Empath Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 (edited) Edit: This should probably be moved to the breakup or coping forum instead, my apologies moderators! Broke up after an initally amazing relationship became a co-dependant, insecurity fest in the last year or so. Long story short: She requested a break (without exclusivity) and I decided they were not terms I was willing to accept. So a break-up it was. Post breakup she'd sent a handful of crumbs and "I miss certain things about you" messages, they hurt me (since I was in effect the dumpee, despite my decision) and so I asked her to respect a lengthy period of NC so that we could heal. The problem is I still have a couple of her belongings that I know she values greatly, and that she had initially asked for back. During our last conversation I asked her to "get it over with now" because I knew I wouldn't want to deal with it in the future. Fast-forward to present: I wake up today with a missed call from her, no text, no email, nothing. I'm pretty sure she's contacting me regarding her stuff, but I'm frustrated at the timing. I was truly making progress. But this scrape of contact has reminded me how fragile my newfound happiness is. The moral of the story is that I don't really want to call back, and I haven't. I don't understant why she hasn't texted me instead, a far more impersonal way of organizing a hand-over. I'm unsure what the best way to go about this is ladies and gentlemen and I would appreciate some help. The way I feel is: I've worked hard to regain my self-esteem and develop a social network. But as hard as it has been, I fear that contact of any sort at this point will set me back. Edited May 5, 2011 by Empath Link to post Share on other sites
Irishlove Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Edit: This should probably be moved to the breakup or coping forum instead, my apologies moderators! Broke up after an initally amazing relationship became a co-dependant, insecurity fest in the last year or so. Long story short: She requested a break (without exclusivity) and I decided they were not terms I was willing to accept. So a break-up it was. Post breakup she'd sent a handful of crumbs and "I miss certain things about you" messages, they hurt me (since I was in effect the dumpee, despite my decision) and so I asked her to respect a lengthy period of NC so that we could heal. The problem is I still have a couple of her belongings that I know she values greatly, and that she had initially asked for back. During our last conversation I asked her to "get it over with now" because I knew I wouldn't want to deal with it in the future. Fast-forward to present: I wake up today with a missed call from her, no text, no email, nothing. I'm pretty sure she's contacting me regarding her stuff, but I'm frustrated at the timing. I was truly making progress. But this scrape of contact has reminded me how fragile my newfound happiness is. The moral of the story is that I don't really want to call back, and I haven't. I don't understant why she hasn't texted me instead, a far more impersonal way of organizing a hand-over. I'm unsure what the best way to go about this is ladies and gentlemen and I would appreciate some help. The way I feel is: I've worked hard to regain my self-esteem and develop a social network. But as hard as it has been, I fear that contact of any sort at this point will set me back. Well, you do have her belongings. If she didn't leave a message then don't call her back but it's only prolonging seeing her. Or....text her saying I see I missed your call. Then she will text you. You will heal in time but holding onto her things is torturing yourself. You are holding on to whatever you can. Your true healing will begin when her things are returned. That's my two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Empath Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 Thanks Irish, the strange thing is she didn't want them back when I gave her the chance (in all probability she didn't want to see me right then). As for torturing myself, I have them well-hidden and I can honestly say they don't touch me anymore. I am feeling great now, it's meeting her that I feel might unbalance me. If it is about her belongings, I wonder if she'd accept priority mail *laugh*. Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Just send her a text satying the following: "I want to give you back your things. Please let me know when you are available to pick them up or drop them off". That's it. No opening to anything else. You could even have a friend drop it off if you like...done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Empath Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 Right-o, sent a variation thereof, let's see where this goes. Link to post Share on other sites
giuliano-3 Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Very long story semi short - I've dealt with a similar scenario recently. Absolute shattering heartbreak. She went to England, was supposed to be gone for a week or two at most, ended up staying for over 3 months and cheating on me. We'd been living together for over a year, almost all of her belongings were at our place. I had two choices : Take her things to the nearest dumpster/Goodwill and drop them inside, or send everything up north to her mom. I, despite fierce inner protest, decided to pack and send everything. Her mom paid, of course. But things kept popping up here and there, the whole process took over 4 months. I held onto a couple things I knew she'd want. What I should have done was thoroughly accumulate her things and get rid of them right away. Holding onto things like this only torture the mind and soul. My advice would be to send all of her things to a trusted relative/friend or give them away to someone who can use them. If neither apply, throw it all away. As for seeing her again, its been a year since I have - and the last time was dropping her off at an airport for the journey that would break us apart. Its tough, man, really really tough. If you live in the same city or area as she does, you will have a harder time. My ex was 1,500 miles away when she came back from England. There is no easy answer. You will eventually forget her, and truly not care one way or the other if you ever see her again. Or so I'm told. I'm doing well and am convinced I missed a bunch of red flags during our time together. Although I think I'd like to take her back at some point, deep down I know that will never happen until I've erased her from my conscious thought. Do you wish you had broken up with her at any number of points in your relationship? Were red flags popping up which you didn't see at the time? I would strongly consider not taking her back, at the very least for the short term, if you answered yes to both of the above questions. Best of luck my man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Empath Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 Wise words Giuliano. Turns out she invited me to her graduation party. With added "You can say no, just thought I'd ask". I declined but offered my congratulations. Link to post Share on other sites
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