Avoidant Personality Disorder?

[Saraswati57]

I've read up on it, and I seem to have many of the symptoms. I feel like it's been hampering me living my life for a long time. It boils down to being an anxiety disorder, so does anyone else have this and have you been able to succcessfuly manage the disorder?

[Feelin Frisky]

There is a vast range of "personality disorders" and symptoms. Simply having some social anxiety doesn't necessarily imply a personality disorder. A personality disorder in my experience and understanding (I don't have one but was burned terribly by having been in a relationship with someone with "borderline personality disorder") is really an "identity disorder". This used to be called a "complex"--it gets so weird and complicated that it has been typical for a long time to just call it a complex. But the identity disorder has everything to do with falling into delusions that let a person off the hook for the things they do wrong in relationships with other people.

 

For some people the idea of admitting shortfall or fault is so foul that they start avoiding it by taking on a sub-identity. They don't consciously decide this or choose this, it's just what happens to escape reason. This drives anyone in a relationship with them who is rational insane. Fights are typical because the sane person assumes everyone can learn from mistakes and improve. The afflicted person tells themselves whatever they have to to shift blame off themselves and on to someone else--even other sub-identities inside themselves. Is this the kind of thing you experience?

[crazyd]

While I don't have APD, I do have SAD (social anxiety disorder), and from what I've read up on, there's some overlap between the two. I would also suggest that you see your physician if you feel it is hampering your life. He, or she, should be able to refer you to mental health specialists.

 

Outside of that, you need to face your fears, to stand strong. For example, it's extremely difficult for me to go to a bar on Sat. night after 10 pm. While I am not big on the bar scene, I FORCE myself to walk in, and try to tune out the anxious feelings I have being around so many other people, the loud music (definitely not easy). Another example is public readings. I write poetry, and when my writing group has a public reading, and I go the podium to read... I just want to run to the back of the room, but I read. When I face what fears me head on, I feel a sense of victory. If it can be done once, it certainly can be done again.

 

When it comes to anxiety disorders, the best way to manage outside of meds (which I avoid), is to face the situations that trigger discomfort. I am not going to tell you it's easy. Far from it. There will be times you find no matter how much you try to face what you're avoiding, you can't.

 

Another suggestion is journal writing. Write about a situation, or place you wanted to go, but didn't because of the anxiety. Write about how you feel. For me, it keeps things in perspective; and allows me to evaluate courses of action I need to take.

 

Keep your head up, and fight the good fight.

[Saraswati57]

While I don't have APD, I do have SAD (social anxiety disorder), and from what I've read up on, there's some overlap between the two. I would also suggest that you see your physician if you feel it is hampering your life. He, or she, should be able to refer you to mental health specialists.

 

Outside of that, you need to face your fears, to stand strong. For example, it's extremely difficult for me to go to a bar on Sat. night after 10 pm. While I am not big on the bar scene, I FORCE myself to walk in, and try to tune out the anxious feelings I have being around so many other people, the loud music (definitely not easy). Another example is public readings. I write poetry, and when my writing group has a public reading, and I go the podium to read... I just want to run to the back of the room, but I read. When I face what fears me head on, I feel a sense of victory. If it can be done once, it certainly can be done again.

 

When it comes to anxiety disorders, the best way to manage outside of meds (which I avoid), is to face the situations that trigger discomfort. I am not going to tell you it's easy. Far from it. There will be times you find no matter how much you try to face what you're avoiding, you can't.

 

Another suggestion is journal writing. Write about a situation, or place you wanted to go, but didn't because of the anxiety. Write about how you feel. For me, it keeps things in perspective; and allows me to evaluate courses of action I need to take.

 

Keep your head up, and fight the good fight.

 

Journal writing is a good suggestion, I've started an anonymous blog (I know, sounds stupid right?), so pretty similiar.

 

About the "facing the fears" thing, I've done this at times, but mostly when I have intentions of doing this I flake, I feel ashamed afterwards, though.

[cerridwen]

I've read up on it, and I seem to have many of the symptoms. I feel like it's been hampering me living my life for a long time. It boils down to being an anxiety disorder, so does anyone else have this and have you been able to succcessfuly manage the disorder?

 

I have this and CBT, plus a few other things, have helped me immensely.

 

I still shy away from some social things but I have conquered it to the point that I have many friends, a great job, and no one knows.

I owe it to my fantastic therapist.

[Saraswati57]

I have this and CBT, plus a few other things, have helped me immensely.

 

I still shy away from some social things but I have conquered it to the point that I have many friends, a great job, and no one knows.

I owe it to my fantastic therapist.

 

Yeah, perhaps I should bring up CBT to my therapist, could help immensely. Thanks for the suggestion.

[crazyd]

Journal writing is a good suggestion, I've started an anonymous blog (I know, sounds stupid right?), so pretty similiar.

 

About the "facing the fears" thing, I've done this at times, but mostly when I have intentions of doing this I flake, I feel ashamed afterwards, though.

 

An anonymous blog is a great idea. Definitely not stupid at all, and it's something you can turn to when you want to get things "off your chest" as the saying goes.

 

The second quote I completely relate to. I can't tell you how many times I felt that same way. The feeling of disappointment with myself often gives me the motivation to try again.

[Saraswati57]

An anonymous blog is a great idea. Definitely not stupid at all, and it's something you can turn to when you want to get things "off your chest" as the saying goes.

 

The second quote I completely relate to. I can't tell you how many times I felt that same way. The feeling of disappointment with myself often gives me the motivation to try again.

 

Well, sometimes I feel like I'm going on crazy, nonsensical, unrelated rants. But I guess that is far preferable to doing that in real life!

 

I see what you're saying about the disappointment, but for me it sometimes gives me the opposite effect, it downs my self-esteem a bit and dents my motivation a little, does that make sense?

[crazyd]

Well, sometimes I feel like I'm going on crazy, nonsensical, unrelated rants. But I guess that is far preferable to doing that in real life!

 

I see what you're saying about the disappointment, but for me it sometimes gives me the opposite effect, it downs my self-esteem a bit and dents my motivation a little, does that make sense?

 

Absolutely. That happens to me to, and I DETEST the feeling. Makes me feel I work a rung up the ladder, only to fall down two. Sometimes, it is okay to tell yourself you don't want to face what makes you anxious. It's tiring trying to face situations all the time. You may want to try to change your mindset. Use the times when you avoided an event, place, etc., and use that to build up courage. Tell yourself life is too short, or anything else that can add to your motivation. I have to warn you though, it is FAR from easy as I make it sound.