TaraMaiden Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I was going to tell you not to, but you know what? you have to see your own persistent stupidity for yourself. I'm sorry, people have taken the time and trouble to offer you as much support, advice, counsel and wise words as it's possible to give. yet you continue to argue the toss and keep giving to your own weak sense of momentary gratification - which turns against you anyway. Well, good luck with that. We know you're being a bit of a dumb-ass. Heck, YOU know you're being a bit of a dumb-ass. But it's patently obvious you need to look up what 'will-power' and 'effort' is - and get some. Until you do - we're just wasting our time. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 You want to contact her, go ahead, as you wish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 23go4 Posted May 9, 2011 Author Share Posted May 9, 2011 Thanks for the encouragement. It was just a happy mothers day text. Nothing more. Not even how are you or anything. Trust me, i wasn't going to say anything, but it was mothers day and she has a 3 years old son. So it wasn't anything about us. I have taken all the advice you guys have given me. She told me we could talk every other day. Then I decided instead of LC I would do NC because of all of the support and advice i have gotten here. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Don't use any other excuse, reason or mitigating factor for getting back into contact with her!! The child isn't yours so the person who should be sending her mother's day wishes, is the kid's dad - not you! You have no involvement or responsibility for either her or the child! you are out of the picture, so as such, the wishes were entirely superfluous... You did it, because you thought it would be nice, but really - it wasn't necessary. You're not going to do this every year until the kid leaves home, are you.....? So why do it now?? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 This forum exists for advice and support. ULTIMATELY, all decisions in your life is yours. However, I can show you thread after thread where people have come back and said," You know what guys. Your were right." Now, we don't know you personally or the dynamic of your relationship. But, a lot of us have been down the road you're traveling. Keep your chin up. I told you NC in the beginning is gonna be brutal! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 23go4 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Share Posted May 10, 2011 I have gotten support. And if wasn't for your guys opinions and suggestion I would still be down in the dumps. Last Monday was hard, it really sucked. I have never felt worse in my life. Now it is Monday don't feel like crap like i did last Monday. It is slowly getting better. Before I went completely NC I told her to do whatever would make her happy and whatever you feel is best, she told me the same and if this break isn't helping her realize things that were problems in our relationship then i told her to tell me right away since i dont want to be in pain forever. Yeah I may have made a mistake by contacting her on mothers day but its to late it is already done. And just to let you know ever since i have started NC I have been feeling better and realizing my problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I have gotten support. And if wasn't for your guys opinions and suggestion I would still be down in the dumps. Last Monday was hard, it really sucked. I have never felt worse in my life. Now it is Monday don't feel like crap like i did last Monday. It is slowly getting better. Before I went completely NC I told her to do whatever would make her happy and whatever you feel is best, she told me the same and if this break isn't helping her realize things that were problems in our relationship then i told her to tell me right away since i dont want to be in pain forever. Yeah I may have made a mistake by contacting her on mothers day but its to late it is already done. And just to let you know ever since i have started NC I have been feeling better and realizing my problems. Glad to hear you are feeling happy Feeling happy = being positive. Keep it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 23go4 Posted May 11, 2011 Author Share Posted May 11, 2011 thanks! I am usually petty good throughout the day. then 8:30 pm hits and i start missing her, I start missing all the things that we were. on nice days we would go to the park and have a great time, today was a very nice day and I just can't her out of my mind. But it is better than being all sad throughout the whole day. Every time I feel like I really want to txt her or call her at night I just write to her, I write everything I want to say to her. I feel like I am getting out what I need to say and it helps Link to post Share on other sites
Author 23go4 Posted May 12, 2011 Author Share Posted May 12, 2011 This NC is really weird. The first 2 days was good and I was all for it. Now it is like the 6th day and all I can think about it her! I just want to know if she ever plans to be with me again or where her heart stands. As much as a love her and miss her, I just want to know if she feels like this will ever workout again. Is it normal to feel this way when doing NC? Link to post Share on other sites
Fedor Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 Hell yeah its normal to feel like that! Just try to hang in there. Concentrate on yourself rather than that situation. I know its easy for me to say that but it will truly make you feel better to not focus your energy on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 23go4 Posted May 12, 2011 Author Share Posted May 12, 2011 its hard! it really is!! I don't know how much longer I can take. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 23go4 Posted May 12, 2011 Author Share Posted May 12, 2011 When do i break NC and ask if she has made her mind? It is driving me crazy. I know i should wait for her but it is really hard when you don't know what is going on. I need some encourgement. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 Ok, let's see if I can get this through your head: YOU - NEVER - EVER - EVER EVER!! BREAK - NO - CONTACT!!! Ever!! You do not think about when, how or where, and why - you just never do it!! Ever!! You don't follow her on Facebook, Twitter, the bus, the train, anywhere. You do not write to her, text her, e-mail her, MSN her, phone her, text her (yes, I said that again!) and you do not hang around and wait for her to follow you on facebook, twitter, the bus, the train, anywhere. And you never, ever reply or respond or react to anything she might throw at you. Anything!! EVER!!!! Did you get that?? Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 When do i break NC and ask if she has made her mind? It is driving me crazy. I know i should wait for her but it is really hard when you don't know what is going on. I need some encourgement. Never wait around for a person. She's not waiting for you, why wait around for her. Link to post Share on other sites
kaycstamper Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 A "break" is a break up soft sold. You should not have blown up at her, you need to get a grip because noone is going to like that. You need to go NC and give yourself a chance to get over her. You are jealous and insecure and need to deal with that. Work on yourself so you'll be more ready with the next one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 23go4 Posted May 14, 2011 Author Share Posted May 14, 2011 Thanks for everything guys. It took her 2 weeks for her to tell me that we are going to start over just as friends. We May or may not get back together. We still have strong feelings for each other and we still love each other but for right now we are just going to be friends. I cant and won't be with anybody else. I am still in a lot of pain and I probably will be for a very long time. Again, thanks for everything. It really helped. Link to post Share on other sites
Delilah5 Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 A little background. We meet at a friends house. I never knew her from before. The day I met her, I fell for her. Her eyes, her smile, her laughter, everything. We started dating on 7/8/9. It is a very special time in the past for me. May 1, 2011 she decided on a break. Everything has been great with her, I loved her, I did many things for her, I made her feel like a princess. It was literary magic when I was with her. I would do anything for her and she knew it. She also loved me, she made me feel great and she always told I was the best and there was nobody better. We loved each other very much. So now to the recent stuff. In March stuff started going down. We would argue more, we would fight more and at times things were really difficult. I told her I was sorry many times, she told me she was sorry many time. I understand we are human and not perfect but it started getting too far. In mid April we were so close in ending things, she was causing me pain and I was causing her pain too. I got to the point where I said to myself, I love her a lot, she is the world to me, she makes me happy and I wouldn't know what to do without her. We made up and we promised to be good to each other. From April 17-28 things were so great! We were happy again! things were great! like the old times and it was just amazing! Then came April 29, I just blew up on her like never before. It was one side she has never seen of me it was me blowing up like a bomb on her. The reason being was because she was hanging out with a guy who she knows very well how I feel about that. I totally hated it when she got with him. She wasn't along though, she was with her sister. But still I was beyond pissed. I said things I wish I could take back (like you do when you're furious) and told her I was sorry from the bottom of my heart. 2 days later she asked for a break. I am so confused on what she wants from this break. I am in so much pain. I don't eat, sleep or have any motivation to do anything. She was my everything for me. She gave me strength and she motivated me. She told me a break was best because she feels that is the best what we both could do. She told me she still loved me from the bottom of her heart and she means it. She told me her heart is tied to me and nobody else. I asked her If she would start seeing other people and she said "no, just because I am single doesn't mean I am interested in anybody else". She promised me her loyalty as well as I did. She told me right now she does not want to be with me and in the future she might want too. What does that mean? she said we are going to be everything we were before except "BF GF". I asked about talking and she said we will not talk as often as we did before, and she will not see me often either, only every once in a while. Also she told me she wanted to change herself, she believes she is way to stubborn and she want to change that about her before we get back together. I am so lost. She is the girl I fell hard for and she fell hard for me. I am willing to do anything to get her back. We talk about 3 times a day. morning, mid-day and night. we talk for about 30 mins max. We just talk about how we are doing and how our day is. She tells me everything is good and nothing is wrong. I tell her things are not going good and it sucks. I know this is a lot but I need help, advice or anything. What should I do? How long should I wait. What should I ask her? Try not contacting her and absolutely don't tell her it's not going well and that it sucks. Obviously, she's living her life and everything is going well for HER. Not so much for you. Sometimes people can love each other, but for some reason or another they can't be together. It's just that simple. I know that this sounds awful, but the truth is sometimes harsh and the reality is even worse. Try going out with your friends, or take up a hobby. But don't just sit around languishing and being sad. It's tough. I know. My boyfriend just up and stopped calling me. I miss him and would love to have him back. But that's not my decision to make. I have no contact with him whatsoever. It's much easier to deal with. I have to move on and get over it. It was him and not me. At least that's what everyone else said. Be strong and walk away while you still have your pride intact. It is what it is and not what it was. Good luck to you kid. I hope everything will work in your favor one way or the other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 23go4 Posted May 20, 2011 Author Share Posted May 20, 2011 So the break started may 1st. Yesterday it was made officially that it is completely over. I went with 1 week of LC and 1 week of NC. On the 13th she said she realized she loved me and cared about me but feels we are better off friends. I told her ok. Since the day broke things off, her guy friend has been trying to make moves to win her heart over and make her happy again. I found out on Facebook on dates they went, times they hung out. How happy he makes her, stuff like that. So from the 13th til yesterday we just talked like friends. We wanted to be friends. I had a chance to see her yesterday and I Basically asked her for a second chance, I showed her that I wrote 20 pages to her, I bought her a promise ring the day before we broke up ( things were going ok, but not great) showed her all the things she wrote to me and pictures we have. I told her I missed her and still loved her and that she made me happy. Then I told her if she would considered me a second chance. She said yes. At this point I was would have given it all I have got and if she said no, I would be done. I gave her until Friday and she texted me a few hours later that she didn't need until Friday because she didn't want to give me a second chance. I told her ok. Well I hope that guy is treating you better than I could ever do. And told her I knew you have always had something going on with him even when we were dating. In the future we want to be friends. We want to just think about the fun times. But until then we need to heal. So I won't be talking to her for a long long time. I want to heal myself before we are friends again. Thing is, this guy has been trying to get with her for a long time and now he has his chance. This guy has money, so spending money on her isn't a issue. When we first started dating, I didn't need money to impress her. But this guy has gone as far as fixing her truck, which needed a 100-150 dollar switch, filled her gas tank, vacuumed and washed it. Easily 200-250 bucks. She says he contributes very little to her happiness. But I told her to have a good relationship with this guy and I hope he does you good and she never responded. I don't know. I think this guy is trying to get in her pants and she feels like he is comforting her because she is not over me and I know she is not ready for a relationship. I don't know. Anymore. I want to get over this, I deleted her off Facebook, took all the pictures off of her and pretty much made her nothing to me. I just want to get over her and not date for a very very long time. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 Good. hope that lasts...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author 23go4 Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 Yeah. He is going to run out of money and she wont be happy anymore. Guess money can't buy happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 23go4 Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 3 weeks today and it hasn't gotten any easier. I have dreams that I get a text from her saying "I am sorry, I messed up. I didn't realize what I had, I love you and want you back." then I wake up and realize it is not true. My heart has been literally taken out and smashed with a hammer. I don't know if I'll ever get over her. If I genuinely loved her, which I did, I won't get over her. If she genuinely loved me, she wouldn't be putting me through this. It sucks to know she has developed feelings for another guy so quick. the worst part is, she makes me feel so small and worthless, lost a lot of self confidence and motivation. I invested 110% of everything I had because I knew I could trust her. the only thing that has gotten better is that I have started eating again. We have a dog together and he lives with me and always will. So when she starts to for him I am either not going to reply or just say no. You have already broken me into small bits and peices and now you want to take the only thing I have. I started NC on Wednesday and it was all good until Saturday. I am guessing it is normal to have good days and random days were you feel like crap. I don't know. Anyways, just had to get somethings out before I drive myself crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 23go4 Posted May 29, 2011 Author Share Posted May 29, 2011 Wednesday night. at 10:30 got a random text from her saying "I am sorry for everything." Then I said "um, what do you mean?" then she said "I am sorry for everything that happened, my intentions weren't to put you in pain and for this to happen. I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart" At first I was thinking, maybe she realized she wants me back or wants to work things out. Then I thought, no, it probably means nothing at all. What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 I think you're a dumbklutz for continuing to respond. When will you get it through your head that this is throwing breadcrumbs, and yanking your chain. This 'I'm sorry' means she wants forgiveness. This 'I'm sorry' means she wants you to consider her feelings This 'I'm sorry' means she's focussing on herself not on you. This 'I'm sorry', means 'I'm important here, not you'. She's continuing to make it about her. She's adding drama to make herself sound so noble, so kind so considerate - such a manipulative person.... And there you go. falling for it again. Responding. Tearing out the stitches, ripping open the wound, and letting the pain surface. It's so dumb! And INSANE! Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 Tara gives it so straight. Wheres the help in my thread? Haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 23go4 Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 Such encouraging advice. It seems like every forum there is always people like you. But thanks, I didn't fall for it when she said "I am sorry." if she really is, she wouldn't say it over a text. Link to post Share on other sites
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