don'tcareanymore Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 I guess this is the place for this. I don't know what I expect from posting here, maybe just to vent. I have never been so depressed about my marriage and it just feels worse every day. My wife seems to have lost all interest in sex. I'm lucky to get it maybe once a month and it's like she magically knows when I'm at the breaking point and just gives in to make me chill out. She NEVER instigates it and I'm afraid to even try anymore because it's guaranteed she'll shoot me down. Every night she gets into bed and immediately comments on how tired she is or her stomach hurts or she has to get up so early tomorrow etc etc, all her way of letting me know don't even try. We used to have a great sex life, going at it like rabbits any chance we got. It was always wild, creative, we used toys...on and on, but the last few years she wants nothing to do with me. I convinced her to get a couple new toys a couple months ago and we used one of them one time then back to nothing. I know she still has some kind of sexual interest because she's obviously been using the other toys by herself, she just wants nothing to do with me. I just have no idea what to do anymore. I feel alone, depressed, frightened for the future, I just don't know what to do. I've tried building an emotional wall around myself and trying to distract myself with other things I find enjoyable but the day always ends laying in bed next to her wondering what's wrong with me, what did I do wrong, why won't she talk to me about this, is she cheating on me on and on in circles. Reading other posts at least I know I'm not alone in this but it hardly makes me feel better knowing others are just as miserable. Any way, sorry for the long rant, it just felt good to let it out somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author don'tcareanymore Posted May 8, 2011 Author Share Posted May 8, 2011 I've tried talking to her about it, I've tried romancing her, I've tried doing more around the house nothing seems to work. When I try talking about it she just says something about being tired or busy or stressed and leaves it at that but these excuses don't make me feel any better about myself or the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 Have you told her explicitly that it's a serious issue? Asked her to join you in marriage counseling? Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 hiding her toys.... Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 hiding her toys.... LOL That could be dangerous, my wife would flip. OP you have to sit her down and calmly, rationally, explain to her what this is doing to you and how it will eventually destroy your marriage. Until you do this you`ve done nothing about your situation. You are her husband, she can`t refuse a discussion with you. If she does refuse to even discuss it with you then leave because your relationship is already over. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 For some reason she is no longer attracted to u. Try raising your value in her eyes. Groom yourself more or make more money. Link to post Share on other sites
listen777 Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Yep. You did something back in the day where light a light switch she decided that she had lost her attraction for you. Have you: -Lost your job? -Gained weight? -Missed a promotion or make less than you used to? Just want to narrow out the obvious Link to post Share on other sites
Universe Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 do you take her out? Date night is crucial for your sex life. Take her out. Show her a good time. Take a few minutes and make a list of some activities you can do together that will be fun. Think of things you used to do together that were really fun. Try to think of new things you've never done that you think will be fun for you both. The key is that she starts to associate you with having a good time. Then try to make sex an extension of the fun. Keep it light. Aside from that, you should respectfully have a conscious conversation in which you explain to her how you sex life with her is making you feel. Don't blame her. It may not be her fault. But you're not wrong to feel what you are feeling. So let her know. And let her know that you are willing to work to understand and correct the problem. But there needs to be an open line of communication between the two of you about it. Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I've tried talking to her about it' date=' I've tried romancing her, I've tried doing more around the house nothing seems to work. When I try talking about it she just says something about being tired or busy or stressed and leaves it at that but these excuses don't make me feel any better about myself or the situation.[/quote'] Seriously, you need to talk to her and explain to her why sex is so important to you... she may feel that sex is simply a biological urge for you, and that if you don't get it with her, you can go and make yourself happy watching porn on the internet... when , to you, sex may be about so much more, like showing love, intimacy, caring, etc. maybe she can tell you what has changed, and , at least then, you can begin to talk about it and try and find a solution that works for both of you Link to post Share on other sites
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