retro80zkids Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 In my divorce decree it says I have to give two week written notice to take my children on vacation over normal scheduled visitation. So to explain, she gets the kids on friday, saturday and sundays. I want to take a vacation on a weekend at the end of the month so i want to send her written notice. (our communication is only best in writing also) Now heres my dilema, she has two residences. Her own home and then her boyfriends home which she stays at normally and where i pick my kids up after the weekend. (the boyfriends home) do i send the letter to both? I was thinking yes because i dont want her saying, "i never go the letter!" (which she would!) if i send one to her boyfriends house, do i send it in care of his name or just with her name on the envelope? I am not sure if she is getting mail there - will the postman still deliver it if it just has her name? I could just send it to her own home but i dont think she ever really goes there and i want her to get the letter because i really want my kids to go with me that weekend. We will be seeing my aunt and uncle. Last time I just asked for the kids for a few hours on a saturday she said NO! So i dont think just asking again will do the trick. How do i clarify what her real address is? Her checks say her old address. (where we lived when we were married) infact, they still say my name on the checks even though i havent been on that account for TWO years! Any suggestions? Marc! Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Send it to both homes. At her boyfriend's, send it c/o his name, and then put her name on the envelope also. In the letter, specifically list out on a separate page which addresses you mailed it to and the date. Save a copy for your records. Send it certified mail with delivery confirmation so you have proof she got it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author retro80zkids Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 how exactly to i title the second page? excuse me for sounding dumb but i have never had to do this before! I am also worried that when i go pick up my kids tomorrow for easter (i get them from 12-5) she will play dumb like she has before and ask what i am doing there! if she isnt at home tomorrow what do i do? Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Lawyers do what's called a Certificate of Service page, which lists out all the parties and addresses to whom any kind of document is sent. Just title it "Certificate of Service" (or whatever you want, really) and write "On DATE, I sent this letter to:" and then list out the two addresses, and then sign it. It's just a CYA move--and she also won't wonder why you sent her multiple copies! if she isnt at home tomorrow what do i do? You need to document everything that she does that goes against your custody agreement. If she continues to break the custody agreement, take her to court. Link to post Share on other sites
Author retro80zkids Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 Thank you! I will send them today!!!! I sent you a private one but ill ask again. Should I ask her to clarify her address in this letter? Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Yes, definitely ask her to clarify how to best get in touch with her in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 When I did temp work in the county Child Support Enforcement office, we sent out correspondence not only to the two parties involved, but also to their lawyers. You might also (in the future, since I seem to be posting kinda late here) want to send copies to both your lawyer and hers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author retro80zkids Posted April 11, 2004 Author Share Posted April 11, 2004 ok so i sent the letters to each address today..........lets wait and see. I didnt send them to any attorneys because we didnt have any. it was a mutual divorce that we did ourselves. things have just soured since and she looks for ways to get at me. I am doing better at ignoring it but it is hard. My name is still on her checks (i have been off that account for 2 years now) and it is so hard for me not to say anything but i dont. It will just creat more "drama". ok here is one more questions. I am suppossed to get the kids tomorrow at noon for Easter. BUT I have this weird feeling that she will "forget" about it and it isnt a situation where i can call and remind her because we cant talk to one another. IF she isnt at home with the kids tomorrow - what suggestions do you have. I dont want to come off as the bad guy..........i just want to see my kids on Easter when i am suppossed to without problems. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 You can take a copy of your custody rights to the sheriffs department and sometimes they will try to help reinforce it (if they have time/manpower). Best bet is if she is trying to keep you from visiting on your times/days, document the occurences and then contact an attorney. Best of Luck~ Link to post Share on other sites
Author retro80zkids Posted April 12, 2004 Author Share Posted April 12, 2004 Ok so easter went smooth - sorta. I was able to pick the kids up at noon without a hitch only to come home to a message that said "arent you dropping them back off to me at 5?" She knows that she agreed that the receiving parent always does the picking up. No biggie - moved on and she ended up picking them up after i did not give her a reaction (which is what she wants). SO, now I have come to another question. I sent her the letter saying I was going on vacation in two weeks and wanted to bring the children. I sent it certified mail and actually gave her three weeks notice as of the date of mailing. My fear is that she will respond with, "well, we already have plans that weekend." It is in our divorce decree that I HAVE to give two weeks written notice to go on vacation with the kids. Except she has the kids on the weekends and I can only go during the weekend because of work. (It's to visit my aunt and uncle) What is a good suggestion if she says that to me? Does anyone have an idea of what could happen in this situation? For those of you who think I am being dramatic, I'm not! It is always some sort of game that happens and usually its to make people believe I am just being mean to her. I played into it for a long time but my fiancee has mellowed me and led me to realize that the more I react to her the more she loves it. Her is an example: Our oldest daughter goes to a private christian school. It is something we both agreed upon during our marriage and in our divorce decree. Suddenly, she started decided to change her religion and go to Catholic Church with the kids. (my daughter was still attending christian school). I have nothing against catholics at all but it is a different religion with different beliefs. It seemed confusing for the kids. PLUS, we agreed on Christianity. When I asked my ex wife about she said, "I am taking them and that's just the way it is!" I jumped up and down and got upset. My fiancee told me to ignore it and it would stop. Guess what, it stopped! So I like to head things off and try and think of the next game. It's always something.......ALWAYS! I could go on and on but it isnt worth it. I just want to have a good response if she says "well, we already have plans" Any help would be great!!!! Marc Link to post Share on other sites
Author retro80zkids Posted April 14, 2004 Author Share Posted April 14, 2004 hate to be a bother but really would like a response to my last post...........I need the help!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 I don't know that I have a great response. Call her and ask if she received your letter asking for the children of that weekend, and ask if this is ok with her. You might suggest letting her have the children at a different time (perhaps two days before the weekend or something) so that she doesn't feel as if she is "losing" her time with them. If she is giving you such a hard time as you state, then perhaps it would be best if you contacted an attorney and had a set visitation/vacation agreement made up. Such as, my ex and I go every other holiday, with the knowledge that he and I both can have a month in the summer (but we live pretty close together, and so far it has created no problems). I also would suggest that you not play into her games, as it does no one any well being and infact can make the children feel as if they are the pawns in the game. I do wish you well, but it seems your best option is to contact an attorney and seek legal help. Sometimes being an adult doesn't always mean they are grown up. Best Wishes to you! Link to post Share on other sites
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