Surrounded By Addicts

[animpossiblegirl]

It has come to the point where it feels like nearly everyone around me is an addict. I am starting to lose my mind. I apologize if this is confusing.

 

Let me start with some background information - but I will try to keep this short. I grew up in a city and went to high school with several people that will play into this story later on. My father drank heavily while I was growing up, so I refrained from doing anything (drinking, drugs, smoking, etc.) while in high school - although a few of my close friends experimented. I was inadvertently given lithium and speed and hated how they made me feel.

 

Fastforward. High school graduation, going off to college. Myself, my boyfriend at the time (N), and our close friend (A) went off to college together. The first year, we all lived in the dorms. We went to frat parties on occasion and drank a little, but nothing too heavy. We all survived our first year of college relatively unscathed and with new friends from the dorm. (N), (A), and I moved into a house together and thus began a year of crazy college experimentation. Tripping, drinking, prescription drugs... (N) and I broke up, and (A) and I started hanging out with a new group of people.

 

It all seemed fine at first. Looking back on it, it still seems fine. Whenever I needed a break from schoolwork, I would accompany (A) to the house down the street. Mostly everyone there was smoking pot, drinking, doing ecstasy or LSD, and everyone seemed to be having a good time - at first. I made friends with (T) and (T) and I would drink wine together and make fun of all of the people who were doing ridiculous things. (A), (T) and I all hung out all of the time. There were, of course, other people around, and it was through going to this house that I met my first group of heroin addicts. There were three of them, they were always together, and they were always strung out.

 

I did not know these three people particularly well, so aside from seeing them stumble off to the bathroom to get sick, I took little notice of them or their problems. Nearly everyone in our group of friends knew - and I had an additional friend getting clean in jail at the time - but it seemed so alien and detached from our world. (A), (T), myself, and a few others we hung out with - particularly a girl named (M) - all discussed how stupid it was to do heroin and how we couldn't believe those three were so strung out. Fastforward to the end of the summer. I graduate. I get into grad school. I move 20 hours away to attend grad school.

 

While off at school, I start to get phone calls from my friends. (M) is doing dope. Another friend, (P), is doing dope. The three acquaintances from before are still doing dope. The few good friends I had made at the party house have dispersed, many of them succumbing to heroin addiction, and the few people that I knew who still lived there have all become addicted to crack. Great. It seems like moving 20 hours away was a great idea and I am completely sober. (A) and (T) have remained unchanged - no longer partying, but living together and hanging out, but I constantly fear that they, too, will succumb to heroin. (Thankfully, they don't.)

 

Fastforward two years. (T) and I start dating. I move back home. (A) starts dating my best friend from high school, who is an alcoholic and addicted to prescription medication. (T) and I move in together. Old friends begin to resurface. (M) comes back into my life. She seems much better than the few times I had seen her over the past two years. (P) is out of jail and is clean. (M) swears she has kicked her heroin habit. I start hanging out with (M) and (P) again. We all start to hear about a whole slew of other old friends and acquaintances who have started using heroin. I counted once and it amounted to something like 10-12 people that I knew who were all heroin addicts.

 

(M) meets a boy, (J). They start dating. They start using together. They disappear for weeks, resurface, nod off on my couch and leave baggies on the floor of my bathroom until I ask them not to come over when they are using. (M) and (J) continue to use together until they run out of money. (J) throws (M) out of their apartment so he can get clean. Several of our other friends have gotten clean, so it seems possible. (M) continues to use. Meanwhile, (P) relapses. And it seems that the entire group of people that I once was friends with and hung out with all start to relapse or climb further into their heroin addiction. The last time I counted, I was at 15 people that I knew who were all addicted to heroin - and most of them are still addicted/using today.

 

This all makes me want to... I don't know. Get high? Drink a bottle of wine? Pull out my hair? Scream? Myself, (T) and 2-3 of our other friends are the only people that I know who are not addicts. I receive text messages and phone calls from the others constantly. Today's message from (M): "I'm stranded and I need a ride. I have injuries that need to be checked out. Please help?" I am pulling away, I am not answering, I am not helping them anymore, but I feel terrible about it. I am tired of the countless lies and the outright manipulation. I am tired of fearing that I am going to find another baggie of dope on the floor of the bathroom, or that my jewelry/money/etc. is going to go missing. At the same time, I feel like a terrible person from ignoring them.

 

I keep talking about moving away - but my job and my family and (T) - who is in the same boat as me (a quiet homebody who likes video games and has grown out of the partying phase of life) - and (T)'s family are all here and that is why I moved back in the first place. To be closer to my family. I just don't know what to do. Do I cut the addicts all out of my life? Do I maintain relationships with them? Is there any way to tell when they are manipulating me and when they genuinely want help? I am getting better at it, but they are also figuring out new tools of manipulation. Should I go to their families - many of whom have no idea that their daughter/son/brother/sister is addicted to heroin?

 

I feel like I am losing my mind.

Edited May 4, 2011 by animpossiblegirl

[Mr.Raindrop]

Yeah, and?

 

If you're around addicts and don't like it, then all you can do is move away. You will never make an addict change, they have to want to change first.

[bluebyZet]

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[pureinheart]

Addiction is everywhere, and I am of the opinion that all of us are addicted to something. What you describe is way over the top, and I have to tell you, coming from me, this is really something.

 

You can change your geography, although you will take you with you...the users will seek you out and you will be vulnerable to them.

 

Being a partier myself bigtime back in the day, I attracted users. I had my sh*t together and that was an even bigger attraction. To me, if anything gets in the way of having my act together, it must go...taking over my life, with anything or anyone was not an option.

 

I don't know very much about heroin, and never did it because I was afraid I'd like it too much...and shooting it never made ANY sense to me...back when I was 19 my now ex, told me that he saw someone shoot up heroin and they shook a little and then passed out...to me that DID NOT sound fun.

 

Isn't it supposed to be fun? Trashing your life, not paying your bills and being purposefully irresponsible is not fun.

 

People who do not have goals to succeed will only bring you down.

 

I think it depends on the person...some people can party and it doesn't interfere with their goals...I know a bunch of people that "partied" a lot throughout the years and some are still working and have maintained a respectable position, some have topped out in the middle, and some went clear to the top, and I'm speaking of a major company.

 

I would say the major sign would be if they are not working, or if they are in the process of loosing their jobs due to drugs, this means there is a severe problem.

 

I would say distance yourself asap...also given the current climate, people are naturally looking for those to enable them. This is a continuous process BTW....nice, generous people seem to have this problem in great measure and seem to have to keep warding off the users.

[crossroad]

That makes me feel a little better. I am in the same situation. First both of my parents are alcoholics and my mom abused drugs basically my entire childhood. My brother got real messed up on pills and methadone and whatever else he could find. My stepmom has a bad pain pill addiction, almost all my old friends from school are on pills, Then, I recently found out my wife of 4 years has been addicted to pills for years now and I never knew it because I don't have any experience with them. She told me that she's been selling them to my mom, dad, and stepmom. Well thanks-a-lot! My whole family are like a big drug ring surrounding me. Maybe not as bad as heroin, but aren't those pills opiates? Don't feel alone and don't ever go down that dead end road. I've seen how it takes over peoples lives and even changes their brains and personalities. Live the good life is the best action to take in the face of all of this.