What to do now

[sali]

Hallo,

 

i've a bf since 2 years. we love each other, we live in the same House. Of Course sometimes we argue. But most of the time wenn ever we fight, i'm the one who made a mistake, and that drives my bf crazy.

 

So for the last 6 Months, wenn ever argue, my bf tells me he wants to end up the relationship, and after that i start to calm him down, and to apologize. So after that we will be together. but now bevore 5 days, we had a problem and we argue, and the same thing he told me, that he can't imagine his future like this so he wants to break up the relationship.

 

he loves me but he can't deal with my behaviour. but after 2 days he starts to act like bevor, he gives me a drive to my job , we make love , he let me know if he come late from work and nothing has changed.

 

You know bevor wenn ever he wants to break up the relationship i was so sick i want him back and i diid it but now i feel very cold. I'm just asking my self why should i be with him if he wants to end it. So didn't try to bring him back. i just ignored, but now he just came bei himself so he is just behaving very polite and lovely, but me i can't take it to the consideration, for me i feel like it is to late.

 

My question ist, when ever we argue, he just wants to end the relationship and after some days, he starts to behave as if nothing happened and we are together.

 

Please help me what should i have to do, i hate this on and off, and i can't deal with it, and i realy don't know if he is with me or he is just virtuell with me??

[Tony T]

Whatever you argue about has to be pretty serious for your boyfriend to want to end the relationship over it.

 

You need to have discussions rather than arguments. If the relationship is worth saving, if the two of you really love each other, then you need to learn how to constructively resolve your conflicts rather than have blown up fights.

 

Who is starting these arguments. If he is, then he shouldn't want to leave because of them. If you are, you need, as I said, to find better ways to resolve things.

 

I think he says he wants to end the relationship each time you argue more as a reason for ending the argument rather than actually meaning it...because he always stays.

 

You are going to have to ask yourself if this is really what you want to endure for the rest of your life if you are unable to resolve this matter very soon.

[Jnika23]

First the back and forth is your fault and you need to make one decsion and stick with it instead of this back and forth stuff. Love hurts but you will get over it.

Hallo, i've a bf since 2 years. we love each other, we live in the same House. Of Course sometimes we argue. But most of the time wenn ever we fight, i'm the one who made a mistake, and that drives my bf crazy. So for the last 6 Months, wenn ever argue, my bf tells me he wants to end up the relationship, and after that i start to calm him down, and to apologize. So after that we will be together. but now bevore 5 days, we had a problem and we argue, and the same thing he told me, that he can't imagine his future like this so he wants to break up the relationship. he loves me but he can't deal with my behaviour. but after 2 days he starts to act like bevor, he gives me a drive to my job , we make love , he let me know if he come late from work and nothing has changed. You know bevor wenn ever he wants to break up the relationship i was so sick i want him back and i diid it but now i feel very cold. I'm just asking my self why should i be with him if he wants to end it. So didn't try to bring him back. i just ignored, but now he just came bei himself so he is just behaving very polite and lovely, but me i can't take it to the consideration, for me i feel like it is to late. My question ist, when ever we argue, he just wants to end the relationship and after some days, he starts to behave as if nothing happened and we are together. Please help me what should i have to do, i hate this on and off, and i can't deal with it, and i realy don't know if he is with me or he is just virtuell with me??

[Taressa]

Hi Sali,

 

I read a book by Dr. Phil McGraw that gave wonderful insight and advice into relationship problems like this.

 

The premise of your situation: we do what works. You've learned to get a response from your boyfriend by fighting; he has learned to get a response from you by threatening to end the relationship. You've trained each other well.

 

If you want it to stop you need to change the rules. Set some boundaries on yourself and your boyfriend. Decide for yourself to take action other than fighting. Then decide what actions you will accept from him and what penalty (time apart, emotional distance, etc.) to place as punishment. You can only do this by talking with your boyfriend to find if he's willing to work on the relationship. His response will let you know if it's worth the work or not.

[sandy]

I have been seeing my boy friend for over 3 yrs it is a long distance relationship. We live 50 miles from each other, it was my birthday last month, we didn't have a lot planned as we were going away the following weekend , that wasn't going to happen because the concert was canceled, we were at an area that has a tram that goes to the top the mountain, I said lets go up he said lets wait until 5 p.m. then it will be 12 dollars instead of 28.00 I lost it , said lets go back to the house , neither of us talked I said I am going home and that is what I did, he called the next day I was in a hurry because I needed to be somewhere he called 5 days later and said he was coming to get his things, he did and I haven't seen him since. I have tried to talk but he says he is aries the ram and it is over. First why are some men so cheap, he was saving 500 by not going away the following weekend, do I just need to forget this, I would still like to be in a relationship with him or at least be friends he is 50 and never been married . Is there any hope????? I think I still love him I was frustrated because I didn't see the relationship going anywhere, why won't he call? why won't he talk You need to have discussions rather than arguments. If the relationship is worth saving, if the two of you really love each other, then you need to learn how to constructively resolve your conflicts rather than have blown up fights.

 

Who is starting these arguments. If he is, then he shouldn't want to leave because of them. If you are, you need, as I said, to find better ways to resolve things. I think he says he wants to end the relationship each time you argue more as a reason for ending the argument rather than actually meaning it...because he always stays. You are going to have to ask yourself if this is really what you want to endure for the rest of your life if you are unable to resolve this matter very soon.