Misconceptions about what men and women want from eachother

[Kristi can't sleep]

I should be updating my own situation and getting some much needed advice, but honestly I'm sick of thinking about it. Instead, a more interesting subject: when I read posts by guys about what women want sexually, certain things jump out at me and make me cringe or think 'NOT true!!'. I'm going to write where I think you men are off-base, and I'd honestly like to know from men where we have it wrong

 

IMHO, here are some assumptions you guys seem to take as true across the board when in fact, they're rarely the case.

 

First, the money thing. A man having money does NOT make him sexually attractive!! Are there more women who go after rich guys? Sure. Truckloads. But that doesn't mean they actually LIKE sleeping with them!! They're just gold diggers. They don't represent US anymore than guys who go out with over-weight or unattractive women to run up their credit cards, drive their cars, and "let" them pay their bills represent most of YOU, lol. ...even though men like that also exist by the truckload.

 

Im not speaking for all women, maybe not even the majority, but to me, as far as occupation effects sheer sex appeal? I'd take a man that can fix things any day over a rich guy. Personally, I can't hang a picture, so to me it's a really masculine thing, and there are quite a few women besides me who really enjoy watching you guys work on the car. BUT, occupation doesn't effect sex appeal 99.9% of the time: my attraction for mechanic-types might equal a guy thinking a massage therapist would be a hot occupation. Sexy job? Sure. But male or female, we certainly don't hold out for one to come along!

 

Why can't you see we really are just like you when it comes to money? Everyone wants to be rich, but those of us that are normal - male OR female -wouldn't be able to enjoy it if it involved being intimate with someone who repulsed us, be it the old rich guy, or the unattractive woman with a great credit line.

 

Next up - cuddle, snuggle, make love, caress, pleasure you. I like all those things. But not if a man SAYS it to me, ie., "I want to pleasure you"?? Yuck. I don't know why that's a turn off to me, but it is. I may be in the minority here, but 4 of the 6 girls in my office agree, so it's not exactly rare. We are NOT all fantasizing about some super-sensitive guy, we do NOT all want to talk about our feelings 24/7.

 

Case in point - like everyone else, I have a type. I once started seeing a man who completely fit the bill... until we had sex about a month into the relationship. His voice went up three octaves and I think he used all of those words interspersed with these high-pitched oooOO's that would be more appropriate coming from a five-year-old who spots a puppy. I wanted to bolt, fake a heart attack, anything, but it was too late. I was stuck sleeping with what -to all extents and purposes - felt like another woman. Afterwards, as I was trying to make a bee-line for the living room and thinking of how to tactfully keep him from spending the night (so I could re-orient myself from the shock of finding out my boyfriend had a multiple personality disorder), i realized he was teary. He told me that by "making love" we were "joined in a way that could never be undone". I un-did it the next day.

 

Next, performance! There are sooo many references to men taking care of themselves before sex to last longer. Longer isn't better! Men can be ready for sex FAST... it takes women a bit of time to sort of switch gears and get into sex mode. If your partner wants you to last an hour, maybe you aren't warming her up. We like a little visual too. Walk around in a towel first. Cop a feel then STOP and walk away. Kiss the back of her neck while she's doing whatever - then go on about your business. Presto, an hour or so later, things should move along MUCH faster.

 

Last, size is not as much of a factor as you think. It really is what you do with it - and I'm not going to go there -I'm sure googling will give you the dirt - but there are specific ahh, "techniques" shall we call them? That are VERY effective.

 

Last/last, lol, there is no better turn-on than to let her know that she turns you on. It's a fact that women who feel unattractive have a much harder time having the big O. Make her feel sexy when she's with you.

 

Ok boys, where are WE wrong? I really am curious, and I promise to admit if I'm guilty of it and if you make a valid point

[linwood]

I`m a male.

I agree with your entire post.

 

Where many women go wrong with men is believing their is no emotional need in our sex lives.

 

Many women believe as long as we`re "getting it" we`re fine regardless of whether or not she makes us feel desired, attractive, wanted.

 

They don`t seem to get that we want to be wanted as much as they do.

[musemaj11]

No one ever said women are attracted to rich fat bald men.

 

But studies do show that for example women find a man in a luxury car far more attractive than if the same man is in a regular car.

 

Also a study shows that women find they have better sex with rich men:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article5536873.ece

 

I`m a male.

I agree with your entire post.

 

Where many women go wrong with men is believing their is no emotional need in our sex lives.

 

Many women believe as long as we`re "getting it" we`re fine regardless of whether or not she makes us feel desired, attractive, wanted.

 

They don`t seem to get that we want to be wanted as much as they do.

Yup,

 

I think the hardest part of being a man in this world is that we are not allowed to show emotion.

 

This is why suicide and alcoholism are rampant among males.

Edited May 6, 2011 by musemaj11

[nordic]

women dont get how we distinguise between casual sex and romantic involvement. you use your own sexuality as staring point to understand us, which leads you nowhere, since our sexualities are so completely different, and then you complain over things that seem natural to us.

 

so, a woman can tell her man she had 20 ons and expect to still be a candiadate for romantic involvement, which she isnt any longer. the reason she thinks that is that she believes her sexualtity is similar to his, and she doesnt care how many he slept with.

 

there is about two thousend other examples of just that. mens and womens sexualtities are just completely differetn and have nothing to do with eachother, thats just how it is.

 

then when it comes to your stuff. i dont really believe that is very general. plenty of women seem to like bigger cocks. yes most women likes men to men, but your examples are bit too extreme to read anything into, of course few women would like what you describe.

 

and money and job. well, its not the paper or the business card per se, but its the feeling a woman gets from knowing that she is with somebody who has that.

 

it comes back to sexuality. men with want a beatiful 20 something virgin who is soooo willing to learn with him as a teacher, and will make up for lack of experience with an extra dose of entusiasm.

 

women will go for a man who has whatever qualities happens to be needed in the current society to reach high status, or if he is older, somebody who already have high status.

[nordic]

No one ever said women are attracted to rich fat bald men.

 

But studies do show that for example women find a man in a luxury car far more attractive than if the same man is in a regular car.

 

Also a study shows that women find they have better sex with rich men:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article5536873.ece

 

 

Yup,

 

I think the hardest part of being a man in this world is that we are not allowed to show emotion.

 

This is why suicide and alcoholism are rampant among males.

 

men are allowed to do what we want, some men just dont use that mandate. if you let society or your woman for thta matter corner you into thinking you have to be in a certain way, you have already lost.

 

plus, you will get very little sex, coz people who are not themselves are very unattractive, goes for both genders.

 

so stop whining and just be who you are. cry if you want to. women might even go for that, and then you have girls who you dont have to play games with:-)

[starryeyed12]

men are allowed to do what we want, some men just dont use that mandate. if you let society or your woman for thta matter corner you into thinking you have to be in a certain way, you have already lost.

 

I think neither sex can just do what they want. Or, rather, they can't just do what they want without being labled or looked at in a certain way. I realize you were saying that about men being able to have feelings (which they should not fear any labels with that!), but I also think this was part of the point you were trying to make about women not being able to have the same sexuality. The old women are 'sluts' and men are 'players' when they have a high number of ONS arguement. Often with the players being viewed in a better light than the sluts. But, I think this goes both ways in the end.

 

If a man gets labeled as a player who sleeps around he will most definitely not be looked at by some women as a potential partner. Good women don't want to deal with that. Sometimes the player doesn't realize that 9 times out of 10 he is just attracting the slut and vice versa. The player thinks he can have any woman, but this is untrue. The labels can hinder both sexes.

 

so, a woman can tell her man she had 20 ons and expect to still be a candiadate for romantic involvement, which she isnt any longer. the reason she thinks that is that she believes her sexualtity is similar to his, and she doesnt care how many he slept with.

 

I would take the same attitude if a reformed player I was seeing told me he slept with high numbers of women--if I wasn't really into him that would be a turn off. If I was into him, that may bother me for a bit, but I would get over it if there was a real connection there. I feel that the right man would end up feeling the same way about a women with a high numbered past.

 

The fear about being with a high ONS individual is the feeling that because of their wild past, maybe they aren't ready to settle down (assuming they came out with no STDs, otherwise that might be an issue). If they have been around the block once, will history repeat itself? But this feeling can go for both men and women.

[starryeyed12]

I think what men and women really want from each other is shockingly similar.

 

Guys want their man cave time, women want their girls time.

 

Men want to feel wanted, women want to feel wanted.

 

Men can feel deprived sexually, women can feel deprived sexually.

 

Women can go through a wild streak of men, men can go through a wild streak of women.

 

Women want to settle down sometime and find a partner, men want to settle down sometime and find a partner.

 

etc. etc.

 

I think the vast difference between men and women is how we communicate our wants and needs and the timing of those wants and needs.

[Kristi can't sleep]

OP: Linwood

Where many women go wrong with men is believing their is no emotional need in our sex lives.

 

Many women believe as long as we`re "getting it" we`re fine regardless of whether or not she makes us feel desired, attractive, wanted.

 

They don`t seem to get that we want to be wanted as much as they do.

 

I think you're right. I think it's very common for women to assume that men have no need to feel attractive, and I think it even goes beyond that - I think there are women who almost act as if men have no feelings to be hurt at all.

I think it's a product of conditioning that is total BS.*

 

I will NEVER forget my son playing PW football when he was 7. He came down hard after being tackled - not bone breaking hard, but I could tell he was hurt. I started onto the field when the assistant coach, a nice old guy, grabbed my arm and said "No, no, no hon, he's ok, just stay here and let the coach handle it". Being dense, I thought he meant don't interrupt the game or something, so I said "I'll be quick; just going to check on him" - to which he leaned in and whispered, "honey, a boy can't have his mom come out on the field".

 

He was SEVEN!! If a girl had been hurt, it would've been perfectly appropriate for me to run out there - and perfectly acceptable to the other kids if she cried. But boys have "don't cry!" drilled into them from the beginning, which IS awful and unfair. It has to have a negative effect later in life during times of stress or loss, when it's normal to be afraid or cry.

 

...I hope my comment about my old boyfriend didn't come across as emotions being a turn off - that wasn't what I meant at all. Emotion is a good thing - you can't truly connect with another person if you can't be comfortable expressing how you feel.

 

Staryeyed12 - I agree TOTALLY that we are similar - but so many of us act on stereotypical misconceptions like the d*mn money thing. Also, thank you for interpreting Nordic because for the life of me I couldn't figure out what he meant.

 

Musemaj11, I was asking in what ways do men feel we wrongly stereotype them. As a woman, I'm fairly sure I know what I WANT more than you do no matter how many times you repeat that women only care about money.

 

No one ever said women are attracted to rich fat bald men.

Neither did I actually, I said money itself was not a turn on. But who do you mean when you say "no one ever said.."? No one on this board? No one on the planet? Or YOU?

 

But studies do show that for example women find a man in a luxury car far more attractive than if the same man is in a regular car.

 

Also a study shows that women find they have better sex with rich men:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/new...cle5536873.ece

 

Umm, when they have women in bikinis next to the article? That's would be the first clue that the "study" may not be so reliable...

 

The same site also has lots of other studies "...based on the latest scientific discovery!" with such rigorous academic gems as:

 

Scientists reveal Ugly men make more sperm!

Thursday, April 9, 2009, The Sun

 

Oral sex blamed for throat cancer!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008,The Sun

 

Smarter ladies have worse sex

Friday, April 25, 2008,The Sun

BRAINY babes think so much they find it hard to have an orgasm, a new study has claimed!

 

^^Followed by:

 

Smarter girls have far better sex lives

Tuesday, May 12, 2009,The Sun

WOMEN with brains have more fun in bed than the average bimbo, scientists find!

 

Yeah... so, umm, if this is the kind of stuff you're basing your intense dislike of women on, may I politely suggest you take a looksy at say, the Kinsey Institute or a PubMed search of REAL studies? You won't find anything that backs up your theories, but maybe it would open your mind a bit to the possibility that not all women are after your money.

 

Funny site though.

[musemaj11]

 

...I hope my comment about my old boyfriend didn't come across as emotions being a turn off - that wasn't what I meant at all. Emotion is a good thing - you can't truly connect with another person if you can't be comfortable expressing how you feel.

Errr, you even went as far as likening your ex-boyfriend to a woman.

 

I understand that double standards go both ways and there is nothing we can do about it. Women cant help not being attracted to men who show vulnerability just like men cant help not being attracted to slutty women.

 

But Im just saying that it sucks that as a man Im expected to be stoic all the time. Sometimes I felt fear or sadness and I wish I could let out all my feelings to someone so I could feel better. But I could not for as a man I was not supposed to let anyone see my weakness.

 

I used to work as a clerk at a convenience store. One time I had a guy coming to my store. He seemed to be holding back sadness and anger. He went straight to the freezer and grabbed a bottle of Heineken. Then he came to the register and while I was handling the money he out of a sudden broke into tears. I didnt say anything but he told me that his girlfriend just dumped him. I felt sorry for him. If he were a woman, he would be calling one of his girlfriends and sought solace by talking to her. But as a man he knew he couldnt do that. So he just did what all men do when they are sad. Grab a beer and drink the sorrow away.

 

Musemaj11, I was asking in what ways do men feel we wrongly stereotype them. As a woman, I'm fairly sure I know what I WANT more than you do no matter how many times you repeat that women only care about money.

Women dont only want money.

 

Women want money and other things, too. But it is one of them.

 

You can even see it here on this forum. Everytime a woman describes a man she is involved with. She will ALWAYS mention what the man does for a living. Always ...

 

Umm, when they have women in bikinis next to the article? That's would be the first clue that the "study" may not be so reliable...

 

The same site also has lots of other studies "...based on the latest scientific discovery!" with such rigorous academic gems as:

 

Scientists reveal Ugly men make more sperm!

Thursday, April 9, 2009, The Sun

 

Oral sex blamed for throat cancer!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008,The Sun

 

Smarter ladies have worse sex

Friday, April 25, 2008,The Sun

BRAINY babes think so much they find it hard to have an orgasm, a new study has claimed!

 

^^Followed by:

 

Smarter girls have far better sex lives

Tuesday, May 12, 2009,The Sun

WOMEN with brains have more fun in bed than the average bimbo, scientists find!

 

Yeah... so, umm, if this is the kind of stuff you're basing your intense dislike of women on, may I politely suggest you take a looksy at say, the Kinsey Institute or a PubMed search of REAL studies? You won't find anything that backs up your theories, but maybe it would open your mind a bit to the possibility that not all women are after your money.

 

Funny site though.

My article is from THE SUNDAY TIMES. Its not a tabloid like THE SUN.

[starryeyed12]

Errr, you even went as far as likening your ex-boyfriend to a woman.

 

I understand that double standards go both ways and there is nothing we can do about it. Women cant help not being attracted to men who show vulnerability just like men cant help not being attracted to slutty women.

 

1. But Im just saying that it sucks that as a man Im expected to be stoic all the time. Sometimes I felt fear or sadness and I wish I could let out all my feelings to someone so I could feel better. But I could not for as a man I was not supposed to let anyone see my weakness.

 

I used to work as a clerk at a convenience store. One time I had a guy coming to my store. He seemed to be holding back sadness and anger.

 

2. He went straight to the freezer and grabbed a bottle of Heineken. Then he came to the register and while I was handling the money he out of a sudden broke into tears. I didnt say anything but he told me that his girlfriend just dumped him. I felt sorry for him. If he were a woman, he would be calling one of his girlfriends and sought solace by talking to her. But as a man he knew he couldnt do that. So he just did what all men do when they are sad. Grab a beer and drink the sorrow away.

 

 

3. Women dont only want money.

 

Women want money and other things, too. But it is one of them.

 

You can even see it here on this forum. Everytime a woman describes a man she is involved with. She will ALWAYS mention what the man does for a living. Always ...

 

 

My article is from THE SUNDAY TIMES. Its not a tabloid like THE SUN.

 

 

I hope you can follow my numbering to the numbers below.

 

 

1. If all men are to be stoic then how can some of the most beautiful and touching poetry, music, art, film be done by men? Some men are very in tune with their emotions and they unabashedly channel it into their life's work. And we revere them as celebrites and pay them millions and millions of dollars for their work at acting out human emotion (fill in the blank of your favorite actor, singer, producer or writer). In fact, you could argue they are more revered than men in other professions-- even the more "manly" ones. I guess thats our society.

 

Also, there are countless stoic women of yesterday and today. For example some of the first ladies to US presidents.

 

2. I do agree that generally speaking some men don't have the same kind of emotional support system as women. But both men and women can turn to alcohol or drug to escape.

 

3. Money makes the world go round. Men and women want money, you can't live without it. Every person goes about getting that money in different ways.

 

Some women get it from using a man; but men have their ways of getting it by using a woman. Money = power. Some women would like to have that power as well (and I don't just mean power in the negative sense, also in the sense of EMpowerment and money not being handed to them by a man)

 

Also, as much as some people don't want to believe it because they hate their job, your occupation defines a part of you. You need to work to survive, you put a lot of time and energy into work-- no matter how much you make or like it.

 

What you choose to put all that energy and life into is a choice you made and therefore says SOMETHING about you. Maybe not always the obvious something, but it says something. That's why people are so interested. It's interesting to know what people have chosen to do for a living and what they are getting out of it.

Edited May 7, 2011 by starryeyed12

[starryeyed12]

Staryeyed12 - I agree TOTALLY that we are similar - but so many of us act on stereotypical misconceptions like the d*mn money thing. Also' date=' thank you for interpreting Nordic because for the life of me I couldn't figure out what he meant.[/quote']

 

 

Lol It took me a couple reads too, and I'm still not sure if I got it right!

 

 

Oh about the damn money issue...people need to realize that not EVERYONE is hell-bent on being rich, rich, rich. It's important, but how important depends on the person--man OR woman.

Edited May 7, 2011 by starryeyed12

[Woggle]

One major misconception is that men are afraid of strong and successful women. Yes there are some who still believe a woman's place is the kitchen but not as many as some women think.

 

What men want above all else from a woman in a relationship is to feel wanted and appreciated. Some women in an effort to overcompensate have that super independent mentality where they constantly tell men how much they don't need us and it makes us feel like we are just disposable extras that they can take or leave. We feel we don't really matter in their lives which no man wants to feel like. We can be with a female president if she made us feel wanted and appreciated.

 

Another thing is that some of them confuse being wrong with having a constant attitude. Of course nobody should be a doormat but I don't think anybody is attracted to a belligerent and nasty person who wants to bully people around.

[xxoo]

If he were a woman, he would be calling one of his girlfriends and sought solace by talking to her. But as a man he knew he couldnt do that. So he just did what all men do when they are sad. Grab a beer and drink the sorrow away.

 

These are rules men put on themselves. But men can call up a female friend, too, if he has one. I've never looked down on a man for doing so.

 

You can even see it here on this forum. Everytime a woman describes a man she is involved with. She will ALWAYS mention what the man does for a living. Always ...

 

I haven't noticed that at all. It may seem like ALWAYS to you because you are looking for it (confirmation bias).

[fascinated]

My H has complained that all I want from him is sex and money, that he wanted me to love him for who he was. It sounded so ridiculous that I laughed, but then I realized he was serious. Sometimes I think we just don't "get" each other at all.

[musemaj11]

These are rules men put on themselves. But men can call up a female friend, too, if he has one.

Yea right. Gay men maybe.

 

My H has complained that all I want from him is sex and money, that he wanted me to love him for who he was. It sounded so ridiculous that I laughed, but then I realized he was serious. Sometimes I think we just don't "get" each other at all.

You bug him for sex all the time even when he says no or what?

[Kristi can't sleep]

Hi Woggle! Nice to have you weigh in, lol. Hope all is well with you & your wife

 

One major misconception is that men are afraid of strong and successful women. Yes there are some who still believe a woman's place is the kitchen but not as many as some women think.

 

"He just couldn't handle my success" is getting to be a common thing to hear even though the workplace is so much better and more accepting of women than it was even 20yrs ago. Honestly though? When its in reference to a break-up, I think its many times a defense mechanism; it wasn't ME he had a problem with, it was my SUCCESS. With two people working in most relationships, it's almost impossible not to have some fluctuation in who's making more money or has a better title from time to time.*

 

These days, it's more braggable than shameful to have a successful wife. At least, my husband not only supported me getting my masters, he wouldn't let me quit when I occasionally got overwhelmed. When I finally had that diploma, HE had it framed and hung it - and I think any normal, good hearted guy would do the same.

 

I can also tell you that even women sometimes get annoyed with other women who go TOO FAR with the whole, "Men are threatened by me because I'm powerful and independent" schtick - the type who use it to explain everything from not getting dates, promotions, hit on at a club, to not getting along with co-workers or other people in general (it's a great way to stay in denial that maybe, just maybe, they don't get along with anyone or get dates because their an a**hole)

 

Musmaj11, oh, Lord, where to start?

 

First, I compared my ex-boyfriend to a woman because he started talking in a very high pitched voice. Do you need to speak in a falsetto voice and squeal in order to express your feelings? If so, I can see where that would bother you. I thought the men/emotion issue only entailed the problem of not being able to show your feelings when the situation calls for it.

 

Not to mention the crying... I need to be more PC about these things, never know when your going to hit a nerve with someone. I assumed anyone you've only known for a month who would cry after sex and tell the other person they were now joined together for eternity was a f**king WHACKO, male OR female... Didn't realize that made guilty of rejecting a man based on his emotions - thought I was rejecting a psycho based on his emotions.

 

Noticed in the other thread you don't hate ALL women; It's nice to know that you gave your mom a pass. Hope your dad didnt drop her when she devalued, though it must've been hard for him being stuck with her once she expired.

 

Btw, I don't think I mentioned what my husband does for a living... and I don't need to.

 

This was a light hearted post; I wish you wouldnt use it to spout the evils of women or your obsession with money - and you are obsessed. If you believe the only way you will be able to tell if a woman loves you is if she makes more money than you, that's - well, sad.

 

I've gotten you're point. EVERYONE HAS GOTTEN IT, so knock it off, will you? Instead of twisting every woman posters word's around to proove they're yet another gold-digger, shouldn't you be out guarding your wallet from the hoards of sinister hotties eager to trap you and bleed your bank account dry while they're still in the "10 good years" they have?

[musemaj11]

Not to mention the crying... I need to be more PC about these things, never know when your going to hit a nerve with someone. I assumed anyone you've only known for a month who would cry after sex and tell the other person they were now joined together for eternity was a f**king WHACKO, male OR female... Didn't realize that made guilty of rejecting a man based on his emotions - thought I was rejecting a psycho based on his emotions.

He was probably new to sex.

 

When I first started having sex, I was emotionally overwhelmed as well because the feeling was just incredible. I felt so 'in love'.

 

But now Im used to it and it no longer feels as special.

 

Noticed in the other thread you don't hate ALL women; It's nice to know that you gave your mom a pass. Hope your dad didnt drop her when she devalued, though it must've been hard for him being stuck with her once she expired.

My dad wont be able to find a woman with more value than my mother.

 

She is the epitome of true love. Women like her are like unicorns. They are so rare that its hard to believe they exist.

 

Btw, I don't think I mentioned what my husband does for a living... and I don't need to.

I wasnt being clear with what I said.

 

What I meant was that when you hear a woman here talking about a man she just just started getting involved with, she will not forget to mention what the guy does especially if he has a good job as if she wanted to show off to other people that she just snagged a lawyer, a doctor, or whatever.

 

This was a light hearted post; I wish you wouldnt use it to spout the evils of women or your obsession with money - and you are obsessed. If you believe the only way you will be able to tell if a woman loves you is if she makes more money than you, that's - well, sad.

How is it sad? Today women have taken half of all professional jobs and make up over half of college graduates, yet women are still marrying up even more than ever. I bet even you too married up.

 

I notice that often women who are the loudest in denying that women arent interested in a man's financial status ironically happen to be the same women who happened to marry a man wealthier than themselves. Coincidence? Yeah right. Its as if what comes out of their mouth isnt in accordance to what they really do themselves in real life.

 

So in the face of an ever increasing threat of gold diggery, if a woman is willing to be with a man who is less than her financially, then it must mean she truly does love the man.

 

I've gotten you're point. EVERYONE HAS GOTTEN IT, so knock it off, will you? Instead of twisting every woman posters word's around to proove they're yet another gold-digger, shouldn't you be out guarding your wallet from the hoards of sinister hotties eager to trap you and bleed your bank account dry while they're still in the "10 good years" they have?

You dont need to tell me that. Im always on the lookout in order to protect myself. Edited May 8, 2011 by musemaj11

[Mme. Chaucer]

Quote:

You can even see it here on this forum. Everytime a woman describes a man she is involved with. She will ALWAYS mention what the man does for a living. Always ...

 

I haven't noticed that at all. It may seem like ALWAYS to you because you are looking for it (confirmation bias).

 

For example, xxoo herself is a very active contributor here. I feel like I know many things about her marriage ... but I have no idea what her husband does for a living.

 

Yes, it might be buried somewhere in a post but I have never noticed it.

 

Have you, musemaj11? Do you know what my boyfriend does for a living (which I do believe I've shared here, but only in response to one of the plethora of posts referencing how much women require men with more money and higher paying jobs than we have).

[PollyIvy]

Ah... the male/female question.

 

A few years ago my marriage was in a rocky patch (like, when is it not? ) and my H was giving me the silent treatment and avoiding me, and we weren't having any sex or communication and it was just a bad phase.

 

So I had a brilliant idea: women need a feeling of closeness to have sex, and men need sex to have a feeling of closeness. So why didn't I just dive in and go for loads of sex, and see if that got me the closeness I was craving and lacking?

 

So I just started having lots and LOTS of sex with my H.

 

And you know what I got for all my efforts?

 

Laid.

[linwood]

 

So I had a brilliant idea: women need a feeling of closeness to have sex, and men need sex to have a feeling of closeness. So why didn't I just dive in and go for loads of sex, and see if that got me the closeness I was craving and lacking?

 

So I just started having lots and LOTS of sex with my H.

 

And you know what I got for all my efforts?

 

Laid.

 

I think that`s because you don`t get it.

 

The bolded above is why.

I cannot recall ever being close to a woman prior to sex therefore women do not need closeness to have sex.

Women will have sex and then assume closeness because they wrongly equate sex with love.

They always get hurt this way yet they continue to equate sex with love.

Also

Men don`t require sex to feel close to a woman.

They require that their woman desires them so they know they are valued.

When the know they are valued they have the security necessary to allow a woman close to them.

 

But hey..nothing wrong with getting laid either.

 

[xxoo]

Women will have sex and then assume closeness because they wrongly equate sex with love.

 

Are you talking about early dating relationships?

 

In a longterm, established relationship, women will often be unhappy if they feel that the man "only" wants to be close (hug, kiss, cuddle) when it will lead to sex. In this case (common complaint), women do NOT equate sex with love.

 

I do agree that, early in the relationship, many women will get attached after having sex. That may look like equating sex with love....or it may be a physiological-emotional connection that happens in women during sex (flood of love hormones). So it may not be "we had sex, and so I feel loved by him" but rather "we had sex, and so I feel love for him".

[linwood]

Are you talking about early dating relationships?

 

In a longterm, established relationship, women will often be unhappy if they feel that the man "only" wants to be close (hug, kiss, cuddle) when it will lead to sex. In this case (common complaint), women do NOT equate sex with love.

 

I do agree that, early in the relationship, many women will get attached after having sex. That may look like equating sex with love....or it may be a physiological-emotional connection that happens in women during sex (flood of love hormones). So it may not be "we had sex, and so I feel loved by him" but rather "we had sex, and so I feel love for him".

 

I`ll agree with that.

 

Yes, I was focussing on early dating relationships.

 

You`re correct in how that changes in an established relationship.

[fascinated]

You bug him for sex all the time even when he says no or what?

 

No, but I suspect we have more than most married couples our age. My sex drive has gotten stronger while his seems to have weakened over the years.

[Garrgoil]

Instead' date=' a more interesting subject: when I read posts by guys about what women want sexually, certain things jump out at me and make me cringe or think 'NOT true!!'. [/quote']

 

People often speak in generalizations without intending that the generalizations always apply to everyone, even if that caveat is not explicitly stated. So just because someone might post something like "Men prefer women with big breasts" doesn't mean EVERY man prefers that.

 

 

I'm going to write where I think you men are off-base, and I'd honestly like to know from men where we have it wrong

 

heh heh heh

 

 

 

First, the money thing. A man having money does NOT make him sexually attractive!!

 

You are missing the forest for the trees. Women are biologically programmed to seek out males who are best able to provide for them and their children during child bearing years. Just as men tend to be attracted to women with prominent breasts because men are biologically programmed to reproduce with mates who appear most fit to mother their children.

 

Unless you are able to take a few steps back and look at human behavior as rooted more generally in animal and more specifically mammalian behavior, it's going to be very difficult to understand why people behave the way they do.

 

Remember, human beings have existed in more or less their current biological form for at least several hundred thousand years. Yet "civilization" has only existed for maybe five or at most ten thousand years. Before that we were wearing animal skins, living in caves, and hunting mastodons on an ice cap. Any type of human behavior that did not have immediate and maximal survival value for the individual, or the species, was quickly "selected out." This includes sexual reproductive behavior.

 

Think of "society" and what we regard as our current mating rituals and attitudes as a very thin skin on the top of many layers and hundreds of thousands of years of deeply ingrained biological behavioral patterns. We like to pretend we are all very civilized creatures but scratch the surface a little, or put oneself under stress, and the animal comes out pretty quickly, for most of us.

 

Im not speaking for all women, maybe not even the majority, but to me, as far as occupation effects sheer sex appeal? I'd take a man that can fix things any day over a rich guy. Personally, I can't hang a picture, so to me it's a really masculine thing, and there are quite a few women besides me who really enjoy watching you guys work on the car. BUT, occupation doesn't effect sex appeal 99.9% of the time: my attraction for mechanic-types might equal a guy thinking a massage therapist would be a hot occupation. Sexy job? Sure. But male or female, we certainly don't hold out for one to come along!

 

All other things being equal, women are biologically programmed to prefer a more physically fit male who also appears more economically fit. A "mechanic type guy" appeals to you because that was exactly the type of a guy who would be more likely to keep you safe back in the cave man days.

 

Being able to MacGyver his way out of a tight situation has survival value, and that is what has the instinctual, basic, appeal to you. Indeed since economic fitness requires a higher level of abstraction (money being an intellectual abstraction), the mechanic-fix things with his hands guy appeals to a woman at a much more primal level than someone with a lot of money.

 

Why can't you see we really are just like you when it comes to money? Everyone wants to be rich, but those of us that are normal - male OR female -wouldn't be able to enjoy it if it involved being intimate with someone who repulsed us, be it the old rich guy, or the unattractive woman with a great credit line.

 

Part of the "attraction" of the male with a lot of resources, but who is not necessarily physically fit or attractive, resides in the cuckolding phenomenon. In nature the female of many species is often content to pair-bond with one male who can be the provider but secretly mates with a physically superior male. The offspring are genetically those of the second male but the cuckolded male patiently provides the resources to raise the offspring as if they are his biologically. This happens with humans, too.

 

In fact it doesn't have to be an outright cuckoldry situation; the prevalence of stepparenting and blended families is attributable to the phenomenon of a female's drive to obtain DNA for her children from males who aren't very suitable for the caretaking role. So the woman mates, gives birth, then finds a new male to raise the first male's bio kids.

 

Next up - cuddle, snuggle, make love, caress, pleasure you. I like all those things. But not if a man SAYS it to me, ie., "I want to pleasure you"?? Yuck. I don't know why that's a turn off to me, but it is. I may be in the minority here, but 4 of the 6 girls in my office agree, so it's not exactly rare. We are NOT all fantasizing about some super-sensitive guy, we do NOT all want to talk about our feelings 24/7.

 

 

It's a turn off to you because sexually speaking, what females are seeking is a fit, fertile male who is capable of and willing to inject copious amounts of motile sperm deep into their wombs. IOW action, not talk. I'm sure you have no problem with a man who actually knows how to get your motor running. This is the guy who just smiles at you and firmly grabs you by your @ss, not the guy who says "I want to pleasure you," which is kind of dorky.

 

 

 

Case in point - like everyone else, I have a type. I once started seeing a man who completely fit the bill... until we had sex about a month into the relationship. His voice went up three octaves and I think he used all of those words interspersed with these high-pitched oooOO's that would be more appropriate coming from a five-year-old who spots a puppy. I wanted to bolt, fake a heart attack, anything, but it was too late. I was stuck sleeping with what -to all extents and purposes - felt like another woman.

 

This is the proof that this is all about biology. Instinctually you know you can't successfully reproduce by mating with a woman, since you are a woman. His ritual mating behavior has been neurotically distorted by his upbringing to emulate that of a woman, not a man.

 

It's exactly like a male canary trying to mate with a female canary by singing the female's mating song rather than the male's mating song.

 

Undoubtedly if you were to look into this guy's background you would see some sort of messed up upbringing--perhaps divorced parents when he was at a formative age; or perhaps an absent/alcoholic or abusive father. This guy learned how to behave in terms of ritualistic mating behavior from a woman, and the version he learned may have been a distorted one at that. He never learned correct mating behavior for a male human, and that's why, despite the fact that by all appearances he seemed perfect for you--your "type"--he couldn't seal the deal.

 

 

Afterwards, as I was trying to make a bee-line for the living room and thinking of how to tactfully keep him from spending the night (so I could re-orient myself from the shock of finding out my boyfriend had a multiple personality disorder), i realized he was teary. He told me that by "making love" we were "joined in a way that could never be undone". I un-did it the next day.

 

Yup, sounds like a girl.

 

 

 

Next, performance! There are sooo many references to men taking care of themselves before sex to last longer. Longer isn't better! Men can be ready for sex FAST... it takes women a bit of time to sort of switch gears and get into sex mode.

 

The biological function of the male is to attempt to inject copious amounts of sperm as deeply as possible into the female's uterus. In furtherance of that aim, it is helpful if the female is "warmed up" i.e. her parts are opened up and she is lubricating. Anything invested into the sex act beyond this is a waste of the biological energies of both the male and the female--which is precisely why you don't like it when a guy does this.

 

Typically the human sex act takes about 3-5 minutes. Maybe from a cold start 15-20, but if it takes much longer, then someone is not doing something right.

 

The ability to have sex rapidly has biological survival importance. When having sex, the organisms are vulnerable to attack and they are distracted and not alert. There is no survival value in spending a long time mating.

 

 

 

Last, size is not as much of a factor as you think. It really is what you do with it - and I'm not going to go there -I'm sure googling will give you the dirt - but there are specific ahh, "techniques" shall we call them? That are VERY effective.

 

Assuming the male is long enough to successfully inject sperm deeply within the female uterus, then the penis is adequate to perform its intended function. Some females with psychological issues, or perhaps some physical issue such as loose muscle tone in their vagina, may attach a huge significance to a man's penis size. But the average penis is six inches because that's matched to be a good fit with the average vagina. The penis and vagina have co-evolved over millions of years. If a six inch or average penis was "too short" then the human species would have died out long ago.

 

Last/last, lol, there is no better turn-on than to let her know that she turns you on. It's a fact that women who feel unattractive have a much harder time having the big O. Make her feel sexy when she's with you.

 

The biological purpose of the female orgasm is to stimulate pelvic and uterine muscle contractions that help bring the sperm more deeply into the uterus. However if the male is not intent on getting the woman pregnant then whether or not the female has an orgasm during a particular sex act is a complete non issue. This is precisely why many women are content not to orgasm during sex on a frequent basis, and why a lot of women don't have any sexual drive at all--esp. married women who have already had children.

 

Ok boys, where are WE wrong? I really am curious, and I promise to admit if I'm guilty of it and if you make a valid point

 

You're wrong because you don't understand why people/mammals/animals have sexual drives in the first place. The primary purpose for the existence of the sex drive is reproductive. Just because you or I might want to have sex for other reasons (non reproductive sex) doesn't change that.

[nordic]

I think neither sex can just do what they want. Or, rather, they can't just do what they want without being labled or looked at in a certain way. I realize you were saying that about men being able to have feelings (which they should not fear any labels with that!), but I also think this was part of the point you were trying to make about women not being able to have the same sexuality. The old women are 'sluts' and men are 'players' when they have a high number of ONS arguement. Often with the players being viewed in a better light than the sluts. But, I think this goes both ways in the end.

 

If a man gets labeled as a player who sleeps around he will most definitely not be looked at by some women as a potential partner. Good women don't want to deal with that. Sometimes the player doesn't realize that 9 times out of 10 he is just attracting the slut and vice versa. The player thinks he can have any woman, but this is untrue. The labels can hinder both sexes.

 

 

 

I would take the same attitude if a reformed player I was seeing told me he slept with high numbers of women--if I wasn't really into him that would be a turn off. If I was into him, that may bother me for a bit, but I would get over it if there was a real connection there. I feel that the right man would end up feeling the same way about a women with a high numbered past.

 

The fear about being with a high ONS individual is the feeling that because of their wild past, maybe they aren't ready to settle down (assuming they came out with no STDs, otherwise that might be an issue). If they have been around the block once, will history repeat itself? But this feeling can go for both men and women.

 

i meant exactly what i wrote. if you as a man let women define you and say for example "i can not be like this, coz then women will not love me". you have already lost the battle. its not likely that a woman will be attracted to you as a man, if she feels that you projecting something. at least that never worked for me. i show myself completely, and find that women have an easier time falling in love with me like that. if i am clear, at least then they know where i sitand, and have a chance to focus on what they want. i dont think they game playing works, at least not for me.

 

no, i have slept with lots of women, and it never ever comes up as an issue if they want relaitonships. i am not a player though, but very clear iwth what i want with them, so maybe its that.

 

men dont want to be married to sluts for a completely differetn reason than women think or can ever understand. its just no point trying to explain it to woman. you can try for hours and she will will never get it.

 

this is point of my reply to OP. the misconception a woman has about men, is that they are the same as she is, and that any differences are just superficial. but, in reality, the emotional wiring is so different that it is completely different sexuality, that can not be compared to womans.

 

women, in practice, will never get this.