Need some guidance on what my options are..

[ColdEggNog]

Hey Loveshack,

 

I saw some good advice being thrown around these forums, so I thought I'd come give it a try myself. I'll try to be brief with my dilemma, but it might get lengthy. Most of the info I provided is relevant though.

 

We're both juniors (almost seniors) in college and have known each other for a little more than a year and a half (I'd say since October 2009) as we're in the same major. When we first met, we got along pretty well and we'd text throughout the day and facebook each other a lot. I thought she was cool, but I wasn't interested in her as more than a friend at the time. She's kind of reserved and nerdy by nature and thus she doesn't really flirt, whereas I love to party and meet some women (what can I say, I'm a dog ).

 

Through our personal interactions (in person), I did notice that she laughed at my often idiotic jokes, but we didn't really talk much in person (often just texting, facebook, or skyping throughout the day/night). Most of the time, she initiated contact (and she also initiated contact when we first met). We'd talk about a random assortment of things, between school and people and various inside jokes/teasing. She's also made a few rather conspicuous attempts to ask me to hang out, but she never really got all the way (examples: we were talking about some restaurant in town, and then she suddenly said, "I had something else to say, but I chickened out" and I couldn't get her to tell me what she wanted to say. She also asked me if I was going to various school functions or festivals that she was going to). We saw each other often, but we never really hung out together.

 

Fast forward to about September of 2010; since we had more classes in common with each other, we started to work as homework partners and saw each other more in that regard, so we got to know each other a little better. We'd often spend a good 2-3 hours just goofing off before getting anything done (she was really adament about getting stuff done and I have a very short attention span, so I did often see frustration in her because of this clash of work ethic, but we still had fun when we did goof off and she continued to work with me even knowing our efficiency would be low). Fast forward slightly to December during finals, and one night (~1 AM) we were both complaining of hunger. I decided to ask her to come to get late night food somewhere with me, and she seemed really surprised by my offer and said that she wasn't sure if I was serious. After walking 30 minutes from my apartment to her dorm on campus (car was broken at the time), she knew I was legit.

 

Over that year, the thought of us dating had crossed my mind since I did see signs of interest (can't be 100% sure though), but I had friend-zoned her at the time and there were other girls I was either pursuing or talking to during that entire frame. Therefore, I probably deserve the next series of events, but here it goes.

 

Toward the December mark, the thought of us dating crossed my mind more and more often since we talked so often and we both enjoyed each other's company. There were still doubts in my mind, but I continued to reason through them. We consistently spoke over winter break as normal, but from there, things became difficult. This was our most difficult semester, so time was a lot more tight (the amount of time I spent hanging out and partying significantly reduced), but we still talked a ton (moreso with our frustrations with school than anything else, but still the usual random stuff). Our conversations extended much deeper into the night (4-5 AM was not unusual), and she'd often invite me to accompany her on her late night work frustrations. On occasion, we'd get midnight meals or we'd find some reason for me to come visit her late at night (which often consisted of an hour of just taking a break to talk). A couple months back, I finally came to the realization that I was really into this girl.

 

I had not made a move on her since I didn't want to put the burden of a relationship on her while our schedules were so stringent, but I finally realized that she was the kind of girl I was looking for all along. A few weeks ago, I had decided that I was going to formally ask her out on a date to clear up any ambiguities of my newfound intentions. However, shortly after this time, I also noticed that we were beginning to talk less. We still talked, but not to the extent at which we had been, which while disappointing, I made sure not to take it too personally or assume the worst.

 

About a week and a half ago, I had to go out of town for something and was going to try to catch her before I rolled out and see if I could reserve a date with her for when I returned in a few days. She was busy at a concert though, so I decided to just catch her when I got back into town. As I was heading back up to campus, I texted her and asked her what she was up to and that I needed to ask her something if she was free; she responded with yes she was, but she was going to be busy. I decided not to sweat it too much; whenever she was free, I figured she'd shoot me a text or something to meet up. We went about 4 days of no contact, which drove me insane but I didn't want to continuously bother her about it. She eventually texted me to say hi, but that was most of the contact. I knew I'd see her again at a party in a couple nights.

 

Which leads us to Friday night; we were both at a party that a mutual friend was throwing. I was pretty well-composed, but since she doesn't drink often, she got 'happy' really quickly. I was having fun at this gig, until I overheard her drunkenly telling one of her friends about this one guy in her dorm that she was "sooo into." To top that off, she was a lot more hands-on a couple of the other guys at the party, but not so much to me. I was cuddling with one of the other girls there, and she seemed completely unphased by it.

 

Which leads me to now. On one hand, the pessimist and humble person in me tells me that I deserve this. I don't know for sure if she liked me when we first met, but if she did, then by talking to her so often I feel like I was leading her on (even though I rarely ever made flirtacious remarks to her since I knew she wasn't like that). This hand also is slapping me for waiting, whereas if I had asked her a couple weeks earlier I think my odds would have been better.

 

At this point, I feel like my odds are completely against me since we're not talking to the extent that we were, and since I've openly heard her admit to having other prospects. It's kind of killing me right now (which is bad since finals are rapidly approaching), but I'm at a loss of what I should do. To add, I will be leaving town for the summer on Thursday night after my last exam and heading off to an internship in a different state. She will be on the other side of the country at a different internship. This leaves me with a grotesquely low window of time to do anything. Part of me is telling me to give up, but I know that if I just leave for the summer, I'll probably start getting over her, but when we get back, those feelings will easily reemerge since we'll probably see each other more often (nearly identical schedules, and we're living two floors apart in an apartment complex).

 

At this point because she's gotten so deep under my skin, I feel like I need to say something to her, even if it's just to get this off my chest and get closure on the situation. Because of really intensive workloads this week, I don't think we'll have a lot of time to meet face to face before our departures. I'm thinking of writing her a letter telling her what's been on my mind and what I think of her and delivering it to her right before I leave, but I'm skeptical of this as well. I know that if I'm honest with her, it'll clear me a lot of stress and I won't have the nagging "what if's" bothering me anymore, and when we get back to school in a few months I'll know where we stand. I'm just still really confused.

 

This was a lot longer than I anticipated, but if you read everything, I thank you for your time. If anyone else has similar stories or advice for me, I'm all ears (or eyes as this is a message board).