My story on Needing space.....why does it always feel like a game!!

[Lessy]

I've been dating a girl for approx 4 months. After long and deep conversations we discussed where our lives are going and we appeared to have agreed on alot of the important things, ie. family, living together, religion, the list goes on. We lived 3 hrs apart and an approx 2 1/2 months in an opportunity came available in her city and after talking numerous times about how this would affect us and if we were ready for it we BOTH came to the understanding that it is what we want. Now the fun part........I move down to her city where i also have numerous friends and ironically was planning on moving there the summer previous but this eemed ideal timing. Upon arriving the tune changes.....the topic of marriage, kids, moving in, etc (not that i was asking for it as it was way to early it just would come up in conversation) scared her. She changed her views on it and the started telling me she may want to adopt, she may want to go travelling for a long period of time and on and on. Now if your wondering if i crowded her.....proabably!!!! I hadn't had an opportunity to even start my new life and i knew she was the solid part of it. Now i spotted her distancing herself from me before her and called her on it........for the record i treated her very well , everything a gentleman should do. Now once i called her on it she realized it and asked for time and space. Now the feelings are quite bizarre right now and everyone tells me not where my heart on my sleeve and maybe have her chase me a bit and miss me. My question is why does it have to be a game.....should i just buck up and realize she isn't right for me......we get along so well and i can't understand why and how she can justify relationship phobia when she has mislead me all this time with what she said she "wanted". Any advice......ps i have stumbled and done a few no no's i called her to chat, emailed, and messengered her but i guess it's because it feels so natural for both of us. She doesn't know what she want yet and i can't help but to feel insulted after all that i have sacrificed. She is a kind, gentle , loving but i still don't want to be on the back burner anymore. I want to be with someone who loves me unconditionally and isn't 100% independent and somehow shows her need in me like i do in her!!! Also on another note.....she doesn't want me to be a part of her other things in her life.....she went out with some shady(as she tells me) guys friends that she has known forever and she said for me not to worry about it. Of course for me first instinct is jealousy especially after the crap i've gone threw. all i asked her was that i would love to meet her friends so i have a better idea of how shady they are and maybe so i could in result be friends with them and more comfortable with the idea and it would be easier that way....and i couldn't understand even though she has know them so long that if they weren't very respectful why she still needed to go out to a bar with them. She informed me that she wasn't sure if it would be a good fit between us as people and said they may not get along with me????? As a respect factor i wouldn't put her in that situation as she would oviously be a priority over my girlfriend that are like that!! Anyway and ideas or observations?

[krbshappy71]

Um... I would back off from her for a bit. She is wavering on some pretty important issues. Four months can be a tricky time, the puppy-love high starts to fade, you are seeing each other more clearly as real people, and perhaps your moving down there scared her. You are not playing games by giving her space. She may need to step back a bit and make sure within herself that you are the one. (if, in fact, you are) As far as the creepy guys go, perhaps she is just enjoying their attention, I do agree it would be nice for her to allow you to meet them and kinda odd that she wont. For me, having the BF meet my friends was another "step" to commitment and I must admit I put it off for a bit. (my friends were female, all married) It took a couple of months for me to take that plunge. Now he hangs out with us if I invite him. He immediately introduced me to all his friends and I felt bad I wasn't ready to do the same....but I just wasn't ready. Give her some time, keep busy so the time flies, and eventually things will work out or at least you will know one way or the other.