A huge problem in my house. Dad drinking and swearing. Deep problem.

[iDead]

You would have to read the whole thing to understand my problem.

I am 16 year old living in Canada with my Dad and my sister. My Mom does her job as a nurse in India and she comes to visit us every summer.

The problem is my dad drinks a lot. He leaves for work at 8:15p.m for his job as a security guard. He starts drinking at 5:30 and gets full by the time he has to leave. a

At around 7p.m, he starts getting mad and swearing. If he get's really mad, he swears at me and my sister. Not usual swearing, BUT REALLY BAD SWEARING. He had holiday last night and he almost hit my sister while swearing at her. Good thing my mom was there to protect her and myself. He didn't hit her. He swears and sometimes hits my mom. Today night because he got really high, he missed his bus to his job and got there late which I had to accompany him to the bus stop because he just wouldn't want to go alone. I agree and support him.

 

I come home and my mom says to me that she wants a divorce with him and asks me what to do. She said that she would call 911 and he will put in jail.

And thus, I said that I can't see my dad suffer. I love WHOLE family and I can't see anyone suffer. For meanwhile, I told her, to wait until I'm 18 and then she can do whatever she wants. But I can't see my sister and mom suffer.

 

My mom tried to talk with him when he was sober but he just wouldn't listen.

 

I am guessing that dad is under depression. He wouldn't listen at all if I tried to talk to him. He would just scold me back and swear at me at night.

 

I don't know what to do now. Please help me.

 

I know my dad loves us (he does when he's sober). He does so much for us. But I don't know why he does this.

28 minutes ago

One day, he almost picked up kitchen knife and pointed it on me and was threatening me to follow whatever he says. WHAT DO I DO?

[spiderowl]

I think your mom's right. Your dad is well into alcohol and gets abusive when he's drunk. He should not abuse you or your mother. Your mother is within her rights to stop him doing this. Also, your mother is probably trying to stop him abusing you! I know it's not that simple though. Where will you live if he gets arrested? I hope that is straightforward but if not check with your mother how she sees this. I can't imagine he will be put in jail anyway, unless he has done something which can be proven.

 

I think you need to seek some external support. In the UK, we have an organisation called Al-Anon which supports family members of alcoholics. I do not know if your dad is addicted to alcohol or not but he is certainly abusing it at the moment. You really do need to talk to someone fast about his behaviour as it sounds dangerous to me. If you feel at risk, you must report it to the police. Your dad may well be a good dad in other respects, but he has abdicated his right to be protected from court or jail by being abusive. I know you want to protect him, but you must put yourself and other family members first now. Your dad needs to seek help or you and your family need to be protected from him. He does not seem willing to seek help.

 

Please contact your local equivalent of Al-Anon or Social Services and ask for help and advice. You shouldn't have to deal with this alone. Please also google co-dependency so that you will become aware of this trap and be better able to help yourself.

 

I would really like to hear how you get on. Good luck with this; I do think you are in a very tough position and I have every respect for you.

[supermom33]

Your Dad is an alcoholic. I grew up with an alcoholic father and it somewhat robs you of your childhood. You have it really hard because your Mom is gone so much of the year that you are now responsible for taking care of your sister and your Father. Your Dad needs to hit rock bottom in order to seek the help he needs. Unfortunately for my situation, my mom never left my dad and now that me and my brother are grown and moved out she is the one who feels his wrath - where before it was just solely me. Is there a place you and your sister can live while your mom is in India - like a grandparent? Tell him that he needs help and you wont live with him until he seeks the help he needs. Maybe he can do an inpatient treatment? Hope all goes well for you! The affects of an alcoholic parent can follow you for the rest of your life.

[pilotDXB]

I grew up in Ontario and I know for a fact that there is a very generous social safety net in place for people in such situations.

 

You say you dnt want to see your family suffer - fine. Looking at this from an objective point of view, is it not fair to say that youre suffering more with a drunk abusive father? He could lose his job if he shows up high/drunk. What then?

 

Youre mother being away doesnt help. In my opinion, go to the authorities.

[anneanderson]

my name is anne,i stay in detriot,i had similar problem with my husband and i had already contacted a lawyer for divorce before i met a friend that introduced me to someone that solved my problem for me. my husband is now very responsible. the e mail address of the man that helped me is agbomola2005atgmail.... he will help you

[Peansapsizsep]

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