No contact is it ever too late?

[wreckedhero]

I am the dumpee and I keep texting my ex. I have told her I am going to wait for her and give her space but not too long. I have also told her I am going to move on. She is very cold with me when she texts back. What I want to know is what does she mean when she says we should spend some time apart and she needs to sort her head out? Is there any hope in going no contact. I was also very immature after she dumped me telling her that the relationship meant nothing but I have apologised for that. What should I do in order to get her back. Just not text her again? She never replies with anything nice anyway. I just can't see how she can be so cold and then get back to what we once had. Advice needed please ?

[ummike26]

My advice is to go NC asap! There is no need to put yourself through all that stress and uncertainty. If she loves you and wants you she will contact you. Nothing you can say or do at this moment will change her mind. She understands that you love her there is no need to tell her that. Sometimes relationships aren't meant to be. You need to get on with your life and let her figure out what she wants. It sucks but its the way it has to be for your mental well being.

[wreckedhero]

I've told her that I was going to leave her alone and then I've gone and texted her. I sent her one last text which said I'll wait but not for ever and that I'm leaving her to it. How can I prove to her that I'm not clingy or insecure and will she believe me when ive promised not to contact her then done the opposite? How long do you wait to move on? In all honesty I think she will just not contact me if I leave her. Is it ever possible to get it back to how it started. I don't want to be with the person that she was at the end of the relationship!

[wreckedhero]

Just hate this feeling of helplessness. If she wanted me why would she want space? Isn't that just a way of saying she wants to see other people.

[ummike26]

I definitely feel for you wrecked but as I said above you need to go NC. Sending these texts makes you look desperate and really pushes her away more. At this moment in time she wants to space.. It most likely means another guy is somewhere in her thoughts and she wants to see what that could be like.. Go NC and move on..Before you know it you will be over her and may just meet someone else..

[Irishlove]

If you want her back STOP texting her for good until she contacts you. Everytime you text her or talk to friends about her you push her further away. She will wonder why you are not calling and she will call you. It's the thrill of the chase. Wait two weeks...she'll call. If she doesn't then let it go

[geegirl]

I've told her that I was going to leave her alone and then I've gone and texted her. I sent her one last text which said I'll wait but not for ever and that I'm leaving her to it. How can I prove to her that I'm not clingy or insecure and will she believe me when ive promised not to contact her then done the opposite? How long do you wait to move on? In all honesty I think she will just not contact me if I leave her. Is it ever possible to get it back to how it started. I don't want to be with the person that she was at the end of the relationship!

 

Why are you grovelling? It's not attractive to the dumper and it only sends them running even further. She responds coldly to you. Isn't that an indication that she is not appreciating your contact? You can prove to her that you are not clingy and insecure by NO CONTACT. Anything other than that is a persistent, clingy, needy individual in her eyes. In order to make her believe you, don't break NC. Anything other than that is a persistent, clingy, needy individual in her eyes and one who has lost all pride and self-respect for himself.

 

If you leave her and she does not contact you, that means that she does not want an R with you. What's the alternative? Keep contacting her? And she still won't contact you except respond to you with disdain. If she wants you, whether you move to another planet, she will come for you. NC is for you to move on when the relationship is over. If she comes back while you are on your way to healing yourself and wants to work it out, great. If not, you will be well on your way to getting your life back together again.

 

No one can predict the future as to whether you can get back to what it was before. Instead of thinking so far ahead, try to focus on just staying NC.

[wreckedhero]

Well I've told her I won't be taking her back if she's seeing anybody else. I don't want to be a second prize for her to fall back on. I won't text her again until she contacts me. If she has too much pride then that's the way it goes. I doubted her commitment to the relationship anyway and she says my insecurities were the reason she ended it. Well I was only insecure due to her negativity.

[Eddie Edirol]

She is cold because she checked out of your relationship waaay before she broke it off with you. She is cold because she moved on and does not want to hear from you. So since she is like this, she is completely unattracted to you and will never get back with you again. Thats the way it works. When a woman checks out emotionally, they never check back in. You are officially done for in her eyes. So no matter what you do, she will not want to be with you again. Your best bet now is to stop contacting her, learn from your mistakes, and start shopping around for a new girlfriend.

 

Her line about "sorting her head out" is her guilt free way of saying she is permanently done with you. Most women never tell you straight up why they broke up with you and they never want to see you again because you repluse them. So instead they say the nicest thing possible because they wont be able to live with the guilt of hurting you with the real truth. Especially since she knew months ago that she would be breaking up with you but didnt let you know.

[wreckedhero]

I've told her I know what space means. It means she is trying it out with someone else. That's why she asked me earlier on if I had had sex last night. She was trying to justify her behaviour of dumping me for someone else. It may be immature but if I find out that she dumped me for someone else I will never speak to her again. So the no contact process begins. I have my doubts that she will contact me. Is it fair to go back out with someone who thought the grass was greener on the other side. Or maybe I am reading too much into the seriousness of the relationship and I valued it much more than her.

[ummike26]

Eddies last post should end this thread. That is the best advice you'll get. She is done with you and you need to move on. Start NC immediately.

[wreckedhero]

She is cold because she checked out of your relationship waaay before she broke it off with you. She is cold because she moved on and does not want to hear from you. So since she is like this, she is completely unattracted to you and will never get back with you again. Thats the way it works. When a woman checks out emotionally, they never check back in. You are officially done for in her eyes. So no matter what you do, she will not want to be with you again. Your best bet now is to stop contacting her, learn from your mistakes, and start shopping around for a new girlfriend.

 

Her line about "sorting her head out" is her guilt free way of saying she is permanently done with you. Most women never tell you straight up why they broke up with you and they never want to see you again because you repluse them. So instead they say the nicest thing possible because they wont be able to live with the guilt of hurting you with the real truth. Especially since she knew months ago that she would be breaking up with you but didnt let you know.

 

Is that the universal truth? You can never get that emotional spark back? I have come across as needy and desperate. Is no contact the only way to get some self respect back!

[wreckedhero]

I forgot to say I broke up with her a couple of times because of her coldness towards me. So time to move on then? How to do that? We work at the same place but not at the same time? I can live without her but in a selfish way I don't want anyone to be with her. Did I also say her history drove a huge wedge between us. She used my best friend for rebound sex after splitting with her previous boyfriend and had to have an abortion to him. Of course my best friend denies this and says she is lying. So it was not a great premise for the relationship. How do I forget this whole silly mess and get on with my life?

[Eddie Edirol]

Is that the universal truth? You can never get that emotional spark back? I have come across as needy and desperate. Is no contact the only way to get some self respect back!

 

Oh yeah, ask any woman on here. Have you ever dumped someone? When women get emotionally involved, they get involved strongly. Once you turn them off and they dont want to work on it, they start looking at other men immediately and GIGS sets in. Once they check out, youre just rreplusive. Look at any threads where women break up with their bf's, and you'll see the frame of mind. (men do this too) Many women dont like to be alone, so they stay with you until they have another sure thing to go to. By that time, they are so tired of you, that there no way they could get an attraction to you. Heres a phrase I heard long ago and thats why women who check out never look back. "If she isnt attracted to you, theres nothing you can do. If she is attracted to you, theres nothing she can do (to stop the attraction)"

 

You dont use NC to affect her in any way, you use NC to heal yourself and move on, because it takes alot longer to move on if youre still in contact with her.

 

Stick around this board so you can see the signs of your women getting turned off by things you do and getting distant. it doesnt always happen all at once, most of the time, its little things that chip away at her attraction over time. Women usually give you alot of chances when they are attracted to you. So when they break it off, it means they have truly given up on you. Thats why they dont look back. if you kept looking insecure to her, that is a big turnoff. You have to look secure even if you arent. You cant break up with her multiple times and expect her to commit to you. If she didnt want to commit, its possible that you were a rebound anyway. If you were, you shouldnt have gotten emotionally involved until you were sure.

 

 

You will stop thinking about her eventually you just need to create as many distractions as possible.

[wreckedhero]

Yeah that makes sense. She started dating me a week after she broke up with an ex. So it makes sense that she's met someone else. December time she started to go cold on me. Just little things like less kisses in text messages! From eleven to two. She also made no effort to come and see me, refused to stay over, our kisses would last a shorter period and our sex life became non existent. I don't think it's anything to do with looks as I'm not exactly short of female attention and my insecurities only started because of her behaviour. I know there's honeymoon periods at the start but it doesn't just go from what it was to that. So I'm wondering if you could help me out by guessing some of the reasons why women dump men even though there seems to be no real reason to. Could it just be the fact she didn't see a future with me. She is 3 years older than me so maybe wants to settle down with somebody who is already settled as she wants children. I am also relatively inexperienced in relationships, this being my first one so maybe it's a case of me overrating what we had as I have never known this before. It's maybe just a lesson in life. I just want closure so I can move on and that closure would be what I would need to do to eliminate these mistakes in future relationships.

[Eddie Edirol]

Reasons women dump men?

 

Well the obvious, shes been in rebound mode, using you to forget about her ex.

 

Jealousy/insecurity, that kills attraction pretty fast

 

different long term goals

 

getting more serious about the relationship faster than she does/desperate

 

Bieng too nice and offering too much of yourself

 

Not calling her out on certain behavior

 

not challenging her, or not being too easy/not a challenge, not letting her work for your affection

 

But your situation could be so much more things because of the multiple breakups, her past, the reasons you got together, you'd have to summarize all of the things that were wrong for your relationship to really discern what killed her attraction to you. She might have stayed with you to rebound until she was ready to start dating again.

 

Plus also know since shes in her early 20's, she might not want to tie herself down yet, she wants to play the field.

 

People have devious reasons for dating people sometimes, but you will never know what those reasons are.

[wreckedhero]

Yeah I think it's a combination of a lot of things. Oh well relationships are learning curves and I can't see this one working as relationships are meant to be natural. I just dont think this particular woman likes to be alone and therefore she agreed to date me. I obviously wanted a bit more commitment from her and that's where my insecurites have arisen from. I also think she's keeping me on the backburner and seeing whether this relationship with the new fella works out. Oh well I now know not to try and force things to work. They should work naturally. And going with someone who has slept with your mate creates a whole lot of issues which I believe also create insecurities. Oh well in my next relationship I will take the positives from this one and eradicate the negatives.

 

And do you know what I would have to seriously consider getting back with her even if she wanted to. She has treated me shabbily as I believe if you get into a relationship with someone you must be willing to embrace all aspects of a relationship. I would never kid anybody. Why do some people have to play games with other people's feelings. Are online dating places good to find somebody you are suited to or is it "sad" that a 23 year old lad would have to go down this route? I meet women when out nightclubbing and such and have had the occassional one night stand but I don't want that anymore. I want the relationship, the cuddling in bed, the looking into each others eyes. Where am I going to find this because it certainly is not in pubs and nightclubs. Or do I just wait for it to reach me naturally. Should I start to worry if I am not settled down by 26?

[nana841121]

women says one thing and does another.

But respect what she said anyway.

give her space, Go NC immediately .

[wreckedhero]

Might as well because I certainly dont want to be friends with her. It's all or nothing with me. I have to see her at work though? Should I smile and act confident with her? Or do I ignore her as if I don't even know who she is anymore.

[Eddie Edirol]

Should I smile and act confident with her? Or do I ignore her as if I don't even know who she is anymore.

 

You can say hi while not looking at her and keep walking. Just make sure you look happy and like your life was SO much better without her. If she wants to engage in conversation just say you have to go and walk away.

[Irishlove]

You are really good at putting the blame on everyone but yourself. You do have major insecurities and what's with all the 'rules'. omg are you serious? I'd break up with you to. You are cutting her down talking about her having an abortion to strangers. You don't deserve to have her. I think you need counseling honestly. Let her go, you are doing her a favor.

[0hpenelope]

What? Is it ever too late for NC? No such thing! Do NC soon.

 

What I want to know is what does she mean when she says we should spend some time apart and she needs to sort her head out?

 

It means that she wants some time apart. Give that to her. The more you send her text messages or get in touch with her, the more annoyed she'll feel towards you. When someone asks for space, for time, just give it to them. No assumptions of "Oh, she's/he's just letting me down easy" or "Oh, she/he just really means space (time) apart, she/he will come back."

 

None of that. Just take your ex's word for it, no analysis. Go on your merry way and heal. If you meet someone along the way, pursue it. No one knows what's going on in an ex's head except the ex himself/herself.

 

NC helps you establish boundaries.

 

You seem to be looking for alternatives from other than what's been given to you (which are just as good as well), so here are mine. Interaction at work. Don't go out of your way to talk to her. If you notice that she's looking at you and there's absolutely no way to pretend that you didn't notice, acknowledge that with a smile and a wave and keep going. If she stops for a conversation, talk to her for a little bit and always finish the conversation first. If she's fishing for personal information aka "How are you today?" give her a prompt answer ("Oh, I'm okay."). If you have to talk about work, stick to the subject and don't give her personal information. Deflect personal inquiries because being an ex doesn't give her the privilege to that information anymore.

 

Don't go out of your way to get her to notice you and at the same time, only when she acknowledges you, don't ignore her and keep all conversations brief (unlike this response HAAA! ). This whole suggestion comes from the fact that you should never, ever show her how much she bothers you.

 

Game face, bro. Bring it.

Edited May 8, 2011 by 0hpenelope

[wreckedhero]

You are really good at putting the blame on everyone but yourself. You do have major insecurities and what's with all the 'rules'. omg are you serious? I'd break up with you to. You are cutting her down talking about her having an abortion to strangers. You don't deserve to have her. I think you need counseling honestly. Let her go, you are doing her a favor.

 

I acknowledge ive made mistakes and I do have insecurities too but I have explained why they have arisen. What rules am I on about? I think you are being too harsh. I don't deserve happiness with her for what reason? Obviously in my next relationship I won't be showing my insecurities or whinging. And why do I need counselling? This is an anonymous site where I have tried to explain the reasons behind us not working. You don't know her so it's not hurting her and I am not judging her at all on it. It had nothing to do with me and it remains nothing to do with me. Yeah I can see why she may have called it off but I didnt treat her badly. I am only on here looking for advice.

[wreckedhero]

one day of nc done lol!

[Fufu]

Well done keep it up