Why does no one else think strip clubs are just plain WRONG???

[vanandme4him]

i've only gone once and it was sooooooo much fun. it was a great time had by my boyfriend and me. i can't wait to go again.

 

but, i must say that in my early twenties i probably would not have been as comfortable with it as i am now. i think women are beautiful, i can appreciate a stunning looking women (just like i can honestly say some look like crack heads too).

 

IMHO, i think you need to hold yourself in high esteem and have good self-confidence to be able to sit in a club where women, who dedicate all their time and money to make themselves look desirable, are throwing themselves at your bf.

 

but what's right and fun for some, may not be for others. and that's ok.

 

BTW, i think male strip clubs are HORRIBLE. EWWWW!!! a guy in a thong is NOT sexy.

[InmannRoshi]

I told a former ex my feelings on those places and he swore he would never go to one nor had a desire. Well, the big day came and I was terrified of the Bachelor Party. What made it worse was they were suppose to go to a football game but ended up at a Strip Club in the evening. I completely lost my trust in him and still suffer and emotional pain just from that one experience which was 15 years ago.

 

 

Good Sweet Holy Gawd, I'm never going get married if I keep reading this board.

[Grinning Maniac]

Yeah. Think about it. 50% of marriages end in divorce. Then you have to figure in what percentage of the remaining 50% aren't miserable and just staying married anyway(cheating, constant fighting, abuse, etc).

 

Bah.

[flygirl24]

Here is my view on strip clubs:

 

The bottom line is if the man likes strip clubs, for whatever reason, and you ask him to stop going, he will still go, and simply lie to you. I have seen it happen a million times. If they guy never went and never liked them, well then that will stay the same as well.

 

So my suggestion is to work out a compromise. Try going with him, and see that it is not so bad. My boyfriend was married before, and went without his wife knowing 3-4 times per year, with his buddies. When we talked about it, he said, he doesn't want to be that person anymore, but I know he (just like any other guy) likes to look at naked women.

 

People on this post have said, that men should control that urge, and be happy only with the woman they are with. But the evolution of emotional monogamous engagements is only 10,000 years old, while the basic need to reproduce with as many females as possible is millions of years old.

 

I think it is foolish to think that anyone should/could completely turn off those genetic traits. I do think it is fine to expect your man to control the urges, and not have sex with everything that walks. (Thank God we have come that far in our intellectual evolution.)

 

So back to my point of the compromise. Here is what I did. I asked my boyfriend if some guy rubbing his naked, aroused thing on me through panties to excite me, biting my neck, me sucking his nipples, etc was cheating in his book. He said yes, and followed with the fact that he should extend the same standard for me.

 

I never told him he shouldn't do something, it came from him.

 

Now, of course, that discussion did not take care of the fact that I still know he likes to go, and it really isn't necessary to cut the entire experience out of his life. I suggested that we go together, and I got a lap dance from a stripper. It was a very erotic experience for us to share, and made it even more so because we were both into it.

 

The strippers know what they are doing, and a lap dance for a female is much different than the one for the male. He watched, and said that he would rather do that a million times, over any lap dance on him. He said he has had many lap dances in the past and no physical stimulation ever compared to the mental and visual stimulation he received by watching the stripper give me a lap dance.

 

This is what works for us. All I am trying to say, that imposing your will on someone never works. He will still go, and you will be a fool for thinking he isn't going. But working out a compromise tends to work most of the time. You have to give a little, and so does he, if he refuses to do that, I say leave him, because it is a sign that he will not compromise on other things in the future either.

[lisza]

Ok i have to answer this one see i have worked in topless bar for 10 yrs now . I first walked in to apply for waitress postion did that for bout 2 yrs then tried dancing .. OK first hand thing bout stipers or enterainers as some like to b called , they do not do there job to get guys eroused they do it to pay there bills. And believe me there are some UGLY dancers yes there are . I am now bartending in the club where i onced danced and am now engaged to my man who use to be a bouncer thats how we met. Well hes out of the bar and he now is a lealous man aout me still working there. So topless bars can be hard on a relaionship from any angle .

Most women who do dance are married , or take care of some looser boyfriend. BUt some do it to take care of there children .

So if your concern is man going to a topless bar i can tell you that most men that are comitted do come in and yes friends will try to embaress , but remeber this If a man loves you , then nothing to worry about . most men come in to talk a pretty girl conversate with someone whom doesnt complain . So if when all you do is fight welp it doesnt matter if it be the stip bar or krogers or walmart he will find a women whom doesnt complain sexy

[havNfun]

I think what it boils down to is that women go to a strip club for fun, whereas men go for...well, you know

I think this line was posted by a guy and not the original poster...

I have to somewhat dissagree there. PLENTY of women very much enjoy going to strip clubs either to see their man turned on, or more likely, themselves!

 

 

You guys are making me into this freakishly possessive person when all I'm saying is that it would make me uncomfortable if my boyfriend wanted to go to a strip club because he shouldn't want to look at other women without their clothes on except me....that's all!

 

I can totally understand how it makes you uncomfortable. But you will have an eisier life relating to men if you just accept it as given that healthy men enjoy looking at other, naked women - just plain naked women, all shapes, sizes, and no amount is too many.

 

Do they not get that their guy is looking at another woman and wishing he was doing her?? Like HELLO?

 

 

yes this is true. But you should rest in the fact that your guy is pretty open about it. This means he's honest! And not a liar. If a man was to tell you he thinks it is horrible, and that he has no idea how a faithfull man could look at another woman wishes he were doing her.. my guess is he is either gay, disshonest, newborn christian or God.

 

Registered: Dec 2002

Location: Beautiful British Columbia

Post: 26 | Quote:

 

and wishing he was doing her

 

So you read minds, do you? Ask the guys here how many of them have wished they were doing the strippers they've seen.

 

well M - my guess would be most. Does wishing = doing? hell no. But living equals wishing!! to be sure.

 

I agree with many of these comments here that have explained that strippers are not often perfect, or pretty, or natural, or non-skanky, or perminantly desirable etc.

 

so, I completly agree that it is uncommon for us man to entiretain the thought, while already married that is, of marrying, or having an affair with, or dreaming about a specific one after the moment around them is through.

 

but skank can be pretty hot if you know it will never follow you home.

perhaps it is the lack of guilt and stress men feel from being able to have the company of a woman who does not expect, demand, promise, threaten, refuse, deny, contradict, or reflect him. Are we so shallow not to realize that this isn't ideal and preferrable as the norm or mainstay? Of course. do we actually wish to do their brains out while in the moment? I bet!

 

that a man can dream about cheating or something

 

Another assumption.

\

ouch!@ have you been taking lessons from my friend Curly?

[angel_goddess20]

Wow. This subject blew up. I have a few comments and I'd like it if some people could give me some feedback on what I have to say.

 

I had an issue in the past with my boyfriend going to strip clubs. I told him that it lowers my self esteem and makes me feel discusted. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an unattractive person by all means. I know I could get most any guy I wanted. But that is besides the point. He never stopped going to these clubs even after I told him how I felt. Most of the times he went- were behind my back.

 

Here is the worst part. My BF got a huge gig at a strip club to bodyguard this porn star/ stripper. He took it in a heartbeat. He didn't even discuss it with me. Why was it such a big deal? He'd be at this club, and after she was done doing her skanky lil ' thing, he'd grab her clothes and go backstage with her. How do I know she didn't try suckin' my BF's penis in the meantime? As a little "thank you" gift. C'mon. She's a porn star. Those women usually don't give a rats *** that people actually have commited, faithful relationships. They'd **** a cow for a little money, and be proud of it.

 

Anyway, It was only like a 3-day gig, but I never felt so discusted and disapointed in my life. I couldn't understand how this could be of any benefit. I lost respect for him and I did not trust him or the people he was hanging out with at the time. The relationship started going downhill from there. I even found a list of all the famous strippers that go to this specific club, that this stripper/porn start gave him! Why on earth would he need that? All that went through my mind was that I wanted to kill this *****, and that I wanted to seriously concider breaking up with him, even though I loved him. Should I have been this upset? Ladies, what would you have done? How would you feel?

 

Well, that was awhile ago, and I still won't forget that he actually went through with it. We are still together but we have some MAJOR issues we need to resolve. He finally agreed that he'd stop going to these clubs if it hurt me. But how do I know that he's serious?

[littleflowerpot]

damn, i must be a man with boobs. i think strip clubs are fun, enjoy porn, and DESPISE cheesy romance novels. i wouldn't be caught dead at a chippendales show and once when i was at a party for the bride the night before the wedding (ha ha! i can't spell bachellorette!), the stripper tried to give me a lap dance in his g-string and it made me feel nauseas - ick.

 

or maybe i'm just an anti-puritanical chick.

[littleflowerpot]

Originally posted by angel_goddess20

Wow. This subject blew up. I have a few comments and I'd like it if some people could give me some feedback on what I have to say.

 

I had an issue in the past with my boyfriend going to strip clubs. I told him that it lowers my self esteem and makes me feel discusted. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an unattractive person by all means. I know I could get most any guy I wanted. But that is besides the point. He never stopped going to these clubs even after I told him how I felt. Most of the times he went- were behind my back.

 

Here is the worst part. My BF got a huge gig at a strip club to bodyguard this porn star/ stripper. He took it in a heartbeat. He didn't even discuss it with me. Why was it such a big deal? He'd be at this club, and after she was done doing her skanky lil ' thing, he'd grab her clothes and go backstage with her. How do I know she didn't try suckin' my BF's penis in the meantime? As a little "thank you" gift. C'mon. She's a porn star. Those women usually don't give a rats *** that people actually have commited, faithful relationships. They'd **** a cow for a little money, and be proud of it.

 

Anyway, It was only like a 3-day gig, but I never felt so discusted and disapointed in my life. I couldn't understand how this could be of any benefit. I lost respect for him and I did not trust him or the people he was hanging out with at the time. The relationship started going downhill from there. I even found a list of all the famous strippers that go to this specific club, that this stripper/porn start gave him! Why on earth would he need that? All that went through my mind was that I wanted to kill this *****, and that I wanted to seriously concider breaking up with him, even though I loved him. Should I have been this upset? Ladies, what would you have done? How would you feel?

 

Well, that was awhile ago, and I still won't forget that he actually went through with it. We are still together but we have some MAJOR issues we need to resolve. He finally agreed that he'd stop going to these clubs if it hurt me. But how do I know that he's serious?

 

hon, maybe it has more to do with how much you trust your man. how do you know she didn't give him a thank you blow job? you don't know if she offered (and probably NOT - that's a man's fantasy but not very realistic) but do you know your own guy enough to know whether you could trust him to say 'no, thank you'? it's a trust issue and not an issue of opportunity. because if all it takes for a man to cheat is opportunity then there would be no faithful men. think about it. if a hot guy offered you some action, are you gonna say yes if you have the opportunity or will you say no because you love your man? isn't it conceivable your man is capable of turning down something on the side for the same reason you would?

 

and give him a little bit of a break here. it was a JOB. you even said it was a HUGE gig. why should he turn down something huge just because you don't like the person he's paid to bodyguard?

[angel_goddess20]

You are right. The trust issue has everything to do with it. I guess I just don't trust a lot of people. It was a pretty big gig, however it's against everything I believe in. The fact that he ignored that makes me kind of upset. I hope my man is capable of turning women down just as much as I am capable of turning men down. He does trust me more than I trust him, but in the past he has proven to me that he doesen't always keep his word. Thanks for the post. It made me feel a lot better.

[Pocky]

Strip clubs seem pathetic to me. And I've gone several times and I love a woman's body. I can appreciate the desire to view a woman's body but the whole purpose of a strip club is to get as much money out of the man as possible. It's just one huge facade and such a dismal aspect of our culture.

 

Viewing a beautiful body is one thing. Buying overpriced drinks and slipping money to women who pretend to be interested in you until you're out of money is depressing. And I worked in the business (private dancing) so I know. You don't really realize how pathetic it is until you work in. All I wanted was money and all my humanity and compassion left me when people were nothing more than a dollar..

[zara]

hi,

 

I'm a stripper with a disasterous love life and thought i'd add my perspective to this thread.

 

Firstly, i would NEVER date a man who used strip clubs. Most dancers see the punters as varying degrees of sad. They're just dicks with dough. Some are arseholes, some are polite and lovely, but at the end of the day it's a pretty sad way to spend their money, but hey, if they are willing to spend then i am more than happy to take it off them. Therefore if my man was to go to a strip club that would make him one of those sad punters and i'd be damned if i was goingto put up with him putting money in another strippers g-string! If he wants to come watch me work (and pay me!) then fine, but the chances are he wouldn't like it. I don't have a boyfriend right now and my last two relationships broke up because the guys liked the thought of going to a strip club themselves but hated the thought of me working in one. Hypocrites.

 

As for women who come into clubs - i don't mind dancing for women - heck. i'll take money off anyone! and it's a great way to encourage the guys to spend more money on you when they see you dance for another woman. Lord knows what they get out of it - does nothing for me, but then i'm not that way inclined. I will, however, happliy fake it for a 'lesbian' dance. Anyway, i sometimes get the impression that women come to keep their men happy and i think that is just plain WRONG. If you don't want to go, stick to your guns huny. Would a man come to a female strip club (if such a thing existed) to keep you happy - would he heck!

 

What i have noticed is that there are a lot of females who come because it is a 'hip' thing to do. They don't really want to be there, more importantly they don't have any dances, and they spend the night dancing around as if they were in a regular bar and giving the dancers filthy looks. This is something that i really do not understand.

 

As for guys not getting aroused - i consider male arousal to be my job. If i do a good job the guy gets hard. end of story. As a dancer you get used to the requests for sexual favours and learn to brush them off firmly but politely - although what is really sad are the guys who start the night by telling you about their girlfriend or fiancee and a couple of hours later are asking you for sex.

 

Although please have faith, i have also entertained some lovely men who genuinely did not want to be in the club but got draggedalong on birthday/ stag night etc and they really do not want a dance. Usually theri friends pay for them to have a dance and what i do is take them off to a private booth for the length of a song and just sit and chat to them. They don't lose face with their friends, i get my money and everyone is happy! Although i have to say, that's quite rare!

[InmannRoshi]

Women have strip clubs ... its called the Health Spa.

[deesgirl]

Zara, you aren't the first stripper that I've read doesn't want their man going to a strip club or getting lap dances. That's what makes me so mad when guys say it's so innocent. You see first hand what goes on, so if you don't want your man going, that says something.

[zara]

deesgirl - it's not so much what goes on - in terms of what goes on, very few girls do things they shouldn't, i.e. give sexual favours, it is the men who ask for them and a good professional dancer will politely but firmly refuse, but yes, i have worked in clubs where girls proposition punters and i wouldn't like it to happen to my man. But that wasn't my main point.

 

My main point is that it just trikes me as really really sad. I would never date a punter or anyone who uses strip clubs because it says that person is inadequate, they do not feel satisfied with thewir self worth enough to feel that they could command the attention of a beautiful woman without paying for it. And i really would not want to be in a relationship with someone for whom i didn't fulfill that need. Plus, i am a lapdancer and can give them the kind of private dance at home i DON'T give in the clubs!

[InmannRoshi]

Really, so anyone who attends their friend's bachelor party is lacking something on the inside? That's what many of these women are talking about .... not habitual stripclub attendance, just going to their friends bachelor party.

 

And if we're making generalizations on the patrons of stripclubs with broad brush strokes, would it be okay if we made similar assumptions on the employees of stripclubs?

[YellowLioness]

had an issue in the past with my boyfriend going to strip clubs. I told him that it lowers my self esteem and makes me feel discusted. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an unattractive person by all means. I know I could get most any guy I wanted. But that is besides the point. He never stopped going to these clubs even after I told him how I felt. Most of the times he went- were behind my back.

 

IMHO, you choose the way you feel about something. Perhaps if your boyfriend had told you exactly what he was doing, you wouldn't have gotten so angry. If you trusted him, what would be going through your mind is, "Yeah, so what. Let her throw himself at her. It won't matter. He loves me."

 

 

 

damn, i must be a man with boobs. i think strip clubs are fun, enjoy porn, and DESPISE cheesy romance novels. i wouldn't be caught dead at a chippendales show and once when i was at a party for the bride the night before the wedding (ha ha! i can't spell bachellorette!), the stripper tried to give me a lap dance in his g-string and it made me feel nauseas - ick.

 

or maybe i'm just an anti-puritanical chick.

 

Hey, me too! I went to a chippendale show for a friend of mine's birthday. I wasn't turned on. However, my friends were a different story.

 

 

Firstly, i would NEVER date a man who used strip clubs. Most dancers see the punters as varying degrees of sad. They're just dicks with dough. Some are arseholes, some are polite and lovely, but at the end of the day it's a pretty sad way to spend their money, but hey, if they are willing to spend then i am more than happy to take it off them

 

 

Zara, then why are you a stripper? How can you dance for a crowd that disgusts you? I don't know, I couldn't do it. It sounds like you are really unhappy.

[zara]

InnmanRoshi - many of these women ARE talking about strip club attendence. Either way it is all wrapped up in male ego issues and the concept of power; male assumption that they wield economic power over the dancer; female power of erotic arousal to the customer.

 

Of course, this all occurs on varying degrees, a strong element for many men is attention. In todays busy society it is rare to have the complete and undivided attention of another person and that is what a good lapdance is like: an attention bath. But still, i find it pretty sad that this becomes a financial transaction for people. I am sure most men don't give much depth of thought to their enjoyment of these experiences but heck, that's what i did my master's degree for!

 

As for making broad assumptions about dancers, honey,most people do! They assume that we are all desperate/ stupid/ incapable of doing anything else/ sluts/ unhappy - whatever, people can think what they like as long as they hand over their cash and keep their hands to themselves!

 

Lioness- i am a stripper because i have bills to pay and the income from my day job is not enough to do that. Some of the punters disgust me more than others but heck, that's just people in general! I'm quite a misanthrope really i just happen to have an incongrous talent for being a good hostess and entertaining people!

 

I am not at all unhappy about what i do - there are lots of other things i could do, waitress, bar work, cleaning, stuffing envelopes, but i enjoy dancing. It beats going out on a weekend and having drunken guys hit on you in a bar. The men in the club have to abide by the rules or security step in and i get to use my talents and have fun with my colleagues. I figure if people are stupid enough to spend money on it then i'm more than willing to take their cash! I love it.

[YellowLioness]

I can totally understand the lack of cash flow.

 

I work only one day job, and I'm about to go get another evening job. *shrugs* ya do what you gotta do.

 

You know, I was thinking (a dangerous hobby I have) and its odd to me that people who don't strip, and the men who visit strip clubs, seem to look down on the strippers while In your posts, Zara, you look down on the "punters."

 

Its just amusing to me, that's all.

[zara]

Lioness - it's true. i think my view of punters comes from THEIR view of us. Like i say, people make these wild assumptions about us, that we are drug addicts, promiscuous, not very clever. Sometimes i play to the latter, it makes them feel powerful, i tell them that i left school at 16 and work in a supermarket. They seem to expect it. Some, the ones who like to talk and who really like my accent - "You are very well spoken!" - i do actually tell that i have a master's degree. They like the thought of having a dance from "A posh girl".

 

I don't think the punters think us capable of having an opinion about them (if only they heard what we say in the dressing room!) and too many women assume that we must be sexually promiscuous and after their men! Women are often shocked to find out that we are normal people too. A lot of my friends (those who know) have admitted that they held a stereotyped view of strippers that they have been forced to reevaluate since i started.

[InmannRoshi]

I fully realize dancers have contempt for their customers (although, I think 99% of the people who work in the service industry have contempt for their customers). There is no better way to get heckled by your friends than to utter the words "Dude, I think that stripper really liked me." This is why I brought up the health spa scenerio up above .... I mean, seriously, who should feel more insecure? A wife who's husband is going to a strip club to get a lap dance, fully clothed, in front of a large crowd of people, with bouncers watching to make sure nothing gets out of line, in the most UNromatic setting known to man, by a person who can barely stand their presence. OR a husband who's wife is going to some health spa to strip down naked and get rubbed down skin on skn by 22 year old muscled up testosterone adled Sven (who knows what is going through his mind), alone, behind closed doors, with candles lit and soft music playing in the background.

 

I also don't disagree that the strip club setting can be depressing, which is why I don't go unless its some sort of "occasion" like a bachelor party or a going away party. One of my good female friends became a stripper, and I told her I think it would cause her to hate men (Actually, I think that was part of the appeal to her), because she'll be exposed to men at their worst on a daily basis. Still, I don't find any harm in a married man going to a bachelor party UNLESS the married man has given his wife specific reasons why she shouldn't trust him based on past experience. I still think the root of 99% of the disdain married women have for their husbands just attending a bachelor party has to do with insecurity regarding their own bodies and married women in general don't like their husbands hanging around their single friends (similar to the way Southern plantation owners didn't want their slaves to become exposed to the words of the abolitionists).

[zara]

Your health spa analogy just doesn't cut it, my friend!

1) health spas are not as prolific as strip joints - at least not in england anyway - one, maybe two in every county as opposed to two or three strip clubs in every city.

2) Most of the staff in these places are female. Thus most of the professional massages i have received have been from women and those i've had from men have been from whichever balding (what is it about the fitness industry that makes men lose their hair?) massage therapist is on duty at the time. Definately not a case of me picking out some oiled up young stud from a p[arade of thong clad nubile flesh... mmmm... sorry, drifting a bit there...

 

The dislike of one's husband going to a strip club does not have to have anything to do with trust. People can trust me with theri husband and also trust their husband. The problem may be a deeper distaste for the whole sordid event as i have expressed. I am sure that in the unlikely event of my ever having a relationship and getting married i will feel exactly the same way. And that is nothing to do with insecurity about my own looks or body. (bags of that thankyou very much) I am sure that many of the women who object have great bodies and lots of confidence, in fact i would suggest it is their men who lack confidence, a) to feel the need to pay for attention, or b) to stand up to their friends and tell them they don't want to go.

[nOnI]

personally, i think its pretty sad when your man wants to go to a strip club, thats the beginning of insecurity for a woman, in a womans head shes thinking " damn, why does my husband/boyfriend want to go see other women rather than being home with me and seeing me naked" and on the other perspective most males just go to do the whole macho thing with their friends. i think its especially degrading to spend money on strippers, id rather my boyfriend/husband buy me something before he goes and slips dollar bills in some other hoes panties.thats like buying her something!

honestly, if guys want to hang out so badly together can't they make the exception of NOT going to a strip?.. why not to a bar or to a pool hall..?.. im not saying that they wont be girls there but at least they are not naked and trying to be all over you for a penny. and besides all of that.. it all starts with visualization. and if men are such "visualizing creatures" then they could porn if they need it so bad!( and yes there is a difference between porn and a strip cluB). why the real deal..

its a messed up situation, a messed up world. and when it all comes down to it. most men are dogs and just do it to not look like a woosy in front of their friends b/c deep down inside they know it hurts you, and why would u hurt the one u supposedly LOVE?...

[InmannRoshi]

See, not surprisingly, it all comes down to male bashing and misandry.

 

Now, let's ask one more time why males are so "afraid" of commitment.

[InmannRoshi]

when it all comes down to it. most men are dogs and just do it to not look like a woosy in front of their friends b/c deep down inside they know it hurts you, and why would u hurt the one u supposedly LOVE?..

 

Or maybe they don't want to spend the rest of their finite time on this earth having to tiptoe around the unlimited vastness of female insecurity.