fool4love Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Can depression be a reason for a break up? My b/f (aside from other issues) used "depression" as a reason why we couldn't be together anymore. He says he's stuggling with it. My question is why would you leave someone you love when you fall on tough times, could I have been the cause of his depression? We haven't had much contact, so I don't know how he's doing, but I still do worry about him, yet at the same time wonder if it was just excuse to get rid of me? Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 could I have been the cause of his depression No you are not the cause for depression. Read about depression you will know a little more about it. My ex told me she was depressed and I choose to read about it that way I could understand what she had. My question is why would you leave someone you love when you fall on tough times They have to learn to love themselves before they can love someone else. If they cannot do that the relationship would be considered an unhealthy one. so I don't know how he's doing, but I still do worry about him Unless he's suicidal you have nothing to worry about. He's sorting himself out and getting to know himself better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fool4love Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 Do you think he could meet someone new, while he is sorting out his own personal issues and his depression? Would this be a healthy thing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fool4love Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 Also, I know he is going out a lot, having parties, and meeting new people. I however, am still in the post break up funk, and can't seem to move on. I feel like the depressed one. If he is truly depressed, could he supress those feelings and go out and have fun? It seems stange to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Kate Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Listen. The hardest thing I have EVER gone through -- nevermind a parent's divorce, 1st love breakup, etc., was getting involved with my guy friend of many years...he was always in love with me, and then "we" happened. I moved out of the state for a really good job and wanted him to come with me. He couldn't find a job in NY, where he really wanted to be - despite me - which was fine because we are both independent -- but slowly he sank into a depression. We just graduated from college together, had JUST started a romantic relationship vs. platonic, and he couldn't find a job...and was living with his crazy mother...blahblahblah... LONG, horrible and difficult story shorter, I clung to him as he grew distant to me. He told me he was becoming blank, stressed and everything else, but never once did either of us think of or mention depression. It killed me every day for the first 4 months before he was diagnosed, and I let it ruin my new job and my every day life. I came home at Christmas time to find a skinny, weak and irritable person. Two days later he collapsed at his house and his mom called an ambulance. He spent 2 weeks in the hospital, then was released. things just got WORSE. He suddenly wanted no contact with me, even though he said I was the love of his life. He was a big ball of confusion, and every day for hours was spent on the phone, blowing up my bill, trying to help him, understand him and only getting frustrated. It got so bad that I myself sunk into a deep depression -- that amazingly have gotten myself out of little by little. I lost my job and he broke up with me from the mental institution he was readmitted to. This kid was a highly intelligent, gentle, caring, very attractive young man. He was talented, articulate, everything a woman could want -- but he was severely depressed and neither of us knew it. depression can come in many shapes and forms. The biggest mistake I made was blaming it all on myself. I sucked in all of the energy -- it's hard not to! You think, if they love me, then they won't be depressed!! NO. But when you are in that position, it's all you can think about. This guy needs to love himself and it may be a while. Be his FRIEND and please focus on your happiness so that waht happened to me doesn't happen to you. There is ZERO control you can have over this. I think I have one of the worst cases in relationship/depression related history. And I am sad to say that my former friend/boyfriend still can't speak to me, even though he said I was his "rock" throughout the ordeal. Some people never change so don't hold your breath. He may be a great person, and his depression may not even be as deep as my ex's...but save yourself. You can not help him -- the only thing you can do is be there. BE IMMUNE TO HIS WORDS, THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS. In his state, they MEAN NOTHING. I hope you can find some solace in this. Please read about depression extensively. that helped me. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 You think, if they love me, then they won't be depressed. You also can be prey to thinking 'my love for him will help him heal'. Unfortunately, this is not so. Love can be therapeutic to some people, but for sure not everyone, and it's usually powerless in the face of something like depression. Think of him inside a shell created by the depression. Nothing can get through that shell to help him; not your love or your loyalty or anything you do. It's very sad when these things happen, and it only goes to show how fragile human beings can be. Link to post Share on other sites
much_better_off Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Ditto, ditto, and ditto. Fool4Love- having been in a similar situation, I have to say that hurtingandconfused, Kate, and moimeme have given some stellar advise. (My situation wasn't, thank goodness, as severe as Kate's- sugar, I'm so sorry! I'm glad you're out of that relationship and realize that his depression was not your fault, I'm thinking of you.) Anyhow, I've gotta run, but I'll be in touch, Fool4Love, you can get through this! ~Noel Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 What about cheating and depression. My X of recent was very depressed. Has tried all kinds of meds. Anyway, our relationship became long distance and I found out she was cheating on me off and on for over a year in our current 6 year relationship. I was thinking here soon that we were going to get back together in the same city/ marriage and I find out she had been cheating/ telling lies for over a year. I feel like our entire relationship was a big lie. Anyway, she says she was confused and she dont even know if she should be with anyone. She says she is ashamed of how she treated me. She says she dont know why she did what she did to me....the cheating and lies. So little by little I start to talk with her/ just talk. Ofcourse I ask about this other guy and she says she told him she didn't think it was a good idea to see him anymore. Then I find out this was another lie. She is still talking with him.... Probably telling him the things he wants to here. I lost it after that and told her off. She cried but I just dont know how she can expect me to put up with that. She keeps calling back. What the hell does she want from me I say. She cries and says "I dont know, I know I miss you" Sigh. I wish things could be different. At one point during a heated argument she burst into tears at a question and said, " I dont know what I want, I just want to wake up and feel normal, like I dont want to kill myself everyday" Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 A side note....the distance was only 2 hours so it wasnt like we never could see each other Link to post Share on other sites
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