Entropy3000 Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 Hi, there was a time when I didn't want sex, and I know now that it was very hard on my husband. It started when our middle daughter was very sick and in the hospital. I'd go and spend as much time with her as I could, and when I would come home to rest for a few hours, I was so worried and sad that we would loose her (the doctors thought she had a brain tumor) that it was all I could think about. Sex with my husband just seemed impossible as I was so sad and my heart would not have been in it. I got annoyed with him because he would want to have sex, as I couldn't understand how he could want to when there was something so horrible going on. it got worse, as after she was released and back home and getting better, I developed a severe health issue that was so painful I needed to take morphine just to be able to walk. At the end of the day, I was so worn out that I all I wanted to do was sleep, but my husband would want to have sex. The way I saw it, he didn't care that he would hurt me, he just wanted sex. This led to a huge problem for us. After a huge amount of crud that I won't go into here. and a lot of talking and counseling, we both understand the situation a lot better. I didn't really realize that part of him wanting sex so much was because he wanted to be close to me and show affection. He thought I was rejecting him, and didn't realize how sad and in pain I was. I didn't realize how much I was hurting him by not wanting to have sex. Talking about it helped us a lot. Now he understands that sometimes I'm just too tired to have sex ( we've got 3 kids, all of whom have some major health problems, and I get up at five thrity with him and go to bed after our kids are all finally settled, which sometimes isn't until very late at night), and that at those times, being held and cuddled is really nice for both of us... and oftentimes, I'm the one who initiates it. I understand that, for him, sex is not only a "biological release" - didn't know how else to put that-lol) but a way to achieve intimacy between us, so I try and make sure that we have at least some time for it whenever we can. We are both happier now. This is just one of the things I wish that someone had told me...so often men are portrayed as wanting sex only for biological reasons, when, in fact, it's just as much a way to be intimate and show the other person how much they are loved... I guess I didn't understand how "one night stand" type of sex and " I love you and want to show it" sex are different...seems like I'm not the only one...maybe it comes from kids having sex so young these days ( don't get me started on my opinion on THAT-lol) and they don't learn about the emotions involved... Thanks for sharing this. I bolded the statements related to how men give and receive love and affection and obtain initmacy. It is way beyond physical. That said the more poignant part of your post is NOT bolded. It is real life and times of being married. I hate to see folks who go through these type of tribulations together and rather than bond them closer push them into less deserving peoples arms or just shut it down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wehtiko Posted May 17, 2011 Author Share Posted May 17, 2011 At the end of the day it is about intimacy. If all I wanted was an orgasm, then there are very easy solutions to THAT problem. There is really only one thing that you do only with your wife (or supposed to), and that is to be physically intimate. When that's not in the cards, then you really are just irritable roommates. After all this time, I don't think it can be fixed... it's time to move on to being free and finding intimacy, or just being free. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wehtiko Posted May 17, 2011 Author Share Posted May 17, 2011 Ronh, I appreciate the offer, but no thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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