ger2004 Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 hi everyone Some really good points here. I hope someone can help me out. Really long story short!!!! My girlfriend broke up with me ten weeks ago after ten months. She contacted me a week and a half later. (just friendly chit chat nothing about us) She would send me sms messages at least once a week every week since we broke up. I would never get in contact with her but i would reply of course. But as i said it was only friendly stuff we would text all day but it seemed to be going no were. She would just keep going on about how she was going out with her friends every night and having a great time and getting drunk. she would always emphasis it. Any way i read this no contact policy and it sounds like good advise. But thing is I haven't heard from her in over three weeks now and i'm really scared i will never here from her again. I love her so much. But i know if i contact her i will only push her further away. That was the reason why she left me in the first place things were getting to much for her it was to much pressure. I don't know if she is thinking about me or missing me. Will i hear from her again. Is there any hope for us? Any advise please Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 But thing is I haven't heard from her in over three weeks now and i'm really scared i will never here from her again. I love her so much. So are you going to initiate the contacts all the time? That way you both never lose each other? Any way i read this no contact policy and it sounds like good advise. It is good advise. The unwritten "no contact" rule was made so that you gave yourself enough time to heal. It was not meant to lose your so called "friend." That was the reason why she left me in the first place things were getting to much for her it was to much pressure. She left you. If she wanted to talk to you she would. Will i hear from her again. Is there any hope for us? Hope for what? You will probably hear from her. You probably won't like what she has to tell you you. It's your decision if you want to remain friends with your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
miekoveli Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 NO contact.. just plain no feelings! sad huh.. Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 No contact from her means she isn't ready to talk to you. It doesn't mean anything else, but it can be a sign that she is thru with you. Just as easily it could be a sign that she needs some space to think. If you don't give her the space, you will drive her away. So the plan of action is the same. Keep away, let her come to you. Move on if you want. At the very least, you should be focusing on doing what is good for you right now. There is nothing you can do to force her to return. And constantly asking her to come back will just irritate her. She's in a state on mind right now, whatever her real feelings are, that does not allow you in. Link to post Share on other sites
Kate Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 I could be wrong and someone on here might want to slap me for saying this, but it's a possibility... She still loves you and the reason she is calling/texting you is she is testing you -- she wants to see how you will react to her bull**** since the reason she left you in the first place is you were to clingy or whatever. I think if you think about it that way, you can start figuring things out. Change your attitude toward what she says when you hear from her and see what happens. Take up more of your own time and hobbies, flirt with other women to rebuild your ego, and tell her (NOT in a spiteful or defensive way -- she is a woman and will know you are doing it out of weakness!!) about your great day/s and things. Agree with her about how much fun she is having and pretend/try to feel happy for her. Become stronger inside and the way you can do that is imagining that she loves you enough that she is testing you. I really think there is a possibility she is just disappointed in how easy you became for her. Try this out -- but do it well -- and after a week or so you should see a change. If not, and she is cold and callous, she is a bitch -- a weak one -- who you don't want to talk to anyway!!!! A POSITIVE attitude and a SENSE OF HUMOR can win any war and fight any disease -- I hope this works out for you for the BEST. Think of it as a really cool experiment! At least you will feel like you took action instead of sitting back and letting her abuse you!! -- Kate Link to post Share on other sites
Author ger2004 Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 hi kate you really think this is what my ex is playing at. I thought this myself but isn't ten weeks a long long time to be apart. and three weeks a long time not to hear from her. she can't be missing me if i haven't heard from her in three weeks. Are we apart to long to get back together? after all we were only going out ten months. ger Link to post Share on other sites
Durden Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Just ignore her, that will piss her off. If you reply to every SMS you get from her straight away, she knows she has you by the balls. I know your hurt, but it will pass. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ger2004 Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 Thanks durden But if i ignore her i give away any chance of us getting back? I think it should be enough "to piss her off" by not contacting her. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 You more then likely won't be getting her back. If she still likes you it will piss her off, otherwise it won't probably. Link to post Share on other sites
Durden Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Well to me it sounds like shes trying to piss you off by saying shes having a great time without you. Just get on with your life, what happens happens. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 But if i ignore her i give away any chance of us getting back? And what are the chances? Dyer..give him the statistics Link to post Share on other sites
Kate Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Then you must stop torturing yourself. There are only 2 things that she could be doing, both of which I told you in the previous email. If someone wants you, you will know it. You can't lose something that is already lost, and you can't lose something that is there, either. You will not be losing, you will be gaining. Don't you want closure here? You can't continue doing what you are doing. By doing so, you are proving you desperately want her -- I once broke up with someone...my first love, actually...because I need to move forward -- but I loved our friendship and I ddin't want him romantically. It was horrible because I remember telling him about my nights out, etc. -- and it was to send him a message : MOVE ON - I only want a friendship. Eventually, my ex cut off contact with my and it put things into perspective for both of us. I realized I wanted him back (even though we broke up a couple years later) and he realized he needed to stop being such a Sally. If you are straight with her, by saying "listen, I care about you romantically and am not ready for a freindship -- nothing personal, but I can't talk to you now". You will know if all she wants is friends, etc. Please make the move! best... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ger2004 Posted April 11, 2004 Author Share Posted April 11, 2004 You see my girlfriend was suffering from severe depression. She just said that she can't handle the pressure of a relationship at the moment. But she said that she is scared that she might feel different a few weeks down the road. She said to me you don't have to worrie about me being with anyone. "i just don't want any one at the moment" but that was 10 weeks ago and i haven't heard from her in 3. I don't know what to think. But i've decided that maybe the no contact policy is the best. I just hope she doesn't forget about me Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 You can't lose something that is already lost, and you can't lose something that is there, either. OMG well said. Either that was a quote and you quoted someone, or someone should make that a quote as a saying.(officially) You see my girlfriend was suffering from severe depression. If you read most posts regarding break ups you will be able see that most exs say that they were depressed. I don't know if I read it or if someone told me, but most girls in their early 20s have a low self esteem. Low self esteem lead into depression ect...It's normal for them to go through these phases. Let them grow up and give them time to think. She said to me you don't have to worrie about me being with anyone. Blah Blah Blah...don't believe her. Also forget about what she said. Try to move on and stop dwelling on what she told you. Believe me I've been through it...I'm only trying to help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ger2004 Posted April 11, 2004 Author Share Posted April 11, 2004 Blah Blah Blah...don't believe her. Also forget about what she said. Try to move on and stop dwelling on what she told you. Believe me I've been through it...I'm only trying to help. I honestly do beleive her. She was in a bad way. And don't think she could handle anyone. The depression runs in her family and it was bad Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 Somewhere I read that low self esteem in women can manifest itself as a breakup. It was something along the lines of the woman not being able to believe she could have a good relationship and then sabotaging it because she convinces herself it can't be real. People sometimes buy into parental and spousal mental abuse so much that they can't ever believe they are good enuf for anyone. I'm not at all sure how to handle this kind of person. I was in that sort of situation and any time I tried to boost her self-esteem, she convinced herself that I was just playing her. Whenever I complimented her, she wouldn't believe it. If anyone has advice on how to boost someone's self esteem in a way that can be easily accepted, please let me know. Link to post Share on other sites
tom_gbr Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 my ex girlfriend suffered from depression and low self esteem....i would always compliment her on the way she looked and she would just think i was messing around. especially with the way she looked which was crazy....she was perfect...had the most amazing figure...the nicest eyes and the most amazing smile...for anyone who watches there soaps and watches eastenders she looks exactly like Zoe Slater. it made it worse when i went up to see her after the break up...saw her as a friend and went for a meal...i made the mistake of watching her and she walked to the toilet...she looked better than ever!....it was so hard to look at her knowing that she would be someone elses. her low self esteem and depression affected her a lot and the relationship...she suffered from anerexia at a young age as well which still upsets her. i know i cant be there for her as a boyfriend but i want to still be there for her....i love her so much and would do anything for her Link to post Share on other sites
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