Uphill Struggle

[Kilty]

My day was bad too

 

A girl who works across the floor to me and knows the situation was talking to me. She sits beside the old. bald and ugly fiance of my ex.

Before i could say to her i dont want to hear anything about him or them she blurted out that it must be her birthday soon as he had announced his girlfriends birthday is coming up and he would be taking time off for it.

 

So as with your scenario in the toilets i had the same feeling of someone reaching into my guts and pulling them out.

 

It lasted for about 30 minutes until i settled down.

 

Fortunately it doesnt get much worse than that but its been a year since our break up and i still get those moments.

 

And thats why NC is a million times harder when you are in close proximity to your past relationship.

 

The only thing we can hold onto is that everything is not always as it seems and we dont really know how our ex partners are feeling although we always assume they are a million times happier than they were with us.

 

Ive always been led to believe from a females perspective that there is nothing worse than a boyfriend that is overpowering and always lovey dovey.

 

They say it's ok at the start but if its continual with no respite then they quickly tire of this.

 

Whether thats true or not i dont know but i dont think it applies when both the parties are desperate to be with someone/anyone and are terrified of being alone.

 

One thing i know though is that on the face of it the fiance is going to have a hard act to live up to once they are married and together 24/7 the way he is treating her at the moment by all accounts.

 

And who at 50 continually has to announce to his work colleagues that he has a "girlfriend" ?

 

Blah like the Murphys im not bitter eh !

[Gisele]

Ugh, kilty it's such a horrible feeling. Sorry to hear your day was bad too.

 

Our imaginations do enough damage without other people throwing in the odd fact about their relationship! It's even worse when a person who is aware of the situation does it: i genuinely think some people try to stir up drama.

 

Im lucky to have fantastic friends, who on a few occasions have even managed to get me out of an area where the lovebirds are in close proximity without me even having to know they were nearby.

 

From their behaviour, i think both of our exes relationships are due to a fear of being alone. Yours from their age and constant need to flaunt it, mine from his dating history, massive and fragile ego, and the fact she waited a few hours after her last long-term boyfriend ended things to jump into bed with my ex.

 

And i think you're right, that they won't get sick of the loveydovey, 'check out how strong and in love we are' act because it's what they BOTH need, theyre feeding each other. And ultimately, their fear of being alone is due to reasons that are soothed by constant attention and closeness

 

Maybe he's trying to mark out his territory by consistently bringing it up. Im sure a lot of men would be threatened to have their woman's ex there every day, particularly one who's that much younger (and with presumably more hair)

 

Have to admit, was horrified when you said it's been a year and you still get those feelings: was hoping id stop caring completely soon! Not going to happen though. Im pretty sure seeing either of them triggers a full-on 'fight or flight' response in me, heart racing, the works!

 

She's going to be locked down in marriage to him though: so even if she doesn't like it, or they start to smother each other (from his history he doesn't seem like he functions very well when put under pressure, running out on a pregnant fiance etc!) it's not going to be easy to get out of. At least you have your freedom. In their desperation to comfort themselves, they'll be ruining their chances to meet their proper match.

 

You still have that chance!

 

Anyway, i dont have to see him or her tomorrow so im happy enough. Still dreaming of the day they break up and have to awkwardly share the friends theyve made together? Damn right I am

 

 

........but knowing my luck THEY'LL end up married as well :/

[Kilty]

Good for you - i hope for the day they crash and burn too.

 

In his defence it was the girl that was pregnant to someone else that ended it with him because the father of her child was still on the scene.

 

I mean what guy in their right mind, knowing that a girl is pregnant to someone else, proposes to her - especially as he has an ex wife and 3 grown up kids already ?

 

I realise this happens in the movies - but real life ?

 

He seems to specialise in being around for women who are at an emotional low - the girl that was pregnant and split from the father - and my ex who had just fallen out with me after 2 years.

 

And if i have learned something in all my years is that i can tell when a guy is not a guy's guy if you know what that means.

 

He just looks full of hidden agendas and sneaky

 

Clearly im coming across as the bitter jealous regretful ex but it's just too good to be true.

 

We just have to sit it out, say nothing, and get on with our lives appearing completely indifferent as hard at it is.

 

The silly thing is we couldnt take them back now even if they admitted it was us they really wanted (as we did)

 

Feelings suck - Vulcans have it so easy

[Gisele]

Also, the friend thing is really, really starting to bother me. People ive known for years, theyve latched onto because they're the louder, brighter characters. Both my ex and the new girl are social climbers. And i feel like im getting pushed out of the picture.

 

It's a horrible thing to have to deal with on top of feeling like ive been replaced for this other, much older and more experienced woman, but that she's making a firm place for herself among the people i know so well, and i feel im being relegated to the outside.

 

i am lucky to have friends who know the situation and wouldnt be so easily influenced by them, but these other friends arent as close, and arent aware of the situation other than knowing my ex and I dated for a while, and I can't fill them in because as much as i like them, i honestly think their loyalty now lies with him and his new girlfriend

 

I cannot walk up to a group of people they're sitting with to speak to a few people there. I can't ever see myself being able to. It's just beyond me! Seeing them together is bad enough without feeling THAT intimidated.

[Gisele]

He still doesnt seem very emotionally stable....he sounds desperately lonely if you ask me.

 

And I know what you mean. I can suss out a girl with an agenda a mile off. Any woman who says she has ZERO female friends because she 'just doesn't get women' im a little suspicious of. Why can't they relate to other women? None at all?...Really?

 

i know it's really unhealthy to spend recovery mode with our fingers secretly crossed for them to have an embarrassing, messy breakup, but honestly i think it's a feeling you either have to admit to or not admit to: because it ain't going anywhere

 

Im not ready for advice like 'be happy for them and move on'. Why do I owe them good wishes? He told me I was way out of his league, and then seemed to go out of his way to be cold and aloof. Im a bit busy dealing with why I deserved that behaviour from him than to send them flowers

[Gisele]

Guys, have gone swiftly from good to very bad in the space of a few hours!

 

Angry with myself: went on facebook and he had left a comment on a mutual friend's page, couldn't resist the urge to go on his page

 

I see him every day, so why does it still sting so much?? Saw little messages between them, new photos etc....this is going to set me back big time. I am a class-A moron for not resisting

 

Worse, went on her page too. Him commenting on her photos so much for feeling better about myself and not comparing myself to her: i cant stop doing it looks-wise now. Im usually not down on myself about appearance, i get a lot of compliments and male attention, before him I was happy with how i looked.

 

Now im fixating again, remembering the backhanded things he would say about my appearance, complimenting me one minute then making a thinly veiled insult the next. I want my confidence back.

 

Keep thinking that she's better looking because SHE has his approval, feeling down on myself , picturing them together.....im in a very tearful mood.

 

This wouldnt hurt so much if i hadnt admitted i still have feelings and he just went on and on about how he prefers how. How do you NOT compare yourself in that situation???

 

I know this all sounds so childish. Friends reassure me that shes nothing special, and that im just putting her on a pedestal in my mind....but i cant stop: he prefers her.

 

And i feel like the unattractive 2nd choice

[ramathorne]

I know how you feel with admitting how you felt about him. What I have done is not give my ex anything. Don't text her, don't look at her, don't talk about her to her friends, nothing. He knows you had feelings for him when you told him, but today is a whole new day! Even if you still do have feelings, fake it till you make it! You'll feel so much more powerful and in control! You're strong!

[Kilty]

If there was an easy answer we would be in easy street.

 

First of all i thank God that my ex doesnt have a FB page and neither does her old man of a fiance.

 

But you have to delete/block both of them immediately - as hard as it is its the only way.

 

It may not be possible to deactivate your account for a couple of months because of keeping in touch with your other friends but thats also another suggestion.

 

In a strange sort of way i have had some relief by working so close to her new man.

Honestly he isnt a patch on me looks wise never mind age.

 

I have so much more to offer than him as well but again my mind slips into the same vein of thought as yours.

 

What i can say for both of us is that this situation would be a million times worse if it was us that got dumped.

 

But it isnt - and we ended it/ walked away for the right reasons at the right time or so we thought.

 

My problem was not talking about things enough but now i see what she did so quickly i believe the wee voice whispering negative thoughts to me was right.

 

I initially thought i must have forced her into this path and felt rotten about that as much as i did about ending the relationship.

 

But like you i spilled my guts out trying to fix things, sent a 10 page letter to her the lot - and as i have said in another thread - if making a fool of yourself trying to get an ex back when she is single is bad - then multiply it by 1000 when she is in a new relationship.

 

But in saying all that i am glad i did it and in time you will too as it lessens the regrets that we have about things not working out.

 

If we never admitted we were wrong and how we felt we would have regretted it even more.

 

But as i have said before - getting back together would have been a mistake unless both of us changed and kept that change permanent - and that was unlikely to happen.

 

And now she has been with someone else that just makes it impossible.

 

My fault, tried to make it right and it didnt work so nothing else to do.

 

Your situation is different as the guy seems to have been a complete twat to you Giselle - so you had a million better reasons than me for ending it.

 

Keep the change - and keep off facebook. No good will ever come of snooping - as much as our curiosity drives us to do it

[Gisele]

Thanks Kilty and ramathorne. All the support really helps.

 

It's definitely true that there's nothing else we can do, and im acting as if he doesn't exist. I KNOW that I can do better, so why does it still hurt so much to see them? Why do i feel like i want him back after how he treated me? I think a lot of it is ego and nostalgia-related.

 

the thing is, I realised last night that even though ive gone completely NC with him, im still eaten up by guilt for admitting to him how i felt. And more than that, all the sex-related stuff we'd talked for a couple of hours about. It wasn't exactly flirting, and we weren't talking about it in the context of US having it, just sex in general. he even admitted that his new girl would not be happy if she knew we were discussing that type of thing, but then he pressed for more details anyway, and me being the fool that i am, didn't want the conversation to end.

 

He made it very clear he wasnt going to tell her, and we were talking 'as old friends', but even that secrecy aspect makes me feel like some sort of emotional cheater. A backstabber. And i knew fine rightly i was just pathetically pleased to be getting any sort of attention from this git. So much for being a girl's girl.

 

And i feel worse for THEN going ahead and admitting i had feelings. I feel so guilty, and scared too. it obviously made my intentions perfectly clear, even though i stated several times i didnt intend to interfere in his new relationship. He implied he'd get in a lot of trouble if she found out, so i don't see what he'd have to gain from telling her. But i'd be worse off: no girl would trust me again

 

Im terrified about her or anyone else finding out i admitted i had feelings to him. Not even that he turned me down, but the sheer fact i was brazen enough to do it. I don't even recognise myself in that behaviour. It's scary how much wanting them back will make you go against what you know is right.

 

I feel a bit lonely in london at times too, so when i have a problem like that eating away at the back of my mind, it scares me even more that she'd find out one day and id have a black mark by my name.

 

It sounds so stupid, it's not like i even touched him, and HE initiated the questioning, and asked things that were incredibly inappropriate. He even apologised for asking some things: he KNEW we shouldnt have been having that type of conversation

 

He really pushed for details etc. Which also makes me wonder, why did HE get involved in a conversation like that!?!? Id barely talk like that to my REAL friends.

 

Yeah, a lot of the guilt has really re-surfaced. I miss Glasgow. I miss my family. I miss feeling confident and happy.

[Mack05]

Gisele how long are you going to keep doing this to yourself? Read this thread -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t277771/. The guy who posted this is spot on.

 

Even if he came back to you, would you really want him back after everything that's happened!?You have a choice, stay posting on this site for days, weeks or even months or get back in control of your life! Look at this clip (from 1.20 on) ->

. One of the better movie clips you will see..

 

Gisele there is loads of advice on this thread for you. Now is the time to take control of your life and believing in yourself again. You are better off without this guy and you are better then the girl he has chosen. Even if she is Angelina Jolie, you are better. Just forgive him, let him go and move on. Who cares what you said to him and what you spoke about!!!? ITS NOT IMPORTANT..The end of the clip says "Until you start believing in yourself, your not going to have a life".

 

What's it to be Gisele? Who much longer you going to let this guy rule your life?

[Mack05]

Gisele,

 

I am going to add to this. Recently (March) my girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me. In truth she had every right to do it. When I met her my self esteem was at an all time low. I was dealing with depression and numerous other problems. After 6 months she decided she had enough of me. I went to Therapy to resolve my problems. That was very difficult for me to do because I always felt the most normal, happy guy in the world for 30 years (I am 35 now). But 5 years of gambling, over drinking, over eating had completely changed who I was as a person. I lost my self esteem, became very insecure. It got to a point I hated leaving the house. Hated looking at my reflection in the mirror. The same guy in his 20's had loads of friends, travelled the world, a beautiful fiance.

 

Then when I was at my lowest I unexpectantly met the most beautiful Brazilian woman. I couldn't believe my luck. It went well for 3 months, but when you have as many problems as I had they catch up with you. Because I never faced my own demons, I would criticise her choices. I would be insecure regulary. After another further 3 months of this erratic behaviour she decided to leave me and as I said above rightly so.

 

When she left me I was desperate. I emailed her/texted her loads and loads. Then when she stopped replying I emailed her friends. In truth I had completely lost it. I viewed her as my last chance of happiness and I wasn't letting go without a fight. I wasn't thinking rationally. My family and friends tried to talk sense into me but I wouldn't listen. She broke up with me over the phone. I just wanted a chance to get closure face to face. I wanted to explain to her the guy she was with for 6 months, wasn't the real me. I wanted a last chance to say sorry for my mistakes but I never got it. I kept texting begging for her to give me closure (I was at rock bottom) but instead of meeting me she calles my sister and then threatened me with the police. My sister said that she was actually scared of me (I wouldn't hurt a fly). It was at that exact moment I decided to get my life back in order (March 19th).

 

I have done 2 months of HARD Therapy, another 2-3 weeks to go. I go to the gym nearly every morning and evening. I am working harder in my job then I ever have before. I am a better friend/brother/son/uncle because of the changes I have made. I have reached acceptance that I will never get her back, that her and her friends will always have the opinion of me that they do (because of my erratic behaviour at the end). Now that I am well on track to getting back to the old me, I couldn't care less what they think of me. It's what I feel and think that counts. I control my own destiny.

 

The most important thing that I have learnt is, that it's not up to someone else to make me happy. It's up to me to make me happy. If I am lucky enough to meet an amazing woman the one thing I can guarentee you is that I will be in a very happy place if that opportunity comes about. When you are happy within yourself you attract the right kind of people for you and your relationships tend to take the direction of how you are feeling within yourself.

 

I know how hard it is Gisele BELIEVE ME. It takes alot of courage, but if I can do it, BELIEVE ME a beautiful 19 year old with the whole world before her can definitely do it. You just got to start believing in yourself again.

Edited May 13, 2011 by Mack05

[Gisele]

Thanks for the advice Mack. i watched the clip, it helped.

 

I dont feel like he's controlling my life, but I do get good days and bad days, or even just good and bad moments, and during the bad times I post here. I thought that was what this place was for

 

I didn't want to do anything else that would make me lose my dignity or hinder my progress, and it's really helped. People here have given me fantastic advice and i really do appreciate their patience, and I HAVE taken it on board, but you know as well as i do that it takes more than that.

 

I feel like posting here is HELPING me regain control over my life, because im releasing the feelings and not letting them fester and rot. I dont want to choose between staying here and moving on yet. I was trying to use one to achieve the other.

 

She's no Angelina Jolie by any means, but comparing myself to her usually only happens at my very low points

 

I realise that no-one's going to speed up my recovery but me, but it's still hard sometimes, and i like not feeling alone in the situation. If i had a magic wand that let me forget about him completely and instantly, i wouldn't have come here in the first place. I think part of acceptance like you were talking about, is also realising that things are going to sting for a while

 

And i do care about what i said to him and spoke about, it's important TO ME because i feel like ive gone against my better judgment and acted in a way im ashamed of. It felt like emotional infidelity, and the fact he also knew we shouldn't have been having that conversation, and is hiding it from her, doesnt help.

 

I needed to vent about the guilt i felt about forgetting myself and crossing that line. He's still another girl's man, and i went ahead and admitted i had feelings. The best i can do to relieve it is leave them both completely alone, it just doesnt feel like enough at the minute and i was wondering if anyone had any input

 

Thanks again for taking the time to write all that. I think you're right that i need to start believing in myself again, but coming here has been really cathartic for me: ive been used to bottling things up all day, even hiding my expressions, and i don't want to stop until i feel stronger

[Mack05]

Gisele u post when u feel like posting. Sorry If I seemed harsh. U seem like a great girl and everyone here wants to see you happy including me

[Kilty]

Gisele

 

You have to stop feeling guilty about expressing your feelings - there is nothing wrong with that regardless of the situation.

 

Me and you are both in the same boat in that we did the same thing while our ex's were with someone else.

 

We are the better people in this - in that we admitted our mistakes and exposed our hearts and souls to someone that it didnt mean much to in the end.

 

Well i guess thats a bit unfair on them - it didnt matter to them at the time but you can guarantee that it will do at some point in the future when we are both a million miles away from this.

 

If the people we were with felt anything for us at all in the time we were with them then rest assured they will think of what we offered them at some point.

 

Obviously if we had did something unforgivable or been horrible to our ex's then they wouldnt think about it - but we never and they will.

 

The other proviso would be that they are truly in love with their rebounds in such a short space of time - but i'm not buying that as this is real life and not hollywood.

 

No relationship is without it's flaws and once the honeymoon period ends we might possibly be foremost in their minds.

 

But at this stage we shouldnt care - there is no way back for either of us so what they think then wont matter

 

Right ?

[Gisele]

Thanks Mack, you weren't harsh i just needed time to vent I appreciate what you were saying, it IS only up to me to get better but this place makes me feel better and i think it's healthier than my last strategy: keep it all inside and let the thoughts bounce around in my head

 

Kilty: I read some other thread where a girl had done what we did: confessed how she felt to a guy in a relationship, and most people tore her to shreds for how inappropriate and catty it was. And she wasn't even his EX :/ i felt really sick reading it, it confirmed how i felt about the whole sex-related conversation.

 

I still want to know why he would bring something like that up with me. And point out that he's not going to tell her because she wouldn't be happy if she knew.

 

I think im more worried about him deciding to tell her, for whatever reason, and being seen as that kind of backstabbing, 'hide your boyfriends' type of girl. Which im not. I just screwed up

 

I think it's a bit different for men. I can't see other men judging you for what you admitted to your ex for some reason. At all. Apart from Mr Baldy.

 

It seems like it's fair game for men to pursue women in general, and if she strays, people blame the woman for not being faithful. Men aren't seen as seductive witches in that sense.

 

I don't think im really hating myself for it every waking moment: i just get flashes of guilt and remorse for being 'that kind of woman'. And for making myself vulnerable to the possibility of becoming KNOWN as 'that type of woman'

 

I don't think he'll be thinking of me because he got what he wanted: an ego boost.

 

I do think he had feelings for me, and seemed genuinely upset when things ended, but at this stage he seems so keen on becoming one half of a power couple with her, and even TELLING me how 'insanely happy' he is and being affectionate with her publicly, that a confession from me will just be a little blip on his radar to make his ego purr louder.

 

And that really hurts.

 

But I can't see them staying together until the end of time. And you're right: i could never be with him now anyway. It's past its sell by date, and someone else has been drinking from the carton.

[Gisele]

I think a good dose of anger is starting to kick in. Im not sure if this is a good or bad thing: it's a change from sadness. I didn't deserve the treatment he gave me, and still can't wrap my head around him suddenly changing and seemingly becoming an affectionate boyfriend.

 

She's nothing special. Often rude and pretty common and trashy at times. She's 26 and i think i find her experience and age intimidating, but i wipe the floor with her intellectually. So does he, and he seemed to like intelligent girls.

 

So why do i look at her, and feel bad about myself? I know i have to stop thinking about it, it's just really hard not to ask myself what i did wrong, or what i was missing.

 

He was cruel. So why do i still care?

 

Kilty: you say you don't see the appeal of her new man either...do you not have weak moments like this where you try to wrap your head around it?

 

Am dreaming of they day they end. Even if he was jumping from girl to girl it wouldn't be as bad.

[Gisele]

And.......I just found out they're going to meet each other's families then head to Spain for a holiday together. After a few months??

 

Im in tears here guys. I feel like I can't breathe what's wrong with me

[Kilty]

Gisele - your situation seems to be mirroring mine so much and its rotten i know.

It does get easier and the pain isnt as strong but still.

 

Weak moments ? Yeah often and yesterday was a bad day.

 

I normally go to the canteen for lunch but try and ensure at not the same time as her.

 

Yesterday they were together at a table for two with her laughing at some boring story he was telling her no doubt - very close.

I made sure i sat with my back to them so i didnt have to look.

 

They were still there when i left but he must have been on a half day as he didnt come back onto the floor in the afternoon - she was still at work when i left as her car was still there.

 

I know i come across as the jealous ex but here is my take on it -

 

Thats a year they have been going out. Went on holiday after a couple of months and got engaged. Wedding & honeymoon set for August which will be approximately 1 year and 4 months of being together - thats 68 weeks !

So the honeymoon period of their relationship is clearly still going strong but the way he behaves with her all the time comes across as if it was the first date.

 

Now i know a lot of people will immediately say "how sweet" but trust me this is not reality - especially when she has went on holiday with him, agreed to get married, spends most of her time with him and that includes every day at work. There really is no need for that type of interaction and it appears so false and not just to me - it doesnt help people commenting on it.

 

However it clearly is making her happy so i could be talking crap.

 

But after that length of time in a relationship you are comfortable with the person that you dont need to impress them every minute of every day - would any normal woman not get pissed of with that after a while ?

 

But I believe he is making sure she doesnt back out - which is a bit silly as she is clearly desperate & already brainwashed.

 

I understand he was finishing up for a few days and wouldnt be seeing her so he is that insecure he has to reinforce himself on her in case she gets up to something at the weekend - which if he knows her at all he would know that would be ludicrous - she isnt that type of girl.

 

I wouldnt be surprised if this guy has other irons in the fire but he has that certain guy ability to keep them all happy and unaware.

 

Anyway i know exactly how you feel - from finding out they were together, finding out they were going on holiday, finding out they came back engaged and finding out the wedding & honeymoon date is set.

 

On every occasion my guts have been ripped out and i actually lost 2 stone between July & November last year i felt that bad.

 

In between each announcement you get calmer and feel more resigned then the next one hits you like a bang and you are back to square one.

 

NC is great advice but when you work/study in the same building there is no hiding place im afraid.

 

I had another crap night last night after the lunchtime incident but it wasnt as bad as in the past and i am better today.

 

I guess in time you do get immune a bit to it and hopefully as time goes on it will dissapear.

 

I think the secret is meeting someone else but we are both not that desperate and a little picky so we are not the type to jump in with anybody.

 

But i do feel ready for dating again and that will come to you too - and as you are a little younger (ha ha) than me, that stage will come to you much quicker.

Edited May 14, 2011 by Kilty

[Gisele]

Im really sorry to hear you had a bad day yesterday you're so right in saying that you feel calm for a while, you feel stronger, then something else hits you and you're not quite at square one, but you're not in a great place again

 

I didn't eat for a day after he gave me the 'sorry but im insanely happy with her' speech

 

Your situation DOES mirror mine: i stagger the time i take to leave certain classes to ensure im in front of them so i don't have to witness anything.

And i know it's hard to believe it when people say 'i know how you feel', but we seem to know exactly how each other feels

 

Why why why did we lay our hearts out for them?? I was just asking to be made to feel like a fool.

 

That's what feels worst: i could happily be continuing my 'NC because im over you' facade (and crying at home, but i had DIGNITY) but i decided to choose the new path of 'NC because you know I still have feelings for you and you say you prefer another girl'

 

Im not trying to get him back anymore. I just want it to hurt less when i see them together

 

At least they won't be coming back from Spain engaged :/ im so sorry you had to hear one announcement after the other like that.

 

I've calmed down a bit: im coming to the end of the year anyway, so i won't have to see or hear anything for a few months. Wish you could have the same luxury!

 

Though i know ill spend the summer willing them to break up, and be devastated if they return next year stronger than ever

 

I would actually love to start dating again. i just don't know if i shouldn't because im still hung up on him, or if im not LETTING myself because im still hung up on him.

 

Also i don't want to be with someone just for the sake of it. i think that's something we both should be proud of though. It would be pretty easy for us both to rebound and pour all this into that relationship, but we're not.

 

 

I was in classes yesterday until 6, and afterwards I was sitting with a friend near some guys from my course, but we couldn't see each other. And they were discussing girls, so naturally i was eavesdropping haha. And I actually came up in their conversation, and one of them said 'Oh, she's the best looking girl in our year by far. I would be surprised if she was single though'

 

And it felt lovely, and my friend was nudging me with a smile because she knew i'd been having a rough time.

 

And i left feeling great, like his opinion didn't matter: because even if he doesn't want me, it doesn't mean no-one else does

 

And then i see they're going on holiday for THREE WEEKS together, and it all comes rushing back. I feel one thing: LONELY.

Edited May 14, 2011 by Gisele

[Gisele]

Feel a bit better today. In fact, ive realised im doing much better than i was even a month or two ago: back then i barely wanted to leave my flat.

 

Still wishing he would text or something not good.

 

Still going strong with NC

[Kilty]

Still a wee bit in denial Gisele but it's all good

 

It's just your low self esteem that wishes for a text from him.

 

I sometimes get that feeling too - phone beeps and before i open the message think it will be from her - ridiculously !

 

However thats only once in a blue moon.

 

The reality is that if by some miracle she did text id be raging and would probably ignore it or have a rant at her - and youd be the same too.

 

You dont realise that at the moment because any contact from our ex's is just the fantasy we have - the reality of that happening would be different.

 

We would get the power back and thats no gonny happen

[Gisele]

Kilty, i made the big, big mistake ten minutes ago of looking at an album a mutual friend uploaded on facebook

 

TONS of photos of them, arms wrapped round each other, holding hands.....this guy wouldn't even put his arm round me in public

 

Im in floods of tears again. i feel like everytime i get my head above water, something like this happens

 

I don't understand her appeal. i don't understand why he doesn't want me back.

And i don't understand why after all this crap, i still want him badly

 

I shouldn't be sitting in tears over something like this

[Gisele]

Better than that, a photo of them gazing into each other's eyes like twats, and about 7 old friends of mine 'liking' it.

 

I know i sound like the ridiculous, over-emotional ex but i can't help it.

 

It's so gutting.

 

I thought you would understand. there's only so much kevin bridges et al can do to lift your spirits, then you see something like that and wham, the reality hits you again: he doesn't want me, he wants that 26 year old poser