cupcakekk Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 so i was with my boyfriend for 5 years (started dating in grade 8) i am now 19 just finished my first year of college. He lived with me and my mother for about 2 years before we decided to move out on my own. He had so many bad habits like selling pot (never bothered me before until it became a concern that people would break into our place), never cleaned up his messes and rarley was concerned about my well being. Then he started working as a carpenters apprentice with a friend and kept on making me feel bad for asking him to clean up after work because " he had to work so hard all day". even though i had been at school working my butt off too! So i guess he would always talk to his friend at work and eventually i confined in the friend because he become a mutual friend. We had shared many things in common with eachother. Now this is where it gets tricky! He told me he liked me one night when we were all drinking and i had told him i liked him too. This made me pursue breaking up with my boyfriend. The only thing is that this guy is known as a "player" dating lots of girls and such. He fits all the criteria for a player and i dont want to be pulled into this and get my heart broken :( he even told my ex boyfriend that we were seeing eachother because he felt bad about keeping it behind his back. He claims that i'm the perfect girl ( we actually do share so much in common and have tons of fun together!) but i just cant beleive him yet. he's kept momentums from past relationships and he did seem very romantic and caring about them. but i'm just so confused as to if he really means all that he is saying or i'm just falling for his bull. Hes told me a few times he's really scared that i'm just going to leave because i'm afraid of all this happening. Would he say that to me if he really was a player? i'm so confused! i need some help and cant talk to anyone else because everyone has looked down on me for seeing my ex boyfriends friend even though they all hated my boyfriend! Link to post Share on other sites
Author cupcakekk Posted May 4, 2011 Author Share Posted May 4, 2011 i also forgot to add that for my birthday my exboyfriend wasn't going to get me anything and it was the friend i am now seeing that told him what to get me ( one of my favourite cds) They say that the only way a player can change is if they weren't actually a player from the beginning..? What do you guys think about him being a player from the beginning? If he showed me all the momentums (like notes he used to write her) is he being serious with me? he keeps saying that he would have never jepordized his friendship and job to be with someone he thought he couldn't see him being with for a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cupcakekk Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 Everyone is very happy I left him actually. I wasn't happy at all with him. There were moments but it would never stay. This guy actually makes me very happy when we are together which is almost all the time. He's already made me a key to the house, bought me roses and have had some serious discussions staying up late all night. It isn't even really about the sex although the chemistry is certainly there. I didn't want to be criticized for what I did that's why I broke up with my boyfriend before anything happened. I just wanted an opinion if this guy was for real or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cupcakekk Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 i forgot to mention my previous boyfriend had cheated on me in the past so i dont really feel all that bad for what i did. but i'm happy that its over now. i will enjoy the time spent with him but like you said time will only tell i am going to keep my eye open and heart closed for now. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 it appears like YOU are the player. stop interacting with either of them - and get counseling to understand why you need the attention of a man in order to be happy, as well as making poor choices for yourself. work on being healthy - making healthy choices. your happiness should not need to depend upon any man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cupcakekk Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 i've stopped seeing my ex lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author cupcakekk Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 and i'm def not a player i've had one boyfriend my whole life! haha Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 But you're not mature enough to have a BF. You need to value yourself above anyone or anything else. The best relationship you will ever have in your life, is with the person who will be with you, for the rest of your life. You. Get to grips with that. You're only 19, and you have so much 'growing' to do. Don't let the need for a relationship define who you are. These guys are both losers. But they're not the only ones in existence. There are far better options out there, but first, you have to treat yourself as if you deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
tyciol Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 I don't trust people who tell others they are perfect. They seem like they're trying too hard to please. Perfection is a subjective illusion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cupcakekk Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 hey guys just to let you know things are actually doing great. he wasn't being a player he was just being brutally honest with me. we are happy together way more happy than i could ever be with my ex. this man treats me so well i cant believe it actually. he is the sweetest man i have ever met to be honest. i'm glad i actually didn't listen to you guys and listened to my gut after thinking long hard about this whole situation. i have realised now that my ex boyfriend actually was a peice of **** completely and now have realized how depressed i was being with him. being this happy has totally made me see the light. Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 hi cupcake! i am glad you are following your gut / heart / intuition, and that you are happy with your new guy. that is all that matters, i hope you have a great time with him, sounds like you are. one of the best ways to learn things in life is through experiences such as the one you are having. on top of that, learning about yourself is helpful as well. learning about boundaries you want to set for yourself, so other people don't take advantage of you. there is alot to be learned here on this website, i think you should continue to read all you can around here, just like i am, because there is alot of great advice on this forum, and sometimes it just takes reading it over and over and in various situations other people have, in order for the advice to become more and more understandable and relateable to our own lives. so, continue enjoying yourself and have a BLAST being 19! it's a GREAT age. believe it or not, 42 is fun too. enjoying life at any age seems to be about positive attitude, open heart, developing integrity within yourself, and not having regrets, just trying to keep your intentions good along the way. did any of that goobly gook make sense? lol good luck and all the best to you! Link to post Share on other sites
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