its all going pear shaped....

[Idontwantthis]

Not sure why I'm posting here, I think I just need to vent...

 

I love my wife very much. We haven't been married that long but the last few years I've spent with her have been the best of my life. She left me 5 days ago, I had no idea it was coming. One day she's telling me how happy she is, the next she has a gut feeling she doesn't love me anymore. I'm hurting and have no idea to deal with the situation.

 

We live several thousand miles from our families and most of our friends after moving out to a new country together a few years ago for work reasons. Whilst I believed we were settled and enjoying each others company I now find myself with no one to talk about this with because of differences in timezones and so on. Night after night staring at the tv/walls wondering if she's ok must only be making the situation worse.

 

She is currently staying closeby with friends, and we're still on speaking terms (of course I want to speak more than I can get to) I just don't know if there's anything I can do to try and turn this situation around. How can you work around someones 'gut feeling' when they agree nearly everything else is right between you. "you're everything I want, but I don't think I love you anymore. You're more like a friend."

 

She says she still cares about me and that she is missing my company. I know she feels guilty that she's upset me and I fear thats only making her resolve to go through with this stronger now shes started down the road. I just don't know how I can speak to her without pushing her away further.

 

I may be biased, but I don't believe our marriage has any serious issues that can't be resolved. The only area for concern over the last month or so has been in the bedroom. I've been putting this down to the fact that she's started a new job, is working really long hours, and is visibly exhausted. But she's clearly reading a lot more into it.

 

Is she going to be ok? What do I do now? How should I behave when I see her? How long is this pain going to last? what will her family think of me letting her move out so far from any of their love and support? how am I going to face people once they know I've lost the most important thing in my life? what did I do wrong? How on earth has this happened? Why didn't I see the signs?

 

 

And what really prompted me to write here: Why, when I search the internet for subjects such as 'how can I save my marriage' do I get nothing but sites trying to sell me their e-books???? Are there really that many people out there willing to exploit people at such a traumatic time???

 

 

thanks, I feel a bit better just for getting this off my chest.

[2SidestoStories]

And what really prompted me to write here: Why, when I search the internet for subjects such as 'how can I save my marriage' do I get nothing but sites trying to sell me their e-books???? Are there really that many people out there willing to exploit people at such a traumatic time??

 

Unfortunately, the answer to this is yes. The truth is, people who are in a situation like you describe often feel so tremendously out of control that the notion of manipulating their significant other into doing what they want is a very appealing one.

 

I wish I could be more helpful to you in this, honestly. Know that you've stumbled onto a right place, though.

[moimeme]

Have a look at <URL removed> They have books and coaching available, but there is a ton of free information on the site, including the gist of the guy's main ideas. Your wife might be amenable to reading it with you and working together. If not, some people start doing some of the program on their own.

[Idontwantthis]

thanks for the quick responses, its cheered me up a bit just knowing someone heard me.

 

I've got my head stuck into the <removed> articles, thanks for the info.