Misconceptions about what men and women want from eachother

[nordic]

Ah... the male/female question.

 

A few years ago my marriage was in a rocky patch (like, when is it not? ) and my H was giving me the silent treatment and avoiding me, and we weren't having any sex or communication and it was just a bad phase.

 

So I had a brilliant idea: women need a feeling of closeness to have sex, and men need sex to have a feeling of closeness. So why didn't I just dive in and go for loads of sex, and see if that got me the closeness I was craving and lacking?

 

So I just started having lots and LOTS of sex with my H.

 

And you know what I got for all my efforts?

 

Laid.

 

if it works for you. the sex you give to him, will be paid back in the commodity closeness to you. in good relaitonships intimacy is traded for sex, and everybody comes out happy.

[nordic]

I think what men and women really want from each other is shockingly similar.

 

Guys want their man cave time, women want their girls time.

 

Men want to feel wanted, women want to feel wanted.

 

Men can feel deprived sexually, women can feel deprived sexually.

 

Women can go through a wild streak of men, men can go through a wild streak of women.

 

Women want to settle down sometime and find a partner, men want to settle down sometime and find a partner.

 

etc. etc.

 

I think the vast difference between men and women is how we communicate our wants and needs and the timing of those wants and needs.

 

...and we all breathe air:-)

 

this is, in fact, females biggest misconception. thinking that they are similar to men, and that we are so similar. its a world between us, and the differences are huge.

 

its not communication or timing, but what we have to put in to get what you describe that is the biggest difference. men have it easier in one way, coz we cant bail, which is a good thing, since being lazy never gets anybody anywhere, so easy roads are crap in reality, if you want to have fun in this life. but the fact thta female sexuality has a positive market value which are given to them for free makes a big difference in our lives.

[nordic]

OP: Linwood

 

 

I think you're right. I think it's very common for women to assume that men have no need to feel attractive, and I think it even goes beyond that - I think there are women who almost act as if men have no feelings to be hurt at all.

I think it's a product of conditioning that is total BS.*

 

I will NEVER forget my son playing PW football when he was 7. He came down hard after being tackled - not bone breaking hard, but I could tell he was hurt. I started onto the field when the assistant coach, a nice old guy, grabbed my arm and said "No, no, no hon, he's ok, just stay here and let the coach handle it". Being dense, I thought he meant don't interrupt the game or something, so I said "I'll be quick; just going to check on him" - to which he leaned in and whispered, "honey, a boy can't have his mom come out on the field".

 

He was SEVEN!! If a girl had been hurt, it would've been perfectly appropriate for me to run out there - and perfectly acceptable to the other kids if she cried. But boys have "don't cry!" drilled into them from the beginning, which IS awful and unfair. It has to have a negative effect later in life during times of stress or loss, when it's normal to be afraid or cry.

 

...I hope my comment about my old boyfriend didn't come across as emotions being a turn off - that wasn't what I meant at all. Emotion is a good thing - you can't truly connect with another person if you can't be comfortable expressing how you feel.

 

Staryeyed12 - I agree TOTALLY that we are similar - but so many of us act on stereotypical misconceptions like the d*mn money thing. Also, thank you for interpreting Nordic because for the life of me I couldn't figure out what he meant.

 

Musemaj11, I was asking in what ways do men feel we wrongly stereotype them. As a woman, I'm fairly sure I know what I WANT more than you do no matter how many times you repeat that women only care about money.

 

 

Neither did I actually, I said money itself was not a turn on. But who do you mean when you say "no one ever said.."? No one on this board? No one on the planet? Or YOU?

 

 

 

Umm, when they have women in bikinis next to the article? That's would be the first clue that the "study" may not be so reliable...

 

The same site also has lots of other studies "...based on the latest scientific discovery!" with such rigorous academic gems as:

 

Scientists reveal Ugly men make more sperm!

Thursday, April 9, 2009, The Sun

 

Oral sex blamed for throat cancer!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008,The Sun

 

Smarter ladies have worse sex

Friday, April 25, 2008,The Sun

BRAINY babes think so much they find it hard to have an orgasm, a new study has claimed!

 

^^Followed by:

 

Smarter girls have far better sex lives

Tuesday, May 12, 2009,The Sun

WOMEN with brains have more fun in bed than the average bimbo, scientists find!

 

Yeah... so, umm, if this is the kind of stuff you're basing your intense dislike of women on, may I politely suggest you take a looksy at say, the Kinsey Institute or a PubMed search of REAL studies? You won't find anything that backs up your theories, but maybe it would open your mind a bit to the possibility that not all women are after your money.

 

Funny site though.

 

he he. a woman who doesnt get logic. i am shocked:-)

 

what you are missing with the coach telling you that mothers can not run into the field an pamper their boys is that you would have hurt your boy worse doing that than not doing that. men do have outlets for emotions, they just look different from the ones availbale for women. you can never show your boy that, coz you simply dont know about them, and never will.

 

its like being in school. it sucks sitting still using small muscels in your hand to create weird symbols on a piece of paper, but if we dont spend that time doing it, we will be worse off later. some things we just need to learn as kids and if we do, it will be effortless later.

 

see, the biggest misconception you have as a woman, is that you think your boy will live in hte same social world as you do, with the same rules, but he will not. his worild will be differetn in a way that cannot see. not better or worse, but just different, but if he doesnt learn the rules of that social world, he will be in trouble over time.

 

he he, funny that you researched all those articles from a paper that nobody would take seriously, especially since the oroginal reference was to a morning paper:-)

[nordic]

These are rules men put on themselves. But men can call up a female friend, too, if he has one. I've never looked down on a man for doing so.

 

 

 

I haven't noticed that at all. It may seem like ALWAYS to you because you are looking for it (confirmation bias).

 

i agree with this, but i am not american, so maybe its different for you guys. i did date american women, and i never experienced this money chase from them. however, marriage seems more important for you.

 

totally agree, men put these rules on themselves, and its just unnecessary, since women dont feel less attracted to you if you show your emotions anyway, at least i never so that. i use my emotions all the time to propel me through life:-)

[tnttim]

men are allowed to do what we want, some men just dont use that mandate. if you let society or your woman for thta matter corner you into thinking you have to be in a certain way, you have already lost.

 

plus, you will get very little sex, coz people who are not themselves are very unattractive, goes for both genders.

 

so stop whining and just be who you are. cry if you want to. women might even go for that, and then you have girls who you dont have to play games with:-)

 

Exactly 100% right. Women are attracted to men that act like MEN!!

[tnttim]

It has very little to do with the amount of money a man has. That's just what we see on the surface, a guy with a lot of money. But what does that say about the man behind the money. He's strong, smart, doesn't let adversity get in his way, has plans for the future, and the biggest turn on for a woman is that she perceives other women want him. How do you think ugly as#, fat rock stars get women, because women perceive that other women want him, and if they get him, by default they are prettier than all those women.

[nordic]

It has very little to do with the amount of money a man has. That's just what we see on the surface, a guy with a lot of money. But what does that say about the man behind the money. He's strong, smart, doesn't let adversity get in his way, has plans for the future, and the biggest turn on for a woman is that she perceives other women want him. How do you think ugly as#, fat rock stars get women, because women perceive that other women want him, and if they get him, by default they are prettier than all those women.

 

 

no. money counts. the womans child get to live in a better place, better social environment, better schools, less danger. plus women love a big house with big open kitchen, lots of space, all white and clean.

 

no money, means small apartment next to the crack dealers. no good place for their children.

 

i dont think there are any risk for misconceptions here:-)

[nordic]

Are you talking about early dating relationships?

 

In a longterm, established relationship, women will often be unhappy if they feel that the man "only" wants to be close (hug, kiss, cuddle) when it will lead to sex. In this case (common complaint), women do NOT equate sex with love.

 

I do agree that, early in the relationship, many women will get attached after having sex. That may look like equating sex with love....or it may be a physiological-emotional connection that happens in women during sex (flood of love hormones). So it may not be "we had sex, and so I feel loved by him" but rather "we had sex, and so I feel love for him".

 

i will never understand this. seems so dettached from real life.

[starryeyed12]

...and we all breathe air:-)

 

this is, in fact, females biggest misconception. thinking that they are similar to men, and that we are so similar. its a world between us, and the differences are huge.

 

its not communication or timing, but what we have to put in to get what you describe that is the biggest difference. men have it easier in one way, coz we cant bail, which is a good thing, since being lazy never gets anybody anywhere, so easy roads are crap in reality, if you want to have fun in this life. but the fact thta female sexuality has a positive market value which are given to them for free makes a big difference in our lives.

 

 

Huh???

 

Men and women want many of the same things from their partner in the end. Go back and look at what I listed as wants for men and women. If you don't want those things from a partner than you are just one of those odd birds (which I'm starting to wonder).

 

I believe the biggest differences are how we go about communicating those wants and at what points in our lives we actually want these things.

 

For example, most men sow their oats at one point in their life, and during this time they may come across a partner who interests them, but at this point in time she's interested in committment. He does not want that yet, but he's still attracted to her and things happen.

 

Often, neither party will clearly communicate their wants and desires, and hence, the games begin. The man just wants to sleep with her, but she wants more. They go back in forth with games and miscommunications and reading things wrong, until they ultimately move on.

 

Eventually, this man will settle down and decide he wants more, wants some committment, love, family (yes, men want these things too). At that time he will be more interested in meeting a woman to settle down with. And, hopefully, fingers crossed, the woman he meets that he finds an attraction and interest will have the same timing as him and want the same things.

 

If the timing is right in both their lives then the challenge becomes clearly communicating what they want/need/desire. Often these things are quite similar, yet are done/expressed in different ways for men and women to feel satisfied.

[nordic]

Huh???

 

Men and women want many of the same things from their partner in the end. Go back and look at what I listed as wants for men and women. If you don't want those things from a partner than you are just one of those odd birds (which I'm starting to wonder).

 

I believe the biggest differences are how we go about communicating those wants and at what points in our lives we actually want these things.

 

For example, most men sow their oats at one point in their life, and during this time they may come across a partner who interests them, but at this point in time she's interested in committment. He does not want that yet, but he's still attracted to her and things happen.

 

Often, neither party will clearly communicate their wants and desires, and hence, the games begin. The man just wants to sleep with her, but she wants more. They go back in forth with games and miscommunications and reading things wrong, until they ultimately move on.

 

Eventually, this man will settle down and decide he wants more, wants some committment, love, family (yes, men want these things too). At that time he will be more interested in meeting a woman to settle down with. And, hopefully, fingers crossed, the woman he meets that he finds an attraction and interest will have the same timing as him and want the same things.

 

If the timing is right in both their lives then the challenge becomes clearly communicating what they want/need/desire. Often these things are quite similar, yet are done/expressed in different ways for men and women to feel satisfied.

 

mmm, you might want to look up the greek word hetero to see what it means.

 

just because we want to hook up, doesnt mean that we want to hook up with the same character. we dont. thats what hetero implies.

 

the question in the beginning asked what was the biggest misconceptions in what we want from eachother. and your answer points one out. the biggest misconception that a female has, is that she thinks her sexuality is similar to a mans. it clearly isnt. to say we are almost identical coz we both want to be in a relationship at one point in our lives is so simplistic it doesnt even touch on the question that was posed.

 

i can give a hundred examples of what the differences are beteen what we want in eachother, but its pointless, coz if you dont see it now, its coz you choose not to see it. you need to close your eyes to be unaware of the differences between the sexes.

[starryeyed12]

mmm, you might want to look up the greek word hetero to see what it means.

 

just because we want to hook up, doesnt mean that we want to hook up with the same character. we dont. thats what hetero implies.

 

the question in the beginning asked what was the biggest misconceptions in what we want from eachother. and your answer points one out. the biggest misconception that a female has, is that she thinks her sexuality is similar to a mans. it clearly isnt. to say we are almost identical coz we both want to be in a relationship at one point in our lives is so simplistic it doesnt even touch on the question that was posed.

 

i can give a hundred examples of what the differences are beteen what we want in eachother, but its pointless, coz if you dont see it now, its coz you choose not to see it. you need to close your eyes to be unaware of the differences between the sexes.

 

Don't pay me any lip service, nordic, bc you are obviously not getting the point I am trying to make.

 

I said that I believe the biggest differences are in how we communicate /express what we want and need and the timing of many of our wants and needs. Imbedded in this difference is a variety of differences! Where in that statement did I say that men and women have the same sexualities??

 

How we communicate/express our different needs and desires (sexual being ONE example) is different. This means we can want and need different things, but the real MISCONCEPTION happens when we don't properly express/communicate what those needs are or how we can fullfil them with one another.

 

My last example was about how the timing can be different. This example will be about how our communication/expression of our different needs/desires can be different.

 

Ex.2

Jack has been married to Jill for 5 years. Jack used to regularly cuddle with his wife, tell her he loved her, and tell her how beautiful she was to him. But over the course of time things happened, changed, got hectic, you fill in the blank, and now Jill can't remember the last time her husband said anything sweet to her at all.

 

Jack is growing increasingly frusterated. He has not had sex with his wife in over 8 months. He initiates sex when they are in bed together, but has been getting shot down for the past 8 months. Has she dried up, he wonders? He starts to believe that maybe all women do dry up after 30.

 

This pattern of sexually persistant husband/cold shoulder wife leads them both to become more and more resentful. The sweet nothings have dried up, as well as the sex.

 

The husband does not see that the woman wants more than just sex as an expression of intimacy. The woman does not see that by her withholding sex, it is only feeding their intimacy problem.

 

The misconception of men believeing that women equate sex to love has led Jack to believe that sex alone should be able to communicate and fulfill his wife's desires to feel cherished and loved. It's hard to make time for romance. Sex is romantic, right?

 

What Jill really desires is to feel special by him communicating his love for her in AND outside of the bedroom. Outside of the bedroom being just as key.

 

What Jack really desires is to have a physical relationship with his wife. He needs her to express her love and committment to him by having a healthy and active sex life.

 

The misconception in this example is that women communicate love through sex and, therefore, if men continue to have sex the woman's desire to feel special/loved should be fulifilled.

 

Jill should communicate her want/need of more intimacy outside of the bedroom, and the ways he can express his love in a meaningful way for her. Jack should communicate his want/need of more intimacy inside of the bedroom and the ways she can express her committment to a healthy and active sex life.

 

Both want to feel loved and fulfilled in their marriage. How they go about doing that for one another is different.

[Kristi can't sleep]

Hi Starryeyed12 I don't think you could possibly be any clearer. I completely agree with you, but unfortunately, Musmanj-aka-nordic understands women better than we understand ourselves and we are really nothing more than delusional, no-good, man trapping biatches out for the $$$.

 

Since our evil selves have been revealed, how much you wanta bet his biggest problem isn't women trying to marry him?

 

Btw, nordic, gargoil, mus whatever, you wouldn't be a serial killer or anything wouldya?

 

If you are, let me know and I'll stop making it so obvious I think you're a narcissistic, crazy, shut-in who's never been married and whose one girlfriend did something so rotten to you that her being an a**hole festered and grew until you reached the grandiose conclusion our entire gender (except for mom) is likewise untrustworthy.

 

Well I'm not a fool. And I'm not capable of being fooled! Not even by a woman.*

- Norman Bates

 

Btw., this may be a personal attack, but it's a DEFENSIVE one. Jeez, vicious, nasty comments about women in every single post? And why in gods name do you spend every waking moment on a forum for married and long term relationship issues when you don't have any inclination for one? It's no different than spending 24/7 on a Christianity forum spouting insults about what Christians are really like and really about when you aren't/haven't ever/and don't intend to become, Christian.

 

Do you realize there are MEN on here who been divorced after 5, 10 & 15yr marriages who don't even come CLOSE to your kind of hate? that want advice? Compassion? How about women looking for the same? I am baffled as to what you are getting out of this.

 

Switching teams could solve an enormous amount of the angst spilling out of you. Food for thought?

 

before you imply you don't condemn ALL women (I know, the unicorn thing; you think there's like 3 of us that are good or something), condemning 95% of us is close enough to count, and with your attitude, forget about landing a unicorn. Pretty sure they'd pick a wee bit nicer guy just whacky enough to consider women as human in their wants and needs as men.

 

(...and PUH-LeeeeZE don't go to the trouble of making up yet another screen name to grovel, agree & applaud your brilliance, correctness & truth; frankly, we can tell and it makes you seem even more... Well, u know, maybe I should wait till I get an answer on the serial killer thing first)

[Kristi can't sleep]

How we communicate/express our different needs and desires (sexual being ONE example) is different. This means we can want and need different things, but the real MISCONCEPTION happens when we don't properly express/communicate what those needs are or how we can fullfil them with one another.

 

Wow, I stand corrected, that was really good, starryeyed12! ...and nothing REMOTELY critical towards either gender exclusively. Not a single offensive word (I know I went too far, but I'm sick of how offensive some of his stuff is!!!) curious to see how he can POSSIBLY take issue this time.

 

Oh, and if you look back, Nordic is just Musmanj11's foreign studly woman hating alter-ego, as opposed to the virginal woman hating of Musma - forget it, from now on, I'm calling all his personalities Norman. Sick of typing both names.

 

Nordic, I can see why you'd come back with an attitude towards me; honestly, I'm not at a point in my life where I can tolerate idiots that have the balls to act condescending AND insult me to boot, but Starryeyed12 has been EXCEPTIONALLY patient and nice. WTF? She could be a unicorn (his word, not mine, lol) and here you are being a jerk to her.

[Woggle]

I usually sympathize with bitter men on here because I know exactly where it comes from but I think Musmanj11 is just a troll.

 

I think the issue is that for both genders think the opposite sex has it so much better than they really do and it causes resentments. That is why I have said that if all men and women switched places for about six months it would improve many things.

 

Men claim to not understand women but I think that women misunderstand men just as much.

[nordic]

Hi Starryeyed12 I don't think you could possibly be any clearer. I completely agree with you, but unfortunately, Musmanj-aka-nordic understands women better than we understand ourselves and we are really nothing more than delusional, no-good, man trapping biatches out for the $$$.

 

Since our evil selves have been revealed, how much you wanta bet his biggest problem isn't women trying to marry him?

 

Btw, nordic, gargoil, mus whatever, you wouldn't be a serial killer or anything wouldya?

 

If you are, let me know and I'll stop making it so obvious I think you're a narcissistic, crazy, shut-in who's never been married and whose one girlfriend did something so rotten to you that her being an a**hole festered and grew until you reached the grandiose conclusion our entire gender (except for mom) is likewise untrustworthy.

 

- Norman Bates

 

Btw., this may be a personal attack, but it's a DEFENSIVE one. Jeez, vicious, nasty comments about women in every single post? And why in gods name do you spend every waking moment on a forum for married and long term relationship issues when you don't have any inclination for one? It's no different than spending 24/7 on a Christianity forum spouting insults about what Christians are really like and really about when you aren't/haven't ever/and don't intend to become, Christian.

 

Do you realize there are MEN on here who been divorced after 5, 10 & 15yr marriages who don't even come CLOSE to your kind of hate? that want advice? Compassion? How about women looking for the same? I am baffled as to what you are getting out of this.

 

Switching teams could solve an enormous amount of the angst spilling out of you. Food for thought?

 

before you imply you don't condemn ALL women (I know, the unicorn thing; you think there's like 3 of us that are good or something), condemning 95% of us is close enough to count, and with your attitude, forget about landing a unicorn. Pretty sure they'd pick a wee bit nicer guy just whacky enough to consider women as human in their wants and needs as men.

 

(...and PUH-LeeeeZE don't go to the trouble of making up yet another screen name to grovel, agree & applaud your brilliance, correctness & truth; frankly, we can tell and it makes you seem even more... Well, u know, maybe I should wait till I get an answer on the serial killer thing first)

 

 

I am disappointed in you kristie:-) Beautiful nordic men dont like to be compared other men at any point in time.

 

here is what i think i confusing you. i grew up in the most liberal of societies, namely Sweden in the 70s. I have since then lived all over the world in a bunch of different cultures. the fact that you can confuse me with an american man, kind of proofs the point. these gender differences are stable over culture, and men seem to be same all over the world. and, wait for it, they are not at all similar to women. which is the female misconception.

 

plus, not sure if you, after that outburst can say much about being hateful towards the opposite gender, you seem to take the price there. i did not write anything close to that, if you read my posts, and i dont think musmanj really comes up to your level either in fact. he does try to make a point, not only question women named kristie:-)

[nordic]

I usually sympathize with bitter men on here because I know exactly where it comes from but I think Musmanj11 is just a troll.

 

I think the issue is that for both genders think the opposite sex has it so much better than they really do and it causes resentments. That is why I have said that if all men and women switched places for about six months it would improve many things.

 

Men claim to not understand women but I think that women misunderstand men just as much.

 

i dont, any would never say that. i do think that the areas where there is difficulties vary. its easier for a woman to get sex, but then again that is a function of the fact that they want it less. women tend to get hurt a lot, since men will trick them into believing they got a relationship based on feelings, while in reality they are just getting screwed. so there is ups and downs.

[nordic]

Wow, I stand corrected, that was really good, starryeyed12! ...and nothing REMOTELY critical towards either gender exclusively. Not a single offensive word (I know I went too far, but I'm sick of how offensive some of his stuff is!!!) curious to see how he can POSSIBLY take issue this time.

 

Oh, and if you look back, Nordic is just Musmanj11's foreign studly woman hating alter-ego, as opposed to the virginal woman hating of Musma - forget it, from now on, I'm calling all his personalities Norman. Sick of typing both names.

 

Nordic, I can see why you'd come back with an attitude towards me; honestly, I'm not at a point in my life where I can tolerate idiots that have the balls to act condescending AND insult me to boot, but Starryeyed12 has been EXCEPTIONALLY patient and nice. WTF? She could be a unicorn (his word, not mine, lol) and here you are being a jerk to her.

 

agree, you have lots to learn from her:-) about how a woman should behave.

[nordic]

Don't pay me any lip service, nordic, bc you are obviously not getting the point I am trying to make.

 

I said that I believe the biggest differences are in how we communicate /express what we want and need and the timing of many of our wants and needs. Imbedded in this difference is a variety of differences! Where in that statement did I say that men and women have the same sexualities??

 

How we communicate/express our different needs and desires (sexual being ONE example) is different. This means we can want and need different things, but the real MISCONCEPTION happens when we don't properly express/communicate what those needs are or how we can fullfil them with one another.

 

My last example was about how the timing can be different. This example will be about how our communication/expression of our different needs/desires can be different.

 

Ex.2

Jack has been married to Jill for 5 years. Jack used to regularly cuddle with his wife, tell her he loved her, and tell her how beautiful she was to him. But over the course of time things happened, changed, got hectic, you fill in the blank, and now Jill can't remember the last time her husband said anything sweet to her at all.

 

Jack is growing increasingly frusterated. He has not had sex with his wife in over 8 months. He initiates sex when they are in bed together, but has been getting shot down for the past 8 months. Has she dried up, he wonders? He starts to believe that maybe all women do dry up after 30.

 

This pattern of sexually persistant husband/cold shoulder wife leads them both to become more and more resentful. The sweet nothings have dried up, as well as the sex.

 

The husband does not see that the woman wants more than just sex as an expression of intimacy. The woman does not see that by her withholding sex, it is only feeding their intimacy problem.

 

The misconception of men believeing that women equate sex to love has led Jack to believe that sex alone should be able to communicate and fulfill his wife's desires to feel cherished and loved. It's hard to make time for romance. Sex is romantic, right?

 

What Jill really desires is to feel special by him communicating his love for her in AND outside of the bedroom. Outside of the bedroom being just as key.

 

What Jack really desires is to have a physical relationship with his wife. He needs her to express her love and committment to him by having a healthy and active sex life.

 

The misconception in this example is that women communicate love through sex and, therefore, if men continue to have sex the woman's desire to feel special/loved should be fulifilled.

 

Jill should communicate her want/need of more intimacy outside of the bedroom, and the ways he can express his love in a meaningful way for her. Jack should communicate his want/need of more intimacy inside of the bedroom and the ways she can express her committment to a healthy and active sex life.

 

Both want to feel loved and fulfilled in their marriage. How they go about doing that for one another is different.

 

ok you have my attention.

 

so this "how we communicate /express what we want and need and the timing of many of our wants and needs", is what you say.

 

then you spends of time describing an example where a relationship between a man and a woman comes down to a man trading intimacy (a commodity a female cant be without) for sex (a commodity a man cant be without), and how that relationship can break down when these two people dont give eachother what they need. i get it. its just that i got that when i was 21, and i would be hard pressed to find among the people i know, who does not know this. any man who ever tried to pick up a woman have seen this over and over again in real time. its hardly the biggest misconception around. its almost the opposite.

 

and let me just point out another interesting thing about that. it has absolutely nothing to do with what you said before. see "how we communicate /express what we want and need and the timing of many of our wants and needs", means that the biggest difference would be in communcition of needs or the timing of needs. but that is not what your example is about really, its not its core.

 

you write that and then you spend a long time formulating an example based on the fact that we have different needs. you do see the difference?

 

we do have different needs and thats, from what i can see, is the biggest difference. and the fact that women dont see this, is the source of the biggest misconception that the genders have for one another.

 

its not miscommunication. then the solution for a man who wants sex would be to approach women and just ask for that, but we know that would never work. i state my intentions very clear, its part of my kamikaze way of doing this, simply coz i have no patience with playing around to much, and i found that it works for me, but not even i am crazy enough to do that.

 

women have a similar dilemma. a 35 year old woman would not approach a man she doesnt know but is interested in and reveal the plan that she plans to be married in a year and preggers in two. simpy coz most men will run, and she knows that.

 

so, its not a problem of communication first hand, its a problem in the differences between what we want. which is not what this "how we communicate /express what we want and need and the timing of many of our wants and needs" implies.

 

are you really a unicorn?

 

kristie seems to think that.

[nordic]

here is a test for you two girls who read men so well.

 

most women know that they should not sleep with a man to quickly if they want a relationship with him, coz he might disappear if sex happens to easy.

 

i have dumped most girls after this has happened but a few i have gotten into relationships with. i know exactly what kind of emotions goes on since i actually feel them. women usually dont get this right.

 

so question to you is. why?

 

why do we go cold when women sleep with us too quickly?

 

see if you had the same emotional setup you would know this one by heart:-)

[tnttim]

no. money counts. the womans child get to live in a better place, better social environment, better schools, less danger. plus women love a big house with big open kitchen, lots of space, all white and clean.

 

no money, means small apartment next to the crack dealers. no good place for their children.

 

i dont think there are any risk for misconceptions here:-)

 

Yet millions of poor women are having babies next to crack dealers.......

 

My point was, if you bothered to understand it was: that women are attracted to men with ambitions, goals and strength. Women will be attracted to a poor man with ambitions and goals to do better in life.

Edited May 18, 2011 by tnttim

[tnttim]

[quote=nordic;3406542

 

why do we go cold when women sleep with us too quickly?

 

 

Because men are hunters and easy prey bores us to death

[xxoo]

here is a test for you two girls who read men so well.

 

most women know that they should not sleep with a man to quickly if they want a relationship with him, coz he might disappear if sex happens to easy.

 

i have dumped most girls after this has happened but a few i have gotten into relationships with. i know exactly what kind of emotions goes on since i actually feel them. women usually dont get this right.

 

so question to you is. why?

 

why do we go cold when women sleep with us too quickly?

 

see if you had the same emotional setup you would know this one by heart:-)

 

Because you only wanted the sex, and you got it (there was no interest in a relationship to begin with).

 

From the bolded, it sounds like you didn't have the same emotional response when there was more interest than sex on your part.

[xxoo]

Because men are hunters and easy prey bores us to death

 

Do men get bored with their wives if their wives are very sexually available to them?

[tnttim]

Nordic do me a favor and don't put into the group you call MAN, because you are in for a lonely, unfulfilled life with the attitude you have. You attack anyone that doesn't agree with your warped point of view, then you spout on using poor examples of how you are right, and we are wrong.

i agree with some of things you say, but when you get into a REAL long term relationship I would like to hear from you then.

I feel sorry for you if you continue with this attitude about women, you will truly be lonely if it doesn't change.

I think your mom should have hugged you more, and I think your dad should have kicked your as# more

[tnttim]

Do men get bored with their wives if their wives are very sexually available to them?

 

I would have to say no, but if she is continually throwing herself at me, I would get bored because I am a hunter, not a gatherer.

 

I have seen my wife battle with this in her head, she wants sex, but she doesn't want to be too easy about getting it from me. Unlike what Nordic says, she knows being direct will get her sex, but she doesn't want sex, she wants to be f^cked, and if she wants that she has to play games with me so I want it as bad as she does. Otherwise it's just what I like to call maintanence sex, turning the valve and releasing the pressure. Enough maintenance sex in a long term relationship and you can say goodbye to the relationship.