sweethearttx Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 I am 30. About 3 years ago I met a man who I thought was "the one". This was about a year and a half after a painful divorce. At that time, I was his first real relationship. We had issues from the start because he was still living at home, he couldn't communicate, he had undiagnosed narcolepsy that really put stress on our relationship, and he had too many family obligations to make time for a relationship. We dated about 6 months and then I broke it off because my emotional and time needs weren't being met, and he just wasn't able to meet them. But I was deeply in love with him, and it took me a year and a half to get over. I recently broke up with an abusive man who I also dated for about 6 months. I didn't love him, though while I was dating him I was sure I did (funny what you find out after you get out). My ex from 3 years ago has always waited in the wings. He's still in love with me, still wants me back, still feels I'm the one. Just about all of the issues that drove us apart 3 years ago are gone now. He lives on his own, his family obligations are done, he takes medication for his narcolepsy, and he has dated a bit more and now knows how to communicate better. Over time he has better learned how to be there for me and be supportive, whereas before he didn't. My question is this...I still feel that attraction and chemistry with him. But I am not currently in love with him. He is in love with me. Is it possible to fall in love with someone like that again? He would marry me. He would be a faithful and loving husband. On one hand I feel that I don't want to settle on something from the past, and I just need to keep looking. On the other, the men I have come across in the last few years have left me discouraged and tired. And I do want to find someone to love and settle down with eventually. He isn't perfect (he doesn't have lots of money, there would still be some family pressure) but he's kind and good hearted. And why couldn't I be madly in love with him again? Love is something you create through your actions. I can't create the chemistry, that's just either there or it isn't...but the love...perhaps it could return. And perhaps it was bad timing before. I don't know. Am I stupid to not try, when I was once so madly in love with him and wanted nothing more than to marry him? Thanks for any thoughts... Link to post Share on other sites
OldOnTheInside Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 This is a pretty difficult one, since none of us can tell the future. But I do think you pretty much answered your own question in your post. Why don't you date him, and find out? What is the worse that could happen? Link to post Share on other sites
Irishlove Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 I would have to agree that you should date him again and don't look for bad things to pin point. Try to enjoy him for who he is now. Sure you could fall in love with him again but then again you may not. Give it time. You shouldn't be in a rush. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 nothing wrong with dating him. if the sparks not there, then end it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lexygirl Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Problem is today that the movies, media, etc. make us believe that being in love is this amazing instant thing that happens when in actual fact, true deep love happens over time.... If the chemistry is there, that's great ! I agree that you should just date him for a while and love may just very well blossom. You may look at him one day and start seeing all his cute little quirks as something you would love to see every day and can't live without. HOwever, as the other posters have said, do not marry him just because he's in love with YOU or because you think there are no other men out there for you. That would be a monumental mistake. Take your time... what's the hurry. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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