Just...Lost

[Red Shift]

I'm in a very weird mood and mindset right now, and I simply can't figure out how to make myself happy. I'm a Junior in college, I have a great family, great friends, awesome job, and a cool girlfriend (who I'm having some problems with), and yet I just don't feel like I'm happy. I don't even have a way to explain the way I'm feeling, but I just feel like I'm going through this routine every day for no reason. I feel like I lost hold of what happiness actually is, and it happened at the beginnig of college.

 

I dated a girl for a year and a half ending last august, and started dating my current girlfriend in october. Before I started dating my current girlfriend, I was quite unhappy and I thought the only thing that would bring back that happiness was another companion. I tried really hard for a long time to tell myself that I was happy (and I believed it), but I just recently realized how unhappy and exhausted I am from trying so hard. Now I have become aware of the fact that I am in a fairly restrictive relationship and that I feel like I want to have my own life back.

 

I keep myself occupied with plenty of hobbies, but I just don't find anything exciting anymore. I know it's impossible for someone to tell another person what will make said person happy, but what do I do to get out of this weird funk? Do I need to step away from my relationship and form my own life to find what will make me happy?

[start-fresh]

I don't know that I would be quick to recommend you break up to find your happiness. We don't really have enough details about that. I know personally I'm struggling with this same thing right now. I moved to a new city where I didn't know anybody and am having to carve out a life here and make myself happy.

 

Are you comparing yourself to others? It seems like if I look at different people and think "He has that" or "They look so happy" or "I wish I had what she has" I'm never really happy with what I have. I've also found that volunteering and helping people less fortunate has actually helped me too. For me that is some type of physical work, like yard work or renovation projects. It allows you to get out of your own head and makes you feel needed. Depending on you personally, church might be another option.

 

Sometimes just taking control of your own life and trying different things will lead you to what makes you happy.

[dollface07]

Yes you can go out on your own and "find yourself" outside of a relationship but just prepare that it will not be easy to break from the stability of your life routine. The important thing is to weight out your options of what you anticipate your life being like without being in a relationship to mentally prepare yourself and to not become weak and go back into the relationship when if you find out the grass is not greener (or maybe it will be) on the other side. Don't treat your relationship like a yo-yo. #1 thing you should do is talk and communicate your feelings the current girlfriend maybe she can help you since this decision will impact you both one way or another. good luck

[HeartShineGirl]

I'm in a very weird mood and mindset right now, and I simply can't figure out how to make myself happy. I'm a Junior in college, I have a great family, great friends, awesome job, and a cool girlfriend (who I'm having some problems with), and yet I just don't feel like I'm happy. I don't even have a way to explain the way I'm feeling, but I just feel like I'm going through this routine every day for no reason. I feel like I lost hold of what happiness actually is, and it happened at the beginnig of college.

 

I dated a girl for a year and a half ending last august, and started dating my current girlfriend in october. Before I started dating my current girlfriend, I was quite unhappy and I thought the only thing that would bring back that happiness was another companion. I tried really hard for a long time to tell myself that I was happy (and I believed it), but I just recently realized how unhappy and exhausted I am from trying so hard. Now I have become aware of the fact that I am in a fairly restrictive relationship and that I feel like I want to have my own life back.

 

I keep myself occupied with plenty of hobbies, but I just don't find anything exciting anymore. I know it's impossible for someone to tell another person what will make said person happy, but what do I do to get out of this weird funk? Do I need to step away from my relationship and form my own life to find what will make me happy?

 

 

You are doing too much to keep busy and not doing enough spiritually. I know this sounds strange but you have lost your balance. In life you need to have just as much "Quiet" time as you have busy time.

 

You have just said how you keep yourself "busy" all of the time. That is the problem. You are out of balance.

 

When I say spiritual time, I am not talking about church. I am talking about being all alone. Not just sitting on a couch watching tv by yourself type of "alone" either. I'm talking about getting away, all alone- going to the beach to watch a sunset, taking a long quiet walk through a long winding pathway in nature where you can look around at things and think about what makes you happy.

 

Releasing your thoughts to think deeper about what you want in life.

 

Often we are surrounded by all kinds of "entertainment" (gadgets, people, etc) which we seek in hopes to fulfill this empty feeling that we have inside of us. What we really should do is break away from people for an entire day, just lay on the grass in some beautiful park and stare up through the leaves of the trees and just "BE" alone, quiet, and thoughtful.

 

You've got to find who you are without all that distraction going on. Only then will you begin to figure out what you need to do to be happy.

 

Make time for reflection, somewhere beautiful, somewhere positive. Not just alone in your room laying on your bed staring up at the ceiling. Okay?

 

Good luck!

[brokendreamz]

Hi, that sounds alot like how I felt before I lost my Fiance, house and mind (!) Google Dysthymia.

 

It might answer a few questions however it is difficult to gain propper perspective throught a forum so I may be way off the mark!

 

Either way, good luck.

[Red Shift]

I can't thank you all enough for your replies. I've been trying to respond for the the last couple days but could never get enough time. It's really good to get some objective opinions about how I'm feeling because I'm stuck in my own head.

 

I have definitely been trying really hard to take more time for myself, but definitely not in the middle of nowhere, doing nothing. I like that suggestion and think that I will devote more time to doing that. I have a ridiculous number of things going on in my life right now and I do think that it would help.

 

As far as the dysthymia, many of the symptoms line up, but im sure there are thousands of diseases and disorders that I could probably talk myself into having (hypochondriac style). I really appreciate you bringing my attention to that type of depression. I definitely have had insomnia for quite some time, and the way I'm feeling now is not new to me. I'm definitely not seriously depressed, but have had feelings of confusion on the meaning of life and such, in addition to what I have described before.

 

The worst part about it is my inability to figure out what I need to do to help get out of this funk. Everything going on with my girlfriend is just making it worse because usually when I get upset with something or just don't feel well, the situation usually gets turned around and she becomes the victim. For instance, with sexual stuff. My sex drive really isn't that high (back to dysthymia...) right now and she is relating that to my feelings for her, which is not the case. I've been trying to figure out what to do with all of that for a long time and haven't come to any conclusions. Right now would be a terrible time to take any drastic measures because its the end of the semester, but I'm definitely going to figure it out come summer time.

 

As far as an assessment of my every day life, I have a very hard time getting motivated for school, or any other activities that I used to find interesting. When I'm doing things that I enjoy doing alone, I get unmotivated every once in a while, but I usually can stay engaged when I'm with friends. I got pretty lonely my freshmen year of college, which made me start searching pretty hard for a companion. After finding her I think it quelled how I was feeling, but wasn't the true answer. The same thing happened with my current girlfriend, and now I'm thinking that it's something else I need to figure out.

 

Like I said, thank you for your replies and for taking the time to help me out.