Never thought I would be doing this

[2sunny]

seems the tone of "help" here has taken a different tone...

 

let's stay on topic and try to be helpful for the original poster...

[TMCM]

I have tried for years to address the sexual issues at home. It is just not important to my wife. She went to one appointment years ago and never returned. I wanted to go with her, but they wanted her to go alone the first time. I tried to get her to see someone else, if she was unhappy with that first meeting. No luck. It has been much more than a few "casual conversations." It has been ongoing for years.

 

If your wife dismisses this as YOUR problem then you have a woman who doesn't care about you. Even so, she doesn't deserve to be betrayed by you - nobody does.

 

The honorable thing is for you to file for divorce.

[RRM]

Hey F&C I feel for you.

 

I think your wife is being totally unfair.

 

I am a little confused though. What do you share with this younger woman when you talk with her?

 

Do you talk to her about your marriage or other things?

 

You say you have a good relationship with your wife and that she's like a friend, so what do you talk to her about when you two are home? How does that differ from what you talk to the younger woman about?

 

As to whether or not you should go through with this, logically, I can see it making sense (your wife isn't fulfilling your needs, you've tried, and you decide to look elsewhere) but I don't know if what you'll more than likely gain from it (affection, pleasure, an amazing memory) is worth all the drama that could come from it.

 

One other comment, while I don't think 22 is the pinnacle of life experience, I don't think 22 year olds are clueless either and I know for a fact that people can have things in common even with an age gap.

 

I wish you the best in deciding what to do in what must be a very difficult situation.

[thespiff]

I'm 20 years old and all that I can say is that this is sick. You are a nasty, selfish, sick man and you need therapy.

 

My dad cheated on my mom and guess what? I never looked at him the same again. I am still very close with him but when he tries to give me advice with anything about relationships anymore, I disregard what he has to say. Just thinking about what kind of man my father is makes me want to throw up.

 

When you said VOWS, you made a PROMISE to your wife. You are backstabber. I am sick of all of this "I just want to be loved" crap. You WERE loved by your wife, but obviously you aren't doing something right and you blew it. Sucks to be you. But hey, you're the one who made the vows. She made them too and she has to deal with just being friends with you all day. I'm sure she wants a young attractive man to pay attention to her just as much as you want a young attractive girl to pay attention to you.

 

The only difference is, she isn't betraying you like you are doing to her.

 

If she doesn't give you affection anymore, then what reason could she have for caring if you go to screw another girl? Maybe she will even consider the idea of an open marriage because she would do better off with someone other then you. Obviously you aren't very attractive to her anymore either, so TELL HER. Be a man.

 

If she won't give you sex and you don't like it, TOUGH. When you made your vows, they meant that no matter what, you wouldn't cheat on her!!! You got yourself into this by marrying her. You shouldn't have gotten married if you couldn't handle it. You're a dumba$$ for ever getting married in the first place.

 

You're 40. You're old. You've had enough fun in your life. It's time to grow the hell up.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I'm 20 years old and all that I can say is that this is sick. You are a nasty, selfish, sick man and you need therapy.

 

My dad cheated on my mom and guess what? I never looked at him the same again. I am still very close with him but when he tries to give me advice with anything about relationships anymore, I disregard what he has to say. Just thinking about what kind of man my father is makes me want to throw up.

 

When you said VOWS, you made a PROMISE to your wife. You are backstabber. I am sick of all of this "I just want to be loved" crap. You WERE loved by your wife, but obviously you aren't doing something right and you blew it. Sucks to be you. But hey, you're the one who made the vows. She made them too and she has to deal with just being friends with you all day. I'm sure she wants a young attractive man to pay attention to her just as much as you want a young attractive girl to pay attention to you.

 

The only difference is, she isn't betraying you like you are doing to her.

 

If she doesn't give you affection anymore, then what reason could she have for caring if you go to screw another girl? Maybe she will even consider the idea of an open marriage because she would do better off with someone other then you. Obviously you aren't very attractive to her anymore either, so TELL HER. Be a man.

 

If she won't give you sex and you don't like it, TOUGH. When you made your vows, they meant that no matter what, you wouldn't cheat on her!!! You got yourself into this by marrying her. You shouldn't have gotten married if you couldn't handle it. You're a dumba$$ for ever getting married in the first place.

 

You're 40. You're old. You've had enough fun in your life. It's time to grow the hell up.

 

I think this post (highlighted some of the gems) goes a llong way in proving it.....

[thespiff]

I think this post (highlighted some of the gems) goes a llong way in proving it.....

I don't understand why you found anything in my post laughable. Let's go with what you highlighted...

 

First off, he is a selfish man. No doubt about that. He doesn't care about his wife enough to tell her he is going to have an affair. You don't lie and cheat on your loved one.

 

Second, he has a wife who is also his lover. He needs to stop complaining that he wants to be loved. She loves him (or at least he says they love each other) and if she doesn't then he needs to get a divorce from her or get counseling. Period.

 

The good news about this is that once he gets a divorce, he can have sex with anyone he wants. Isn't that totally awesome?! He can bang and screw the whole neighborhood. He can be emotionally attached to any girl he wants to as long as she is available. All it takes is a divorce and he's done if he wants! So he's not stuck with his wife forever. Isn't America cool like that?

 

Third of all, it sounds like his wife is out of love with him, but it's hard to tell. Still, it's clear as day. If he loves his wife, don't get a divorce. If he doesn't, he needs to divorce his wife and THEN get with the 22 year old. Don't know what she sees in him by the way. Grosssss.... I would never get with a man over 25.

 

And finally, yes. He is a dumba$$ for getting married if he still wants to run around and be with other women. He should have stayed single if he didn't want to commit.

 

Any questions?

 

Oh yeah, and when you take your vows, you don't say "Until death do us part... unless you stop having sex with me."

[foggyandconfused]

I tried to be civil in this forum, but why should I continue, when this thread has become nothing but personal attacks, wild conspiracy theories, and just BS??

 

People like Spiff make me laugh. She cannot control her own relationships, yet you are full of advice. Your boyfriend has a girl who is a "friend" that sleeps over at his house? Your last boyfriend didn't trust you? Judging by the anger in your posts, I can see why.

 

Then there is Mimolicious. She says insightful things like a "22 year old doesn't know how to s**k it." What a tactful answer from a wonderful woman. You must not know either, since your husband went off for a fling and you took him back. You are what they call a "cake feeder." You prove that you can have your cake and eat it too. Thanks.

 

I did get some good advise early in this thread, before it degenerated into a sewing circle of angry, jealous, hateful, women. You yentas are pushing me in the direction of taking the trip and having the time of a lifetime, which yes I do deserve, regardless of how you angry women think I should live in a loveless marriage.

 

One of my favorites is "Are you hygienic?" I am so dirty and smelly that my wife doesn't want me, but a young, attractive 22 year old does.

 

There has to be some reason for all of you that this 22 year old is attracted to me. It can't be that we have chemistry. She has to be using me, or too dumb to know what is going on, she has to have some evil agenda, etc.

 

I didn't mention this for fear of being attacked, but now I really do not care. You all will love it. About 3 months ago, I emailed my young friend's resume (without her knowledge) to a friend that runs a large advertising firm, about an hour away from where she grew up. He called me Thursday and said he has a entry level job for her, starting at 32.5k. She will start when someone leaves in 4 months, when she gives birth. That will give her all summer to have fun, before she starts her new career. He is going to let me tell her, which I will do tonight when we go out to dinner and a concert. Or, maybe I will wait and tell her when we are on our trip? Which do you ladies recommend?

[vsmini]

Granted - some of the posts on here were unhelpful but I think it comes down to us not telling you what you wanted to hear.

The only way you addressed all of our questions about why you haven't told your wife was basically "because I love her and don't want to deal with the drama"

 

This is not an answer we like to hear either. It's an immature answer and it's disheartening because you're afraid. It's frustrating because a lot of this advice on here is real and true and just flat out time-tested. And you are constantly making up excuses to dismiss this advice.

 

i suggest we close the thread because there is nothing more that is helpful to say and I think at this point people will just start flinging hurtful words at one another. Now you're talking about this girls salary???? Where is this discussion even going? Great - the girl your about to have an affair with will make 32K. I have a shoe sitting in the southeast corner of my bedroom. Are we all up to speed on trivial facts about ourselves?

 

I wish you the best Foggy. But don't come onto LS and start calling the members angry and jealous ladies when a lot of us have given you excellent and sound advice.

[foggyandconfused]

I am sure some of these yentas around here are surely scaring more people away than they are helping.

 

I'll call people anything I want, thank you. I am supposed to listen to hateful remarks and name calling and not say anything? Advice is one thing. Being spiteful and taking your own anger out on someone else is another.

 

I don't care if you like what I have to say or not. It is the truth and how I feel. I was nice, even earlier when I was attacked. There is a big difference between disagreeing and being mean and just name calling and describing how you "know it will turn out." I get the feeling many of you yentas know nothing. If you did, your lives would be in better shape. I would guess many of you are just like my wife and the main reason your husband strayed.

 

I think you just need to feel some power in your empty lives, by coming here and pretending to be some know it all, sharing your sob stories and attacking anyone that acts like the men in your lives.

 

Close the thread. I was going to keep you updated on how this unfolds, but why should I bother? You already know how this turns out. Funny how you are certain how my situation will turn out, but you cannot control your own pathetic lives.

 

This "infidelity" thread is filled mostly with angry woman who don't know how to have a rational conversation and just attack anyone that doesn't say what they want to hear. I can't imagine why the men in your lives would want to stray from such lovely, tactful, classy women.

[BB07]

Just as suspected.....if foggy is real, he didn't listen to anything that was said and is still gonna have his fantasy weekend and wreck his life, his wife's life and the OW's. Oh it won't happen at first but it will eventually.

 

Or perhaps foggy is just a troll as he seems to be in his last defensive posts.

 

 

This thread should be locked. The people who took time to give insightful thoughtful good advice.........it was a waste. It probably is most of the time.

[vsmini]

I think we can all agree that we each fully stand behind our own individual views of what is right or wrong. What is the right choice and what is the wrong choice. This includes Foggy.

 

I hope people choose to stand by their views and display their stand by no longer posting to this thread. As above you can see how ugly it can get and it's just not worth getting involved in.

 

Post if you want - I'm no LS boss but....I think at this point the silence will say a lot more than any more of our words will.

 

It's like when America gives Sarah Palin attention - in the end it just makes us look like the idiots.

[foggyandconfused]

No BB, as I said much earlier in this thread, I listened to the advice and am considering some things that were said. A "troll?" Hardly. Unlike some of you women here, with thousands of posts, I have better things to do than troll a forum. However, I am not likely to listen to "advice" from angry, name calling losers, who have wrecked their own lives and just want to lash out at others.

 

Is that everyone in this thread. No. It is the majority of the last few pages? Yes.

 

It is just when it turns to name calling, rather than rational discussion, that I will fight back. Don't like it? Then how about you name calling yentas try to be civil, even if you don't like what you hear?

[sweetjasmine]

However, I am not likely to listen to "advice" from angry, name calling losers, who have wrecked their own lives and just want to lash out at others.

 

Funny enough, people who have wrecked their own lives are pretty good at pointing out when you're on the verge of wrecking yours.

[bentnotbroken]

I tried to be civil in this forum, but why should I continue, when this thread has become nothing but personal attacks, wild conspiracy theories, and just BS??

 

People like Spiff make me laugh. She cannot control her own relationships, yet you are full of advice. Your boyfriend has a girl who is a "friend" that sleeps over at his house? Your last boyfriend didn't trust you? Judging by the anger in your posts, I can see why.

 

Then there is Mimolicious. She says insightful things like a "22 year old doesn't know how to s**k it." What a tactful answer from a wonderful woman. You must not know either, since your husband went off for a fling and you took him back. You are what they call a "cake feeder." You prove that you can have your cake and eat it too. Thanks.

 

I did get some good advise early in this thread, before it degenerated into a sewing circle of angry, jealous, hateful, women. You yentas are pushing me in the direction of taking the trip and having the time of a lifetime, which yes I do deserve, regardless of how you angry women think I should live in a loveless marriage.

 

One of my favorites is "Are you hygienic?" I am so dirty and smelly that my wife doesn't want me, but a young, attractive 22 year old does.

 

There has to be some reason for all of you that this 22 year old is attracted to me. It can't be that we have chemistry. She has to be using me, or too dumb to know what is going on, she has to have some evil agenda, etc.

 

I didn't mention this for fear of being attacked, but now I really do not care. You all will love it. About 3 months ago, I emailed my young friend's resume (without her knowledge) to a friend that runs a large advertising firm, about an hour away from where she grew up. He called me Thursday and said he has a entry level job for her, starting at 32.5k. She will start when someone leaves in 4 months, when she gives birth. That will give her all summer to have fun, before she starts her new career. He is going to let me tell her, which I will do tonight when we go out to dinner and a concert. Or, maybe I will wait and tell her when we are on our trip? Which do you ladies recommend?

 

 

 

And here is the reason that everything most people think about you is real. You were told over and over again...YOU DO DESERVE TO BE LOVED AND HAVE SEX WITH YOUR PARTNER...everyone does. What you do not deserve is to act in a deceitful cowardly manner. And for you...a grown man who claims a measure of intelligence to say a group of anonymous people who you will never met have the ability to PUSH you to do the wrong thing...speaks volumes for your basic character level. Anybody with strong convictions and are truly looking for a way to behave with integrity toward everyone can't be pushed to do anything. The weakness displayed in this post shows more about you than you could have ever proclaimed.

 

And by the way...there are men here who have been in your shoes telling you not to go out like this. They are telling you to just go...If you love your wife like you say you do...you would not go the route you are going. Your wife is wrong...so you are going to use the playground mentality of she did "such and such" first so let me do something to one up her. Brilliantly immature. And I recommend you tell her in front of your wife.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

This is a jaded bunch (both men and women). You had three big trikes against you....

 

1. thinking of an affair

2. Having an EA, which on LS is simply talking to anyone of the opposite sex and discussing your homelife or any hopes and fears.

3. The girl's (and yes she is a girl) age

 

As I said, I can't believe what you've gone through and your spouse's indifference.

 

But looking for any support and guidance (outside telling you no) is not coming from 99% of the people on LS.

 

If I was in your shoes, I'd already have been in bed with her......

[John Michael Kane]

This is a jaded bunch (both men and women). You had three big trikes against you....

 

1. thinking of an affair

2. Having an EA, which on LS is simply talking to anyone of the opposite sex and discussing your homelife or any hopes and fears.

3. The girl's (and yes she is a girl) age

 

As I said, I can't believe what you've gone through and your spouse's indifference.

 

But looking for any support and guidance (outside telling you no) is not coming from 99% of the people on LS.

 

That's funny coming from someone who only cares about boning everything that moves.

 

If I was in your shoes, I'd already have been in bed with her......

 

^^^^^

 

And this type of immaturity right here is why so many marriages are destroyed.

[Irishlove]

Wow! lmbo:rolleyes:

[Toodamnpragmatic]

That's funny coming from someone who only cares about boning everything that moves.

 

 

 

^^^^^

 

And this type of immaturity right here is why so many marriages are destroyed.

 

 

Have you read any of my 1559 posts? Please explain your post? He has had sex 4X's in the last 6 years and they have no kids......

[2sunny]

I didn't mention this for fear of being attacked, but now I really do not care. You all will love it. About 3 months ago, I emailed my young friend's resume (without her knowledge) to a friend that runs a large advertising firm, about an hour away from where she grew up. He called me Thursday and said he has a entry level job for her, starting at 32.5k. She will start when someone leaves in 4 months, when she gives birth. That will give her all summer to have fun, before she starts her new career. He is going to let me tell her, which I will do tonight when we go out to dinner and a concert. Or, maybe I will wait and tell her when we are on our trip? Which do you ladies recommend?

 

i never attacked you.

 

so now you have dinner plans tonight. tell her tonight.

 

also allow your wife to understand where you are going tonight and who you are going with.

 

if you see NOTHING wrong with going out tonight with her = you won't be hiding a thing from your wife.

 

when there's nothing to hide - people hide nothing.

 

since you said she has nothing to gain by being with you - i see evidence of that not being true = she has now established a job opportunity by knowing you, right?

[linwood]

I don't understand why you found anything in my post laughable. Let's go with what you highlighted...

 

First off, he is a selfish man. No doubt about that. He doesn't care about his wife enough to tell her he is going to have an affair. You don't lie and cheat on your loved one.

 

Second, he has a wife who is also his lover. He needs to stop complaining that he wants to be loved. She loves him (or at least he says they love each other) and if she doesn't then he needs to get a divorce from her or get counseling. Period.

 

The good news about this is that once he gets a divorce, he can have sex with anyone he wants. Isn't that totally awesome?! He can bang and screw the whole neighborhood. He can be emotionally attached to any girl he wants to as long as she is available. All it takes is a divorce and he's done if he wants! So he's not stuck with his wife forever. Isn't America cool like that?

 

Third of all, it sounds like his wife is out of love with him, but it's hard to tell. Still, it's clear as day. If he loves his wife, don't get a divorce. If he doesn't, he needs to divorce his wife and THEN get with the 22 year old. Don't know what she sees in him by the way. Grosssss.... I would never get with a man over 25.

 

And finally, yes. He is a dumba$$ for getting married if he still wants to run around and be with other women. He should have stayed single if he didn't want to commit.

 

Any questions?

 

Oh yeah, and when you take your vows, you don't say "Until death do us part... unless you stop having sex with me."

 

Your naivety on the intricacies of actually living a mature life are so apparent it is laughable.

 

The OP has a problem, a serious problem and all he`s getting here for the most part are a bunch of bitter old betrayed nags bashing him left and right.

 

OP if I were in your shoes I`d tell my wife what I was about to do.

If she wasn`t willing to sincerely finally work on the major problem she has brought into your marriage I`d go ahead and do it.

 

Then I`d file.

[Carrot2000]

However, I am not likely to listen to "advice" from angry, name calling losers, who have wrecked their own lives and just want to lash out at others.

 

 

I'm not angry, nor a loser who has wrecked her life so I hope my advice has been somewhat helpful. I think what your wife is doing borders on abuse and like anyone else in an abusive situation, you must make a stand or get out of the relationship!

 

Again, I urge you to confront your wife and tell her that she needs to make an serious, sustained effort to address her medical issues. If she refuses or become defensive, take it as a sign that she is no longer interested in the marriage and file for a divorce.

 

Don't do this just for your wife, do it for yourself. If you have to end your marriage, do so with your integrity intact.

 

Only after you've taken these steps do you have the right to say that you you deserve a hot, fantasy weekend.

[thespiff]

I tried to be civil in this forum, but why should I continue, when this thread has become nothing but personal attacks, wild conspiracy theories, and just BS??

 

People like Spiff make me laugh. She cannot control her own relationships, yet you are full of advice. Your boyfriend has a girl who is a "friend" that sleeps over at his house? Your last boyfriend didn't trust you? Judging by the anger in your posts, I can see why.

 

Then there is Mimolicious. She says insightful things like a "22 year old doesn't know how to s**k it." What a tactful answer from a wonderful woman. You must not know either, since your husband went off for a fling and you took him back. You are what they call a "cake feeder." You prove that you can have your cake and eat it too. Thanks.

 

I did get some good advise early in this thread, before it degenerated into a sewing circle of angry, jealous, hateful, women. You yentas are pushing me in the direction of taking the trip and having the time of a lifetime, which yes I do deserve, regardless of how you angry women think I should live in a loveless marriage.

 

One of my favorites is "Are you hygienic?" I am so dirty and smelly that my wife doesn't want me, but a young, attractive 22 year old does.

 

There has to be some reason for all of you that this 22 year old is attracted to me. It can't be that we have chemistry. She has to be using me, or too dumb to know what is going on, she has to have some evil agenda, etc.

 

I didn't mention this for fear of being attacked, but now I really do not care. You all will love it. About 3 months ago, I emailed my young friend's resume (without her knowledge) to a friend that runs a large advertising firm, about an hour away from where she grew up. He called me Thursday and said he has a entry level job for her, starting at 32.5k. She will start when someone leaves in 4 months, when she gives birth. That will give her all summer to have fun, before she starts her new career. He is going to let me tell her, which I will do tonight when we go out to dinner and a concert. Or, maybe I will wait and tell her when we are on our trip? Which do you ladies recommend?

Yes, I'm not perfect, but God damn it, I am better and more of a person then you will EVER be. I have been loyal and faithful and I agree. Close this thread. I don't know why you even made it. People have made some great points and you have failed to listen to anyone. We can't help you, only some miracle can. Good day to you.

 

By the way, he isn't my boyfriend. And the only reason he isn't yet is because I am making sure I don't get together with someone like YOU.

 

I try to avoid people like you at all costs. Guess that's why my last two relationships ended. They were unfaithful like you are and a disgrace to mankind.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Your naivety on the intricacies of actually living a mature life are so apparent it is laughable.

 

The OP has a problem, a serious problem and all he`s getting here for the most part are a bunch of bitter old betrayed nags bashing him left and right.

 

OP if I were in your shoes I`d tell my wife what I was about to do.

If she wasn`t willing to sincerely finally work on the major problem she has brought into your marriage I`d go ahead and do it.

 

Then I`d file.

 

Another one who gets it..... Exactly what I said to do....

[thespiff]

Another one who gets it..... Exactly what I said to do....

Whether he realizes it or not, most of these here... the ones telling you not to do it, have felt the years of pain and agony or have been hurt badly by our loved ones. If we had never been hurt in our lives, we would probably be all "Oh Yeah, Do it!" because we have no idea how bad it really hurts.

 

But we know how bad it hurts and how bad it's going to KILL your wife when you do this. I didn't mean to attack the guy. But this is going to kill his wife on the inside... just shatter her heart into a million pieces... She will never be the same again. I feel so bad for her and it hasn't happened yet and I want to help her. I want to tell her. I want to let her know so bad it's killing me.

 

This isn't fair, and it's hard to sit back and just know this is going to happen. We just CARE!

 

Why would anyone do that to another person when a divorce first is an option... Why? I would never do this to anyone. I guess I just do not understand it. I don't understand how someone else can do something so cruel when there are other options.

[PinkInTheLimo]

foggyandconfused, you can start an affair with this young woman. It is well possible that your wife will never find out about it and that you will have a blast.

 

What I have a bit of a problem with, is that I never like it when not every party in a situation knows what exactly is happening. Your wife won't know what you are up to and therefore she won't be able to make her choice about your relationship based on all relevant information.

 

I think you should talk to your wife and discuss all the options. Maybe she will do a bigger effort for your sex life, maybe she will agree that you have an open relationship, maybe she will be very angry, etc... But this seems better to me than being a cheater. Because I think that cheating in general does not make one feel good about oneself.