girlfriend says a break is what is best

[sinnister]

Tara gives it so straight. Wheres the help in my thread? Haha.

 

Can't help with someone already getting good help and pretty much has his head on straight. Not to say others don't..but you have more control over your situation than most..and handling it far better than I did.

[EgoJoe]

Not really man. I know my fault in my situation and it's pretty bad. Also, I have consistently stumbled with finding my backbone. Not to thread hijack but my biggest problem now is deciding whether to stand up for myself and contact her and tell her how I really feel.

[23go4]

I know what you mean. I have lost my back bone and I am willing to do anything. But as time goes on, I regain that back bone. If she were to ask me back I would say, unless you're going to change how things were then no, all I asked was for attention and for her to return the amount of effort I put to make her happy. It's been a month and it still sucks and hurts but I am starting to see all the things I didn't deserve. Do I still love her? Yes. But after what I went through and all the pain she put me through, I don't love her the same. Although my heart is broken and shattered, she is the only one who can fix it. I have offered and done everything in my will to change for her and try to prove myself to her. She didn't even give me that second chance to prove myself because she said we have already given it way to many opportunities. If it was true love, she would. Honestly, I think she is confused. In her previous relationship, her ex of 3 years yelled, called her names, disrespected her, cheated on her, lied to her and who knows more.

 

One night I slipped and yelled at her for two hours, open old wounds and basically verbly destroyed her. I didn't call her names but it wasn't good. She told her self she wouldn't go through that ever again. She takes her words very seriously. I spent a long time telling her, I messed up, I am not that person, you know who I am. I just slipped that night. You have those moments too. But what I feel from her is that deep down in her heart, she wants me back and wants to give me a second chance. What is stopping her is what she told herself what she wouldn't go through again.

 

It's funny that it is happening that way because I told myself that I wouldn't go through half the stuff I went through. I put up

With her stuff for over a year. And she could only put up with my crap for two hours... I don't know. I know it's two things. She loves me and just is confused or she never did love me and was just waiting for the opportunity to leave me.

[Exit]

Love should include all kinds of things like trust, forgiveness, etc. If she loved you, she would see that you are telling the truth that you just slipped up that night. She should be able to put up with someone getting angry and being unlike themselves for one night. Just because she made some promise to "never put up with that again" is too vague, just because you got angry doesn't mean you were becoming the same way that her ex was.

 

Maybe she'll realize she can forgive you or maybe not, but you should stick to what you said, if she comes back, don't just say yes, tell her that you have needs and expectations too and that she also needs to "want" the 2nd chance, not that she is the one just granting you the opportunity.

[sinnister]

I know what you mean. I have lost my back bone and I am willing to do anything. But as time goes on, I regain that back bone. If she were to ask me back I would say, unless you're going to change how things were then no, all I asked was for attention and for her to return the amount of effort I put to make her happy. It's been a month and it still sucks and hurts but I am starting to see all the things I didn't deserve. Do I still love her? Yes. But after what I went through and all the pain she put me through, I don't love her the same. Although my heart is broken and shattered, she is the only one who can fix it. I have offered and done everything in my will to change for her and try to prove myself to her. She didn't even give me that second chance to prove myself because she said we have already given it way to many opportunities. If it was true love, she would. Honestly, I think she is confused. In her previous relationship, her ex of 3 years yelled, called her names, disrespected her, cheated on her, lied to her and who knows more.

 

One night I slipped and yelled at her for two hours, open old wounds and basically verbly destroyed her. I didn't call her names but it wasn't good. She told her self she wouldn't go through that ever again. She takes her words very seriously. I spent a long time telling her, I messed up, I am not that person, you know who I am. I just slipped that night. You have those moments too. But what I feel from her is that deep down in her heart, she wants me back and wants to give me a second chance. What is stopping her is what she told herself what she wouldn't go through again.

 

It's funny that it is happening that way because I told myself that I wouldn't go through half the stuff I went through. I put up

With her stuff for over a year. And she could only put up with my crap for two hours... I don't know. I know it's two things. She loves me and just is confused or she never did love me and was just waiting for the opportunity to leave me.

Exact same thing here...which kept me on the pain train..she CLAIMED too that we gave it so many opportunities..but we'd NEVER broken up b/f. We had personality conflicts/space things..but I'd NEVER yelled in the r/s until I found out about him..never cursed or was hurtful. She was a lot more direct in what I should do, than I was...and I gave her that right...as long as it wasn't just some nagging to cover up something else. Like I told another poster..some beg for the good so long, then they get it n it's boring..they need to be in a bad one again...esp I think if they come from a home/friends with a lot of drama..spirit in their r/s's. We simply had mental battles...yearning..keeping the motivation up for the haul that was still fun.

 

I think she said her heart was mind but her head would let her do it...she def saw me as the person she wanted to marry..but she couldnt/wouldn't break through this period. Give that chance...she'd already started the ball rolling out of anger/disappointment/some unknown force.

[TaraMaiden]

....Although my heart is broken and shattered, she is the only one who can fix it.

 

Good post.

Except the above - is completely wrong.

It's your heart, you have to fix it.

Nobody can fix you.

 

And don't put all the credit or responsibility for your pain, onto someone else.

it gives them too much 'power' and decreases your own.

 

If you truly believe that only an outside 'energy' can repair what is broken in you - then you have to break out of that, because you feed yourself lies that become truths in your mind, and that's a bad thing to do.

[sinnister]

Good post.

Except the above - is completely wrong.

It's your heart, you have to fix it.

Nobody can fix you.

 

And don't put all the credit or responsibility for your pain, onto someone else.

it gives them too much 'power' and decreases your own.

 

If you truly believe that only an outside 'energy' can repair what is broken in you - then you have to break out of that, because you feed yourself lies that become truths in your mind, and that's a bad thing to do.

 

That quote was the main thing I took from it too..and that has be EXACTLY MY THOUGHTS. Couldn't believe someone articulated exactly like I did..but maybe it's common. But it how I feel. I'm broke..she broke me..n is the only one that knows me enough to fix me. I fear when people say co-dependence...every r/s good one is two people trying to maximize each other..r it's that of convenience..and people do LTR's for that reason do. I'd rather put my whole heart/soul in it if she's doing it and that to me is the risk...you get that when the good ones seemingly go bad suddenly.

[Chi townD]

DUDE! She texts you and you respond. Not good. here's the reason. Chances are she saw on FB that you deleted her and it got her thinking and made herself feel guilty. Guilty that she hurt you and she knows that she did. Hooked up with the guy that you asked her not to see. Putting you through the pain with that knowledge and it was posted all over Facebook which she probably now realized wasn't a classy move. That had to have been the reason you deleted her, because you saw that stuff and it hurt you. What other reason to text you in the middle of the night out of the blue.

 

A lot of women don't like thinking that there is a person out there that doesn't think that they are a nice person. She texted you to relieve her own guilt. SHe probably had a thing for this guy while you two were together and she felt guilty about that too. Don't respond anymore. Don't give her the satisfaction thinking everything is alright and you're good friends. Because things aren't alright and you aren't friends with her. I'm assuming you didn't get into a relationship with her to only become friends with her. Stay NC. The next time she texts, POST HERE BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE!

[23go4]

Exact same thing here...which kept me on the pain train..she CLAIMED too that we gave it so many opportunities..but we'd NEVER broken up b/f. We had personality conflicts/space things..but I'd NEVER yelled in the r/s until I found out about him..never cursed or was hurtful. She was a lot more direct in what I should do, than I was...and I gave her that right...as long as it wasn't just some nagging to cover up something else. Like I told another poster..some beg for the good so long, then they get it n it's boring..they need to be in a bad one again...esp I think if they come from a home/friends with a lot of drama..spirit in their r/s's. We simply had mental battles...yearning..keeping the motivation up for the haul that was still fun.

 

I think she said her heart was mind but her head would let her do it...she def saw me as the person she wanted to marry..but she couldnt/wouldn't break through this period. Give that chance...she'd already started the ball rolling out of anger/disappointment/some unknown force.

 

sounds like the same problem. Its not that I didn't trust her, it was that I didn't trust the guy. He has a history of hooking up with a handful of woman, he is on the army so his hormone rage is high! At the time, it was between him and I, she picked me since I would be home and not always gone. well 2 years later, she really develop feelings for him behind my back. He breaks her trust as friends and they don't talk for a long time. Then randomly she tells me she misses him and she wants to be friends again.

 

 

DUDE! She texts you and you respond. Not good. here's the reason. Chances are she saw on FB that you deleted her and it got her thinking and made herself feel guilty. Guilty that she hurt you and she knows that she did. Hooked up with the guy that you asked her not to see. Putting you through the pain with that knowledge and it was posted all over Facebook which she probably now realized wasn't a classy move. That had to have been the reason you deleted her, because you saw that stuff and it hurt you. What other reason to text you in the middle of the night out of the blue.

 

A lot of women don't like thinking that there is a person out there that doesn't think that they are a nice person. She texted you to relieve her own guilt. SHe probably had a thing for this guy while you two were together and she felt guilty about that too. Don't respond anymore. Don't give her the satisfaction thinking everything is alright and you're good friends. Because things aren't alright and you aren't friends with her. I'm assuming you didn't get into a relationship with her to only become friends with her. Stay NC. The next time she texts, POST HERE BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE!

 

Youre right! I did delete her off my Facebook because she was posting things like flowers, dinner at nice places, I am happy, "he fixed my car, filled my gas tank, washed and vacuumed my truck and made it smell like roses" and then I saw he said that she makes him happy. I said hell no! you're doing this to me on purpose! I was sick of it. Then she claims that they are "friends" My ass, what kind of friend does all that? When I had a good friend who is a girl, I would never do anything like that. Maybe a cheap dinner somewhere, MAYBE! Everything else, I would just be trying to get laid or get her attention. This guy may be in the army but F**K him.

 

makes sense, she probably felt like a bit*h and said I am sorry for everything because of what she has done. I know I shouldn't have replied to her, but I wasn't thinking. I was surprised to her from her and I thought maybe she realized a few more things. I told her that I appreciate her apology and all that crap. Well I lied, I am looking for a real apology, in real person and the for the damn truth! I have been through hell because off the pain she has caused me while she is out f-ing with this guy. After a month I anger behind my back now. She wants to be friends. I said ok, in the future. But if she is lying to me, doesn't even acknowledge my presence, hates me, and all that crap then I don't even deserve a friend like that. That is what I call a poor piss friend! We had a very good relationship, but she seems like I was a horrible person and makes me feel like straight S**T! I don't need that. We can be friends, once she wants to treat me like a good friend. Do i still love her. Yes. Do i still care for her. Yes. would I want to get back with her?. Unless she made a big change and asked for me back, then no. I just can't believe after what we had together she decides to throw it all in a big hole, throw some dynamites and blow it all up.

 

So has NC help, Yes! can't you tell!