ex is engaged after 7 months

[Coolsbreeze]

So my ex and I have been broken up for over 7 months now, back in September, and she started dating her new boyfriend almost a week after ending things with me. She said that she met him when she was with me, however some mutual friends say that she dated him before me and broke up with him to be with me. I didn't know any of this when i got together with her, had i known I would've never pursued a relationship with her in the beginning. We dated for 11 months, and t was a LDR, and she decided to end it, I was literally heartbroken because I loved her very much, and I thought she loved me as well.

 

Over the course of the 7 months it's been a slow and steady healing process and day by day I have been getting a little bit better but still have a long way to go. We have been in NC for almost 5 months now after she deleted me from everything including Facebook and Skype. Then all of a sudden I hear today two big shocking news that literally shook me to my very core and brought me back to the emotional trauma that I felt those 7 months ago. I heard that she bought a new house with her new boyfriend and when everything was finalized with the house her boyfriend proposed to her and she accepted. So apparently my mutual friends have made it official on Facebook and they are getting married. Some of our mutual friends have been really nice to me and was wondering how I was doing, their support has really been beneficial. But all this just basically shows that she's clearly moved on from me and that she doesn't love me at all. I've always cared about her and in a way i still do love her, maybe not as much but I still do.

 

So I just want to know how do I deal with something as traumatic as this? I mean I knew that they would get closer but I didn't think that they would be engaged especially so soon. I'm just so torn right now and would like some help.

[TaraMaiden]

I'm so sorry to say this - but quit being over-dramatic.

This isn't 'trauma'.

Sure you're upset by this, but honestly - ?

You need to see this in the right perspective.

Unfortunately, you and she could never have been an item, if what others are saying, is true.

That she dated him before you.

 

The harsh fact is, you were probably a Mr Rebound, at best, and at worst, the stop-gap.

 

The cold facts speak for themselves.

You were not obviously as important to her as she was to you.

 

So really, you need to get your act together, and move on.

I realise you're upset, but to call this emotional trauma, is just making it so much bigger in your mind than it needs to be.

Shaking you to your very core? Please, honey....

 

It's upsetting, but you had moved on.

you dated her for less than a year, and that was a LDR relationship. They're hard enough to keep going without any added drama.

 

I'm not saying this was a conscious intention on her part, but you had your uses, and she obviously wasn't over the guy.

 

Really, take a deep breath and accept that some things suck.

 

But move on. It's the biggest favour you could do yourself.

get over her, and do yourself some good.

It's the best "revenge" you could have; to get along perfectly well without her.

 

You did it before you met her.

You can do it again.

[Fufu]

Accept the reality is the best you can do for yourself.

 

Look for someone who will choose you actively and be committed to you.

[brokendreamz]

Hi Cools.

 

I think the other reply's here are slightly harsh!

 

I would feel pretty ****ed up if I found out what you have - people take different amounts of time to get better and I know that when I find out my ex has a new fella I will be straight back to square 1 :0(

 

Try not to think about her mate - easier said than done but I try to change my thought as soon as she kreeps into my mind. It takes a while to perfect but I'm getting there!

 

Good luck mate

[smudge21]

I was hit with something similar when I found out the girl I still loved was engaged and most recently started talking weddings with mutual friends. It hit me harder then I thought it would do.

 

I think it comes down to even when you break up with someone, even when you lose all contact with them, there is always that small tiny little bit of hope that maybe someday things can get back to how they were. So when you hear about another partner, or an engagement or wedding, or pregnancy, it's like a huge nail in that coffin of your past relationship. It's like reality is kicking you in the ass and saying 'look it's over'. That small bit of hope is being crushed and destroyed and we don't want it to be. Even now, with my ex due to be married, I know there is that nagging little bit of hope clinging on. I mostly ignore it and have accepted it's over, but I know it's there. So everytime I hear an update from mutual friends I once again feel that sense of loss - even though I lost her a long time ago.

 

It's an annoying feeling but don't beat yourself up over how you feel. I'm there too and so are many others. Everyone heals differently over different periods of time. Just accept that these things will hurt until the day they no longer do, when you've finally moved on 100%.

[fun2bewith]

I do not want to give you false hope, but these days engaged means nothing...Until she is married she is just the same as if she was only dating the guy...She made very emotional choices. Especially when she is technically in the "honeymoon phase of her relationship"...

 

Too many of my female friends have said yes because they were emotionally overwhelmed. Shortly after they said yes the girls wanted to change a few things around and the guys thought the deals were done and slacked. This resulted in arguments and fighting and soon after that the engagements were off...

 

I know that you just want to deal with the situation...

YES it is a shock to the system, and you thought she would realize after 3 months that she messed up and come back... You never got the call, you never got the e-mail you wanted...It feels like someone died and that you could never get to be with her again and that is why you refer to it as trauma..

 

Just ask yourself one question: "How did I cope and live and enjoyed life before I have even met her?" It is almost like doing a windows system restore...

 

“Restore your system to an earlier time before you installed the relationship?”

Yes / No

[poorguy]

I agree with the above. Getting engaged while still in the throws of thw honeymoon stage is ridiculous. It will only end in bitter.disappointment once more realistic life sets in. The expectations have been set too high to quickly and there is no other way to go but down after that. Its sad but true.

[hellon]

OP, maybe it will end badly for her, maybe it won't. Either way, it's best if you try to not hang on to hope that it does. I totally understand how traumatic getting news like that can be- but I have to say, for me finding out that my ex had 100% moved-on was the only thing that allowed me to really let go of him. Think of it as a reality check. It's hard, and we all have good days and bad days, and sometimes even bad weeks. Just keep moving forward.

[Coolsbreeze]

Thanks for the replies, it's been a hard few days since I've heard the news. I'm just so surprised and saddened by what's happened. She wanted to marry me at one point and also wanted to share her life with me, and now that she's already engaged to somebody else and now part of his life has just been a huge shock to me. She's also older than me and has been married before as well has a child from her previous marriage. I was just surprised that she would jump into this so quickly. And she's only been divorced for less then 2 years as well.

[hellon]

It sounds like it's a pattern for her. It sucks, but be glad you didn't get permanently/legally sucked in.

[fun2bewith]

She wanted to marry me at one point and also wanted to share her life with me, and now that she's already engaged to somebody else and now part of his life has just been a huge shock to me. She's also older than me and has been married before as well has a child from her previous marriage. I was just surprised that she would jump into this so quickly. And she's only been divorced for less then 2 years as well.

 

After hearing this, I can safely say you have dodged a bullet! Man, I am more happy than sad for you.... I agree with H, it looks like a pattern… It is time to celebrate; you have spared yourself a lot of misery. We are here to support you… Good Luck..

[Coolsbreeze]

Yea after thinking about it some more I'm starting to see it more and more. I eventually would like to get married one day but just not right now in my life. I'm still trying to experience life itself and figuring out my life. But she was the woman that I wanted to marry with her personality, interests and character. I'm just a little worried about her as well, her ex husband cheated on her and I know she's severely burned from that and sometimes I think she's mainly doing this to get back at him. It seems like she's just rushing into a lifelong commitment so quickly and that's shocking. Good thing with each passing day I'm caring about it less and less.