Need Help Desperately...Have no idea which direction my bf wants to go with us

[honeyboobonnie]

I need help! I am so confused. I don't know what to do. I love my bf very much, with all my heart. We have been together for 18 months. Things were going so great up until about a month ago. He decided I was spending way too much time with him, etc. I was always at his house. He could never come home w/o seeing my car there. That was February 17th. I have slept at his house 1x since then and he at my house 2x. The sex is gone...we've only had sex once in about 2 months.

 

I went away for spring break to visit my family. We only talked on the phone 2x and the conersation was very short. It seems like he is distancing himself from me at times. However...there are times when I feel the closeness. He's been calling me babe and he even rubbed my back the other night while we laid on the couch and watched tv. Am I being paranoid?

 

I am not sure what to do. A couple weeks ago he did make a comment saying sometimes he sees himself with me and sometimes he sees himself just as friends with me in the future.

 

I get confused. I just got off the phone with him and he wants to go camping next weekend. What do I do? Desperately needs help.

[fitguy365]

Being a guy i have done stuff like he is doing with you. The reason i did it is because i didnt really like the girl that much, but i did like the fact that i could have her to fall back on.

 

If i were you i would tell him how you feel, and then tell him that your not going to be used as a fall back.

[honeyboobonnie]

I don't like the answer but I do like the honesty. I plan on talking with him tonite. I am just trying to figure out how to approach the subject. Any ideas?

[fitguy365]

If i were you i would just straight up tell him how much you like him ect.. and then let him know that you need more from him in the relationship. See what he says, then go from there.

[honeyboobonnie]

thank you hun. i will let you know what happens after i talk with him. i'm scared and nervous but i know i will survive. thanks again.

[fitguy365]

Be tough, dont let him think for one minute that you cant live without him, and keep me posted.

[fnouri]

Not knowing his side of the story, you will save yourself a lot of heartache by cooling down your feelings. He may be tired of you, or he may feel pressured, or he may be seeing someone else. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story

is over.

[honeyboobonnie]

I talked with him tonite! I did well and am quite proud of myself. I was able to get everything out on the table. He told me he loved me and didn't want to date anyone else. That he liked how things have been going. I questioned him on the sex and got a fair enough answer. I asked if he wanted/needed a break. I actually asked him 2x. We went and played Putt Putt after dinner. We talked some more on the way home. He stayed and watched some tv with me. I was giving him the cold shoulder but he put my feet up on his lap and massaged them. He also rubbed my back. I know he cares for me. I may be dumb but I'm dumb in love. I'm going to see if our chat will make a difference. I'm going to test it out a little while longer. Only time will tell. Thanks for all of your help.

[jjhung]

You are lucky your bf wants just you. Mine is now conflicted between me and his ex. Just when monday he asked me if I will forget everything that happened if he completely cut all contacts with her. Yesterday was Friday and he was still with her and she spent the night there. I've been preparing for this for quite sometime, and reading this book "why men love bitches" makes me realize what I've done wrong. Not as bad as many cases but most importantly I started to lose myself and become predictable. I am going to tell him I don't want to be part of this triangle anymore.

[honeyboobonnie]

I am sorry for your situation. You are definitely making the right decision...to end the triangle. You do not deserve that. You need to find a guy that will treat you like a lady and love only you. It sounds like the ex and your bf are made for each other. Neither of them have respect for themselves or you. It will be hard but it is the right thing to do. Keep me posted.

[fnouri]

I wish there someone wrote a book about why women love jerk, arrogant, bad boy men. My finace of 6 years is breaking up with me because some married father of 7 months old baby is telling her that life is all about having fun while you can!

[krbshappy71]

Just a suggestion, that I have made in another location of this website, the book Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus might help you when he pulls away. Give lots of space, delve into hobbies of your own, and he will come around if he is supposed to come around. As pointed out earlier, you can't make someone stay, you can only let them go so you can move on if need be. Best of luck and don't get too wrapped up in this stuff, there is so much more to life out there waiting for us.

[jjhung]

Yesterday I called him in the morning but he didn't pick up. I know she was there. I waited and waited but by the time I came home from dinner he still didn't call. So I called him. When he picked up, I asked why he didn't call and he said he was just about to. I said I called this morning to tell you I can't take this anymore and I want to end this. He lightly laughed and said, "I couldn't pick up your call because ironically she was telling me that she can't take it anymore and she wants to break up." Still I am not jumping for joy yet. But this time he is going to be without any of us for one month to sort out his feelings. (3 weeks ago I suggested a one month break to cool off but turns out he used that time to be with her to see how it will work out with her which I am still piss about and we have to talk about it later when we talk again.) I told him I don't deserve to be second. He said he is leaning toward being with me because of the difficult last two years when he and his ex fought all the time and he is not sure if it is going to work out this time. But they've been together for 5 years and there is this depth there in the relationship that we don't have. On the other hand we have more in common since we went to grad school together and have similar background.

 

So honeyboobonnie I guess we are both back with our man. But there are still a lot that we have to talk about. One thing I absolutely agree is that don't talk until your are calm and can think clearly. He will be more responsive and willing to open up.

[honeyboobonnie]

You are absolutely right about waiting until you are calm to make any decision. When someone is upset or mad, irrational decisions are then made and can ruin a relationship. When you are calm, you are clear headed and can make rational decisions.

 

Use your time apart to reflect both on your relationship and you as an individual. Can you forgive what he's done? Do you deserve better? Will he do this again in the future? Is he worth the heartache and pain he's already caused you?

 

Time heals and can work things out as well. I wish you luck. Keep me posted.