them i knew eactly what he was talking about. the next couple days were weird. he decided that we shoudl be friedns cause he is too scared to lose friendship. so i had no choice but to go along with it. it was still us spending all our time together. went away for weekends and on a vacation. every once and a while we would have a fight about "us". and he would say he doesnt like me and and he doenst want to be with me. yet he would spend all his time with me. and he would flirt with me. then one weekend we went away and had huge fight. we didnt talk for a couple weeks. Then I finally called him. he said he needs space that he feel like hes leading me on and he's confused. I kept making attempts to talk to him. we were best friends for over 10 years. we were closest to each other than anyone else. we spent christmas together. then after that nothing. he stoped calling me, we didnt see each other. i tried to talk to him but he wouldnt talk about it. he just wants to be cool. so eventually i gave up. stoped calling stopped iming him. then he'll call me and i ask him to hang out adn we have a great time. then he wont call me for weeks. and when he does call he has to have an excuse. he has to ask me about something. he cant just call to say hi. he still isnt dating anyone. I just dont know what to do. I cant take this anymore. spending time together once a month then back to ignoring each other is so stupid and makes me so upset. he's killing me. he has almost completely cut me out of his life. but keeps just enough going so i'm there. if he really doesnt want to be with then why doenst he just let me go. i let him go. I dont call or talk to him. The last time we talked about it he told me he deosnt know why i'm upset he just needs space and that i should know him better that eventually he'll break down and come back to me. he'll love me till the day he dies. se e he'll say something like that. adnd i get all confused cause friends dotn talk to each other like that. Shoudl I just stop talking to him altogether?

[frustrated + sad]

I am in a somewhat similar situation. I got a small graduate school with this guy and we wer really good friends for about a year. I had a feeling he always liked me but I was always dating someone. When my previous BF and I broke up he and I began spending more and more time together. Studying. going for cofee, movies etc.. Eventually we became more than friends. He and I have been on and off for the past year and we finally had a huge fight about two months ago and since then have been friends. However he and i both still love each other and care about each other but h refuses to give us another chance. he says he likes me more than a friend but he cant be with me right now b/c we arent compatible but maybe in the future. I admit I did a lot of hurtful things to him. But yet he still hooks up with me and then when i get upset he jsut says we are friends. It is mixed signals. My point is your friend seems to be doing the same thing to you. One minute he is wanting to be more than friends and the next he is not even willing to be friends. That is very selfish on his part. It is very good that you stopped contacting him, but now you have to not answer his calls, IMs etc... He is jsut playing mind games with you. EIther he doesnt know what he wants or he likes that you will always be there. That is not fair to you. Wht i did was tell my ex dont call me, email me, IM me etc.. unless you have changed your mind and want to be back together. It is just too haard otherwise. I suggest maybe doing something like that or jsut not answer his calls until he gets the message that you wont always be there. Let him iss you and when he realizes you arent alwys there then he will have to decide do I not want her in my life at all or do I wnat her in my life for good. he has to choose

[aroseInLove]

Originally posted by guccigirl

I have a best friend who I love more than anything. .... It took me a couple weeks but we were drunk one night and i told him. he was all for it. told me about how he wanted to kiss me so many times. whenhe mentioned them i knew eactly what he was talking about. the next couple days were weird. he decided that we shoudl be friedns cause he is too scared to lose friendship. ....Shoudl I just stop talking to him altogether?

 

You both crossed the line of friendship where there is a distinct difference between sharing time with someone you care about as a friend.. and letting it become sexual...

 

Both situations seems these guys still might have that friendship side of caring and that comes with wanting some form of contact.. as it's a loss to them .. .

 

.. BUT the sexual - emotional side of caring that both of you females have overpowers ten-fold in the loss department.... that's why it's ripping your hearts out far more..

 

That's why the 2 guys think it's ok.. they're both living on the OTHER side of the line.. where it's easier.. even though it went sexual.. it was their chemistry that took it sexual.. not their hearts..