Spending your good years on a person

[milkmaterial]

I am not sure how to say this but, I have noticed a lot of women spend their good years (the years where they are young, they look good, they have good careers and businesses or their future looks promising) and in the end their partners leave them. How do they cope with it?

 

 

I also know guys who have been with their girlfriends for like 8 to 10 years and after that they break up (either the guy cheats, or he wants to feel new flesh). The girl is now left with little choice, like if she is 30 when they broke up, she only has 5-8 years left to find a good mate (because it is not advisable, as the doctors say, to give birth at 40 or something).

Guys can have babies until they are 80.

 

I just cant fathom the thought that people can just trash someone like that after so many years of being together, it is very unfair for the girl (granted that she has not had kids yet and wanted to have kids).

 

 

I just dont really know how i can cope with this, if i am dumped at 50 or 45. I know it happens but i will try hard not to let it happen. I dont want to waste my good years away on the wrong person. How do we manage to avoid this?

[giotto]

and this only happens to women?

[TigerCub]

I dunno, I don't see it the way you do.

I think it sucks when it happens to anyone who invests so much in a SO and then have it not work out - that happens to men AND women.

 

As far as kids go - well there's always adoption.

 

As far as the rest goes - if someone takes care of themselves they can still be healthy and look good even past 45, 50, or whatever your other 'scary' ages are.

[carhill]

I dont want to waste my good years away on the wrong person. How do we manage to avoid this?

 

Live your life for you with compatible people in it, sharing yourself with them within your boundaries of health. That's a bank which never goes bankrupt.

 

People live, people change, people die. The only constant in life is change (and death, but that's obvious). Your whole world could change tomorrow. Sweating it just decreases the joy of today.

 

Sometimes endings are a whole new lease on life. Other times they are a continuation of life. One has a choice both in their actions and how they view such dynamics. Choose wisely

[xxoo]

First of all, women don't have an expiration date. It is true that we have limited time to reproduce, but the end of fertility does not mean the end of value and vitality! A Real Man appreciates a woman's beauty at all ages. I have no use for a lesser man in my bed

 

Secondly, if you are in an unsatisfying relationship, maybe more time is "wasted" if it continues than if it ends. If you are in a deeply satisfying relationship, enjoy! And know that you will have the wisdom and strength to handle it if it ever changes to an UNsatisfying relationship.

 

Live in hope, not fear.

[giotto]

after my flippant remark a couple of comments : you can't live your life worrying about what it might happen... also, women are fertile only to a certain age for a reason. These are inevitable facts of life. Thinking about IFs will only make your life miserable. As carhill says, try and find compatible people to live it with...

[OldOnTheInside]

This is going to sound a bit cliché but here it goes: You might get into a relationship with a happy ending, or an unhappy ending, but if you don't try, you'll never find out.

 

Just make sure that your head is in the right place when you do try.

[Eve]

I am not sure how to say this but, I have noticed a lot of women spend their good years (the years where they are young, they look good, they have good careers and businesses or their future looks promising) and in the end their partners leave them. How do they cope with it?

 

 

I also know guys who have been with their girlfriends for like 8 to 10 years and after that they break up (either the guy cheats, or he wants to feel new flesh). The girl is now left with little choice, like if she is 30 when they broke up, she only has 5-8 years left to find a good mate (because it is not advisable, as the doctors say, to give birth at 40 or something).

Guys can have babies until they are 80.

 

I just cant fathom the thought that people can just trash someone like that after so many years of being together, it is very unfair for the girl (granted that she has not had kids yet and wanted to have kids).

 

 

I just dont really know how i can cope with this, if i am dumped at 50 or 45. I know it happens but i will try hard not to let it happen. I dont want to waste my good years away on the wrong person. How do we manage to avoid this?

 

This post is especially meanigful to me because of an encounter had yesterday with a very lovely sales assistant. She is in her early fifties and her Hubby has just left her. I don't know, people just tell me things - it has always been this way and my daughters have both inherited this thing of random people pouring out their hearts, whilst we are simply minding our own business.

 

Anyhow, she is the epitome of what I am looking forward to. She is an attractive older woman who actually shines. I do look up to women in their fifties because I think they have an air of being emotionally balanced. Well, this poor lady was sad sad sad, even though she shone!

 

Of course we had a long chat and I am hoping that I helped her to see that she is more than capable of moving on from this situation. She has all the tools, just needs to confront thats it is over and certainly for the best too.

 

Her Hubby sounded like the twat of all twats..

 

Which brings me to an observation of mine that there seems to be a stronger partner within most couplings. If the partner is a devious character, or only interested in getting from point x to point y, without truly experiencing moments.. watch out! Although this is a very basic idea, I think most serious heartbreaks can be avoided by this basic formulation.

 

I thnk also being in your fifties would enable a more balanced view of the relationship. So, although not an ideal time to be abandoned, hopefully the heaing will be quicker. Well, I hope so for this lady.

 

I will have to check in with her next week or so. Gorgeous woman! Her Hubby is such a dick. He is SO going to regret leaving her but really, he was the weaker one and is not good enough for her. Somehow she bought into the idea that he was the stronger partner, when all along it is she who is stronger . She is good to her core.

 

I just don't know why good people get mixed up with idiots. I see it time and time again... even happened to me.. once.

 

Take care,

Eve x

Edited May 5, 2011 by Eve

[Eeyore79]

I just cant fathom the thought that people can just trash someone like that after so many years of being together, it is very unfair for the girl (granted that she has not had kids yet and wanted to have kids).

 

It isn't much better for men. Women usually have until age 35-40 to have kids; men have until age 40-45. Yes, I know men can technically reproduce at an older age, but good luck finding a woman of reproductive age who wants you to father her children when you're an old man! I can tell you that I wouldn't choose a man in his late forties to father my children - he certainly won't be running around playing football with Junior when he's in his sixties and Junior is finishing up high school! He'll be a pensioner before the kids even finish college! Sorry guys, but 40-ish is the latest age at which I think you can reasonably provide the parenting that my children would need.

 

To get back to the original topic though - yes, I think it's unfair to dump someone after they've invested a significant number of years into a relationship. This is why I don't believe in long relationships which never lead to marriage - 2-3 years should be quite sufficient to decide whether you want to commit to someone or let them go, it's unfair to string someone along for 5-10 years and then not marry them.

[musemaj11]

The old stupid 'men are spending women's good years' logic.

 

This is 2011, not 1776. Back in the days even a 55 year old man could still marry a 16 year old girl.

 

But today, unless he is filthy rich like Donald Trump, a 45 year old man for example will only be able to get a woman as young as 35 and chances are she is already barren.

 

So this logic is foolish. A couple of young people are spending their good years on each other.

 

As far as kids go - well there's always adoption.

I dont understand why people are so obsessed with having a kid of their own. All babies are the same.

 

Anyway, I believe a smart man should never marry. But a smart man with conscience should not lead a woman on and let her know that he is not interested in marriage.

Edited May 6, 2011 by musemaj11

[Eeyore79]

I dont understand why people are so obsessed with having a kid of their own. All babies are the same.

 

Strictly speaking this isn't true; your own child will look like you, as well as having some of your characteristics such as temperament, intelligence, etc. I have seen cases where parents raised an adopted child perfectly well, but the child had inherited a violent temperament or a low IQ from its biological parent and was completely unmanageable.

 

Not to mention that the adoption process is lengthy, the biological parents may come back into the picture at some point and cause problems, and there's a shortage of healthy young babies so you stand little chance of getting one (they will probably try to give you an older child with various problems and/or disabilities).

 

If you want a baby, the best option is still to have your own - no interference from the authorities, no lengthy waiting list, just nine months and you're pretty much guaranteed a healthy baby who is all yours.

[musemaj11]

Strictly speaking this isn't true; your own child will look like you, as well as having some of your characteristics such as temperament, intelligence, etc. I have seen cases where parents raised an adopted child perfectly well, but the child had inherited a violent temperament or a low IQ from its biological parent and was completely unmanageable.

Im a believer of nurture over nature.

 

And I dont care if my child looks like me or not. That sound pretty superficial to me.

 

However, I agree with the complexity of adopting newborn babies.

Edited May 6, 2011 by musemaj11

[Eve]

Strictly speaking this isn't true; your own child will look like you, as well as having some of your characteristics such as temperament, intelligence, etc. I have seen cases where parents raised an adopted child perfectly well, but the child had inherited a violent temperament or a low IQ from its biological parent and was completely unmanageable.

 

Not to mention that the adoption process is lengthy, the biological parents may come back into the picture at some point and cause problems, and there's a shortage of healthy young babies so you stand little chance of getting one (they will probably try to give you an older child with various problems and/or disabilities).

 

If you want a baby, the best option is still to have your own - no interference from the authorities, no lengthy waiting list, just nine months and you're pretty much guaranteed a healthy baby who is all yours.

 

This is true. Genetics are genetics. Couples (or whatever) need to look into the backgrounds of potential children very, very carefully indeed rather than just think of having a baby to look after.

 

Throughout my former difficulties with my teen I could relate to her because she is a part of me! This is probably more difficult to accept than expressed but once grasped enables nurturing.

 

Of course, some accept all this in a child which is not their own and carry on regardless and I take my hat off to them for their determination.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Mimolicious]

I am not sure how to say this but, I have noticed a lot of women spend their good years (the years where they are young, they look good, they have good careers and businesses or their future looks promising) and in the end their partners leave them. How do they cope with it?

 

 

I also know guys who have been with their girlfriends for like 8 to 10 years and after that they break up (either the guy cheats, or he wants to feel new flesh). The girl is now left with little choice, like if she is 30 when they broke up, she only has 5-8 years left to find a good mate (because it is not advisable, as the doctors say, to give birth at 40 or something).

Guys can have babies until they are 80.

 

I just cant fathom the thought that people can just trash someone like that after so many years of being together, it is very unfair for the girl (granted that she has not had kids yet and wanted to have kids).

 

 

I just dont really know how i can cope with this, if i am dumped at 50 or 45. I know it happens but i will try hard not to let it happen. I dont want to waste my good years away on the wrong person. How do we manage to avoid this?

 

I totally agree but I also have to add. I rather it now (as it did) and I am still in my early 30's than to happen at 50. I still have a chance to start my life all over again! It was a waste of my teens and 20's but not a total waste of my life. I do have kids so that may change the perspective but it's never too late to start again. The sooner the better!!

 

And hey, you have the Mariah's and Jlo's of the world. Giving birth for the first time at 42.

[Mimolicious]

The old stupid 'men are spending women's good years' logic.

 

This is 2011, not 1776. Back in the days even a 55 year old man could still marry a 16 year old girl.

 

But today, unless he is filthy rich like Donald Trump, a 45 year old man for example will only be able to get a woman as young as 35 and chances are she is already barren.

 

So this logic is foolish. A couple of young people are spending their good years on each other.

 

 

I dont understand why people are so obsessed with having a kid of their own. All babies are the same.

 

Anyway, I believe a smart man should never marry. But a smart man with conscience should not lead a woman on and let her know that he is not interested in marriage.

 

The bolded- you must be seriously kidding?! Are you a biological parent of any? No, not all babies are the same there are 100,000,000,000 that are not mine from my womb, flesh and blood and 2 that are.

[nordic]

I am not sure how to say this but, I have noticed a lot of women spend their good years (the years where they are young, they look good, they have good careers and businesses or their future looks promising) and in the end their partners leave them. How do they cope with it?

 

 

I also know guys who have been with their girlfriends for like 8 to 10 years and after that they break up (either the guy cheats, or he wants to feel new flesh). The girl is now left with little choice, like if she is 30 when they broke up, she only has 5-8 years left to find a good mate (because it is not advisable, as the doctors say, to give birth at 40 or something).

Guys can have babies until they are 80.

 

I just cant fathom the thought that people can just trash someone like that after so many years of being together, it is very unfair for the girl (granted that she has not had kids yet and wanted to have kids).

 

 

I just dont really know how i can cope with this, if i am dumped at 50 or 45. I know it happens but i will try hard not to let it happen. I dont want to waste my good years away on the wrong person. How do we manage to avoid this?

 

i can answer this. take good care of your man. make him feel like a man.

and epic blow jobs helps:-)

[nordic]

The old stupid 'men are spending women's good years' logic.

 

This is 2011, not 1776. Back in the days even a 55 year old man could still marry a 16 year old girl.

 

But today, unless he is filthy rich like Donald Trump, a 45 year old man for example will only be able to get a woman as young as 35 and chances are she is already barren.

 

So this logic is foolish. A couple of young people are spending their good years on each other.

 

 

I dont understand why people are so obsessed with having a kid of their own. All babies are the same.

 

Anyway, I believe a smart man should never marry. But a smart man with conscience should not lead a woman on and let her know that he is not interested in marriage.

 

not true, i am 41 and am dating girls who is 28, actually put my limit at 32 for a while, but took it away, coz it was silly. lots of good women around between 32 and 38, and they are way easier:-)

[musemaj11]

not true, i am 41 and am dating girls who is 28, actually put my limit at 32 for a while, but took it away, coz it was silly. lots of good women around between 32 and 38, and they are way easier:-)

How is what I said not true?

 

For men the range is 10 years below him. If he is 40, then he can still get at the youngest around 30 year old women. Unless he is exceptionally handsome and rich-in such a case he can go even lower.

[TheLoneSock]

I am not sure how to say this but, I have noticed a lot of women spend their good years (the years where they are young, they look good, they have good careers and businesses or their future looks promising) and in the end their partners leave them. How do they cope with it?

 

 

I also know guys who have been with their girlfriends for like 8 to 10 years and after that they break up (either the guy cheats, or he wants to feel new flesh). The girl is now left with little choice, like if she is 30 when they broke up, she only has 5-8 years left to find a good mate (because it is not advisable, as the doctors say, to give birth at 40 or something).

Guys can have babies until they are 80.

 

I just cant fathom the thought that people can just trash someone like that after so many years of being together, it is very unfair for the girl (granted that she has not had kids yet and wanted to have kids).

 

 

I just dont really know how i can cope with this, if i am dumped at 50 or 45. I know it happens but i will try hard not to let it happen. I dont want to waste my good years away on the wrong person. How do we manage to avoid this?

 

A lot of guys excuse this kind of behavior by calling it karma. Everyone knows that guys face more rejection by the opposite sex than women do, vastly more in fact. A spurned man who didn't have any luck with women in his younger years might not feel much remorse about breaking some hearts when the tables turn and he is now the one with options. Unless a guy makes no progress in his twenties, allows himself to get fat and out of shape, and over all doesn't really take advantage of the extra time afforded to him in the dating game - he will most likely have his choice when it comes to settling down with a woman. Some women don't like that, I don't blame them.

 

It's just the way it is. I neither agree with it nor disagree with it. It just is.

[musemaj11]

If its only all about having a baby, you dont need a husband to have one. This is so 18th century thought.

 

Wake up people, there is over 50% divorce rate in this country. Even if you are married by 30, chances are you are still going to be single again in the next 10 or 20 years. The only difference is that if you could catch a successful guy in your 'good years', when you get single again in your latter years, you will strike a fortune with half of his money.

Edited May 6, 2011 by musemaj11

[nordic]

How is what I said not true?

 

For men the range is 10 years below him. If he is 40, then he can still get at the youngest around 30 year old women. Unless he is exceptionally handsome and rich-in such a case he can go even lower.

 

you may be right. i think i could get a girl under 25, but i am a good looking boy:-)

[nordic]

A lot of guys excuse this kind of behavior by calling it karma. Everyone knows that guys face more rejection by the opposite sex than women do, vastly more in fact. A spurned man who didn't have any luck with women in his younger years might not feel much remorse about breaking some hearts when the tables turn and he is now the one with options. Unless a guy makes no progress in his twenties, allows himself to get fat and out of shape, and over all doesn't really take advantage of the extra time afforded to him in the dating game - he will most likely have his choice when it comes to settling down with a woman. Some women don't like that, I don't blame them.

 

It's just the way it is. I neither agree with it nor disagree with it. It just is.

 

i dont want to settle down when its most fun either. whats the point really? plus early rejection is a blessing, women suffer rejection later when they have already fallen for a guy and slept with him. see, that is way worse. think about that next time a girl doesnt smile back:-)

[orangelady]

It's a man's world.

[musemaj11]

It's a man's world.

For the most part. Unless u live in america. Then its a woman's world.

[Woggle]

This happens to both genders but I agree it sucks for people to have this happen to them.