I don't want to turn into my parents

[Sugarkane]

Ruling the household through fear, screaming and yelling all the time. Apparently thats the only way they know how to communicate. My dad says he's nothing like his autocratic father, yet does EVERYTHING "just because it happened to him". And I don't want encourage my children [if I have them one day] to live at home forever, even in their thirties just because I don't want empty nest syndrome.

[Sugarkane]

He has a serious anger problem that he's never done anything about. He completley loses it over the smallest of things.

[Sugarkane]

He's punched walls in the house before aswell.

[PollyIvy]

You can be very strongly affected by your father's anger management issues. I know I was an 'angry mother' for the first few years. I really, really worked hard on that, because I didn't want to be angry like my father was.

Now I am pretty good. I get angry at my kids just like everyone does, but not crazy, psycho angry, and not hair-trigger angry. I also calm down quickly and restore things to normal asap.

The key is talking with your children. Not little ones (what is more annoying than someone endlessly trying to 'reason' with their toddler - give it a rest!) but communicating what your were feeling and why you reacted the way you did.

There are anger issues with the children too - they get angry, but it's important to teach them that their feelings are valid, but their way of showing it is their responsibility.

Good luck in not repeating the same mistakes, and I'm sorry you have had to walk on eggshells around dad.

[threebyfate]

If you fear becoming like him, why would you become like him? In being able to isolate the issues, means choice to change your behaviours.