Fear of Approaching Strangers in Public Places

[crazyd]

Often I lambast myself for not finding someone when I was college, but I digress. I have daily routines such as going to the gym, going to coffee houses in town, hiking, grocery shopping... During these excursions, I may see an attractive woman I want to approach. I tell myself why I should do it; and try to talk myself up to do so. However, that all falls by the wayside, as I see people around, and the fear negates any positive self talk I had given myself.

 

I'm afraid of looking like a buffoon in front of others. Afraid I'll make the situation awkward for both of us, among other things.

 

My question is this I guess. Does anyone experience this type of feeling?

[jordkorn]

I have the same problem. I am a shy person so it is hard to me to start up a conversation with someone I might want to talk to.

[orangelady]

of course. But the thing with going up to attractive looking people is, they are usually taken and they might also only want to respond if you're equally attractive. So how confident are you? and why are you not confident?

[Gapinthesidewalk]

Hey man I know the feeling. You just end up thinking of all the positives and then reality sets in as soon as you get ready to do or say something. $hit's weak, but whatever.

[D-Lish]

I think the majority of people would have anxiety about approaching a stranger to ask then out. I know very few people that are actually comfortable with doing that!

 

I remember the last time it happened to me- I was having lunch with my mom and a guy came over, gave me his card and said "I couldn't help but notice you, and I'd love to take you out sometime, so give me a shout if you're interested". That doesn't happen very often in public where there is no alcohol involved.

 

I think you have to think of it as having nothing to lose.

 

Once, at home depot, I saw the hottest guy ever- and I ran back and slipped him my number on a piece of paper. He called, but I didn't find him attractive after the first date.

[Cracker Jack]

I have the same issue.

 

However, you can't allow the environment to dictate your moves. Even if you were rejected in front of people, it's not like you should really care. You'll likely never see these people ever again. Of course this is easier said than done, but my point is you can't always stop yourself from approaching that woman because you think you're going to look like a fool. This kind of thinking has stopped me from approaching tons of women.

 

For all you know, that woman could end up being very receptive to your approach and you never know what could take place from there. Live in the moment and have no regrets. If she's taken, not interested, or ignores you, it's ok. Just focus on the next one.

[zebracolors]

I think at certain kinds of places, it may not be a good idea to approach someone in order to ask them out. At least if they are at a grocery store or at a Home Depot, its probably a good bet they are not looking to be approached even if they are single. I realize there can always be exceptions but just usually at other places like a coffee house or restaurant/bar, people expect people to be more social. Hmm maybe a gym also but maybe it all depends on the situation.

 

İs it really a mixed bag as far as when people see a person (they find attractive) alone at places like a restaurant/coffee house, places that are there for people to be social? Do you just play it safe and presume they already are taken? Of course they wont know until they take the chance I suppose.

[D-Lish]

I have the same issue.

 

However, you can't allow the environment to dictate your moves. Even if you were rejected in front of people, it's not like you should really care. You'll likely never see these people ever again. Of course this is easier said than done, but my point is you can't always stop yourself from approaching that woman because you think you're going to look like a fool. This kind of thinking has stopped me from approaching tons of women.

 

For all you know, that woman could end up being very receptive to your approach and you never know what could take place from there. Live in the moment and have no regrets. If she's taken, not interested, or ignores you, it's ok. Just focus on the next one.

 

I agree with you in that you really don't have anything to lose.

You don't have to set yourself up for face to face rejection either, you can just hand them your number and not give them an option of saying yes or no. If they call, they call- if they don't, who cares.

 

I have had eye contact with people I've found attractive on the street- and I would have loved for them to come over to me and chat- but people rarely find the courage to do so.

 

I had a HUGE crush on a guy that worked as a Manager at my local grocery store- and I'd had the crush spanning almost 10 years. I carried my number on a piece of paper in my pocket for years, everytime I went to the grocery store, I tried to muster the courage to give him my number- but I never did. We exchanged flirty looks and even had brief conversations. I knew he was attracted to me- but I never had the courage to do anything about it and neither did he:o

 

Sometimes you just have to take a risk to get what you want. In the case of getting a date with a stranger, you have to be willing to take several!

[crazyd]

Because tasers, billy clubs, and mace hurt.

 

What I think comes down to it is I put too much emphasis on outcomes (self-defeating), instead of actually just going for it and seeing what the result is.

 

Thanks for the feedback and perspective so far!