My ex called lastnight crying...

[Dims85]

So its been a little over 2 months since we have been together, a month break and a month being actually broken up. I have been trying to maintain NC but she has broken it several times and I responded to her texts. Yesterday she text me saying how proud she is of me working out and running in a 10k and how she loves me and misses me. Lastnight I get a call around 11 from my ex. She was crying and saying how much she loves me still and misses me so badly. She proceeded to say how much she thinks about me and is hurting so much through all this. We talked for almost 4 hours and we talked about what went wrong and how she handled the breakup very immaturely. She went on to say how much it hurts to not have me in her life and she wants to fix things but doesn't know how or where to start. I told her its not fair what she is doing to me and she needs to figure it out, if she loved me and missed me as much as she is saying she would work on things with me. We are talking about meeting up tomorrow for dinner and I am just hoping things work out but I guess I will see.

[xhollister20x]

Why did u guys break up in the first place.? to me it seems that she made a mistake, my recent gf did what ur ex is doing, and things really didnt go well for us in the end.

[JasonRules]

Talking to her for 4 hours and talking about your feelings etc will get you nowhere again. Stop displaying "female" attributes and start acting like a man (ie. evasive, non-chalant, couldn't care less etc) and she'll be after you like white on rice. The more emotional you are the higher the chances she will dump you again.

 

Remember, life is all about balance. I'm not saying be a total a-hole, but then again you don't want to be Mother Teresa either.

 

When you meet up for dinner do not talk about your feelings, the future, how much you miss her, her feelings, yada yada yada. Just be yourself, have fun, and don't have any expectations. Trust me on this...you'll be thanking me a couple months from now.

[Dims85]

We broke up because she was really stressed out felt like I was pressuring her in some ways she got cold feet about the engagement and wanted to fix her f*cked up life in her words. Mostly BS reasons but some legitimate things we had as well. i have been non chalant this whole time and she told me she feels like she is losing me, to which i responded that is what she wanted when she left me so thats what she is getting. Lastnight she was the one breaking down and I do agree I let her know I still do have feelings for her and miss her but I did not get emotional on her at all. She had most of the things to say and I listened and gave her my opinion on what she said. She said she wants to work on things and I told her actions speak louder than words so we will see. I am gonna do my best to go with a clear head and no expectations of anything tomorrow. I feel like this is a step in the right direction but I am keeping my guard up for the possible let down that could ensue.

[JasonRules]

We broke up because she was really stressed out felt like I was pressuring her in some ways she got cold feet about the engagement and wanted to fix her f*cked up life in her words. Mostly BS reasons but some legitimate things we had as well. i have been non chalant this whole time and she told me she feels like she is losing me, to which i responded that is what she wanted when she left me so thats what she is getting. Lastnight she was the one breaking down and I do agree I let her know I still do have feelings for her and miss her but I did not get emotional on her at all. She had most of the things to say and I listened and gave her my opinion on what she said. She said she wants to work on things and I told her actions speak louder than words so we will see. I am gonna do my best to go with a clear head and no expectations of anything tomorrow. I feel like this is a step in the right direction but I am keeping my guard up for the possible let down that could ensue.

 

 

Even if you do care, act like you don't otherwise you will get pounded. I can't tell you how many guys in here were approached by their exes crying etc. only to change their minds 180 degrees once they realized they had the guy wrapped around their finger. Hold your cards close to your chest and don't reveal too much. Keep things ambigious.

[Dims85]

Even if you do care, act like you don't otherwise you will get pounded. I can't tell you how many guys in here were approached by their exes crying etc. only to change their minds 180 degrees once they realized they had the guy wrapped around their finger. Hold your cards close to your chest and don't reveal too much. Keep things ambigious.

 

Im gonna see what she has to say tomorrow and if she can't commit to fixing things and just keeps saying she loves me and misses me I will go back to NC to heal and let her do her own thing. I am not gonna be her little puppy dog when she is feeling down.

[JasonRules]

Trust me, the less you care the better off you are...

[Still Searching]

I have to agree with Jason, the less you care, the better off you are. Of course you care for her as a person, but speaking from personal experience, the sooner you stop caring about an "us", the better off you are.

 

My ex left me, and came back a month later apologizing and admitting to being immature about the break up, much like your girl. I foolishly ate up everything she was telling me and took her back. Two months later and she was gone again. Like Jason said, I did everything in my power to make it work, but to her, I was simply wrapped around her finger, and she didn't put much effort in after 2 weeks or so.

 

It's been 5 weeks since she left the 2nd time, and I went NC on her immediately. She called me last week doing the same old "I miss you" and "my life's gone downhill since I left you" crap. As you said, if that's all you're going to get (which, sorry, is probably all you are going to), it's not worth the time. If you weren't good enough then, why are you now? I think most people run back to an ex out of loneliness/neediness, not simply because they love the person.

 

Just my $.02.

[JasonRules]

I have to agree with Jason, the less you care, the better off you are. Of course you care for her as a person, but speaking from personal experience, the sooner you stop caring about an "us", the better off you are.

 

My ex left me, and came back a month later apologizing and admitting to being immature about the break up, much like your girl. I foolishly ate up everything she was telling me and took her back. Two months later and she was gone again. Like Jason said, I did everything in my power to make it work, but to her, I was simply wrapped around her finger, and she didn't put much effort in after 2 weeks or so.

 

It's been 5 weeks since she left the 2nd time, and I went NC on her immediately. She called me last week doing the same old "I miss you" and "my life's gone downhill since I left you" crap. As you said, if that's all you're going to get (which, sorry, is probably all you are going to), it's not worth the time. If you weren't good enough then, why are you now? I think most people run back to an ex out of loneliness/neediness, not simply because they love the person.

 

Just my $.02.

 

 

Don't be anyone's emotional tampon. Have self worth and respect yourself first. I'm not saying if someone is truly making an effort to reconcile to be blowing them off, but half asz attempts should be met with indifference. Speaking from personal experience I can say that in the few cases which I cared for a lot, I've gotten burnt, but in the cases where I was non-chalant or lukewarm I've seen nothing but love, gratitude, and affection. This is why I'm changing the tune of my fiddle. The last relationship taught me a very important lesson regarding relationships and women in general, thus the saying "Nice guys always finish last".

[arbrne_vet]

Well Said.........................

[nyckidd]

Talking to her for 4 hours and talking about your feelings etc will get you nowhere again. Stop displaying "female" attributes and start acting like a man (ie. evasive, non-chalant, couldn't care less etc) and she'll be after you like white on rice. The more emotional you are the higher the chances she will dump you again.

 

Remember, life is all about balance. I'm not saying be a total a-hole, but then again you don't want to be Mother Teresa either.

 

When you meet up for dinner do not talk about your feelings, the future, how much you miss her, her feelings, yada yada yada. Just be yourself, have fun, and don't have any expectations. Trust me on this...you'll be thanking me a couple months from now.

 

I like this. Its def true, dont be too emotional, but also dont forget that your a man, so like the godfather says "You can act like a man!"

 

Just make sure after your meeting tommorow that you and your ex both know exactly what you want from eachother. If shes still prologing things I wouldnt stick around.

[Dims85]

Don't be anyone's emotional tampon. Have self worth and respect yourself first. I'm not saying if someone is truly making an effort to reconcile to be blowing them off, but half asz attempts should be met with indifference. Speaking from personal experience I can say that in the few cases which I cared for a lot, I've gotten burnt, but in the cases where I was non-chalant or lukewarm I've seen nothing but love, gratitude, and affection. This is why I'm changing the tune of my fiddle. The last relationship taught me a very important lesson regarding relationships and women in general, thus the saying "Nice guys always finish last".

 

I agree with you 100% jason. I told her last night I am not here just to be the shoulder to cry on. My plan is to see what she has to say or do and act from there

 

I like this. Its def true, dont be too emotional, but also dont forget that your a man, so like the godfather says "You can act like a man!"

 

Just make sure after your meeting tommorow that you and your ex both know exactly what you want from eachother. If shes still prologing things I wouldnt stick around.

 

You said exactly what I was thinking, I want to know what she wants from me and if its only friendship then she has to leave me be to heal or she can want to fix things and try and reconcile and we can start again.

[Gisele]

As much as i don't want to agree with Jason, as it seems like mild mindgames.....listen to him. he's exactly right.

 

From a woman's point of view, it makes an impact when a guy keeps some cards close to his chest. No woman wants to think 'i can have this guy anytime....so surely i can do better?'. Men do it too. Be open to her, but don't put any of your own feelings out there, not yet

[otherfish]

JR, not to sound like a putz or anything....but I want you to know that I read your posts/replies and I hang on your every word. I totally agree that you have to be an a-hole most of the time with women for them to really cling to you....ITS THE CHALLENGE! (IMO)

 

I'm 2 months into NC after 2.5yrs. We got into a stupid fight, she told me to leave, I packed my $#!+ and quietly left...we havent had any communication since. I know she hates my silence (based on prior fights). I know I have made the biggest impact on her life of all her relationships. I know I took her to levels of intimacy that she has never known. I know she had more fun with me than any other......So, based on all that I have to believe that she will contact me sooner or later. She is very stubborn and has a strong ego.....I read what you say, Im hoping she will break and I will hear from her.

 

Whatdyathink?

[shawn923]

Great thread here. Im kinda going/went thru the exact same thing. My ex contact me a week ago, (after 2 weeks NC) saying she missed me, still loved me, thinks of me 24/7 and that no one compares. She even said the guy shes with now, she only got with him to get over me. (rebound)...) Anyways, i guess i told her i missed her as well. And we kissed... i shoulda pushed her back when she tried. I wasnt really a "man" or "a-hole" during our meet, and that MAY have backfired. I was completely honest with her, i let her know i did miss her, etc... She said if things were to ever go wrong with her and him, she wanted to know if I would be there... i said YES...

 

Later that night i regretted it, telling her if u wanna be with me, actions speak louder than words. Show me ACTION. all she could say was "i cant leave him. sorry"... so it was kinda a big waste of time. I told her "you played with my emotions, please not to talk to me, erase my number, and i wanted nothing to do with you" she said "i dont want it like that!" and i havent heard from her since...

 

The moral of the story is, she only wanted to talk to me because she was feeling bad about me ignoring her with NC. Where i do believe she loves me, misses me, etc, she probably noticed i still was available easily to her, so she figured she rather have her cake and eat it too... Dont get me wrong, i still want to be with her, and i 100% doubt she actually erased my number. But all i can do is wait and heal at this point. Im sure she'll come around eventually again, when she gets tired of mr. rebound. But maybe if i had acted more non-chalant during our meet, although i still may not have got her back that day, but her sense of urgency to get me would have gone up much more...

 

The worse thing you can do is go to the friend zone. In that zone, while ur ex may be telling the truth about how she feels about you, (it'll take a evil demon to straight up LIE to you about love, over and over...) her sense of urgency to actaully ACT on it is extremely minimal... She figures she can have u whenever she want, which she can... If she only wants friends, go NC like i did. It wont bring her back today, but it increases her sense of urgency drastically, in my opinion. Its a wake up call. If u want any chance at all, make her miss you... and the best way is to stay out of sight and mind to her. I mean i would LOVE a 2nd chance with her, but i have to force myself to move on... so she can come back. I cant wait/hope she does, because now i know exactly how to handle her. Just make sure u handle the situation well... You dont want to be a friend, period. that is your SLOWEST and least likely scenario for u to ever be her boyfriend again.

 

Just remember thru all this, you certainly are not alone. Im literally going thru the same thing. Hundreds of ppl on LS are. Millions of ppl in the world are. Give yourself the best chance possible... Be a stern MAN. Dont accept nothing less than WHAT YOU WANT. Anything slightly less, go NC... She'll realize what she lost on her own.

 

Hope i could help... Im usually the one receiving help, lol

[JasonRules]

JR, not to sound like a putz or anything....but I want you to know that I read your posts/replies and I hang on your every word. I totally agree that you have to be an a-hole most of the time with women for them to really cling to you....ITS THE CHALLENGE! (IMO)

 

I'm 2 months into NC after 2.5yrs. We got into a stupid fight, she told me to leave, I packed my $#!+ and quietly left...we havent had any communication since. I know she hates my silence (based on prior fights). I know I have made the biggest impact on her life of all her relationships. I know I took her to levels of intimacy that she has never known. I know she had more fun with me than any other......So, based on all that I have to believe that she will contact me sooner or later. She is very stubborn and has a strong ego.....I read what you say, Im hoping she will break and I will hear from her.

 

Whatdyathink?

 

 

I'm at 2 months NC tomorrow actually. Here's the deal; most women want what they can't have. I know this is a cliche, but its true. It's basic human psychology.

 

For example, how excited are you if you win a game of basketball where the opponent just forfeit the game? Now compare that with your excitement if you just won a game with 2 overtimes with a final shot 2 seconds before the buzzer. It's the same basic premise. Things which come very easily to us we never appreciate, whereas things which we have to fight for to gain we appreciate. Look at home many people are attempting to climb Mount Everest and many dying in the process. Why are they risking their lives? Because its a challenge and its difficult. All for the mere chance to sit on top of the highest peak in the World for 10-15 minutes.

 

Most women aren't lesbians. If they were they would be with a woman, but they are not. They want a man and in a man they are looking for masculine characteristics. Someone who is confident, strong emotionally, not a wuss, hard working, ambitious, with drive, a leader, doesn't take any BS etc. Now if your all mushy, soft, emotional etc with a woman the attraction she feels for you will go away and she will see you as one of her gay friends or a girlfriend. You need to do whatever you say.

 

If you say I'm going to go NC, then do it and stick with it. Don't change your mind and don't be chasing her, texting her, emailing her, or calling her. The more you talk about your feelings and why she should be with you the less attractive you look in her eyes because you're like a beggar.

 

If someone begged you on the street to give them 1 dollar you think to yourself "You're kind of pathetic", but if someone says "I'll work for you for $1 dollar" you suddenly have respect for them. Why? Because they respect themselves first and foremost.

 

 

@Other

 

It sounds like you did good. The bottom line is this; there is nothing wrong with trying to make a relationship work during the breakup phase. For one, it shows your girl that you care and you have feeling for her to fight for what you believe in (which is what I did), BUT when things reach a point where you are not satisfied by the relationship then you have to walk away. She might not want you, because there might be another guy in the picture, but trust me the honeymoon with the other guy won't last forever. Eventually, she will tire of him and if you treated her right during your time together she will start to miss those moments and if you weren't chasing her after the breakup for months on end begging her to come back she will respect you on top of it. Why? Because you weren't willing to put up with BS and walked away.

 

Whether or not things will work out in the long run, I don't know. However, from my personal experience all my long term girlfriends came back. Even the one that broke up with me and told me in my face she doesn't love me anymore. Even she came back after 3.5 years. Of course by then I didn't care about her at all and she got rejected, but even she came back.

 

So in conclusion. Stick to your guns (ie. NC). Take care of yourselves. Spend time at the gym. Spend time with your buddies. Don't sit at home and sulk in depression. Get out. Ride a bike, a motorcycle, go to the movies, date other girls, and live your lives as you normally would and girls/women will flock to you. Not because you're a model or rich, but because you're fun to be around and they enjoy spending time with you.

 

Don't worry about what tomorrow will bring. I'm from Greece and there is a famous Greek author who won the Nobel prize in literature. He once said the following which I live by:

 

"I hope for nothing, I fear nothing, I AM FREE"

[Iceybreaker]

a lot of this is in terms of the girl the one leaving and the guy initiating NC. "be a man, a girl likes the challenge", etc.

 

but what about guys? guys like the challenge too? or too hard and its just easier to stick with the new girl theyve got? i think girls feel guilty sooner when they rebound, and will try to come back 'eventually' to apologize or what not, but what about guys? or is it a done deal? will they try to make their rebound work?

 

 

and dims, be very, very careful. best of luck to you though. id say be indifferent, not mean nor emotional but just matter of fact

[nana841121]

So sad that Jason is right.

although we always say don't play mind game, we keep playing.

people sucks

[Dims85]

I don't think it will matter what mindset I have, she hasn't called or text me back to confirm what time we were gonna meet tonight. She said when we talked she would text or call the next day to let me know. I know she works til 7 tonight and her phone broke the other day so that could be a reason. But her phone was broken when she called the other day and she used her house phone so it doesn't make sense that she hasn't reached out yet. God, I feel like an idiot for letting her get to me again and breaking NC... Back on the wagon again

[otherfish]

Great thread here, very uplifiting and informative. JR, I totally agree with you still. You are very wise with the woman relationship thing. I definitely did things in my relationship with her that set me aside from all the rest of her relationships. She would get so embarassed when in a restaurant while eating dinner, I would just out of nowhere scream..."I LOVE YOU SO MU-UUCH!" almost to the top of my lungs. She would get embarassed but in a way that she loved it. I would give her full-body massage for hours head to toe. I would rub her face til she fell asleep at night. I would fix things around her house. I would do her yardwork. She never had to do laundry. I would pray with her. I got her to go to church. I have prayed with her son. I would come into the kitchen and give her big hugs ..... I tried to set myself apart from all of her previous men. I'm really hoping that the energy I expended will have her begging for me back one day...and in a way, if and when that comes I hope it is at a time when Iam in love with ANOTHER WOMAN who appreciates everything that I tried to give her. Most Women suck.