I hate myself....

[VicJay79]

Dear Loveshackers,

 

I really hate myself sometime. I find that whenever I get into a relationship, my needyness comes out, and I am so quick to rush them into Soulmates or best friend mode. Its just something I have always done, and I get so upset at myself when I do it over and over again.

 

Its like a toxic pattern, and I can't figure out why. I am sure it has to do with an insecurity of some sort. How do you guys stop yourself from being overly needy and just flooding them with attention?

 

There is so much of me that I hate. Well, its this huge part of me actually. I have my own flaws, but my needyness really causes me to be insecure, which causes me to constantly want attention. Which requires me to want to be loved, which wants me to hear from them, which causes me to MOVE millions of times FASTER in a relationship.

 

At this point, I am starting to 'build' walls to protect myself. I am giving to much, and have been more or less been told that I need to 'slow' things down a bit. Kind of a rollercoaster, because a a while back she was the one pushing for this. *shrug*.

 

Perhaps this has something to do with being a gentleman. A gentleman puts other peoples feelings into consideration, sometimes over their own convience. Perhaps this is just a test....

[SxB]

Dear Loveshackers,

 

I really hate myself sometime. I find that whenever I get into a relationship, my needyness comes out, and I am so quick to rush them into Soulmates or best friend mode. Its just something I have always done, and I get so upset at myself when I do it over and over again.

 

Its like a toxic pattern, and I can't figure out why. I am sure it has to do with an insecurity of some sort. How do you guys stop yourself from being overly needy and just flooding them with attention?

 

There is so much of me that I hate. Well, its this huge part of me actually. I have my own flaws, but my needyness really causes me to be insecure, which causes me to constantly want attention. Which requires me to want to be loved, which wants me to hear from them, which causes me to MOVE millions of times FASTER in a relationship.

 

At this point, I am starting to 'build' walls to protect myself. I am giving to much, and have been more or less been told that I need to 'slow' things down a bit. Kind of a rollercoaster, because a a while back she was the one pushing for this. *shrug*.

 

Perhaps this has something to do with being a gentleman. A gentleman puts other peoples feelings into consideration, sometimes over their own convience. Perhaps this is just a test....

 

You hate yourself for being needy and insecure? No, you hate yourself already and then because of that are needy and insecure.

 

We ALL become needy when we fear losing some one or some thing.

 

If it's for relationships or friendships, we might fear being alone, never getting what we want out of social Life, and we tie relationships to our selfworth.

 

If it's for something else, we might fear not being able to live comfortable or well off, and we also tie it to our selfworth.

 

When we're needy we fear rejection.

 

Start working on giving yourself the reassurance attention and affection you try to seek in other people, for starters. Start working on no longer being a codependent mr nice guy doormat...there are books on codependency and books on how not to be a nice guy doormat. Start working on independence, being yourself, and pick up books on selfesteem. Before you do any of that go to reality and look at it without running away, it will be difficult because you will just want to blank it out.

 

But if you give yourself the only option to face things and walk that path instead of giving yourself the option to use the outside World for sh&it, then you will find solution and it won't have anything to do with trying to use the World for security. Another thing is, to build ultimate understanding of yourself all by yourself, without relying on books or anything else to do it. In order to overcome this needy insecure problem you are facing you have to learn how to be your own individual entirely, and whether you like it or not you are your ultimate creator so you possess the power to be your own individual.

 

The World will have breakingpoints then the security you're trying to use the World for will breakdown and you won't have any security because inevitably things fall apart, but if you use yourself only then that's going to pretty much remain with you, we might fall apart at times still but our security will remain intact for the most part due to realization and understanding of it, but if you try to use the outside World for it the false sense of security you use is actually just a wolf in sheepskin and is an ego boost we use, because you see when we are insecure we NEED to know something will work out, and this ego boost will die the minute things stop working out for you and you will feel like crap again.

 

Anyway, we are already smart enough to know if we lean on some one or some thing to feel secure it is risk and when needy we don't take real risks..we tend to avoid them, so we just wind up trying to use people and things at times for validity just to make sure we still feel good, which is why I mentioned reassuring yourself (amongst attention, affection, and a selfesteem make overs), then you won't need others to do anything for you. So for starters- start focusing on taking risks, start focusing on going the trial and error path, start focusing on facing real fears, and stop trying to use others for validity...the next time you feel sworn to do it or else you think you might go crazy, then go crazy instead, and keep reminding yourself Woman aren't the problem.

Edited May 4, 2011 by SxB