Buying Drinks

[BJ]

Since I'm new to the dating scene again, Ihave recently run into a problem. That is...I'll go to bars and clubs, and get talking and flirting with very attractive women. Sometimes it will last the whole night. One particular girl last night was giving me really good vibes...until the very end of the night, when she told me she has a boyfriend. I'm not looking for a cheap hookup, just wanna meet women, and maybe start dating again. I find that alot of women at bars will waste my time the entire night, sometimes just use me to get free drinks, lead me on, and then when I ask for their #, or something, tell me "I have a boyfriend."

 

How can I avoid this pattern? I mean, I enjoy talking to these people, but I'm seriously looking for someone to date. Is it appropriate to ask a girl right off the bat if she has a boyfriend? I think maybe that's coming on too strong, but I don't want to just be played with all night, and want to protect myself from this kind of situation. It could be the case that maybe these girls don't have boyfriends, just want to flirt, and then get rid of me...but then I don't want to be their little plaything for the night. Also, I think ALOT of very attractive women consistently use men to buy them drinks. Is it appropriate to buy girls drinks, if things are going really well?

 

Also, since my girlfriend broke up with me, I have intense anxiety to meet women. I am constantly worried and really want another girlfriend...now! Sounds pathetic, but I find it really hard to live without somebody.

[Dragonflys]

Hi BJ

 

You sound a lot like me (I say it again)

 

I have the same ability as you to get talking with attractive women. Last night I was out and having really enjoyable conversations with two stunnimng women. But both had boyfriends. I knew that anyway, and it didn't bother me, I was not out to pick someone up.

 

Making emotional connections with women I find very easy (and I have probably explained why) and I will often be the person they feel most comfortable and confide most with. However at the same time they are often sexually attracted to the guys that seem less approachable. I don't consider myself unattractive, not a pin-up boy either, but from what I gather the results we are getting are purely due to behaviour.

 

BUT I am not suggesting we change our behaviour.

 

As Young MC said, we are 'looking for love in all the wrong places'. Attractive girls looking for guys like us tend not to frequent bars. The reason I think is that women have a very powerful ability when it comes to sexuality, so what happens when they go to clubs is they meet the WRONG guys, the ones that are most confident initially, who tend to be those looking for casual sex. My ex does not frequent clubs because when she goes she is immediately surrounded by these types of men, and she does not want that.

 

My plan now I am single is not to go clubbing every night to find women. I am going to join the gym, take part in a cooking class, maybe volunteer in animal care, and probably join a biking group. This is all stuff I love doing, and women that are suitable to ME will most likely be. Maybe it would be a good idea for you to think about what you enjoy doing, that women also enjoy (so forget the heavy metal concert or the baseball games), and meet women that have a common interest.

 

I don't think I will every be as initially interesting as some hotshot workaholic lawyer who has 3 cars and loads of money, and has an impressive knowledge base and confidence. What I (and presumably you) have to offer is something that comes out when you get to know someone properly over time. But the qualities we provide in the long term are more valuable to many women than a Maserati.

 

Thats all I can think of.

 

Oliver

[Taressa]

You ARE having a rough time of it aren't you?

 

Unfortunately, I've got some bad news: most women don't go to bars in search of a long term relationship. The drinking & sexual overtones in a bar just don't lend themselves to that goal. We generally go to bars just to cut loose, hang out with friends, misbehave a little, and enjoy the attention we get.

 

BJ, you're a nice guy with a caring heart. Someday you'll be fine in love. For now the desperation in you is finding a way to show itself to women. There is nothing more unattractive than a man who cannot be content alone. Most women very much dislike needy men.

 

Please stop seeking happiness in a woman and start rebuilding your life with friends, activities, and things you enjoy. THEN you'll become attractive to women.

 

Good luck, BJ.

[Taressa]

Bravo, Oliver...

 

You're displaying some pretty smooth confidence there in the plans to get re-involved with life! Keep on!

 

I tried the lawyer route once and found he didn't have time to support even a casual friendship. You sound like a high-quality guy with some great interests. You're going to be alright.

 

Enjoy!

 

Taressa

[Tony T]

Right up front, ask: "Would your boyfriend or husband be upset if I bought you a drink?" She will right then either tell you she doesn't have a boyfiend...or she doesn't think he would mind. Once you get the answer, then decide quickly if her company is worth $2.75 plus tip.

[Bobby]

Hey BJ, im going through what you are going through also. I get really lonely alot and i have been trying and trying also to aquire a new love into my life. It's a hell of alot easier for a women to pick up someone new than it is for us dudes. We have to work for it but a woman just picks and chooses. SUX DOESN'T IT!!!!!!!!!!! Friends always tell me that I will fall in love again when im least expecting it. All we can do is live life day by day and have fun with what we have and what comes to us. I have found out that if you juss want some piece of ass for a night(one night stand), then go pick up a chick from a bar. If you want to meet a nice hot chick that is looking for the same thing you are, then go elsewhere. I seen i nice looking chick the other day working at a local gas station and i started small talk with her. After a while i hinted around that i was interested in her and i asked her if she would be interested in going out for some pizza later and she said yes. It's that sort of thing you have to do. I have been doing that for a while now and i have been rejected several SEVERAL times and i do feel kind dumb when i do get rejected but at least i can say i tried and laugh about it. It does feel DAMN good when they do take interest, i know im usually cheesin afterwards whenever i do get the digits. ) Thats all i have and i wish you good luck.

 

Bobby Dygytul

Since I'm new to the dating scene again, Ihave recently run into a problem. That is...I'll go to bars and clubs, and get talking and flirting with very attractive women. Sometimes it will last the whole night. One particular girl last night was giving me really good vibes...until the very end of the night, when she told me she has a boyfriend. I'm not looking for a cheap hookup, just wanna meet women, and maybe start dating again. I find that alot of women at bars will waste my time the entire night, sometimes just use me to get free drinks, lead me on, and then when I ask for their #, or something, tell me "I have a boyfriend." How can I avoid this pattern? I mean, I enjoy talking to these people, but I'm seriously looking for someone to date. Is it appropriate to ask a girl right off the bat if she has a boyfriend? I think maybe that's coming on too strong, but I don't want to just be played with all night, and want to protect myself from this kind of situation. It could be the case that maybe these girls don't have boyfriends, just want to flirt, and then get rid of me...but then I don't want to be their little plaything for the night. Also, I think ALOT of very attractive women consistently use men to buy them drinks. Is it appropriate to buy girls drinks, if things are going really well?

 

Also, since my girlfriend broke up with me, I have intense anxiety to meet women. I am constantly worried and really want another girlfriend...now! Sounds pathetic, but I find it really hard to live without somebody.