Never thought I would be doing this

[foggyandconfused]

Foggy, don't bother replying to Garrgoil. He is notorious for writing long, nonsensical responses. He has gone under many names here on LS and he always gets banned, then comes back as someone else. His favorite targets are women, but he also goes after men he perceives as "doormats." Ignore him and don't waste your time.

 

Thanks. I figured he was just some jag off who pretends to get laid, while really breaking out the peanut butter and calling the dog over.

[greengoddess]

I would say this to my friend, but it is not even close to how I feel. I will be filing for divorce, just not at this very moment. I am doing it on my terms and nobody else's.

 

I would love a long term relationship with my friend and I firmly believe it is heading in that direction. As charged up as she was Saturday night when we were in the park, there is no way she is just acting, or has just a desire to be just friends.

 

We will talk more when I meet her for dinner tonight. She has offered to take me out, as a thanks for the date we had this weekend.

 

"

 

lol you are foggy. Married men do NOT go on dates. You really sound in lala land. Tell your wife you want to separate. Do not date this woman if you really care about her. Do not make this woman a third party to your marriage. Do not make this woman have the guilt and pain of being the other woman and also of cheating on her longterm boyfriend and your wife finding out. Tell her no "date". Tell her you need to talk to your wife tonight.

 

Tell your wife the truth. That there is no spark anymore and you met someone. Start this relationship right. Don't be a liar and a cheat and do not make her a liar and a cheat. You both won't like what you see in the mirror when her boyfriend and your wife find out. Live an honest life not one of lies.

[2sunny]

i can see the extremes that a person uses to justify his behavior (even if it is out of character for F&C) when he has a need filled by another...

 

F&C - you have been void of something at home - now you find this void filled with this OW. simple... ok, now finish what you have before starting the next relationship.

 

that's all i'm saying. now you are going out with the OW again tonight... this is dating! you are still married = your wife will find out. she will.

 

get the divorce done - by being honest. you want the divorce - so DO it. then date this OW. in the long run your actions and proper order will show this OW that you aren't a man to toss his integrity aside. by doing things the way you are headed - you are showing her that you are a cheater... would she want to be in a long term relationship with you knowing that you cheated? i would think that the doubt in her mind will always be clouded by what you are now doing. she won't trust you.

 

step back - you've waited this long. get things finished with the W - THEN start with this gal - IF that is what you intend. your character cannot be intact if you continue to compromise it along the way.

 

you can change that now - but to continue forward without ending the M first - you cannot undo that part in the future.

 

IF you want this - just finish the M first.

 

besides - your W will find out if you keep this up - and all you really have to do now is end one before starting the second.

[Minnie09]

lol you are foggy. Married men do NOT go on dates. You really sound in lala land. Tell your wife you want to separate. Do not date this woman if you really care about her. Do not make this woman a third party to your marriage. Do not make this woman have the guilt and pain of being the other woman and also of cheating on her longterm boyfriend and your wife finding out. Tell her no "date". Tell her you need to talk to your wife tonight.

 

Tell your wife the truth. That there is no spark anymore and you met someone. Start this relationship right. Don't be a liar and a cheat and do not make her a liar and a cheat. You both won't like what you see in the mirror when her boyfriend and your wife find out. Live an honest life not one of lies.

 

There's no way he makes anyone a liar and a cheat. She's doing that voluntarily without him "making" her. It's her free will to cheat on her boyfriend, as it is foggy's free will to go behind his W's back, cheat, find excuses and plan (half-heartedly) a D in the future, when HE is ready. Anybody else smell the "me me me the grass is greener"? It's all about him, the W - who has been nothing but a good companion until the friend came

along - is now secondary, and everything will turn out the way HE wants it to turn out (because the W has no say, that choice has been simply taken away from her).

Great thing is: If any of these plans should materialize for the "new couple", the GIGS is very likely to come back. History repeats itself.

[foggyandconfused]

My friend and I will have a long talk tonight and discuss our future possibilities. I am going to lay my feelings on the line and see how she responds.

 

I still am not moving out until I can get my things in order, find a decent place to live and put some money aside. After all I have went though I am not going to end up in some cheap motel, even for a few weeks.

 

Who knows, after this evening, I may want to move out immediately. In that case, I will ask for a divorce this week.

 

I am taking this one day at a time, just like my friend. That may change, but for now that is the way it stands.

[foggyandconfused]

Anybody else smell the "me me me the grass is greener"?

 

I smell it and it smells pretty good.

 

It's all about him, the W - who has been nothing but a good companion until the friend came

along - is now secondary, and everything will turn out the way HE wants it to turn out (because the W has no say, that choice has been simply taken away from her).

Great thing is: If any of these plans should materialize for the "new couple", the GIGS is very likely to come back. History repeats itself.

 

Nothing but a roommate, you meant to say? Yes that is exactly what she is. A roommate. I didn't sign up for roommate. I signed up for a wife. Big difference.

[2sunny]

the fact that you are basing your decisions and future on what your OW does or doesn't want is back wards.

 

happiness shouldn't be based upon another. you should have that for you - then offer your healthy self to another.

 

you need to get some counseling. it will help you to not be so co dependent upon another in order to be happy.

 

things are out of balance... you have work to do - whether you stay married or not.

 

 

 

you will get caught - a W KNOWS when things are "off" - yet you continue now to spend time with this OW... you are risking getting caught every time you interact with this OW... expect to be found out - then the $hits gonna hit the fan...

 

if you would just be honest with your W you could be spared all this drama, hurt and pain.

[betterdeal]

Over-analysing, creating obstacles, intellectualising it all. When did you last have a really hard erection?

[2sunny]

the evidence also shows that this OW is willing to go out with a MM.

 

she also is showing evidence of compromising her standards. you are not YET available - yet she steps in... things are out of order.

 

you can change that by simply WAITING until you are an available man - that way NOT compromising your values and your OW values at the same time.

 

all because you aren't willing to wait - until one thing ends to start the next chapter... people get harmed. just wait - what's wrong with doing things in proper order?

[Minnie09]

Foggy:

The roommate was referred to as a good wife earlier in your thread. Other than the sex part of course. But there's no sex between you and Miss Friend, either, right? So how do you know what you are trading your M in for? Are you not old and smart enough to know that the infatuation and honeymoon phase cannot be compared with a long-term, stable (= boring) M? Just think back to the beginnings of your current, boring R with W! I am sure you were quite infatuated and you had some hot sex back then.

Oh and YESSSS, guess what, the sex/attraction/ego-stroking will get less over time, too. Yes, also with new Miss Friend on your side. Trust me. I'm actually quite eager for you to D, remarry (with Friend), and read your (honest, not sugarcoated) posts in five years, when she wants her first child, you're 50 and rather de-energized. And it's not that I wish anything bad on anyone, it's just ONE of the many many logical consequences of your decision (if you ever have the guts to make it) that are simply unavoidable. There are MUCH worse scenarios that I can think of, though.

And everyone can see them.

It's just you who seems to be immune to logical thinking. And that's also quite normal for a midlife crisis and the related hormonal changes.

[Minnie09]

the evidence also shows that this OW is willing to go out with a MM.

 

she also is showing evidence of compromising her standards. you are not YET available - yet she steps in... things are out of order.

 

you can change that by simply WAITING until you are an available man - that way NOT compromising your values and your OW values at the same time.

 

all because you aren't willing to wait - until one thing ends to start the next chapter... people get harmed. just wait - what's wrong with doing things in proper order?

 

The midlife crisis, combined with impatience, is kicking in. There's not much thinking involved, that's why waiting is not an option. As far as the friend is concerned, seriously, even if he postpones his A until he gets a D, that woman has already shown her true colors and what she is willing to do. Him getting a D first and then starting with Miss Friend doesn't make her a better person, either. so they're the perfect match

[vsmini]

Since this is basically turning into a TV show I'll retract my statement about the whole Silence is Golden thing.

 

So many good points have been made and great advice given to someone who asked for it and is now fighting against it. We said some mean things, he said some mean things back....that's all she wrote.

 

There were some arguments made by LoveShackers that downright destroyed his argument for why it's ok to go through with his fantasy weekend with out telling his wife but he still found a way to make excuses. Falling on deaf ears people.

 

I'm assuming they will talk tonight and she will tell him things every woman knows a man wants to hear like one day at a time or I'd never force you to make a choice between your wife and I and all that amazing stuff. He'll tell us this and expect it to shut us up and show us what an amazing, talented, understanding 22 year old he has on his hands.

 

He has made his case. He is not ready to move out, he is not ready to file for a divorce, he is not ready to tell his wife until he has had the discussion with the girl that wants to to take it one day at a time.

 

Eggs. One. Basket. All.

 

Nobody can honestly think what we have to say is working anymore.

If I can be a bit of a free-loving hippie - everyone will learn from this situation in the long-run. He, the wife and the friend. That's the best part of relationships. Nobody will be "getting away" with anything and I don't think Foggy really expects to. I'm not defending him but.....this isn't our battle. We gave the advice as asked by the OP.

[Alma Mobley]

The best thing the OP should do is forget about the OW and plan his exit from his wife, since she makes him so unhappy.

 

Foggy, see a lawyer. Make plans for the future that don't include the OW because she is nothing but trouble at this point. You can revisit a relationship with her later, but it is not a good idea to start divorce proceedings with your wife in the hopes of a relationship with some woman you barely know. You already know that you don't want to be with your wife and deserve something better, so pursue the goal of becoming a single man, with or without OW. Nothing good will come out of leaving your wife in the hopes of having a relationship with this much-younger woman. You need to leave your wife for YOU and no one else.

[Garrgoil]

Over-analysing, creating obstacles, intellectualising it all. When did you last have a really hard erection?

 

Most likely while watching gay porn.

[Garrgoil]

Not saying that mr. foggy's new interest is like that, but I just can't understand why a 22 year old with so much going for her would be willing to put herself into a situation where she could, with all probability, stand to be very hurt.

 

Take the job out of the equation and see how long she sticks around.

 

Better yet--OP should tell her tonight: "Look I want to have a personal relationship with you, therefore, I think you need to remove me as a reference from your resume, as I am so personally invested in you I could not really give an objective reference for you. Any potential employer would discount a reference from me anyway if he knew we are romantically involved."

 

See how long she sticks around if she can't use OP as a job reference.

 

Which by the way is very interesting given that OP originally said she did not resume contact with him for professional reasons. So how come he has copies of her resume to give out and how come she has him listed as a job reference and how come OP even thought she wanted him to try to get a job for her, in the first place?

[John Michael Kane]

This just shows how all cheaters are willing to do anything for some booty. You do nothing to solve the problems in your marriage. Then you find an immature little kid who has a boyfriend and now you think you got it all at your feet. You're already planning to give her a job. What's next? Buy her a mansion after you screwed the living daylights outta her? Seriously you keep trying to convince yourself that what you're feeling is some type of connection and you know it's not. Don't come crying here about how you got played when she hitches a ride with some other dude who puts the moves on her.

[Eve]

The best thing the OP should do is forget about the OW and plan his exit from his wife, since she makes him so unhappy.

 

Foggy, see a lawyer. Make plans for the future that don't include the OW because she is nothing but trouble at this point. You can revisit a relationship with her later, but it is not a good idea to start divorce proceedings with your wife in the hopes of a relationship with some woman you barely know. You already know that you don't want to be with your wife and deserve something better, so pursue the goal of becoming a single man, with or without OW. Nothing good will come out of leaving your wife in the hopes of having a relationship with this much-younger woman. You need to leave your wife for YOU and no one else.

 

If any of this is true.. my theory is that he is a single man! .. in a marriage albeit but still very much single.

 

Think about it.. all that time to take out the OW and not being tied to return home? That's odd. Methinks that the OP is a workaholic who has been living the single life for a long long time now.

 

I mean, my Hubby could not even think about having an affair without me knowing something is up because we share so much time together. I know where he is because well, we are married. He knows where I am too as is. I don't think his Wife knows his schedule anymore and he has taken advantage of this.

 

This is why the OP can rationalise his affair and why he is so detached from anything said about his Wife.

 

The damage was done years ago but he thinks of himself as 'the provider'.. who for all his trouble should get sex on tap.

 

He needs someone to impress whilst he works.

 

I wonder if his Wife works too?

 

Take care,

Eve x

[martini-mae]

She agreed to the trip and still doesn't know about the job. I am going to wait until we are on the way home to tell her, so I do not skew her actions during the trip. She doesn't have to accept the job, if she doesn't want to..

I'm not sure I understand this. Why are you waiting to tell her about the job? What do you think she will do to "SKEW" her actions during the trip if you DO tell her?

 

I think that way back CARROT hit the nail on the head. You may be opening yourself up for a lot more heartache than you have now at home.

 

Nothing but a roommate, you meant to say? Yes that is exactly what she is. A roommate. I didn't sign up for roommate. I signed up for a wife. Big difference.

Why if it's been 10 years that you've been miserable in your marriage with a Roommate - do you NOW decide you're going to ask your wife for a divorce? Is it because you figure by getting your ducks in a row & having someone there to help pick up the pieces will be easier than facing this alone?

[Baroness67]

I am really glad I missed most of the drama on this thread. I might have been far too tempted to say something I would regret.

 

I did think the entire tone of the thread sounded just like another one that was around last fall. I was having quite the deja vu experience this afternoon.

 

Anyway, thanks for the entertainment!

[RRM]

I would love a long term relationship with my friend and I firmly believe it is heading in that direction. As charged up as she was Saturday night when we were in the park, there is no way she is just acting, or has just a desire to be just friends.

 

Be prepared that it might not go in that direction. You never know how the sexual connection will be until you've actually done it.

 

I understand it's not all about sex, but I'm assuming a sexual connection is an important part of this weekend.

 

I was talking to the guy who offered her the job and we are going to have him call her and invite her in for an interview and then offer her the job himself. That way there is no way she can be biased for or against me by the job and there will be no pressure to accept or deny the job. The only way I will be mentioned is when the guy offering her the job acknowledges knowing me, when he sees my name as a reference on her resume. So there will be no way I can "hold that over her head."

 

You never know. She may not get the job.

[whichwayisup]

My friend and I will have a long talk tonight and discuss our future possibilities. I am going to lay my feelings on the line and see how she responds.

 

FC, put yourself in her shos for a minute. You want to discuss a possible future with her, or at best, a relationship. What are you asking her to do? Wait for you while you divorce? And what are you going to tell her when she asks you, "FC, when are you leaving and divorcing your wife?" I'm not sure it's fair to her to put this on her now since you truly are NOT available to pursue her, let alone make future plans with her since you're still married.

 

I still am not moving out until I can get my things in order, find a decent place to live and put some money aside. After all I have went though I am not going to end up in some cheap motel, even for a few weeks.

Then you stay with a buddy or a family member.

 

Who knows, after this evening, I may want to move out immediately. In that case, I will ask for a divorce this week.

 

It sounds like you're winging it and have no real game plan in mind.

 

I am taking this one day at a time, just like my friend. That may change, but for now that is the way it stands.

 

Me thinks you're spending too much with her already and it's like you want your wife to find out so she can kick you out, be the bad guy here and file for D so you won't have to. I could be wrong, but it's just a feeling i'm getting.

 

I smell it and it smells pretty good.

 

It's so easy to say on here, and feel what you feel.. But, do you have it in you to be cruel to your wife and tell her this to her face?

 

The one thing you don't understand is the amount of pain you're about to inflict on your wife.

 

FC, I suggest you take some time to read some threads in this section by betrayed spouses. Just to see the pain and devastation they go through. If you want I will post some links to afew members on here who's stories really stick out in my mind.

Edited May 9, 2011 by whichwayisup

[John Michael Kane]

It's so easy to say on here, and feel what you feel.. But, do you have it in you to be cruel to your wife and tell her this to her face?

 

He's already been cruel to her by cheating. Shouldn't take him too much energy to muster up to say some smart remark to her.

 

The one thing you don't understand is the amount of pain you're about to inflict on your wife.

 

He already destroyed the marriage, she just doesn't know yet.

[PhoenixRise]

 

 

Me thinks you're spending too much with her already and it's like you want your wife to find out so she can kick you out, be the bad guy here and file for D so you won't have to. I could be wrong, but it's just a feeling i'm getting.

 

 

It's so easy to say on here, and feel what you feel.. But, do you have it in you to be cruel to your wife and tell her this to her face?

 

The one thing you don't understand is the amount of pain you're about to inflict on your wife.

 

FC, I suggest you take some time to read some threads in this section by betrayed spouses. Just to see the pain and devastation they go through. If you want I will post some links to afew members on here who's stories really stick out in my mind.

 

 

 

If this is real..

 

I think the pain and devastation of betrayed spouses is the point. He WANTS to hurt his wife. He wants to punish her. It is shining through in every post. He feels like she deserves it.

 

The thing is, he is being so incredibly passive aggressive about it. Like a naughty kid determined to steal cookies out of the cookie jar behind mommie's back.

 

He won't just man up and tell her that he intends to take her up on her offer to find sex elsewhere.

 

He won't just man up and tell her he is filing for a divorce.

 

Because none of this works for him if he can't do it behind her back.

[Mme. Chaucer]

If this is real..

 

I think the pain and devastation of betrayed spouses is the point. He WANTS to hurt his wife. He wants to punish her. It is shining through in every post. He feels like she deserves it.

 

The thing is, he is being so incredibly passive aggressive about it. Like a naughty kid determined to steal cookies out of the cookie jar behind mommie's back.

 

He won't just man up and tell her that he intends to take her up on her offer to find sex elsewhere.

 

He won't just man up and tell her he is filing for a divorce.

 

Because none of this works for him if he can't do it behind her back.

 

What a fine fellow! Lucky thing he is not really doing any of this stuff ... just sitting around, typing away with his anger and fantasies. While his wife lives her life. I suppose that's why he is so furious with her, and wants to stick it to her so badly. In his fantasy.

[Mimolicious]

I tried to be civil in this forum, but why should I continue, when this thread has become nothing but personal attacks, wild conspiracy theories, and just BS??

 

People like Spiff make me laugh. She cannot control her own relationships, yet you are full of advice. Your boyfriend has a girl who is a "friend" that sleeps over at his house? Your last boyfriend didn't trust you? Judging by the anger in your posts, I can see why.

 

Then there is Mimolicious. She says insightful things like a "22 year old doesn't know how to s**k it." What a tactful answer from a wonderful woman. You must not know either, since your husband went off for a fling and you took him back. You are what they call a "cake feeder." You prove that you can have your cake and eat it too. Thanks.

 

I did get some good advise early in this thread, before it degenerated into a sewing circle of angry, jealous, hateful, women. You yentas are pushing me in the direction of taking the trip and having the time of a lifetime, which yes I do deserve, regardless of how you angry women think I should live in a loveless marriage.

 

One of my favorites is "Are you hygienic?" I am so dirty and smelly that my wife doesn't want me, but a young, attractive 22 year old does.

 

There has to be some reason for all of you that this 22 year old is attracted to me. It can't be that we have chemistry. She has to be using me, or too dumb to know what is going on, she has to have some evil agenda, etc.

 

I didn't mention this for fear of being attacked, but now I really do not care. You all will love it. About 3 months ago, I emailed my young friend's resume (without her knowledge) to a friend that runs a large advertising firm, about an hour away from where she grew up. He called me Thursday and said he has a entry level job for her, starting at 32.5k. She will start when someone leaves in 4 months, when she gives birth. That will give her all summer to have fun, before she starts her new career. He is going to let me tell her, which I will do tonight when we go out to dinner and a concert. Or, maybe I will wait and tell her when we are on our trip? Which do you ladies recommend?

 

Really when was that???? Last I checked, I divorced him. :lmao::lmao:LMAO!!!!!!!! EPIC FAIL! Come back at me again, ok. And you shouldn't talk, after all you are the one cheating on your sickly wife. Such a good samaritan you are! Smooches. YOu sound like a 40yr who has not left the yard. Good luck honey!